"Daria...Where are you?"
Crossover Fan Fiction Story
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction (or a desperate plea
for help....you be the judge) Daria & her amazing friends
are (tm) and (c) MTV. Scooby Doo and co are (tm) and (c)
Hanna Barbera. Used without permission...Please don't sue
me :>] This section was typed 1 handed while feeding my son
with the other hand. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!
Summary: Daria & company meet Scooby Doo & company.....there's
a mystery to solve, and wackiness ensues!
Opening: We see the familiar Daria opening Daria in a movie
theater, etc, etc...but instead of the usual Daria theme
music we hear 3rd Eye Blind's version of Scooby Doo
Where are you.
after the opening, the screen is all blue and the Daria Logo
is at the top of the screen. At the bottom of the screen
we see the Scooby Doo gang running. The text reads: "Daria in
Daria....where are you?
(scene opens with Daria, Jane and Trent in Trent's Car. Geggy Tah's "Whoever
You Are" plays in the background)
Daria: Where's your gig at again?
Trent: Some barn out in the sticks. The guitarist for Sunshine
broke his hand so I'm filling in.
Jane: It's a retro 60's kind of band.
Trent: (he shudders) Don't remind me. Hey check it out. It's a
Daria: Do those still exist?
Jane: Apparently they do, out here. Let's check it out! Park
next to that hippie van.
(They pull into the lot of Sam's Malt Shop. Parked next to them
is the mystery machine. They go inside.)
(Inside the Malt Shop, typical rock n roll is playing on the
jukebox. Everyone is dancing like they always do in malt
shops.....you know, kind of like the Charlie Brown dance
from the Christmas special)
Jane: (quickly, before Daria can protest) Why don't you two
dance while I check out the jukebox. (she leaves quickly)
Daria: (Thought Voice): You may have escaped this time Jane but
I'll get you......
Trent: Let's dance, Daria.
(They dance, Daria seems to be enjoying herself, although she is
keeping the contact with Trent to a minimum)
(Pan to the jukebox where Jane is making a selection)
Jane: (With an evil grin) Let's slow things down, shall we.
(she puts in a quarter and makes her selection)
(Jane's selection begins. It's a slow song (of course) everyone
starts to slow dance.)
Daria: (looks uncomfortable.) (thought voice) One of these days
(Suddenly the lights go out. We hear people bumping around.)
Daria: Umm....Trent you're standing on my............foot.
Velma: Gosh Shaggy you're a much better dancer than I remember.
(The lights come back on to reveal Velma dancing with Trent and
Shaggy dancing with Daria)
Sam: Sorry 'bout that kids. The fuses in this old place blow out
from time to time.
Daria: We must have gotten mixed around in the dark.
Daria: (thought voice) Zoinks?
Velma: (walking up to Daria with Trent in tow)
I'm Velma and that is Shaggy.
Trent: I'm Trent and this is my ...friend
Daria. And there's my sister Jane. Hey Janey!
Jane: Hey guys what's going on?
(Fred and Daphne walk up)
Fred: Hey gang we'd better be going if we want to get to the
barndance on time.
Trent: (glancing at watch, realizes he doesn't have one) Yeah
we'd better be going too.
(In the parking lot, Trent's car won't start.)
Fred: Car trouble? We can give you a lift.
(The ride to the Barndance is uneventful)
(at the barndance)
Daria: Reminiscence of the tank.
Trent: Yeah we've got to paint the tank.
(they go inside, soon Sunshine is playing. Trent is singing
Sugar, Sugar by the Archies.)
(Daria is sitting by the table of food. She begins having a
dream about Trent singing directly to her. And just as he's
about to take her in his arms......she is knocked off her chair by
Shaggy and Scooby in their haste to get at the food.)
Scooby: Roops! Rorry Rarria!
Daria: Who let that dog in here?
Scooby: Rog? What Rog?
Daria: (Seeing what Shaggy is eating) (spaghetti and meatballs with
marshmallow creme on whole wheat) Gross. (Thought VO) Going to vomit....must
get outside....must NOT let Trent see me vomit.
