"Guard Duty"
by Invisigoth Gypsy (

Summary: When summer rolls around, Daria is convinced by Jane to take a
one-week job as life guard at the Lawndale YMCA. Things look up when Trent
decides that he and Jesse could use the extra cash...

(Opening credits ending with title screen: Daria in "Guard Duty")

(Scene opens at Lawndale High on the last day of school. Mr. O'Neill is
standing in front of Daria's class, making his farewell-for-the-summer

MR. O'NEILL: ...and it has been such a pleasure to teach *all* of you. I
hope that you've had as enjoyable a school year as I have.

(Cut to show the entire class looking deadpan.)

MR. O'NEILL: (offscreen VO) I'm sure that next year will be a--

(The bell rings and the class springs to life, running out the door. Only
Daria and Jane are left.)

MR. O'NEILL: Uh...

DARIA: Have a good summer, Mr. O'Neill.

JANE: Yeah, remember to use plenty of sunscreen.

(They leave. Mr. O'Neill looks around, then puts his head on the desk and
starts crying.)

(Cut to Daria and Jane walking home.)

JANE: So, what're our big plans for the summer? (She narrows her eyes.) One
mention of a "Sick Sad World" marathon, and you're *dead.* That gag is *so*

DARIA: Actually, I didn't *have* any plans.

JANE: Why don't we head over to the pool then?

DARIA: Are you kidding?

JANE: Geez, it was just a suggestion. At least let's go see who's there.

DARIA: Okay. (sighs) I can't believe it. The first afternoon of summer
vacation and we're so bored, we're walking the whole way to the Y just to
see the same people we see every day at school.

(Jane suddenly perks up.)

JANE: We're not walking anymore!

(She waves frantically to flag down an approaching car. Daria is rather
daunted to see that Trent is driving.)

JANE: Yo, Trent. Want to give me and Daria a lift to the Y?

TRENT: What do I look like? A taxi?

JANE: Not really. Your car isn't in good enough shape.

TRENT: (narrows his eyes) You want a ride or not? (He leans over and opens
the passenger door anyway.)

JANE: Come on, Daria. After you.

DARIA: Uh, that's okay, Jane. You get in first.

JANE: No, I insist.

(Trent clears his throat pointedly, and Jane shoves Daria into the car, then
gets in after her and shuts the door.)

TRENT: Why are you going to the Y, anyway?

JANE: We can't think of anything better to do.

TRENT: Damn, I'm at home every day, and *I* don't get *that* bored.

JANE: Sadly, not everyone is gifted with your capacity for napping, Trent.

DARIA: Boys who spend *two* thirds of their lives sleeping. Next on "Sick
Sad World."

TRENT: (laughs) Good one, Daria.

(She blushes.)

JANE: Speaking of, you're missing your nap time, Trent. Where were you going

TRENT: Home. I was just over at Jesse's.

JANE: Let me guess. Sleeping. (She sighs.)

TRENT: Here we are. (He pulls into a parking space at the YMCA.)

JANE: Come pick us up in about an hour, I guess.

TRENT: Actually, I think I'll go with you.

(Jane gets out of the car.)

JANE: Daria, call 911. My brother is actually giving up time at home for an
unnecessary purpose. I think it's serious.

(Cut to the three of them walking past the pool. Among the people there are
the Fashion Club in matching bikinis and Upchuck in Hawaiian-print swimming

DARIA: Jane, are you now satisfied that the pool sucks?

JANE: Yup. Hey, lookit that.

(She points at a bulletin board hanging on the wall. Tacked to it is an ad
for temporary lifeguards. Jodie is looking at the ad. Jane walks over to
the bulletin board, followed by Trent and Daria.)

JANE: (to Jodie) What's this about?

JODIE: The regular life guards have next week off, so they're looking for
six students willing to fill in. They only have four places left, and I was
thinking about signing up.

JANE: Hey Daria, want some extra cash?

DARIA: Jane, you're out of your mind.

JANE: Come on, what else are you gonna do next week?

DARIA: Umm...

JANE: Exactly.

(She picks up a pen and scrawls her and Daria's names on the list.)

DARIA: (snidely) Thanks Jane.

TRENT: You know, I could use some money myself. (He shrugs.) Why not?

(Trent adds his name to the list. Jane nudges Daria. Daria whacks Jane in
the arm.)

TRENT: Too bad there's not another space. Jesse could sign up.

JODIE: That's okay. You guys can have the space.

DARIA: You sure? I mean, you were here first...

JODIE: (smiles) Yeah, it's fine. I could use a break from being busy anyway.
Have a nice summer! (She walks off.)

(Trent writes Jesse's name on the list.)

JANE: Uh, Trent, are you sure that Jesse *wants* to be a lifeguard?

TRENT: Hey, it's easy money. He's not gonna care.

DARIA: (wryly) Boy, you sure get higher values once you're out of high

TRENT: (grins) You know it.

(Cut to the Morgendorffers at dinner that night.)

HELEN: So, what plans do you girls have for the summer?

QUINN: The Fashion Club decided to do a community service project!

HELEN: That sounds nice. What are you girls doing?

QUINN: (looking proud of herself) We're going to set up a booth and provide
fashion advice to the general public! For a nominal fee, of course.

DARIA: In this case, nominal would mean you paying *them*.

HELEN: (warningly) Daria... (more pleasantly) What are you doing for the

DARIA: Jane and I are working at the Y as lifeguards.

QUINN: (looks horrified) Oh no! That's where we're having our fashion booth!

DARIA: (deadpan) Don't worry. I'll force myself to stay away from you.
Besides, it's only for a week.

HELEN: (surprised) Well, that's wonderful, Daria. It's good for you to get
out and spend some time with your friends. And besides, the experience at
having a job will help you later. (She looks thoughtful.) There's only one
thing though...

DARIA: (thought VO) This isn't promising. (out loud) What?

HELEN: You can't be a life guard and wear glasses. You're getting contacts.

(Close-up on Daria, looking stricken.)

(Cut to the next Monday. Daria is in her room, talking on the phone to
Jane. Split screen.)

JANE: I talked to one of the guys who works at the Y, and he said we start at
three and work until five. We'll be paired up today, and each pair has to
watch a different part of the pool.

DARIA: (glares) I still can't believe you're making me do this, Jane.

JANE: Aw, c'mon. What's an easier way to get money than just hanging out at
the pool? (She looks sneaky.) And besides, think of the opportunities
you'll have for bonding with Trent.

DARIA: (sardonically) More like opportunities for me to embarrass myself.

(Cut to inside Jane's house as the doorbell rings later that afternoon. Jane
comes to the door wearing a red t-shirt and black shorts. She opens the door
to reveal Daria in sunglasses, an orange t-shirt, and black shorts.)

