December 27, 2002

So here it is…the end of 2002 and I’m down a total of 52 pounds. I'm wearing a size 14 pants and a large shirt in the picture on the left. Who says New Years Resolutions don’t work? I guess I was one of 20 percent who decided to stick with their resolutions (according to that NBC show in the morning). Actually, I succeeded in all of my resolutions. I vowed to lose weight, exercise more, and lastly, dump Shawn! I also wanted to focus on studying for the GRE and to save money. Originally, I was supposed to have $13000 saved by March but I will be about $7000 shy of that amount but at least I now have a savings account for emergencies and graduate school. I would have liked to take the GRE test in November but that wasn’t in the cards for me. January 17th is soon approaching so I’ll be taking it soon enough.

So a year from now when I look back at this entry, where do I hope to be? I hope I’m still alive and kicking. I hope my family is healthy and safe from sickness/disease. I hope I’ve reached my weightloss goal and I’m settling into maintenance. I hope to be living in Louisville, Kentucky and being a Ph.D. candidate at the Kent School of Social Work. I hope I’m happy. Maybe love? Well, we’ll see. So those are my hopes and dreams for 2003. The thing about 2002 is that I totally revamped myself. I made more changes this year, than any other year and honestly, I needed to make those changes. My whole perspective has changed in life. I’m more optimistic about the future, I have hope. This isn’t necessarily all about the weightloss but it’s helped a great deal with my mind set.

2003 brings a lot of hope. This year was tough at times for me emotionally. It’s like I started working on my personal demons, food and love (or lack there of). I was never one of those girls who had a lot of self-esteem. I think that followed me for the longest time. I noticed last year; I started to get more comfortable in my skin. I accepted myself for who I was and that showed through this year even more. I love myself for who I am and for who I could be. The love part was just messed up. It was the final issue that I needed to work on and I did. I’ll never put myself into a situation like that again. I PROMISE!! So here I am, single, happy, thin mind set/feeling (still waiting patiently for that scale to catch up to me!)… things are good, real good.

This is the first time that I’ve been home in a week and it feels great to be home. I have another week with my folks. I have no complaints of being up with them in the cabin but I do miss home, you know? Though, it’s nice to see them when I get off of work and mom’s got supper all ready for me. Funny thing is that I appreciate it more now than I did when I was a kid. We have no real New Years plans but we might go to a bar for a burger. Now that sounds good. Weight wise this week, I went over 12 points. Though, it wasn’t the best week to switch to a lower point range. It got easier at the end of the week but the beginning of the week was difficult just to switch down to the 20 – 25 range. I wasn’t able to exercise at all this week so come Monday, I will be back at Curves.

Cute outpatient therapist isn’t gay, as I previously thought but the guy is shy. Now that always dumbfounds me…how can a counselor be shy????? I rarely come across shy counselors/social workers/psychologists/etc. because shyness is not a characteristic of my profession. He’s been speaking to me some in the hallway, I give him my bright smile and say “Morning Mike”. He’s still giving me that look but I’m still not too sure what to do with it. I’m using this opportunity for me to talk to the opposite sex and it’s nice to be getting some type of look because that hasn’t happened since 95. Humm, I’ll keep you all posted on this.

Well this is my last post for the year. Folks, stick with me in the New Year because this year is going to be freakin’ awesome! I’ve got some exciting things coming up. And if you haven’t been thinking about any resolutions, brainstorm a little, and commit yourself to reach those goals you haven’t in 2003. Take care all, I’ll see you in ’03! Happy New Year!!!!- Kellie

December 21, 2002

Wow, I’m down 52 pounds!!!! Okay so I have another 34.50 more to go. Watch out 140 on the scale because here I come. I have to say, this MUST be the most stressful time of year for people on healthy journeys because FOOD is everywhere and no matter how hard you plan for events, you’re surprised by a trigger food. Yesterday for example, trigger foods were EVERYWHERE. At work, we moved from the downstairs to the upstairs and work supplied us “Movers” with some pizza, pop, cheese, and crackers. I have to admit I had to fight off the temptations to over eat. I did have a piece of pizza (vegetable), I had a diet pop, I did have some cheese but I limited myself. I wanted to over indulge but then I thought, “Hey, I’m just eating this stuff to over eat. I’m not hungry, I can have a little but that’s it.” So that’s my little accomplishment for the week. I bet you all are faced with these temptations so good luck to you! I know you can make healthy choices and indulge but don’t over do it…okay?