(Daria races out the back of the barn and vomits like she did in
(Their is a sudden flash of lightning which lights up the area
enough to allow Daria to see the Mysterious Old Man)
Daria: Uh hi.
Commercial break: (Daria getting knocked off the chair in slow
motion, with the Daria logo at the bottom)
The Mack 5 comes racing to a stop. Speed Racer does his trademark leap out. He's
wearing a helmet. When he takes it off we see he has a lot of
stubble on his face.
Pop: Speed! For you to appear in public this way is a disgrace!
When Trixie sees you she will run in the other direction with great haste!
Speed: I understand that shaving is very important Pop, but disposable razors are
uncomfortable and other razors don't do a good job.
Pop: Well I have what you need right here! (hands Speed a package)
It's the Mack 5 from Gillete! The only 5 blade razor to get the job done right.
Speed: (Later, he is now clean shaven) Wow, the Mack 5 does a great job! My face is baby
Trixie: And kissable! (She kisses his cheek. He blushes.)
All: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!
(Spritel and the monkey run in)
Spritel: WAAAAHHHH!! why aren't we in this commercial?
(Fly like an Eagle begins to play but it is cut off abruptly)
Postman: Recently at the post office We've been working on a new slogan. Here it is!
(camera pans back to show large group of postal workers. They all pull out various
Postman: The US Postal Service: We've got guns and we know where you live.
So buy stamps.....or else!
(Fade to black. Red letters across black background: BUY STAMPS or ELSE!)
Back to the show!
(only 2 commercials? This can't be MTV!)
(Daria is behind the Barn with the Mysterious Old Man (or MOM) Jane, Trent
and the Scooby Doo gang come out to see what's going on)
MOM: You must leave this place! Many years ago the Frankenstein's
monster was trapped in that abandoned lumber mill up there. (he points up a hill, a
convenient flash of lightning lights up the spooky old place.) He was killed there! But he
swore his ghost would come back and haunt this place forever!
And now it has returned!
Scooby Doo: Gulp!
Daria: Oh come on.
Fred: Well Gang it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands.
Jane: Not again.
Trent: (caught up in the moment) Yeah! Let's search for clues.
(notices Daria and Jane looking at him strangely) What? ANYTHING
is better than going back to the dance and playing lame tunes.
Daria: (Sarcastically) OK. Let's head up to that abandon lumber mill and search it.
Fred: Great! Let's go!
Daria: Actually....I was kidding. (sees that they're all headed toward the mill)
Oh, hell. let's go.
(They all head up to the lumber mill. It's a big, creepy (of
course) building with a waterwheel and a slide for logs to go down)
Fred: Ok, gang let's split up. Velma you, Jane and Trent check the grounds.
Daphne and I will search the basement. Daria you, Shaggy and Scooby search
Daria: (thought voice) What have I done to deserve that?
(They all go)
(Jane Trent and Velma are looking around outside)
Velma: Look! Footprints.
Trent: (putting his own foot down for comparison) BIG Footprints!
Jane: I suppose we'd better follow them.
(Meanwhile Fred and Daphne are searching the basement. They find a
small ledger on a table)
Daphne: What is it?
Fred: Hmm this may be a clue!
Look at this...some dates and times. and a newspaper clipping.
Daphne: What's it say?
Fred: The government is planning on expanding that small airfield near here.
Fred: We'd better go find the others.
(meanwhile (again) Daria, Shaggy and Scooby are quietly walking down a spooky hallway.)
Daria: (in the lead) I think I heard something. (turning to Shaggy) SSSSHHHH.
Shaggy: (Turning to Scooby) SSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH.
Scooby: (Turning to the GHOST OF FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER (or GOFM)) SSSSSSSHHHHHHH.
Scooby: RHuh rhow.
(CHASE SEQUENCE!!) (8 days a week plays in the background)
(They run into a room with about 6 doors on each side. They each run in different doors.
they come out the doors on the other side. Finally they all crash into each other. Then
Daria picks up Shaggy and Scooby and they run into the kitchen with GOFM in hot pursuit.)
