Legal notice: Daria and all characters property of MTV. No copyright infringement is
intended with this tribute script. Employees of MTV are welcome to read this: I hereby
aver that I will not attempt to sue MTV should similar ideas someday appear on the show.
I'm an aspiring writer, and my talent is for sale. However, this script was not produced
for financial gain--
it's a work of appreciation for a great TV show and its devoted fans.
A Daria Script by Amanda Summers
INT MORGENDORFFER DINING ROOM -- DAY
So then, he ordered the entrée for both of us in French!
Everyone in the whole room was staring at our table.
HELEN: Im glad you had a good time, dear.
QUINN: That was the best date ever.
DARIA: So, Quinn. What was your dates name?
QUINN: Uagh! What difference does it make? Ill remember him when he
asks me out again. He always wears this really cool silver thumb
HELEN: What about you, Daria, what did you do last night?
DARIA: I went out on a date with a millionaire secret agent who flew
me to his secluded headquarters in Honolulu. We dined on roast pig
and swallows tongues while his servants polished his silver sock
suspenders. I didnt catch his name.
JAKE: (looks up abruptly) You went out on a date?
HELEN: Theres no need for sarcasm, Daria
DARIA: Theres always need for sarcasm.
HELEN: I realize you may feel jealous of Quinns active social life,
but thats no reason
DARIA: Jealous? I can eat salad and not listen to boys every day in
the school cafeteria. Quinns made it her purpose in life.
QUINN: At least I have one!
HELEN: Girls! Daria, I want to talk to you alone.
DARIA: (Looks at Jake, whos staring off into space, and Quinn,
vacantly toying with her utensils.) Go ahead.
HELEN: After supper.
DARIA: Then may I be excused? Ive lost my appetite.
INT DARIAS BEDROOM -- DAY
DARIA is lying on her bed, on the phone with JANE.
DARIA: I mean it, Jane. Five minutes and then call me back, or Ill
be trapped for hours while my mom tries to make me feel better about
JANE: Whats she doing home? I thought she usually works late on
Friday. And every other day.
DARIA: She took the day off to go with Dad to the stress counselor.
Besides, every six months or so, she decides to recommit her
energies to her family. Were about due for another spurt of
reckless attention from Mom.
JANE: Uh-oh. I suppose this attention usually focuses on
DARIA: Fixing me.
JANE: Need a wrench?
DARIA: Need a life?
JANE: Okay, okay. So whats broken?
DARIA: According to my mom, everything that isnt Quinn. Her
therapist tells her not to compare us to each other, but you can
just see it gnawing at her sanity: Why cant I have two chirpy,
popular, idiotic children? What went wrong the first time?
JANE: Wow, you sound really upset about this. Well-- I mean, you
dont actually sound upset. But since you havent made a joke about
it yet, I have to conclude that it really bothers you.
DARIA: It takes up valuable time that I might otherwise use to
organize my spoon collection. (As deadpan as ever:) So in the name
of all thats holy, whatever that may be, please Jane, call me back
five minutes after I hang up.
JANE: Si, senorita.
HELEN knocks on the door.
DARIA: (to Jane) Gotta go.
JANE: Good luck.
DARIA hangs up the phone.
DARIA: Come in.
HELEN enters DARIAs bedroom. She looks around for a place
to sit, but we see that theres no place in the room to sit
except the bed.
HELEN moves toward the bed. DARIA pulls herself upright into
a sitting position at the head of the bed; HELEN perches at
the foot, looking uneasy, but determined. She looks around
and spots the poster of the half-buried skeleton on the
HELEN: I hadnt noticed your poster, sweetie. What is that? An
DARIA: Its the skeleton of Dante being disinterred when he was
moved from his paupers grave in France to an honored tomb in Italy.
DARIA: Its amazing how, throughout history, many of the most
prominent thinkers have been outcast and exiled from their
homelands. I was thinking I might get a head start and defect.
HELEN: (Obviously hasnt been listening.) Daria, theres no point in
beating around the bush. I want you to see Dr. Walthrop.