JANE: Who are you and what have you done with Daria?

DARIA: Let me in and shut the damn door before somebody sees me.

(Jane complies.)

JANE: What's with the sunglasses? You get that kind with prescription
lenses or something?

DARIA: Worse.

(She takes off the sunglasses and looks at Jane.)

DARIA: My parents made me get contacts.

JANE: Catch me while I faint.

(Daria puts the sunglasses back on.)

DARIA: My mom said it wasn't "practical" for a lifeguard to wear glasses.
At least I only have to wear these things at the pool. (sighs) You ready to

JANE: Sure. Oh, Trent said we could ride with him and Jesse.

DARIA: And I thought I had already had my dose of humiliation for the day.

(Trent and Jesse come into the room. Trent is wearing black shorts and his
usual t-shirt. Jesse is wearing dark green shorts and a black t-shirt, and
his hair is pulled back.)

TRENT: Ready, Janey? Oh, hey Daria. Nice shades.

(Shot of Daria, looking deadpan.)

(Commercial break scene, showing Mr. O'Neill mourning the end of school.)

(Cut to the girls' locker room at the pool. Jane is now wearing a red two-
piece suit with tank-style top and boy-cut bottom. She tosses her clothes in
a locker. Daria is still wearing her t-shirt and shorts cover-up.)

JANE: Wooooooooooo take it *off*! No, wait, not yet. Lemme get Trent.

DARIA: Have you ever considered what it would be like to be murdered with a
"Fun Noodle"?

(She pulls off her cover-up; her suit is a black one-piece.)

JANE: Hey, you might as well ditch the shades now. They won't let you wear
them. Something about interfering with your vision.

DARIA: Thank you, YMCA management.

(They walk out of the locker room and over to a man wearing a YMCA t-shirt.
A couple of nondescript teenagers, a boy and a girl, are standing with him.)

MAN: (to Daria and Jane) Are you two signed up for life guard duty?

DARIA: (thought VO) No, we just *like* humiliating ourselves in public.

(Trent and Jesse come over, both having removed their shirts. Jane leans
over to Daria.)

JANE: (whispering) I've got an extra towel if you need something to wipe up
the drool.

(Daria glares at Jane.)

MAN: Okay, that should be everybody. You all should know what to do already.
(He looks down at a clipboard.) Okay, Tanya and Kyle? You two have the
kiddie pool. Jane and Jesse... you two have the shallow end, and Trent and
Dara have the deep end.

DARIA: It's *Daria*.

MAN: Whatever. You're on duty from three to five every day this week. Any

(Tanya raises her hand.)

MAN: (quickly) Er, okay, good luck!

(He walks off. Tanya and Kyle shrug and head off for the kiddie pool.)

JANE: (softly to Daria) Interesting grouping here.

DARIA: Somehow I have a feeling that a certain artistic loner is behind all

JANE: (holds up hands) I'm innocent! (grins) Face it, *Dara*, it's fate.
(out loud to Jesse) C'mon Jess. I think I see a shark.

(They walk off. Trent heads over to those funky looking life guard chairs
and climbs up into one. Daria starts climbing into the other, but her foot
slips and she nearly falls. Trent grabs her hand and pulls her up.)

DARIA: (embarrassed) Thanks. (thought VO) Maybe I should keep track of my
embarrassing moments today. I'll probably set a record. (pauses) Nah, on
second thought, it's probably beyond human ability to count that high.

TRENT: They could have at least given us an umbrella. The sun's pretty

DARIA: Maybe we could pay some kid to fake a drowning just so we'd have an
excuse to get in the water.

TRENT: Got any money?

DARIA: Nope.

TRENT: Damn.

(Brittany and Kevin walk by. Brittany is wearing a blue bikini and Kevin is
wearing bright yellow trunks and no football pads [!])

BRITTANY: Hi, Daria!

DARIA: (flatly) Hi Brittany.

BRITTANY: I didn't know you were a *life guard*! *I* could never do some-
thing brave like that.

DARIA: (thought VO) Your idea of "brave" is stepping outside your room with-
out makeup on.

(She glances at Trent and sees that he is watching Brittany. Daria glares.)

BRITTANY: Well, me and Kevvie were just going to go catch some rays! (She
giggles.) Have fun!

DARIA: (deadpan) You too. Be sure to use a sunscreen with at least 30 spf
and don't get dehydrated.

(Brittany and Kevin walk off.)

TRENT: Who was that?

DARIA: (sounding resigned) Brittany Taylor. She's in my class.

TRENT: Oh. (pauses) Don't take this the wrong way, but she seems like a

DARIA: (interrupting) Babe? (thought VO) I have to quit thinking out loud,

TRENT: (looks a little puzzled) No. I was going to say airhead.

DARIA: Oh. (looks relieved)

(There is a long pause.)

TRENT: (sounding concerned) Did you really think I'm into girls like that?

DARIA: Um, actually, I really hadn't thought about it. (She glances at him
sideways.) Why?

TRENT: I just didn't want you to think I was that... shallow.

DARIA: Oh. (She pauses. thought VO) Might as well make this day the worst
that it can be. (out loud, not looking at him) What kind of girls *are* you

TRENT: I hadn't really thought about it either. (He laughs, then starts
coughing to cover it up.)

DARIA: Really? (She looks at him. deadpan) I thought girls were all that
guys were supposed to think about up until around age 30.

TRENT: Girls just got crowded out of my head, I guess. I have other prior-

DARIA: Like what? Sleeping?

TRENT: Perceptive, aren't you? (laughs again, then seriously) Music mostly.
Mystik Spiral is about all I've got right now, and everything else pretty
much comes in after. (He pauses.) Although it won't always be that way.
Mystik Spiral won't last forever, but true love does. (grins and looks a
little embarrassed) Damn, I sound like one of those diamond commercials.

DARIA: I know what you mean though. Once you find the right person, one that
you know you'll want to be with forever, nothing will ever be more important

TRENT: Yeah! Exactly. (He looks at Daria.) You sound like you know about
this kind of thing. Daria, have you ever met someone like that? Someone you
think you might want a future with?

DARIA: (looks flustered) I... uh...

(She is saved by Jane wandering over.)

JANE: Slow day at the ol' three-foot mark. How are things shakin' at eight

DARIA: Nobody's drowned yet.

JANE: Sorry. Maybe you'll have better luck tomorrow. (She glances around.)
Looks like the authorities have deserted us for better things. Mainly air-
conditioning. (She grins slyly.)

DARIA: Your point being?

JANE: Last one in is a... a... light switch plate! Woo hoo!

(She runs and does a cannon-ball into the pool. Trent shrugs at Daria and
climbs off of his chair.)

TRENT: You coming?

DARIA: Uh... yeah.