(GOFM runs into the kitchen. Shaggy and Scooby are now wearing waiter
Shaggy: Right this way sir!
Scooby: Your table is ready!
(They sit him at a table. Daria comes up in a waitress outfit.)
Daria: Here's your menu sir. Can I get you a drink.
(GOFM looks confused)
Shaggy: (Now in a chef's hat ringing a little bell) Number 7 is up! Number 7!
Daria: (gets a platter with a cover over it) AH here we are sir, the speciality of the
(She pulls the cover off to reveal the remains of a delicious turkey dinner)
(Daria glares at Shaggy and Scooby, who are licking their fingers and patting their
GOFM: (Knocking the table aside) RRRROOWRL!
(Daria, Shaggy and Scooby run out of the room. The costumes they had on
are thrown up in the air so the GOFM runs into them. He then tosses them on the ground.)
(Meanwhile back outside)
Trent: Hey check out this stack of logs. They're all hollow.
Jane: Those aren't real logs. They're some kind of floats.
(She examines one closely.) Look at this! (She holds up a necklace.)
Velma: (Looks closely at the necklace) This is an important
clue. That necklace was stolen some time ago. We'd better keep following these footprints,
Jane: Those footprints lead right into that wall.
Velma: Jinkies! There must be a secret entrance.
Trent: Cool. (To Jane) Jinkies?
Jane: Don't ask me.
(Trent leans against the wall. A secret door opens. They all
enter....Followed by the MOM)
(Daria, Shaggy and Scooby run around a corner and collide with Fred and Daphne.)
Shaggy: Fancy running into you guys. Yuk Yuk Yuk!
Fred: Cut the comedy Shaggy. We've found some clues.
Daria: What's that? (She picks up a $20 bill out of the corner.
She examines it closely)
Daria: Counterfeit! Another clue. (she tucks it into her pocket)
Fred: Now all we have to do is find the others and capture the ghost.
(They start walking down some steps, but suddenly the steps flop down into a
slide and they go sliding downward.)
(Jane, Trent and Velma come to the end of the secret passage)
Jane: Maybe we have to climb this ramp?
Velma: Do you hear something?
(Suddenly everyone collides with everyone else. Daria crashes into Velma and both of their
glasses go flying off.)
(shot of Daria crawling on all fours)
Daria: My Glasses! I can't find my glasses!
(shot of Velma crawling on all fours)
Velma: I can't find MY glasses, either!
Jane: (Mumbled) Didn't see this gag coming a mile away.
(Trent finds Daria's glasses and gives them to her. They share a
tender look before Daria realizes it. Shaggy gives Velma her glasses.)
Fred: Well we've almost wrapped this case up. All we have to do
now is capture the monster!
Jane: Is that all?
(there's a commercial for satellite TV, which tells you that cable
TV sucks, followed by a commercial for cable TV that explains why satellite TV sucks.
then MTV has ads for it's "Real World" marathon. Sponsored by the devil.)
Back to the show!
(Fred and Velma have set up an elaborate trap, which is reminiscent of the old 'mouse
Fred: Now all we need is for someone to lure the monster here. (he looks
at Shaggy and Scooby).
Scooby: RWNO RWAY!
Shaggy: NO WAY NO WAY NNNOOOOO WAAAAYY!
Daphne: Would you do it for a scooby snack?
Scooby and Shaggy: No way!
Daphne: 2 scooby snacks.
Daria: Never mind, Jane and I will do it.
Jane: We will?
(later, as they walk around looking for the monster.)
Jane: How did I let you talk me into this again?
Daria: My little revenge. Besides if I had to see that guy eating
a doggie treat I would throw up.....again.
Jane: Bummer. Say is it just me or is that dog starting to sound like he can talk?
(Suddenly the monster jumps out. They run and lead him into the trap room.
Unfortunately Daphne bumps into Fred, Knocking him over and ruining the trap.)
Jane: Uh oh. Danger prone Daphne has done it again.
Daria: Keep running Jane.
(they run around the lumber mill. Somehow Daria and the GOFM end up running on the
Daria: Jane! Stop this crazy thing.