DARIA: You want me to visit your therapist? Why? Do you want me to
give her a few pointers?
HELEN: Im serious, Daria. Im worried about your negative attitude
DARIA: I dont have a negative attitude toward dating. It keeps
Quinn out of the house. Im all for that.
HELEN: Yes, but why dont you ever go out on dates?
DARIA: I guess I just havent met a guy with a nice enough car yet,
HELEN: Daria, youre such a smart, pretty girl. Im sure there are
plenty of boys whod like to go out with you, if you had a more
positive outlook. Why cant you give people a chance?
The phone rings. DARIA lunges for it.
JANE: Big news, Daria! My brothers sitting in for the Slushpuppies
guitarist for their gig tomorrow night!
JANE: Yes! Trents down in the basement totally freaking out. Youve
gotta come over here and watch.
DARIA: Im on my way.
DARIA hangs up the phone.
DARIA: I gotta go, Mom. Janes brother Trent has a big, uh, career
opportunity, and he needs moral support.
HELEN: I didnt know Jane had a brother. How old is he?
DARIA: Nineteen or twenty, I think.
HELEN: You think? You spend an awful lot of time over there, Daria.
You dont know how old he is?
DARIA: No. But Im pretty sure his name is Trent, and he always
wears this really cool silver thumb ring
HELEN: All right, you can go for now, but were both going to see
Dr. Walthrop, Monday evening at five.
DARIA: You know, Ive been thinking of signing up to work on the
HELEN: Thats nice, but were still going.
DARIA: Gee, Mom, cheerleader tryouts are Monday evening. Id sure
hate to miss that shining opportunity.
HELEN: No deals, Daria. Were going.
DARIA: (After a pause) The law firm definitely doesnt pay you
HELEN: No one could, sweetie. Have fun at Janes.
EXT THE LANE HOUSE EVENING
DARIA rings the doorbell. The door opens; JANE looks out.
JANE: Great! Youre here! This is a historic occasion.
DARIA: What, that Trent got a gig?
JANE: Even better! Trent combed his hair!
DARIA: Ooh. I can barely contain the excitement.
JANE heads inside, DARIA FOLLOWS.
INT THE LANE HOUSE EVENING
JANE: I can tell youre thrilled. The corners of your mouth arent
turned down as much as usual.
Theres a ruptured electric guitar sound in the background.
DARIA: I take it that soothing melody is the superstar himself?
JANE: The one, the only. Hes been memorizing the Slushpuppies
songs all day. So far, they all sound like "Stairway to Heaven" on
DARIA: Isnt that redundant?
They go into JANEs room.
INT JANES ROOM - DAY
DARIA: So what happened to the Slushpuppies usual guitarist?
JANE: Food poisoning. His girlfriend tried to cook for him. She
didnt realize youre supposed to refrigerate eggs.
DARIA: Where are they playing?
JANE: Oscars, in Garverton. Its kind of like a coffeehouse. Youre
going to come, right?
DARIA: Uh okay. Howre we going to get to Garverton?
JANE: Hello! With Trent! Not that I trust him to drive to this
thing. Hell probably panic and plow his car into a tree.
DARIA: Well, Id hate to miss that. Whys he so nervous? Trent has
his own band.
JANE: The Slushpuppies are pretty popular in Garverton. Hes
actually going to have to play for an audience thats not too busy
hitting each other in the mosh pit to listen to the music. Hell,
its novel enough that hes going to be playing for an audience.
A particularly jagged chord rattles the objects in the room.
DARIA: I think I just lost a filling.
JANE: I think I just lost a tooth.
Theres a loud plonking sound.
DARIA: I think Trent just lost a string.
TRENT: (from basement) AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
JANE: I think Trent just lost his nerve.
CUT TO black and white clip of HELEN and DARIA in DARIAs
CUT TO commercial.
INT LANE HOUSE, BASEMENT EVENING
TRENT is taking off an electric guitar which has a broken
string. Hes scowling, and sits heavily beside the guitar.
WE SEE JANE and DARIA coming down the basement stairs.
JANE: Hey, Trent! That was your best riff yet! You should break
strings more often.