(She climbs down and stands by the side of the pool as Trent jumps in. Jesse
does a perfect dive off the diving board, and everyone claps.)

DARIA: (thought VO) Who knew?

(She finally jumps in and comes up to the surface with one hand over her

DARIA: Ow! My contact!

JANE: (looking blank) You need medication?

DARIA: No, my contact came out!

(She looks around at the surface of the water.)

DARIA: Dammit, I'll never find it.

TRENT: Hey-- here it is.

(He holds up one hand with the contact stuck to the end of his finger. Daria
climbs out of the pool, then leans over to get the contact from him.)

DARIA: Uh, thanks.

TRENT: Sure.

(She goes off to the locker room to put it back in. Trent watches her leave,
as Jesse swims over to him.)

JESSE: Trent. (No response.) Trent! (Still no response. Jesse glares and
splashes Trent.)

TRENT: Hey! (He brushes water off of his face.) What the hell was that for?

JESSE: You looked like you could use a cold shower, that's all.

(Trent glares.)

TRENT: What's that supposed to mean?

JESSE: Aw, c'mon, don't get uptight about it. It's natural.

TRENT: *What's* natural?

JESSE: I can't really blame you, man. I mean, she actually has a *figure* if
she just wouldn't cover it up all the time.

TRENT: Hunh? (He glares.) Wait a minute.

JESSE: Why don't you go for it? Nothing too serious or anything, just ask
her if she wants to go ride around sometime. Or watch us practice. Good way
to lead up to something. I bet she'd love it.

TRENT: Jesse, I was not--

JESSE: She's a smart girl, I'm sure she'll realize you're into her before
long. And then you--

TRENT: Jesse.

JESSE: What?

TRENT: (fiercely) I wasn't watching Daria!

JESSE: Oh, you weren't? Never mind then.

(He swims off. Trent glares after him, then sees Daria coming back from the

TRENT: You get it okay?

(Daria carefully steps into the pool.)

DARIA: Yeah. I've just gotta be more careful. (She blinks a few times.)
I'm still not used to these things.

(There is a long silence.)

DARIA: (making conversation) Umm... I like Jane's suit. Red's a nice color.

TRENT: Yeah. I like red. (another pause) Green's nice too.

DARIA: Yeah. Jesse looks nice in green.

TRENT: (narrows eyes) Yeah, I guess. (pause) So you think Jesse looks good?

DARIA: (quickly) No, I didn't say that. Just that green is a good color for

TRENT: I mean, if you think he looks good, you don't have to worry about me
telling him or Janey or anything.

DARIA: I don't think he looks good. I mean, he's not *ugly* or anything,
but I don't like him. Well, I like him as a *friend*, but I'm not--

TRENT: But he's not who you dream about at night, hunh?

DARIA: (laughs) Exactly. (Long pause. thought VO) Oh hell...

TRENT: (casually) So... who *do* you dream about?

DARIA: (thought VO) Damn. I knew it. (out loud) Nobody really.

(She climbs out of the pool and sits dangling her feet in the water. Trent
sits beside her.)

TRENT: Oh come on, everyone's into *somebody*. You can trust me, I won't
tell him.

DARIA: (thought VO) Wanna bet? (out loud) How about we do this the *other*
way? Who do *you* dream of?

TRENT: My guitar.

DARIA: (wryly) I should have known.

TRENT: What about black?

DARIA: Hunh?

TRENT: Black. The color.

DARIA: Oh. Umm, yeah. It's cool.

TRENT: It's a nice color for you.

DARIA: (looks down self-consciously) Er, thanks. You too.

TRENT: Really?

DARIA: Uh, yeah. You look good. In black, I mean. Well not *just* in
black, but... (thought VO) Hell. Double hell. Hell to the nth power.

(Suddenly she notices Jane and Jesse watching her and Trent and grinning.
Daria glares, then looks at Trent worriedly. He's actually blushing.)

TRENT: (sincerely) Thanks. I don't hear that much. (He pauses. thought-
fully) You know, if someone like that Brittany girl told me that, I probably
wouldn't care, but when you say it-- well, I know you wouldn't say something
like that unless you meant it, so it means a lot more to me. Um, I mean,
like I know you're not just saying that. (He pauses, flustered.)

(Jane saves them from having to make further conversation by swimming over.)

JANE: Hey, Daria, check it out.

(She points to a few feet away from the pool, where the Fashion Club has set
up a table. A hand-made sign reading "Fashion Advice, 50 cents" is taped to
the front. Sandi, Stacy, Tiffany, and Quinn are sitting behind the table
looking bored.)

JANE: Got any money? (She grins.) This I gotta hear.

DARIA: No. I didn't bring any.

JANE: Dang. Oh well, I'll bring some tomorrow. Wonder if they're getting
any customers.

(Cut to the Fashion Club table.)

SANDI: Ugh, it's so hot out here, and we haven't gotten a single customer.
Whose idea *was* this, anyway?

TIFFANY: I think it was yours, Sandi.

SANDI: *I* was under the impression that it was *Quinn's* idea. (She glares
at Quinn.)

QUINN: Oh no, Sandi, I think it was *your* idea. Wasn't it, Stacy?

STACY: Actually, I thought it was Tiffany's idea.

TIFFANY: It was not, I--

(They are interrupted by someone clearing her throat. They turn to see
Andrea, wearing a bathing suit similar to Wednesday's in "Addams Family

QUINN: Hi! Are you here for some fashion advice?

ANDREA: No. (to Sandi) I just thought you should know that your nose is

(Andrea turns and walks away.)

SANDI: Oh my God! My nose!

(She covers her nose with her hand and runs toward the locker room. The
three remaining Fashion Clubbers look at each other and shrug.)

(Commercial break scene, showing Andrea in her swim suit.)

(Cut to the outside of Trent's car later than afternoon as the four gather
after their shifts are over. The boys have their shirts on, and Daria has
put her clothes back on, but Jesse and Jane are still wet and dripping.)

TRENT: Dammit, you two are going to get my car all wet!

JANE: (wryly) I really think it could handle the damage, Trent.

TRENT: At least get in the backseat, okay?

JESSE: Sure, man.

(Jane nudges Daria, then gets in the back. Daria reluctantly gets in the
passenger seat.)

TRENT: (looking at Jesse in the rearview mirror) Hey, Jess, you still staying
over tonight?

JESSE: Yeah, I guess. What're we gonna do?

TRENT: I dunno.

JESSE: (pointedly) You know, we were talking about *riding around* earlier.

TRENT: Yeah, we could do that.

(Jesse kicks the back of Trent's seat. Trent ignores him, and Jesse kicks
harder. Trent turns around to hit Jesse, and the car lurches toward the
curb. Daria leans over and grabs the wheel to straighten the car. Trent,
embarrassed, takes the wheel back.)

