What did I eat today? Food log @
June 23, 2002
SHAPE: Oh, my goodnessÖ.guess how much weight I lost this week?!? 3 ĺÖis that amazing or what? I think it was partly due to TOM last weekend because I lost a Ĺ pound the last time. So here I am with my biggest loss. So far in the last three weeks, I have lost 5.25 pounds so I guess Iím off my plateau now. I found the most delicious sandwich ever yesterday. Shawn and I had lunch at Schuellerís Bookstore and I got a Santa Fe Chicken Sandwich. It came with chicken breast pieces flavored with lemon pepper, baby swiss cheese, spinach leaves, and I got the hot mayo on the side. It also had a Caesar Salad. Oh, it was so good! Iím getting better at having things on the side now. Before I would let them slop some mayo on, now Iím like, I will put it on in moderation. After yesterdayís big loss, I noticed that I was having these intense cravings for food. I had to stop myself a couple of times yesterday to say ďKellie, you are not going to eat thatÖstep away from the Star Bucks FrappacinoĒ. You see, I still have that tendency on the weekends to go over points at least by 5 so the rest of the week, I have to make up for it. So far, Iím in the hole 6.5 points already for this week because we ate out twice yesterdayÖno more eating out for me!
***WarningÖtoo much information, please scroll down if you are offended by adult topics*** Okay, let me explain the picture. I got this absolutely fabulous suit from ebay.uk. Iím so totally addicted to buying some items from the UK and Iíve found that their styles are perfect for the pear shaped women. This suit is maid by George and itís a classic trouser suit. Itís comfy but know I am stuck wondering when on earth am I going to wear this gorgeous thing. Since I donít have any interviews lined up, I havenít gotten a clue. As for modeling the box of Trojans, Shawn insisted I take one pic for a joke and it turned out great. So forgive me for showing you all the Trojans but itís such a great picture. Funny thing is that we are having what you say, some difficulties in that departmentÖitís usually me with my low drive but lately there is another dysfunction going on. From my past history of sex therapy classes, I just hope itís linked to his stress level because he has not been able to seal the deal in three months. Itís gotten to the point where I am quite concerned about it. Iím trying not to freak him out about it but it is concerning me. Hopefully he will get a job soon and everything will return to normal. At least for his sake. Okay, sorry for the too much information there but it feels good to get it out because this is the stuff you never talk to someone aboutÖwell, besides your own therapist and since I am one, but donít have one, the journal is my tool.
OTHER RAMBLINGS: Something is telling me that I need to attack the closet today. I know the house needs cleaning but as far as things go, I need to get rid of some clothes. Iíve been debating about putting some clothes up for the website for cheap to fund a new wardrobe but Iím still thinking about it. All I know is that when I meet goal, all my old clothes are going. They need to go because there will be no space for them. Though, the clothing sizes are so messed up today, you wonder what size you are truly. For instance DKNY is at least two sizes off (eg, a 12 is actually a 14) so when people say, I fit a size 8. ..I think a size 8 from where and what line? This fashion industry is nuts because nothing is consistent. For instance, last year when I gave my sister a whole bunch of clothes, she is a size 10 but she could fit clothes from 6 Ė 12 depending on the brand. So when we get down to goal ladies to hesitate to try on not just your size but a fair number of ranges below and above that sizeÖand if you are bothered by a larger size, do my favorite trick, rip off the damn tag! Well thatís it for me today on this hot lazy, humid, Sunday morning, enjoy the rest of your weekendÖ.take care-Kellie
June 18, 2002
BODY: Down another .5 pounds this week. Folks, this is an amazing loss because TOM showed up on Friday. Since being on WW, I have consistently gained when I have had TOM. So this was an amazing feat, I lost. I overate by 20 points on the Saturday before so I was totally disciplined all week to keep my points at the minimum. The end result was a major loss considering the circumstances. Iíve been working out at CURVES four times a week lately (40 minutes a day). I have two rest days during the week but otherwise, I am working out 5 times a week. My skin texture is looking good. My legs tend to be a little dry so Iím trying to use lotion on them once a day to get them supple. I hear that losing it slow, exercising, and drinking a ton of water will help with saggy skin. I have two spots that I have noticeable saggy skin, my legs near my torso region and my arms where it meets the arm pit area. These spots are noticeably saggy and I have no clue on how to tighten these areas up. Iíve been using some free weights for the arms but as for the torso region, I have no clue. Iíll figure something out.