DARIA elbows JANE, frowning.
TRENT: Thanks a lot, Janey. (He looks up.) Oh. Hey, Daria.
DARIA: It sounded good. You mustve been playing pretty hard to lose
TRENT: (Depressed.) I guess.
DARIA: Jane told me youve been asked to sit in with another band.
TRENT: (He looks at them both narrow-eyed for a moment, then
shrugs.) Im not so sure about this. Ive been learning the
Slushpuppies songs all day, and I dont think Im into it.
JANE: Yeahanything beyond three chords is just too limiting, right,
TRENT: I mean, Ive heard them play and theyre okay, but they have
a million songs and they all sound pretty much the same. I dont
think I can keep all this stuff straight in time for the gig
DARIA: Even if you cant memorize all their stuff, you can probably
fake it. Jane says all their songs sound like "Stairway to Heaven"
TRENT: (Perks up a bit.) Heyyeah, they do. Janey, do you remember
where Dad keep his old Led Zeppelin albums?
TRENT stands up and begins to remove the broken guitar
JANE: Sure! Ill go get them.
DARIA starts to follow JANE, who steps on her foot.
TRENT looks at DARIA.
DARIA: (Glaring at JANE, whos up the basement stairs.) Nothing.
JANE flashes a thumbs-up at DARIA, who frowns.
TRENT threads a new string onto his electric guitar.
TRENT: Were you and Janey planning on doing something tomorrow
DARIA: No. Why?
TRENT: Well, when I told her about the gig, she raced off to call
you. I thought she might be cancelling something. Its okay if you
two dont want to come. I mean, its an hours drive to Garverton,
and Jesses going along, so the car might be kind of crowded with
four people and the equipment. Its no big deal.
DARIA: Thats too bad. We were hoping youd let us tag along.
Personally, I cant get enough of "Stairway to Heaven".
JANE descends the stairs with the Led Zeppelin album.
TRENT: I guess well make sure theres room for you two in the car,
JANE: If you run out of space, we can always strap Daria to the
TRENT: Good idea. And Janey, you can ride in the trunk.
INT MORGENDORFFER DINING ROOM NEXT DAY
so then he asked me to go to the ballet tonight! Im
definitely going to need to get a new dress next week. This will be
the second time Ive worn my black one on a date.
JAKE: A new dress? I thought you just went shopping last week!
QUINN: Ive already worn that outfit, Daddy! Its practically
JAKE: One time and its useless? Isnt there someplace you could
rent all these clothes that you only use once?
DARIA: She cant do that, Dad. It would make too much sense.
HELEN: What about you, Daria, what do you have planned for tonight?
DARIA: Jane and I are going out to see a band. Well be back by
JAKE: Quinn, you should be home by eleven too.
QUINN: But Daddy, were going to the ballet!
DARIA: And shell want to stick around afterwards and get a T-shirt.
HELEN: Well, any boy whos gentlemen enough to take you to the
ballet is surely gentlemen enough to get you home on time.
QUINN: But what if he wants to take me someplace afterwards?
DARIA: Like a four-star hotel.
QUINN: Thats not what I meant!
JAKE: Quinn, I want you home by ten.
QUINN: But Daddy!!!
DARIA: (to Quinn) Shall we try for nine?
INT DARIAs BEDROOM AFTERNOON
DARIA is putting her green jacket on over a black T-shirt
and jeans. She takes the jacket off, puts it on again, takes
it off, and sighs.
The doorbell rings.
DARIA goes to the door of her room.
DARIA: (loudly) If thats Jane, tell her Ill be down in a minute!
INT MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM AFTERNOON
HELEN and JAKE are on the couch, surrounded by papers.
QUINN, a phone cinched between her ear and shoulder, answers
the door. TRENT is standing outside, dressed in black jeans
with no holes and a green buttoned shirt.
TRENT: Hi. Im here for Daria.
QUINNs expression: total shock. At the sound of TRENTs
voice, HELEN turns to see him and drops her pencil. HELEN
TRENT looks skeptically at HELEN and QUINN.