DARIA: Maybe you two had better take a designated driver tonight.

JESSE: You volunteering, Daria?

(Trent glares at Jesse in the mirror.)

JANE: Hey, if Daria gets to go, so do I!

JESSE: I call backseat!

DARIA: Uh, aren't you supposed to call shotgun?

TRENT: Not if you're Jane and Jesse, when "riding around" is synonymous with
"making out." Looks like you're stuck up here with me.

DARIA: Oh well. I can keep a better eye on the wheel that way.

(Trent pulls up in front of Daria's house. She starts to get out.)

TRENT: We'll stop by around eight, okay?

DARIA: Sure.

(She walks up to her door as Trent drives off.)

(Cut to Quinn's room that night, where Quinn, looking considerably tanner,
is lying on her bed reading a fashion magazine. Daria knocks on the door.)

QUINN: Come in?

DARIA: (opens the door) Say Quinn, do you have any t-shirts that actually
cover one's stomach?

QUINN: (not looking up) Nope.

DARIA: Damn. (She starts to leave, then Quinn sits up straight and stares.)

QUINN: Wait a minute! Daria, were you actually asking to borrow my clothes?

DARIA: Err... yeah.

QUINN: Hold on, I have just the thing.

(She gets up and rummages around in the closet, finally pulling out a black
tank top with spaghetti straps that's actually the length of a normal shirt.)

DARIA: Dammit, Quinn, I can't wear this!

QUINN: (disdainfully) Well *I* never do. It's not cute enough. You can
*have* it.

(She goes back to her magazine. Daria shrugs and takes the shirt to her
room. Cut to a few minutes later. Daria is wearing the shirt with white
shorts and looking in the mirror. She carefully takes out her contacts,
blinks a few times, then puts her glasses back on.)

DARIA: *That's* a relief...

(Cut to downstairs. The doorbell rings, and Helen opens it to see Trent,
looking a little nervous.)

HELEN: Just a minute, I'll see if Quinn's ready.

TRENT: Um, actually, I'm here for Daria.

HELEN: D-daria?

TRENT: Uh, yeah. Your *other* daughter?

HELEN: Umm, go on up.

(She walks blankly over to the sofa and sits down. Trent looks a little
puzzled and goes upstairs.)

HELEN: Jake? Was that boy actually here for *Daria*?

JAKE: (looks up from his paper) What boy?

(Cut to Daria's room. She's still wearing the black shirt, but is looking at
her orange t-shirt lying on the bed. There is a knock at the door.)

DARIA: (irritated) What?

TRENT: (offscreen VO) Uh, can I come in?

DARIA: (surprised) Er, yeah, sure.

(Trent nervously enters the room, then looks at Daria and smiles a little.)

TRENT: You ready?

DARIA: Uh, yeah. I was just... wondering if I should change shirts.

TRENT: (looks at the shirt) That one looks fine. (He grins almost shyly.)
Black's a nice color.

(They walk downstairs and leave. Helen watches them go, still looking

HELEN: He *was* here for Daria.

JAKE: (looks up again) Someone's taken Daria?!?

(Cut to inside Trent's car. He and Daria are in the front seat, with Jesse
and Jane in the back, as planned.)

TRENT: Where to?

JANE: No preference back here.

TRENT: Daria?

DARIA: I don't care.

TRENT: Cool.

(They ride in silence for a little while, until the silence is broken by the
sound of Jesse and Jane kissing in the backseat. With a wry glance at Daria,
Trent turns on the radio. As they approach a frozen yogurt place, Trent
slows down.)

TRENT: Anybody hungry?

JESSE: I'm *always* hungry.

JANE: (a little out of breath) Sure, let's stop.

DARIA: Yeah, wouldn't want you two to get dehydrated or anything.

(Trent laughs.)

JANE: That was *low*, Daria. (She snickers.)

(Trent pulls into a parking place and they all get out. As they go in, Jane
notices Upchuck hitting on a group of girls at one of the tables.)

JANE: (to Daria) Uh oh, violation of all that's truthful and pure at eight

(After getting their food, the four sit down at a booth. Jane immediately
sits with Jesse on one side, leaving Daria with Trent on the other. Sure
enough, after a few minutes, Upchuck sees them and comes over.)

UPCHUCK: Hello, ladies! How are you two this fine evening?

(Jane looks at him, then pointedly turns to Jesse and starts kissing him.
Upchuck, undaunted, turns to Daria.)

UPCHUCK: Hmmm, looks like you won't have to share tonight, Daria!

(Daria opens her mouth to say something acidicly sarcastic, but is inter-
rupted by Trent.)

TRENT: Hey, man, don't you have any manners? Quit hitting on my date!

(Cut to close-up of Daria, looking stunned. Cut to show all of them again.)

UPCHUCK: (looks stunned as well) Your d-date? (He stares at Daria.) You're
actually going out with somebody?

DARIA: Uhhh... yeah! (She reaches over and takes Trent's hand.) I'm taken.
(She smirks.) Better luck next time.

UPCHUCK: (completely shocked) I... uh... you... (He turns and walks off.
muttering to himself) I must be losing my touch!

(Cut back to Daria and Trent.)

TRENT: Um, sorry about that, but I could tell he was bothering you.

DARIA: (still a little surprised) Thanks, really. I... uh... (She realizes
that she's still holding Trent's hand and lets go quickly. to Jane, who is
still kissing Jesse) Hey, he's gone. You two can quit now.

(There is no response from either Jane or Jesse.)

TRENT: Too late. They'll probably be like this for hours. (He laughs.
casually) You want to go somewhere else?

DARIA: Um, sure. (She gets up.) Will they be all right?

(Trent gets up and looks wryly at the two.)

TRENT: I think they'll be just fine.

(Cut to Trent and Daria in the front seat of the car, driving. Daria is
smiling slightly.)

TRENT: So, anywhere you want to go?

DARIA: Any place far away from Lawndale would be *nice*, but somehow I don't
think your car could make it.

TRENT: (laughing) Hey, don't mess with the car.

DARIA: Defensive, are we?

TRENT: Well, okay, you can diss the car. Just don't touch the Tank.

DARIA: Don't worry, I wouldn't want to.

(They both laugh, then suddenly fall silent.)

DARIA: (thought VO) Okay, here I am, alone with the only guy I can actually
stand and probably will ever like, and all I can talk about is how his car
sucks. What's wrong with this picture? (She sighs.)

(Trent looks over at her.)

TRENT: Something wrong?

DARIA: Nah. Just thinking.

(Trent pulls into a city park type place and parks.)

TRENT: Maybe I can't get you out of Lawndale, but at least there's no sign
of that kid with the orange hair here.

DARIA: (wryly) Thanks.