(Jane sees a large lever. She pulls it and the waterwheel stops suddenly. Daria and the
GOFM go flying. The GOFM lands first and Daria lands on top of him)
Daria: Thanks for breaking my fall.
(the whole gang runs up.)
Trent: Daria! Are you all right? (he helps her up)
Daria: I'm fine Trent.
Fred: Now let's find out who you really are.
(He pulls the mask off to reveal......)
Daria and Jane: Sandi?!?
Trent: It can't be! (he walks over and pulls the Sandi mask off)
Daria: MR VAN DRIESSEN!
Fred: That's another Mask! (he pulls it off) Johnny Bravo!
Johnny Bravo: Y'all stole this bit from me!
Jane: THAT DOES IT! (she goes over and begins ripping masks off. The
camera pans all the masks, to show a number of familiar faces, including
most of the Daria cast, every bad guy from past episodes of "Scooby Doo where are
you?" both Hanna and Barbera and Beavis and Butt-Head.
(final mask is off.. it's Sam from the Malt Shop.)
Velma: It all makes sense now. Sam found out about the government's plan to buy up the
surrounding lands to expand the airport. So he used the legend of Frankenstein's Monster
to scare people away so he could buy up their land cheap.
Daria: He was also making counterfeit money her at this old abandon mill.
Jane: AND smuggling stolen goods out in hollowed out logs, which is why he
wanted to scare people away from that lumber mill.
Trent: But what about that Mysterious Old Man?
MOM: (Stepping out of the bushes and removing his old man disguise) Perhaps I can explain
that. I'm officer O'Reilly. I've been on this case for months.
Sam: And I would have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!
Jane: Meddling Kids?
Daria: Don't look at me.
(They all pile into Mystery Machine and head back to the Malt Shop)
Trent: All fixed! Thanks!
Jane: Wasn't someone missing from that group?
Daria: Look over there.
(A train is going by. A sinister looking guy tosses a small crate off. It lands in the
of the rode. It opens and a small puppy steps out.)
Puppy: HI! I'm Scrappy Doo.
(Suddenly out of nowhere a steamroller goes by and squashes Scrappy flat)
Jane: Oh my God they killed Scrappy.
Daria: You BAS....Wait a minute. I never liked Scrappy anyway.
Jane and Trent: Me neither!
(Cut to Daria, Jane and Trent in Trent's car)
Daria: Well that was interesting.
Trent: Daria there's something I have to tell you.
Daria: Yes, Trent?
Jane: WAKE UP DARIA!
Daria: No! Wait! What do you have to tell me Trent?
(Daria wakes up. She's in Jane's room, the TV is on with the cartoon network logo on it)
Jane: You fell asleep with the TV on during a Scooby Doo marathon!
Daria: I had the strangest dream.
Jane: The one where Beavis and Butt-Head are elected President?
Daria: No I always wake up screaming from that one. I dreamed that you and me..(pause)
Jane: (evil grin) AND TRENT?
Daria: I hate you. (pause) we were helping Scooby and the gang solve a mystery.
Jane: Did you ask them why they wear the same cloths in every
episode? Or why they needed a laugh track?
Daria: (smiles) roll credits.
"Peaches" by the Presidents
of the USA plays in the background.
Movin' to the country
gonna eat a
lot of peaches
Peaches come from a can
they were put there by a
in a factory downtown
and if I had my little way
I'd eat peaches
sun soakin' bulges in the shade
Movin' to the
gonna eat a lot of peaches
took a little nap where the roots
smashed a rotten peach in my fist
and dreamed about
poke my finger down inside
make a little room for an ant to
nature's candy in my hand or a can
or a pie
peaches peaches for me
millions of peaches peaches for free.
Well I have tried to squeeze every Scooby Doo gag I could think of.
Please let me know if I've missed any. This is my first Daria fanfic and I would
appreciate any feedback,Good, Bad or Ugly. This story is called the Predictable version
for obvious reasons. Thanks for reading!
This is version 2. Slight modifications where made based on suggestions by William Ian
Gasarch, who wrote the excelent story "IQ", THANKS WILLIAM!