TRENT: Am I at the wrong house?
HELEN: Not at all! Daria will be down in a few minutes. Come in, sit
TRENT steps inside. QUINN almost staggers back.
PHONE: (Male voice) Quinn? Quinn, are you there?
Ill have to call you back.
QUINN hangs up the phone and stares.
HELEN: (Practically grabbing TRENTs arm and dragging him to the
chair in the LIVING ROOM) You must be
TRENT: Trent. Janeys my sister.
HELEN: Ah! I thought Daria was going out with Jane tonight.
TRENT: Janeys coming along too.
Theres an awkward pause. QUINN is still gawking at TRENT.
Even JAKE looks up and notices him.
HELEN: Daria mentioned that youd had a, ah, career opportunity
JAKE: (Trying to be "hip") What line are you in, my man?
TRENT: (With a smirk) I guess youd say Im in the entertainment
HELEN: Therere plenty of opportunities there! Can I get you
something to drink, Trent?
TRENT: Im okay.
JAKE: I dont want to seem square, dude, but
wed like Daria to be
TRENT: No problem.
DARIA comes down the stairs, wearing her usual outfit. Her
eyes widen when she sees TRENT.
TRENT: You ready, Daria?
DARIA: Uh. Yeah.
TRENT: Well, come on, Cinderella, weve only got until midnight. See
you, Mr. Morgendorffer. Mrs. Morgendorffer.
HELEN: Please! Helen, Jake. Have a good time, kids.
Exit TRENT and DARIA.
EXT MORGENDORFFER HOUSE EVENING
TRENT: Are those pod people your family, or your science project?
DARIA: Much as I hate to admit it, those are my kinfolk. Wheres
TRENT: Shes still getting ready. Told me to come on over and pick
DARIA: (Grumbling) I bet she did.
DARIA: Uh Im glad you did. Whats this about coming home by
midnight? My curfews eleven.
TRENT: Your mom said midnight.
DARIA: (Realization dawns.) Uh-oh.
They get into TRENTS CAR.
INT- MORGENDORFFER HOUSE EVENING
HELEN: So thats whats been going on.
JAKE: Whats that, honey?
HELEN: Isnt it obvious? Daria must be dating that Trent boy. Shes
been trying to hide it from us because hes older than she is, and
she didnt think wed approve. Hes probably in this band theyre
going to see.
QUINN: In a band?!
JAKE: I thought he said
HELEN: Really, Jake. The entertainment industry? Dont you remember
telling my father something like that, back when you were trying to
write music and start folk-singing?
JAKE: Yeah, I guess I did. (He smirks devilishly.) I sure pulled one
over on the old easy chair that time
Wait a minute! (Protective Dad
emerges.) How old is this Trent character, anyway?
QUINN: (wails) Twenty!
HELEN: Relax, Jake. Darias friend Jane is going with them. And
Daria can take care of herself.
QUINN: How come Daria can go out with a twenty-year-old guy and stay
out until midnight, and I can only date high-schoolers and I have to
be home by ten?!?
HELEN: Quinn, there have been plenty of times when weve let you go
out and Darias stayed home. Dont begrudge your sister a chance to
have a little fun.
QUINN: This is so unfair!
HELEN: Darias proven shes responsible enough to handle a little
additional freedom. Quinn, when you bring your grades up, well
QUINN: You dont understand! If Darias actually going out with an
older guy whos a musician, shes dating someone cooler any of the
guys who ask me out! And that would make Daria I cant even say it!
JAKE: Make Daria what, kiddo?
QUINN: (Anguished) That would make Daria cooler than me! I cant
STAND it! What if someone found out? What if it got around school?
Everyone would point at me in the streets and whisper, "Look, there
goes that girl who isnt even as cool as her brainy, boring older
sister!" I might as well just lay down and die!
The doorbell rings.
QUINN instantly reverts to normal.
QUINN: Thats my date! Gotta go!
CUT TO clip of the Morgendorffers reacting with shock to
CUT TO commercial.