OTHER MEANINGLESS RAMBLINGS: I have to say this, Iím just a downright rude bitch sometimes. I feel totally bad about this situation yesterday. I was doing my usual CURVES workout and then this girl came in. In the past, she will come in and chat up a storm with me. I do usually enjoy the conversation but yesterday, I was in no mood for it. So when I saw her walk in, I turned my body to not face her so that she wouldnít work out near me. Then I avoided her for about 20 minutes. Then she saw that it was finally me and she said ďKellie, is that you? Did you get your haircut?Ē, I played dumb and stated that I didnít notice her until she said something because I was ďin a dazeĒ. Oh, Kellie, how freakin immature you are sometimes. Iím really disappointed in my behavior but I just really wanted to work out alone and not have anyone bother me. I just wished I would have handled this situation better. ArghÖIím usually not like thisÖand Iím feeling like a heel. Iíve got to work on crap like that. I could have handled it better but I opted for the easy way out, avoidanceÖand thatís just plain rude. Well, thatís it for me today, take care all-Kellie
June 10, 2002
SHAPE: Iíve dropped another pound this week! Yippy so I am officially in what people in WW say, WONDERLAND!! Iím actually under 200 pounds according to their scale. Not the test of time is to get under 189. Thatís the smallest Iíve been in 5 years. Wow, thatís unbelievable. I remember the last time I was 176 was when I was my first senior year at Central Michigan University. Little did I know that I would sprout from 176 to 215 by the end of the year, yikes. So here I have been on Weight Watchers since January and Iíve lost 26.75 pounds in the last six months. Iím not starving whatsoeverÖI donít deny myself of any foodÖand I absolutely love Weight Watchers. So what has changed since being on Weight Watchers? Well I noticed that I donít eat out as often. Before Weight Watchers, I would typically eat out at least 6 times a week. I constantly over ate. I would exercise but my routine didnít vary. Lastly, I wasnít looking at my relationship with food objectively. Now I question everything I put in my mouthÖlike Iím asking myself ďDo I really need that?Ē ďHow many points is that?Ē I find the meetings extremely helpful and finally after 2 weeks of not being able to attend one, I canít wait until Saturday. WW really makes you re-define your relationship with food. So here I am with 6 months under my belt and you know whatÖit feels like I just started this yesterday. This program will work for you but you have to be willing to make the changes and I finally got ready back in January. I donít know what prompted me to make this change back 6 months ago but I felt ready and I still feel ready to tackle my weight issue in the many months to come. Iím still dealing with the psychological aspects of weight loss. When I now look in the mirror, I still see the same person. You know, I never felt fat before and now as Iím losing the weight and getting definition, I see it in a whole new light and I appreciate the metamorphosis that I am now going through. But Iím not making it a big deal because Iím trying to look at this as something that I should have been practicing when I was 19. Iím relearning to eat at 26.
LIFE RAMBLINGS: If anyone ever tells you that moving in with each other will save you moneyÖjust tell them itís a lie. I havenít been able to save a dime in the past two months! Argh, here I thought Shawn would be saving me money but heís not I noticed that I saved more money when I was living on my own. I donít know why this is but Iím still living paycheck to paycheck. Only if I was rich but then of course, how do people become rich, they work for it.
I had a talk with a co-worker today and I noticed that I have this ďfantasyĒ of just picking up and leaving this state and creating a new life for myself. Is there something wrong with me in desiring that? I would sell everything but a few things and just start of new. But then of course, my baggage would come with me. As far as happiness goes, Iím about a 4 (out of a scale of 10). Relationship stuff if bothering me. I find myself getting irritated a lot at Shawn. Running theme of me life but folks itís not positive right now. Iím not too sure with whatís going on with him but heís just not very uplifting. My sister said that we should have some more alone time because all we have been doing is and maybe that is true. Maybe Iím just tired because Iíve been doing too much. Next weekend will be the first weekend in 7 weeks that I donít have to do anything but then the next weekend, Iím back in Ann Arbor for a class. Not much of a summer. Hopefully things will just settle down. Take care all-Kellie
June 3, 2002
SHAPE: Where have I been? This last two weeks have been busy as hell. Despite my hectic two weeks, Iím down a total of 3 pounds. I lost 2.25 two weeks ago then .75 last week. Two weeks ago, I went to CURVES five times that week, last week I didnít get to go because I was just too busy because of Memorial Day weekend. That week I ate within my point range but I ate crappy. I was out at my parents new cabin up in Baldwin for 5 days, then I drove my mom out to Algonac, Michigan to go to the dentist (stayed overnight at my sisters place), went to work for two days, then drove out to Sterling Heights and stayed there from Friday Ė Sunday because Iím in the process of taking continuing education classes for social work in the school setting at the University of Michigan. All I can say is that I really enjoyed my bed last night. This Friday, Iím back to metro Detroit again. With all of this running, Iím still sticking within my point ranges though itís a continuing process of trying to fit food into my point range that is good for me. Like this weekend when I was at the classes, I opted for a sub for lunch on both days but then during the breaks, the school provided some food. It took my all to avoid the bagels and cookies. Even though I am not a cookie person by them just being there it was total temptation. I actually picked up a cherry crisp, took a bit, it tasted great then I threw it out. I do that all the time. Like this morning, I had an egg mcmuffin sandwich from McDonalds. I get it with a meal because it is cheaper. I usually take a bite of the hash brown then I throw the hash brown (no wrapper) and egg yoke out the window because I figure so bird or animal will appreciate it because my body wonít.
OTHER RAMBLINGS: I applied for a job down in Louisville today as a school social worker. I hope I get an interview at least. The job situation at work is getting worse, last week they forced a co-worker to quit. This person was a single mom who had a five-year-old. They were targeting her constantly. The first time they said something about her clothes, stating that they were too revealing, then four women co-workers started ganging up against her. In the long run, the work said that her paperwork was too far behind and they said either leave with a good reference or we are going to fire you. Nice, Iím just wondering where this Hitler regime came from. Needless to say, Iím just getting sick of the drama. The only way that I would leave my job is next year when Iím off to get my Ph.D. or if I get a school social work job in KY. I guess I just need to suck it up and deal with it. Hopefully, things will get better because that place is just hostile. Itís not my coworkers but itís the administration. For example the clinical director, her nickname is BullDog, walked around last Tuesday, noting infractions. Oh please! Does it get any better? Shawn says Iím just looking for a Utopia job that doesnít exist but I donít remember work being this depressing. This weekend when I was driving back from Detroit, I just broke out in tears because I feel that I am under so much pressure. Maybe I was tired but Iíve never broke out in tears like that. I just feel under pressure in my work life.
OTHER DIET RAMBLINGS: I found out that they are putting in a CURVES across from my work place this fall (if Iím still there). Now I will have the option of four CURVES. You know, if I was rich, I would be opening one of these franchises. They are a complete moneymaker. The last time I checked, the start off cost is $20,000 which isnít bad because the Curves I belong to in Grand Rapids has 600 members. Now thatís a lot of dough! Well thatís it for me tonight, take care all-Kellie