(They both get out and sit on the hood of the car.)

TRENT: (glancing at Daria) If it's not too personal or anything... why did
that guy seem so surprised when I said you were my date? You don't date

DARIA: (looks down, embarrassed) Um, actually I don't really date at all.

TRENT: (looks surprised) Why not?

DARIA: Well, basically 'cos no one that I'd be interested in seeing seems
interested in me. You've seen the kind of attention I seem to generate.

TRENT: They always say that girls mature faster than guys. Maybe you're just
too much for the ones your age. (He smirks, then looks serious.) Maybe you
should try dating some of the older guys you know.

DARIA: (sardonically) Let's review my options then. There's you, and Jesse,
and... hmm, the rest of their names escape me at the moment.

TRENT: Not much to choose from, then, hunh? (He laughs a little, but looks

DARIA: (changing the subject) Look at all the stars. They're a lot brighter
away from all the lights.

TRENT: Yeah. (He leans back on the hood with his hands behind his head.)
When I was kid, I used to wonder about 'em. Stars I mean.

(Daria leans back next to him.)

DARIA: What about them?

TRENT: Well... like why they were there, mostly. I mean, it's not like they
do much for us or anything.

DARIA: And even as we speak, some little green men are looking at *our* sun
and complaining because it doesn't do anything.

TRENT: Hmm, so you believe in aliens then?

DARIA: I dunno. I don't really think about it much. But you know, even if
there aren't any, maybe the stars are there just so we'll have something to
wonder about. (She sits up.) Maybe it's good to have a little mystery in our

(Trent sits up next to her.)

TRENT: (thoughtfully) Maybe you're right. But wouldn't you like to *know*?
Instead of just sitting here and wondering about it, wouldn't you just like
to find out, once and for all? (He looks at her. quietly) Do you think you
could stand it if you never found out?

DARIA: (looks back at him, softly) I don't know. Maybe it's better this way.
Because what if we didn't like the truth when we discovered it?

(Trent looks at her intently for a long minute.)

TRENT: Daria... (His voice trails off.)

DARIA: (softly) What?

(Trent gets off of the hood.)

TRENT: I think we'd better go get Jess and Janey. They're probably wondering
what happened to us.

(He goes around to the driver's door. Daria sighs, slides off the hood, and
gets in the passenger seat.)

(Cut to them walking back into the yogurt place. Jesse and Jane are *still*
kissing. Daria taps Jane on the shoulder. Jane turns around, annoyed.)

JANE: Geez, don't you two have anything better to do than sit around and
watch us?

DARIA: (exchanges looks with Trent) It's kinda late. I need to be getting

JANE: (sighs) Okay, okay, we're coming.

(Jesse and Jane leave the building hand-in-hand. Daria and Trent follow.)

DARIA: (deadpan) I think the sun has done something to Jane's hormones.

(They pause in front of the building and watch Jane and Jesse walking to the

TRENT: Now that it's summer, she's around all the time. Which means that me
and Jesse don't hang out much any more. (He sighs.)

DARIA: Want me to kidnap Jane?

TRENT: Nah. It's just... well I'm kinda... lonely. My sister stole my best
friend and turned him into a *boyfriend*.

DARIA: I was wondering why Jane hasn't had time for "Sick Sad World" reruns

TRENT: Looks like I'm not the only one getting dumped. (He looks down.) You
know, Daria, after we get done with this job thing, if you want to hang out
or whatever, I'm usually home.

DARIA: (looks surprised, but pleased) Sure. I'd like that.

JANE: (yelling across the parking lot) Are you two coming? You're the ones
that wanted to leave.

TRENT: (yelling back) Yeah, we're coming.

(He walks toward the car. Daria smiles and follows.)

(Commercial break scene: Daria trying to decide on a shirt.)

(Cut to early afternoon at the Morgendorffers' house the next day. Daria is
sitting on the sofa reading _Animal Farm_ when the phone rings. She picks it

DARIA: Hello?

(Split screen with Jane, who looks a little upset.)

JANE: Hey. Listen, Jesse just called and said he has a cold... guess he
should have dried off more yesterday.

DARIA: Uh... I'm sorry?

JANE: The thing is, if he doesn't work today, we either have to find a
replacement, or he doesn't get paid for the week. You know anybody who'll
fill in for him?

DARIA: Why don't *you* find somebody?

JANE: Trent asked the other guys in the band, but they're busy. And you know
how big my social circle is. I was thinking maybe Quinn was up for the extra

DARIA: Are you out of your mind?

JANE: Hey, we're desperate here.

DARIA: (sighs) Okay, I'll find somebody. Can you pick us up here?

JANE: Sure thing. Later.

(She hangs up. Daria looks at the phone, then dials a number. It rings a
few times.)

JODIE: (offscreen VO) Hello?

(Cut to Daria and Jodie sitting on the Morgendorffer steps that afternoon.
Daria is wearing the same thing she wore the day before, and Jodie is wearing
a pink sleeveless shirt and white shorts.)

DARIA: Hope you don't mind coming at such short notice.

JODIE: No, it's okay. I hope your friend feels better.

DARIA: Yeah. It's probably not serious. Otherwise Jane would have called
911 instead of me.

JODIE: (laughs) She must really like the guy.

DARIA: Yeah. Think Kevin and Brittany only with a higher IQ. At least on
Jane's part.

JODIE: What about you? How did things ever work out with that guy you were
trying to impress a while back?

(Daria looks down.)

DARIA: Oh, uh, him. Well... nothing really happened. We're still pretty
good friends, but... you know...

JODIE: Was it that guy you and Jane were with the other day?

DARIA: (deadpan) Is it that obvious?

JODIE: (smiles) Not really. I just happened to notice that when he signed up
for lifeguard, you looked like someone had just handed you a present. (She
pauses.) Or a plane ticket to somewhere far away from Lawndale.

DARIA: (sighs) Yeah. It's him. Just... don't say anything, okay?

JODIE: Don't worry. I won't. (She looks up as Trent's car pulls up.) Hey,
let's go.

(Jodie and Daria get in the back seat. Jane, in the front, turns around.)

JANE: Oh, hey Jodie.

JODIE: Hey, Jane.

DARIA: Jodie, this is Jane's brother Trent.

TRENT: (glances at Jodie in the rear view mirror) Hey. You in Daria and
Janey's class or something?

JODIE: Yeah. (She smirks.) It's a very interesting experience.

TRENT: I can imagine. I'd hate to see DiMartino after Daria got to him.

(He looks at Daria in the mirror and winks at her. She blushes and looks

(Cut to later, at the Y pool. Trent and Daria have the shallow end this
time; Jodie and Jane have the kiddie pool. Cut to them sitting on the side,
with their feet in the shallow water. Jodie is wearing a white one piece
suit, with slightly thinner straps than Daria's.)