EXT LANE HOUSE LATE AFTERNOON
DARIA and TRENT stand by the car as JANE comes out of the
DARIA: Nice ensemble, Jane. No wonder it took you so long to put
JANE looks down at her outfit the same thing she always
JANE: Dress for success, thats what I always say. Seems like
Trents taken my advice to heart, too. Whats this, big brother, not
a hole or a tear to be seen?
TRENT: Its from the bottom of my closet. Its the only thing that
JANE leans toward him, sniffs.
JANE: Sure about that?
TRENT frowns at JANE, glancing at DARIA, who was staring at
TRENT and quickly averts her eyes.
TRENT: Cmon, we still have to pick up Jesse.
The three get into the car. Theres a bit of shuffling as
JANE tries to push DARIA into the front seat next to TRENT;
DARIA adroitly slips past JANE so that JANE falls into the
back seat and DARIA quickly follows.
INT TRENTS CAR LATE AFTERNOON
TRENTs friend JESSE gets into the shotgun seat.
JESSE: Are you psyched about tonight, man?
TRENT: Ive made my peace with the gods of music. Im ready.
JESSE: So does that mean youve finally learned the open D tuning?
TRENT: Youre disturbing my peace, man.
JANE: Thats an arrestable offense. Daria! Get the cuffs.
TRENT: I gotta admit, Im kind of weirded out.
JESSE: Yeah, its gonna be strange to watch you up there playing
with some other band.
JANE: Its gonna be strange to watch him playing.
DARIA: (Quietly, but dangerously) Dont worry, Jane, Im sure youll
be too busy watching Jesse to notice anything amiss.
JANE: Defensive! Always a good sign.
TRENT: Its not just the gig. Its the whole day. Like, I actually
woke up before noon.
TRENT: Yeah. And like Darias family.
DARIA: What about them?
TRENT: Its just freaky that you even have a family, Daria.
DARIA: Okay, Ill concede to that one.
TRENT: And theyre so-- typical. Are you adopted?
DARIA: I can only hope.
JANE: Daria sprang fully formed from the froth of the ocean. Shes
just living with the Morgendorffers until her godhood kicks in.
TRENT: I thought the goddess of wisdom came out of someones head.
DARIA: Right. Athena emerged from the skull of Zeus.
JANE: Sure. But Aphrodite came out of the sea.
DARIA gives JANE a look of death.
TRENT: Which goddess was she?
JANE: Goddess of
DARIA: Dolphin-safe tuna fish.
TRENT and JESSE laugh.
DARIA: (whispering to JANE) Lay off the yenta act. Ive got enough
trouble with that already.
JANE: Whatre you talking about?
INT Oscars Coffeehouse EVENING
Artsy, crunchy coffee house with weird art everywhere and a
slightly raised platform for a stage. The customers look
basically like the college students from "College Bored",
with a few more piercings & the like visible. Trails of
smoke thread the atmosphere.
TRENT and JESSE carry equipment to the stage. JANE and DARIA
secure a table and sit down. DARIA picks up a menu and looks
JANE glances around the place.
JANE: Great decorating. Early Bohemian Poverty.
DARIA: (Reacting to the menu) Three dollars for a cup of coffee?
Bohemian povertys too rich for me.
JANE: You cant be Bohemian. Youre not wearing Birkenstocks.
Anyway, you said youd tell me what you meant about matchmaking
later. Its later.
DARIA: My mom wanted me to see her therapist to find out why Im not
JANE: Blame it on your toilet training. Shrinks eat that stuff up.
Uh so to speak.
DARIA: It gets worse. My curfews supposed to be eleven. But Mom
told Trent I can stay out til midnight.
JANE: How could she!
DARIA: Jane, she probably thinks Im dating Trent.
JANE: You kind of are on a date with Trent.
DARIA: This isnt a date!
JANE: Daria, its so close to being a date that you might as well
just go ahead and call it a date. I consider it a date.
DARIA: Yeah, but Jesse actually knows you exist. And your mother
isnt going to interrogate you about the situation with a truncheon
and a rubber hose.