I haven’t been in a bathing suit since June, maybe? I found that my 18 suit is too baggy. So I tried the 14 on and it’s a little tight but it will look better once June comes. I cannot believe the difference in my body. It’s a nice slow transition. Speaking of baggy, I have to get rid of my granny panties because they are just too damn big! Can you believe that…my drawers no longer fit?!?! Everyone at work is commenting on my weight success. Yesterday, I wore jeans and one co-worker is just amazed with my progress. She would like to be in the same stage as me but she’s struggling. The one advice that I gave to her is that she has to get to that place where she’s committed to this journey, it’s like a state of mind that this is your goal and it will be reached. Even if you have been struggling don’t give up. Just attempting to lose weight and not giving up hope is going to help. I know I struggled for a year and half but I didn’t give up. I still attempted, I was gaining but I refused to give up the mindset. I found a program that works for me. Weight Watchers works, Curves works but it’s the implementation process in your life that the programs that really make it work. You have to make time for exercising, you have to make time for making food choices, and you have to plan mentally for roadblocks and ways to make a bad situation better. For example, you are faced with a beautiful cheesecake…what do you do? You want to eat it. Okay, this is what I do, I eat the cheesecake but only a few bites then I will pass it around to others and offer the cheesecake or usually by that time, I’m full. Then I will put a napkin over the cheesecake and miraculously, it’s gone…then you complement yourself on the self-control that you exhibited. Find strategies.

I’ve been spending a lot of time up at the cabin. I’ve only been home twice this week. Last night I finished up my Christmas shopping. I hit Target, Kohl’s, and Menards. Everyone is done accept Dennis, I have to go to the Bass Pro Shop to get him some fishing stuff. So the first time in years, I’m done with shopping early. I tried to stay within a $25 range but it seems like everyone got around $30. Oh, well. I have to mail Teresa’s present out today. I got her one of those cow parades and then I got her a jewelry box kit that she can make with her niece. We’re celebrating Christmas on Monday Evening because Carrie and Dennis are due in Detroit for their in-laws on Christmas. I have to make the ham at work and then take it up to the cabin. Originally, I was supposed to have Christmas down here but I figured that work is close enough so I can take the food up there. I was going to take off next week but I then decided that I really want the vacation in January so I can take a week and a half off to go to Kentucky. By then, I will really need a break. So next week, I’ll be at my parents for the whole week. Somehow, I have to pack when I get back from Weight Watchers this morning. Hopefully, I won’t forget anything. Too much to do, too little time. Oh, one last thing, thanks for all the responses for the Christmas Cards, it was good to hear from each and everyone of you.

This might be my last entry before Christmas, so I wish you all a safe and happy holiday. Keep focused on your goals, and you will be successful in the new year. Take care and enjoy the holiday season. Kellie

December 10, 2002

It’s my mom’s birthday today!!! She turns 52. I bought her a bottle of Beautiful from Estee Lauder off of Ebay. She’s been dying for a bottle so I thought that would be the perfect gift for her. I feel that I’m pretty fortunate that my family is not materialistic because they are just happy with anything. It also takes the pressure off of Christmas. I’ve got ¾ of my shopping done for them. I figure that I will have a little bit of time on Friday to get the rest of it done.

