March 19, 2005
Lotís of excitement to reportÖIím going to be an aunt! My sister is pregnant and sheís due on 11.7.05! So everyone send her some good thoughts and some well wishes. The funny thing is that we were talking about this last weekend. I told her that she had to have a kid first so that I could get more comfortable around babies since I donít have a clue around them. Iíve always been around older kids so that is my comfort level. Iíve always been extremely nervous around the infants so this is such good practice for me. Carrie and Dennis are so excited. They have been married for 5 years and she is 27 and he is 30 so this is a happy day for them. We were always worried about Carrie and Dennis not having insurance but Carrie signed up for Medicaid on Wednesday and everything is all set. They are finish carpenters and they were just looking to buy insurance lately. The sad thing is that insurance is so expensive and they could pay for the birth outright but if there were complications, then it would be not good so thank goodness for Medicaid. She went to her first doctorís appointment yesterday so itís for sure now. Though, I have no baby bug right now. I couldnít even fathom having a child on my schedule or to complicate my life. Sometimes I feel inside that I wonít be a mother. I donít know why I have this feeling but itís just there. Iíve never been overly excited about having my own kids, I mean, I like the ďideaĒ of having children but they are so life changing, altering and Iím not hell bent on having them right away either. There are always people out there that wand to get married and quickly have some offspring but thatís not me. Maybe itís that Iím scared to have them or itís just that I feel that I have nothing to offer a child but hopefully being around Carries kid will help me ease my anxiety.
When I think about having a family, I remember when I was with Shawn I used to tell him that our kids would be fat and ugly and I truly thought that because look my lifestyle when I was with him. We were a Fat Couple. Our lives centered on food, eating out, and looking at toys or my resale clothes. We were lazy, no ambition to get off the couch. Chris and I are totally opposite to that old unhealthy relationship I had. We are out and about doing a wide variety of things like camping, hiking, biking, exploring, visiting friends, etc. When I do think about having kids, I view them as being potentially cute and extremely active. When Chris was growing up he was in everything, band, soccer, boy scouts, etc. so I love that about him and what he could give to our children. I just didnít see that with Shawn and maybe thatís why I knew we didnít have a future together. He was so unmotivated and so childish. I thank God that I had the strength to end that horrible relationship with him. Itís funny to think how our lives are so much better because of ending it. Heís marrying his former boss Tammi and it sounds that they are perfect together. I always knew they would be perfect together and I knew that Shawn had something for her because he always had a side of emotional cheating to him. He had that with a girl in school named Becky and he had it with Tammi. Regardless, life is funny. When you think that you are trapped, there is always a way out. Thank god I took the way out because I would hate to see what my life could have been. I truly doubt if I would have been happy, I would have probably stayed heavy, and lacked motivation to live. I also would have been emotionally beaten down because Shawn was very ďbi-polarĒ like with moods with me, it was always like walking on egg shells. Needless to say, Chris has such an even mood. He is always loving in caring. So I just thank my lucky stars that I have such a wonderful partner.
Two weeks ago I went to a day spa with some ladies and work and it was wonderful. I really liked it and it was only $145 for 6 hours that included a manicure, pedicure, facial, hour massage, and cut and dry so I included a picture of my new do! Itís nice to have a change for once and it makes me feel better to have a new hair look.
As for weight, Iím holding fast at 168 on the WW scale. On my scale Iím 160 so I will take that. Iím putting in at least 4 days of exercise at Curves and eating well. During the last two weeks, I have to do better at tracking my points so I will work on that. Carrie, Dennis, Chris, and I went to a Womenís Expo last week and I found out that I only need 1598 calories to maintain my weight so that does not seem too much. At least my body fat is okay but my BMI needs to improve. Iíll keep plugging at it.
Iím still making wise food choices but thereís always crap that I could stay out of better. Like I had a candbury egg yesterday so I could have stayed away from that but I wanted it. Dream Dinners is making life a heck of a lot easier too. I took Wendi from work to one on Thursday and she loved it. It makes cooking so much easier because all I have to do is remove it from the freezer, defrost, and then cook it. All of the meals are low fat so that helps out a ton and they are foods that are not processed! Yippy so better eating for me!
We were supposed to go up to Traverse City today but again, we were socked with some snow so Iím kind of bummed. I canít stand this weather lately. I just want spring to come! Enough of the snow! Luckily, Iím going down to KY in a month so I will be ready for some good weather plus I need a vacation. KY usually has some great weather in April so Iím hoping for some better conditions. Oh well! Take care all-Kellie