JANE: No, but with any luck maybe Jesse will
DARIA: What am I going to do? If I tell her Im not dating Trent,
Ill have to see her therapist, and theyll probably dissect my head
to figure out why Im not going out with him.
JANE: Option one sounds grim.
DARIA: If I lie to her and tell her I went out with Trent, I wont
have to see her therapist. But I would have to make up a fictional
history of dating Trent to satisfy Moms curiosity. Im not sure I
could stand that, either.
JANE: Its like making a wish when you blow out the candles, right?
If you tell someone what you wished for, it wont happen.
DARIA: Jane. Shut up or Ill kill you.
JANE: Touchy and defensive! Two whole emotions in one night. Shall
we try for three?
DARIA: Next up, homicidal rage.
JANE: Promises, promises.
JESSE sits down at the table.
JESSE: Man, this is seriously strange. All these people just sitting
JANE: Theyre called an "audience", Jesse.
JESSE: Trents gonna be way nervous when the show starts. I just
hope he doesnt puke or anything. Hes wearing my jeans.
A puff of smoke drifts in front of DARIA, who coughs.
JANE: Howd he end up in your jeans?
JESSE: Borrowed em. All his have holes. He was even thinking about
JANE: Wow. He is nervous.
JESSE: I talked him out of it.
JANE lays a hand on JESSEs arm. Her next line is only
JANE: Hes lucky to have a friend like you.
JESSE: Well, you know. All for one. Eyes on the prize and all.
Trents the one with the vision.
JANE: (to DARIA, with affection for JESSE evident.) The blind
leading the tone-deaf.
The room has gradually thickened with people and with smoke.
DARIA: (waving away a cloud of smoke) Is there a no-smoking section
anywhere in this place?
JANE: Not a chance.
A guitar chord rings out. Theres some applause. FARLEY, the
lead singer of the Slushpuppies, talks into the mike.
FARLEY: Hi everybody. Were the Slushpuppies (more applause) and
were going to be playing some of our new stuff for you tonight.
This first song is called "Planted by the Sun".
The band starts to play very guitar-heavy, Led Zeppelin
We CLOSE UP on TRENT, whos playing basic chords and
starting to look panicky. FARLEY looks back at him
questioningly; it seems like theres supposed to be a guitar
solo opening this song.
CUT TO DARIA, biting her lip, chin resting on clasped hands,
leaning forward anxiously.
BACK TO TRENT, whos seriously starting to sweat. He looks
out as he repeats the chords.
CUT TO TRENTS POV: Scan of the crowd, focussing in on
DARIA. Shes making a gesture with one hand.
CUT TO CLOSE UP of DARIA: shes letting her fingers do the
walking up an imaginary staircase.
CUT TO a shot of TRENT starting to grin; he bends his head
over the guitar and starts blending "Stairway to Heaven"
into the music.
WE SEE the crowd reacting with delight at the familiar tune.
Applause and wolf whistles nearly drown out the music.
FARLEY is nodding and smiling. He turns around a gives TRENT
a big thumbs-up.
FARLEY: Cool! Lets jam.
INT OSCARs COFFEEHOUSE NIGHT
Its obviously much later. The air is dim with smoke.
FARLEY: Thanks everybody youve been a great crowd. Hey, how about
a hand for our guest guitarist. From Mystic Spiral in Lawndale:
Applause. WE SEE the room of crowded tables, with DARIA,
JANE and JESSE among them. DARIA is wincing with one hand
over her mouth to screen out smoke, but when TRENTs name is
called, she claps loudly.
Onstage, TRENT waves.
BACK TO DARIAs table, widening the shot to include the next
table as well. Four college-age girls are sitting together,
all in grungy/punky attire and holding cigarettes.
BLUE GIRL: Wow, hes totally cute.
GREEN GIRL: Utterly. I wouldnt mind making him breakfast.
RED GIRL: You go, girl. Gonna give him your number?
GREEN GIRL: Whos got a pen?
BACK TO DARIA and JANE, whove heard every word. DARIA has
one hand over her mouth and nose again and looks miserable.
FARLEY: Were the Slushpuppies good night!