Okay, my scale states that I’m 171 but I wasn’t able to get to WW this past weekend. I was dog sitting at the cabin and there’s no alarm clock so I attempted to use my pager to wake me up but to my dismay, I woke up at 9:30 thus missing the meetings so I will have to wait another week to find out how much I weigh. I figure that I should be around 175 on their scale. The conference was excellent last week. I thought the primary focus of the conference would be the Reactive Attachment Disorder but the other topics included Adolescent Grief, Sexual Abuse in Children, and Caring for the Caregiver. This was the best social work conference I’ve ever been to. One thing I noticed that when I was gone from work is that I’m actually on the verge of burn out. I have to take better care of this so I don’t fall into that trap of being worthless to my clients or myself. I think it could be better if the administration at work could just lay off. Sometimes they are too much. I guess that’s the case with any job. Heck, it’s a pay check!

I’m sending out some Christmas Cards and I have a ton left. If any of my lurkers or supporters out there want a card from me, drop me a line with your name and addy. I will be more than happy to send you a card (first come first serve but help me get rid of my stash). I sent my usual Christmas cards out to my old professors, my friend Yvette in Maryland, Kim in Louisville, Teresa in KY, and the B-family in MI. The B family is like the annual thing. Jim is my eternal flame from my youth. He was it, so I always send his family an update on what I’m doing. God, I would love to run into this guy again, hell at least for closure. His mom has a daughter that lives in GR so I know they visit occasionally so there could be an opportunity. Yeah, he was yummy, and I’m still not over it!

There’s a new therapist at work. He’s probably in his early 30s and he’s giving me that look like “Hey, you’re cute” but I’m not too sure because maybe he’s just nice and being polite. It’s just a strange look. Though, I wouldn’t even know if anyone is interested in me because it’s been so long. Nice smile but I’m just confused. I’ll keep on saying “Hi” and be my usual dork self. I’m a dork, I admitted it and embrace it. Now down the road, I have to find someone else that will embrace it…now that is going to be a challenge.

Motivation is doing good. Everyone at work is going “Kellie, you are getting so thin!”. Funny thing is that the only change I notice is on the scale. In my mind, I’ve already reached goal…it’s just getting the scale to reflect that number. When I was up at the conference, I worked out both days. On Wednesday, I did some aqua aerobics and on Thursday, I worked out in the gym. I did 25 minutes each on the tread, bike & ele. machine. The funny thing is that I expected to be dying on Friday. Guess what? I wasn’t. I guess CURVES is really making a difference because before, I couldn’t even do 10 minutes on the bike nor the ele. machine. Now that is progress. Well take care all and don’t forget to send me an email if you want a Christmas card-Kellie

December 3, 2002

Is it December already? I had a lovely Thanksgiving. I ate pretty good (at the top of my point range but I didn’t go over!). I’m down to 177.50 so I’ve lost a whopping 49 pounds so far. The family came down for turkey on Thursday and then I went to the cabin on Friday and stayed there all weekend. The place is really shaping up. Carrie and I tiled a ceramic backsplash for the folks and it looks sharp. They have a 1950s theme going on so the kitchen is in a 50s retro check pattern. It’s amazing that everyone in my family loves the retro style.

This week is incredibly busy for me. I had to ship a ton of ebay stuff out yesterday and today. Then I’m heading out to Shanty Creek Resort which is near Traverse City, MI for a conference tommorrow on the exciting topic "Reactive Attachment Disorder in Children" where I will be until Friday afternoon, then I’m going to stay at the cabin in Baldwin and watch my parents dogs this weekend because they are going to Detroit to hang out with my sister. I figured that I could study for the GRE all weekend. Though I’m going to drive down on Saturday to attend a weight watchers meeting in Grand Rapids (which will be 3 hours in a car but I just can’t skip another meeting!) then I will go back up until Monday and then I will be able to come home! Needless to say, I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off!. Hopefully, things will get less hectic. Well, I got to pack and get ready…take care all! –Kellie