JODIE: Your brother seems pretty cool.

JANE: Yeah, he's all right. (She shrugs.) At least we get along.

JODIE: You're lucky. (She looks over at Trent and Daria, who are sitting on
the steps in the water, talking. carefully) He and Daria seem to get along
well, too.

(Jane groans and drops her head into her arms.)

JODIE: (wryly) I see you know, then.

JANE: (sits up) God, yes. (She looks at Jodie carefully.) No offense or any-
thing, but I'm kind of surprised she told you.

JODIE: It just sort of... came out this morning while we were waiting on you
guys. (She smiles.) I think it's sweet. I never imagined Daria liking any-

JANE: Yeah, it's sweet at first, but after you have to put up with Daria
constantly denying that there's anything there when she's obviously head over
heels for him...

JODIE: Does he like her too?

JANE: Hell if I know. Jesse-- that's Trent's best friend-- has asked him
before, but Trent clams up and won't talk about her. From what Jess said, it
sounds like Trent acts the same way Daria does. (She sighs.) If one of them
would just make the first move and break the ice...

JODIE: Maybe what they need is someone to break it for them.

JANE: Believe me, I've tried. It's no use. I've resigned myself to spending
the rest of my days telling Daria that she's good enough for Trent. Until he
gives up and gets married or something, and I have to put up with her beating
herself up for not making a move sooner. (She sighs again.) I don't know why
they have such a problem. I mean, when me and Jesse got interested in each
other, we flirted a little, then he asked me out. No big deal! If Daria and
my brother weren't such introverts, I guess it'd be different.

JODIE: Don't worry about it. If they really like each other, they won't be
able to keep it secret forever. One of them's bound to say something sooner
or later.

JANE: I hope it's sooner. My sanity won't last much longer.

(Cut to the pool on a later day. The groups have the same sections of the
pool as on Monday, and Jodie is still filling in for Jesse. Jane wanders
over to Daria, who is off by herself, watching Trent practice various ways of
throwing himself from the diving board.)

JANE: If you can tear your eyes away from my brother long enough, let's go
see what life-saving advice the Fashion Club has to offer.

DARIA: (glares) Okay, okay, I'm coming.

(They get up and walk over to the FC's table. Quinn looks at them in sur-

QUINN: Daria? (She glances swiftly at her cohorts.)

DARIA: Don't worry, I'm not here to pretend that we're *sisters* or anything.
My friend here wants some fashion advice.

JANE: Thaaaaaaat's right. I've decided that it's time to make myself cute!

(The Fashion Club looks at Jane dubiously.)

SANDI: That'll be one dollar. In advance.

JANE: A dollar? But it was fifty cents yesterday.

STACY: Well, when we realized that we weren't making any money-- Owww!

SANDI: What Stacy is *trying* to say is that our services are just too
valuable to be available at only fifty cents.

JANE: (sighs) All right, all right. Here's a buck. (She throws a dollar on
the table.) Now what's your advice?

QUINN: (glares at Daria) First, *she* has to leave.


QUINN: Because... uh... (She glances sideways.) Because if she wants to hear
advice, she has to pay too!

DARIA: But the advice won't even apply to me. It's for Jane.

SANDI: Do you want your advice or not, Ms. Lane?

DARIA: All right, all right. (to Jane) I'll be nursing my broken heart over
in the lifeguard chairs.

(She walks off. Jane looks at Sandi.)

SANDI: Hmm. First of all, those earrings *have* to go.

(Cut to the lifeguard chairs a few minutes later. Daria is sitting in one,
still watching Trent, but she looks away as Jane clambers up into the other.)

DARIA: Well, what advice did my dear sister and her cronies have for you?

JANE: I quit listening after they told me that I needed to have my lips
replaced. (She shrugs.) It was worth the money just to see Tiffany trying to
think. (She pauses.) Hmmm, what's this I see? The Almighty Trent is casting
a favorable eye upon his loyal subject.

DARIA: (glares) Dammit, Jane! (She pauses.) Is he really?

JANE: (yelling) Yo, Trent! (She waves furiously.)

(Daria groans and looks at Trent. He looks a little embarrassed, but grins
at her, then moves to the very back of the diving board.)

JANE: Hmm, looks like he's about to try to impress you.

DARIA: Sure, Jane, whatever.

(Trent gets a running start and leaps from the end of the diving board. He
apparently intends to do a flip, but he glances at Daria to see if she's
still watching at the exact moment he becomes airborne. He forgets all about
his flip and lands in the water with a huge splash-- which promptly soaks
Daria and Jane. Trent climbs out of the water, looking humiliated, and makes
his way over to them.)

TRENT: Uh... sorry about that.

JANE: Remind me to clear the pool next time you try to attempt a dive.

TRENT: Janey... (He blushes.)

DARIA: (trying to make him feel better) You were doing good before, Trent.

TRENT: (looks pleased) Really? I didn't know you were watching.

JANE: Obviously. Your concentration was still intact enough for you to
complete a maneuver.

(Trent and Daria both glare at Jane.)

JANE: Sorry! Geez. (She climbs down from the chair.) Hmph, I'm going to
find someone who appreciates my company!

DARIA: If you pay the Fashion Club enough, they *might* let you sit with

JANE: Real funny, Daria. (She grins and walks off.)

(Trent climbs up into the recently vacated chair.)

TRENT: You, uh, want a towel or something?

DARIA: No, that's okay. I'll dry.

(She leans back in her chair and closes her eyes. Trent looks at her...
particularly at the way her wet swim suit is sticking to her. Trent swallows

TRENT: Daria... I--

UPCHUCK: (offscreen VO) Well, well, helllllllo Daria.

(Daria opens her eyes very slowly, then has an inspiration.)

DARIA: Upchuck, do me a favor.

UPCHUCK: I'll do more than that. Rrrrrrrrowwwwwwwwwwwllllllll!

DARIA: (seductively) You know what I'd really like to see?

UPCHUCK: (intrigued) What?

DARIA: I'd *love* to see you dive off the board... There's just something
*sexy* about a man cutting into the smooth water like a--

UPCHUCK: Coming rrrrrrrrright up!

(He runs off to the diving board. Daria smirks then turns to Trent, who's
staring at her.)

DARIA: Is he a sucker or what?

TRENT: Er, yeah. (He pauses.) Daria, did you really mean that?

DARIA: About him? Hell no!

TRENT: Well, I mean... in general.

(Daria stares at him.)

DARIA: I... uh...

UPCHUCK: (offscreen VO, yelling) Daria! Watch me!

(Daria sighs and turns to watch obligingly. Upchuck stands posed at the end
of the diving board, then jumps and does a perfect dive into the water. He
doesn't dive far enough out, however, and when he comes up to gloat, he hits
his head on the diving board, then sinks under water. Cut back to Daria and
Trent, looking shocked, as people start yelling.)