JESSE: Time to help pack up. Hang tight.
JESSE goes to the stage. WE FOLLOW him and SEE the small
crowd of girls hanging around the stage as the band packs
up. The punky girls from the next table join the crowd. The
GREEN GIRL approaches TRENT while the RED GIRL starts
talking to JESSE.
JANE: We should have called it a date when we had the chance.
BACK TO the stage. The GREEN GIRL gives TRENT her phone
number on a slip of paper. He smiles and puts it in his
CUT TO DARIA and JANE looking glum at the table. DARIA
sniffs audibly. Her eyes look suspiciously watery.
JANE looks at her, stunned.
JANE: Uhm, are you okay?
DARIA: Its the smoke.
JANE: Hey. Its all right.
DARIA starts coughing, hard.
JANE: Come on. Lets go out to the car and get some air.
EXT OSCARS COFFEEHOUSE NIGHT
DARIA and JANE stand by TRENTs CAR. DARIA has a tissue in
front of her face.
JANE: Okay now?
DARIA: (muffled) Im allergic to that much cigarette smoke.
JANE: And you put up with it for the whole show? Wow. Now thats
DARIA glares at JANE.
DARIA: If I could breathe, I would hurt you.
TRENT and JESSE stroll into the frame, carrying equipment.
TRENT: Comin through. Jane, could you get the trunk?
TRENT digs keys out of his pocket and hands them to JANE. A
couple of scraps of paper fall from his pocket to the
DARIA stoops and picks up the scraps. WE SEE theyre both
female names and phone numbers. She gives her next line with
a flat tone that makes her usual deadpan delivery seem
positively chipper by comparison.
DARIA: You dropped these.
TRENT closes the trunk and takes the numbers.
TRENT: Hey Jesse, its time for the ceremonial flame.
JESSE: Hang on, I got one too. (He digs in his pockets.)
TRENT: You dont have to sacrifice it. You werent playing.
JESSE: Yeah, but she thought I was with the band.
JANE: What are you two talking about?
JESSE: We dont keep numbers from girls who just give them to us
because were in a band. Its Trents idea.
TRENT: Were not just going to be another garage band that plays
bars to get girls. Besides, if theyre willing to give out their
phone numbers to a total stranger who happens to play guitar,
theyre probably not the brightest bulbs on the Christmas tree.
JESSE flicks a lighter; the two of them hold the scraps of
paper over the flame, then drop them. They burn on the
JANE: Better get in the car, Daria, if youre allergic to smoke.
DARIA: This smoke I dont mind.
DARIA breathes deeply and almost smiles.
TRENT: (Mostly to DARIA) Weve still got plenty of time before we
need to get back to Lawndale. Wanna go out for some coffee that you
dont have to buy by the ounce?
JESSE: (Mostly to JANE) Yeah, we can head over to Derrys and,
yknow, hang out.
JANE and DARIA look at each other, smiling slightly.
JANE: Were back in business.
INT MORGENDORFFER KITCHEN MORNING
DARIA, HELEN, JAKE, and QUINN have breakfast.
QUINN: And then he fell asleep before the dancing even started! And
after intermission, he started to snore! It was totally
HELEN: Thats terrible, Quinn.
QUINN: But, I met like three other really good-looking guys while I
was there, so I guess it wasnt a total loss.
HELEN: How about you, Daria?
HELEN: How was your
CUT TO DARIAS POV. The other three are looking at her,
waiting. Theres an expectant pause.
ANGLE ON DARIA as she shrugs.
DARIA: It was okay.
DARIA looks down at her plate. The rest of the family
exchange wide-eyed glances. QUINN looks desolate.
QUINN: (to herself) Well, Im sure theres something wrong with him.
He cant possibly be that cool if he went out with her.
HELEN: I dont suppose we need to see Dr. Walthrop after all.
JAKE looks around, seeming to realize that something
significant has occurred, though of course, he has no idea
what's going on. JAKE puts his hand over DARIAs.
JAKE: Were very proud of you, honey.
DARIA looks at her family.
DARIA: Admit it. I am adopted.