July 13, 2004
Wow, this is the first time in nearly a month were I can sit down and just write. Things have been going good but with everything going on, Iím super busy. The weight is staying about the same but I have to totally admit that Iím a little freaked by it. Iím focusing too much on the weight issue lately and I was getting a tad compulsive about it where I was weighing myself at least twice a day. Stupid me and after talking to my sister, I feel a lot better. I was just putting too much pressure on myself. I have to admit, I wasnít doing what I was supposed to do, I was worrying too much, and I wasnít seeing any results. So starting this week, Iím back doing the Curves thing 3 - 4 times a week and weights 2x per week with Cardio mixed in. My folks were up for 3 weeks so I was spending a lot of time up north at the cabin so there went the exercise. I could of took a workout tape up but I didnít so that was my fault. I went grocery shopping last night for the first time in 6 weeks! Can you believe that? I shopped the perimeter of the store so I got some nonfat yogurt, veggies, and meat. I tried to stay away from the processed foods. I did buy some weight watchers meals for lunch but Iím not too sure if that was the best option for me. It is keeping my points down and keeping me full but Iím wondering if there are some better options for me. So my weight hasnít changed and Iím okay with that but I just wanted to be around 157 on my scale when I got married. I donít know why Iím setting this stupid weight goal though. Iíve never been focused on a number until now. I have a size 12 wedding dress and I canít afford to gain any weight so I feel a lot of pressure on me. I know I could be eating a lot healthier than I am but Iíll keep on trying. I was up a tad last week but Iíve dropped back to normal. But who knows, maybe Iím just stressing about my weight so Iím not focusing on the wedding stuff so much. Sometimes I have to shake my head at myself because this is crazy to worry about!
Things are going well with the wedding planning. I have the church, a hall which is doing the catering, DJ, hotel block, photographer, cake, florist, my dress (which is hanging in my closet), my sisters matron of honor dress, and invites. This was all done in less than one month. Now I know why these things should take a long time to plan because I just put 1 year of planning into 1 month. There are little details that I need to work out like putting announcements in the paper, party favors, decorating the church, etc. but so far so good. Chris is a huge help on the wedding stuff and he has really taken off with it. Though, 2 things about the date I have found out, (1) Western Michigan University (which is in Kalamazoo where I am having the reception) is having their homecoming that weekend, yikes! (2) Itís sweetest day (we had no clue about this because itís a hallmark holiday. Hopefully these events wonít impact our wedding, weíll see.
We havenít had any disagreements about the wedding stuff but I have to admit I am totally freaked out about his bachelor party. His best man is his best friend who is 47 years old and he is an alcoholic who would probably love to take Chris to a strip club. So basically, Iím freaking out. Ever since I heard a story from my ex-boyfriend Mike, I have dreaded this ďideaĒ of a bachelor party. Now granted that this was 10 years ago but Mike told me that his brotherís friends had strippers at the party and they were auctioning off some BJís and various other intimate acts. With Chris being around Ron, the two of them can drink an extreme amount of alcohol in a 5 hour period and then you add a bachelor party too the mix, well thatís suiting for a disaster! For instance this past weekend when we were down there, I think Ron had at least 15 beers. That does worry me. So with my future husband probably being extremely intoxicated for his bachelor party, who knows what will happen there and Ronís friends are known philanders. Great feeling. Iíve told him that if he has his mouth, hands, tongue, or any other body part on any type of stripper of any kind (weíre talking sexual here) I will not marry him. Chris said itís up to Ron what they do and he would ideally like to play some disc golf so who knows what is going to happen. I told Ron how I felt about the stripper thing but I doubt if they will respect it. Myself, Iím not having a bachelorette party thing. I just donít know enough people up here to have one, nor am I a club person so when Chris is down in Kalamazoo all weekend (the weekend before we are married), I think Iím going to be on oncall for work so I donít have to worry about it or what he is doing. He told me I should go hang out with my family up north but I donít think that would be enough for me to get it out of my mind. I swear this whole damn party thought is enough to make me sick. I almost had a bridezilla moment on Sunday where I had to totally contain myself because I was actually losing my cool where I just wanted to go off on him but then I noted that this whole problem is mine, not his. Itís my insecurity as a woman, but I have no idea on how to overcome this. I need to work on it.
Work is quiet and Iím finally enjoying the fact that things are slowing down for me there. Itís about time because I did nothing but run for the school year. Iím still having some late night visits and these need to stop because itís not fair for me. Two weeks ago, I had a session that went from 5:45 - 8:00 pm where I got home at 9:00 pm, only to be back at the office at 8:30 pm. I love my job but sometimes I wish I could get out at 4:00 or something so I would have more time. At least itís pretty stable in this strange economy and my 401 is building up so I have no complaints. After working 4 years there in August, I have $50K in my 401...I love that. If I was a lifer there, I could retire at 55 and live comfortably the rest of my life.
Teresa came up and visited me 3 weeks ago (sheís my best friend from KY). We had a nice visit but at the end of the visit, I wanted to kick her @ss. She grabbed my arms and said, ďWow Kellie, you are getting pretty flabby thereĒ, I was shocked so I told her ďWell, when I was 240 I was a heck of a lot flabbier then than I am nowĒ. That shut her up but it left me with a spoiled taste in my mom. Gosh, what is with people? You donít say crap like that! Argh...Iíll forgive her but she shouldnít due crap like that.
Well, I hope you all are doing okay! Thanks for your continued support and patience, I appreciate all the well wishes! Take care all -Kellie