DARIA: Oh my God!

(She leaps down from the chair and dives into the water after Upchuck. Cut
to underwater shot as she looks around, spots him, then starts pulling him to
the surface. Cut to above water again as Daria drags him onto the cement
beside the pool. A crowd has gathered, including the other lifeguards, the
Fashion Club, and Brittany.)

DARIA: (snarling) Back up, dammit!

BRITTANY: Oh my God, he's not breathing! (Brittany starts freaking out as
only she can.)

(Daria immediately begins CPR... which of course leads to her having to lean
down and perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Luckily, he starts breathing
again and slowly comes to.)

UPCHUCK: Wha... what happened?

BRITTANY: (overjoyed) Daria just saved your life!

(Commercial break scene: Trent ruining his dive.)

(Cut to a few minutes later. Daria is surrounded by a crowd.)

JODIE: Daria, you're a hero! You saved him!

SANDI: Yeah, good work, Quinn's... cousin or whatever.

UPCHUCK: (smirking) Thanks, Daria.

(Daria pushes past them and stalks away.)

(Cut to later that afternoon. Jane and Daria are sitting in Jane's room.)

JANE: Daria... when you knew that Upchuck would drown if you didn't save
him... what did it feel like?

DARIA: Jane, I really don't want to talk about it.

JANE: (surprised) Why not? You're a heroine! You should be proud!

(Daria stands up abruptly.)

DARIA: I've got to get home. See you.

(Ignoring Jane's puzzled look, Daria leaves her room and starts to go down-
stairs, then stops, thinking. Cut to shot of her standing in front of the
closed door to Trent's room. She hesitates a minute, then knocks. There is
no response, and she cautiously opens the door. The song "One" by Filter is
playing loudly, and Trent is singing with it and really enjoying himself,
despite the fact that he looks ridiculous.)

TRENT: (singing) And it's juuuuuuuust nooooooooo good any more since ya went
awaaaaaaaaaaay... Yeah I spend my time just makin' up rhymes of yester-

(He suddenly sees Daria watching him, looking amused. Trent immediately
stops and looks very embarrassed.)

TRENT: Uh, hey Daria.

DARIA: (looks depressed again) Trent, can I... um, talk to you for a minute?

TRENT: (looks surprised) Sure.

(He turns off the music and sits down on the bed. Daria sits next to him.)

TRENT: What's wrong?

DARIA: It's this whole thing about Upchuck.

(She looks suspiciously at Trent, but as he doesn't tell her how brave she
is, she looks relieved and continues.)

DARIA: (sighs) It's like, all of a sudden, I'm this big hero or something.
It's like "Daria, you're so brave!" "Daria, it was great how you just jumped
in and saved him!" (She smirks.) "Daria, you actually touched his lips!
You're a hero!"

(Trent laughs a little. Daria looks at him sadly.)

DARIA: The thing is, I didn't think about what I was doing. I just... (She
pauses, then shrugs.) I just did the first thing I could think of. Annoying
as he is, I didn't want him to *die*. And now I'm all popular and everything
but *I don't want to be*. (She looks down.) I wish that this had never
happened. Or that someone else had saved him. Even Jane treats me differ-
ently now. No one seems to realize that I'm the same person I always was.

TRENT: (sympathetically) I can't say that I know how you feel, but I *do*
understand. People are like that, Daria. Something happens that they like,
and they can't talk about anything else. And then-- it's over, just like
that. (He puts his arm around her in a friendly way, and she looks up in
surprise.) They'll forget about it in a few days. I know that doesn't help
much *now*, but it won't last forever.

DARIA: (smiles a little) I guess you're right.

TRENT: You know, since Jesse's feeling better, you don't have to go tomorrow
if you don't want to. I'm sure Jodie will fill in for you.

DARIA: Nah, I'm going. (She smirks. sardonically) Wouldn't be very brave
to back out now, would it?

TRENT: Nah. It wouldn't.

DARIA: (softly) Thanks, Trent. Somehow I had the feeling that you'd know
what to say.

TRENT: You know, I feel the same way about you. You always understand just
how I feel. I know I can always talk to you about serious stuff.

DARIA: (smiling) Like syrup?

TRENT: (smiles back) And stars.

DARIA: And voluntary simplicity.

TRENT: And just about anything else. You always get it right, Daria.

(Daria suddenly puts her arms around Trent and hugs him before letting go.)

DARIA: Thanks, Trent.

(He lets her go and looks at her a long moment. Confused, Daria changes the

DARIA: Now if I just didn't have to go home. (quickly) I mean, I'm sure
Quinn's told Mom and Dad about what happened, and I don't want to deal with

TRENT: You can hide out here if you want to. (He smirks.) The Lane house is
always open.

DARIA: I would, but Jane doesn't know I'm still here. (She looks a little
embarrassed.) I told her I was going home, but instead I came to talk to

TRENT: (lightly) You can stay in here, then.

DARIA: (surprised) Thanks.

(Cut to a couple hours later. Daria is sitting on Trent's bed, and he is on
the floor holding his acoustic guitar.)

TRENT: ...but I was also thinking about this for the opening. (He plays some
chords on the guitar.)

DARIA: I like that better than the first one. (She glances down at her watch
and looks surprised.) Damn, it's nine o'clock already. I'd better get home.

(She stands up. Trent also gets up and puts down the guitar.)

TRENT: I'll give you a ride if you want.

DARIA: Okay.

(They sneak past Jane's room, then go out to the car. Trent drives to
Daria's house slowly.)

TRENT: (remembering Jesse's earlier suggestion) Umm... Jesse's coming over
Saturday afternoon to practice some. You can come watch... if you want to,
of course.

DARIA: Yeah. I'd like that.

TRENT: He and Janey are going out after that. I don't know what I'm going to
do for the rest of the day.

DARIA: (hesitantly) Well... you and me could do something. If you wanted to.

TRENT: Sounds nice.

DARIA: (looks out the window to hide the fact that she's smiling) Yeah. It

(Cut to Daria unlocking the front door of her house and going inside. She
is immediately assailed by Helen and Jake... and even Quinn.)

HELEN: It's our little heroine!

JACK: We're so proud of you, kiddo!

QUINN: Daria, this almost makes you... kinda *cool*.

HELEN: Why don't we sit down, and you can tell us all about it?

DARIA: Um, I'm really tired right now. I think I just want to go on to bed.

HELEN: Er... of course, dear. You can talk to us in the morning.

(Cut to Daria in bed later that night, tossing and turning. Fade to a dream
sequence. Daria is standing on the front of the _Titanic_ with Upchuck
behind her, like the much over-played scene in the movie. Behind them on
deck is a huge crowd of people, with Brittany, Jodie, Jane, Daria's parents,
and the Fashion Club in front. Daria pulls away from Upchuck in disgust and
turns to face them. They all start babbling at once.)

QUINN: Daria! You're *cool* now!

SANDI: We want you in the Fashion Club!

STACY: You're a heroine, Daria!

TIFFANY: Just... wear your contacts from now on, okay?

BRITTANY: Daria, you're the greatest!

JODIE: Can I interview you for next year's yearbook?

JAKE: Honey, we can't tell you how proud we are of you.

HELEN: You've finally done something right for a change!

UPCHUCK: Daria... I love you more than life itself! Marry me!

(Daria has looked confused up to this point. She turns and stares at

DARIA: I can't marry *you*!

UPCHUCK: But why not?

BRITTANY: You saved his life, Daria!

JODIE: (dreamily) Your reward is to be together with him forever!

DARIA: But I don't love him! I love someone else! Jane, tell them I don't
love him!

JANE: (coldly) Forget about Trent, Daria. You're a heroine now. He isn't
good enough for you.

DARIA: But... but I love him!

JANE: You can't love him any more. Only a rich, upstanding young gentleman
like Upchuck deserves you. Not a shiftless loser like Trent.

DARIA: I don't care! To hell with all of you! I love Trent!

(Suddenly the ship hits a huge iceberg that appears out of nowhere. The ship
begins to sink.)

JODIE: Daria, save me!

HELEN: No, save us! We're your parents!

QUINN: I'm your sister!

JANE: But I'm your best friend!

UPCHUCK: But I love you!

(One by one they are washed off deck, until Daria is standing alone, somehow
safe from the waves.)

DARIA: Trent! Trent, where are you? I love you! I love you...

(Suddenly cut to Daria sitting straight up in bed, breathing hard.)

DARIA: A dream... it was all a dream...

(Cut to Trent, lying on his back in bed, asleep. Fade to another dream
sequence. He is lying on the sand on a desert island. He sits up dizzily
and looks around. The wreck of a raft is lying nearby.)

TRENT: Dammit. I'm stranded!

(He stands up and looks around.)

TRENT: (calling) Hello? Anybody?

(There is no response. He sits down heavily on the sand.)

TRENT: What if I can't get back? I'll never see Janey again, or Jesse or
Daria. I'll never play the guitar. Or taste Janey's pancakes.

(He sighs, then notices something in the water a few yards from shore. He
stands up and stares as Daria, looking exhausted, wades onto the island.
Someone, she isn't even wet.)

DARIA: Trent...

TRENT: Daria!

(He runs to her and hugs her, then they both collapse on the sand.)

TRENT: How did you get here?

DARIA: The _Titanic_ sank. (She breathes heavily.) All... dead. Jane, and
Jodie, and Mom and Dad and Quinn. I couldn't save them. (She looks at him,
anguished.) I tried, Trent, I really did. But I couldn't save them.

TRENT: I know, you tried. It's not your fault.

DARIA: It doesn't matter anyway. I'm next.

TRENT: What?

DARIA: They all died. And now I've got to die.

TRENT: But... but why?

DARIA: (matter-of-factly) Because. Everyone who ever cared about me is gone.
And if no one cares about you, then there's no reason to live.

TRENT: But Daria... I care about you!

DARIA: You do? Oh, Trent! I love you! Kiss me!

(Trent kisses her for a long moment, then smiles.)

TRENT: Just think, Daria. We'll be together here, forever! Just the two of
us. We have this whole island to ourselves, and--

MR. DIMARTINO: (offscreen VO) MISter Lane! MISS Morgendorffer!

(Shot of Trent and Daria lying together on the sand, with Mr. DiMartino
standing over them glaring. Trent and Daria look up at him in surprise.)

MR. DIMARTINO: Why... what a COMPromising position you are in, Miss Morgen-
dorffer. I shall be INTerested to see how you explain your way out of THIS
one. And as for YOU, Mister Lane... since we will be spending all of ETERN-
ity together, I feel that it is the PERFECT time for you to complete that
rePORT you never turned in to me!

(Sudden cut to Trent sitting straight up in bed.)

TRENT: Nooo-- (He looks around, surprised.) Whoa. It was just a dream.

(Cut back to Daria in bed as she lies back down. She remembers what Trent
told her that afternoon...)

TRENT: (memory-style voice over) You always get it right, Daria. Always.

(Daria smiles as she drifts back to sleep.)

(Cut back to Trent as *he* lies down again, also remembering.)

DARIA: (memory-style voice over) Somehow I had the feeling that you'd know
what to say.

(Trent smiles and closes his eyes.)

(Commercial break scene: Mr. DiMartino glaring at Daria and Trent.)

(Cut to Trent's car the next day as he, Daria, Jesse, and Jane are driving
to the Y. Jesse and Jane are in the back [again], leaving the passenger
seat to Daria.)

JANE: (concerned, to Jesse) You're *sure* you feel okay?

JESSE: Jane, I told you, I'm fine!

JANE: I just don't want you getting sick again!

DARIA: Yeah, we all know how fast germs spread between you two.

(Trent snickers.)

JANE: (snidely) Thanks for the input, Daria.

(Trent looks at Jesse in the rear view mirror.)

TRENT: Hey, Jess, you and Jodie splitting the money or something?

JESSE: Yeah. I'm getting two days' pay, and she's getting the rest.

TRENT: Cool.

(He reaches over and turns on the radio. The sounds of "My Heart Will Go On"
fill the car.)

JANE: (groans) Not again. (to the radio) The boat sank. Get over it!

(Daria and Trent both remember their dreams.)

DARIA & TRENT: You know, I dreamed--

(They stop and stare at each other.)

TRENT: (slowly) _Titanic_?

DARIA: Yeah. I was on it when it sank...

TRENT: ...and everyone died...

JANE: (smirks) Great minds think alike. (She nudges Jesse.)

TRENT: Apparently so. (He turns back to the road.)

(Cut to the pool as the four walk up. They are surprised to see a reporter
from Lawndale's newspaper, who immediately comes up to Daria.)

REPORTER: You must be Daria Morgendorffer!

DARIA: Er... yeah.

REPORTER: How do you feel about having saved the life of a young man here

(Daria starts to say something bitingly sarcastic, then she looks at Trent.
He smiles sympathetically, then winks at her. Daria smiles and turns back
to the reporter.)

DARIA: (calmly) I'm very glad that I was able to help somebody, but I'm sure
that if I hadn't gone after him, *somebody* would have. What matters isn't
*who* saved him, but that he *was* saved.

REPORTER: Wow. Very thought-provoking. (He grapples for his camera.) Can I
get a picture?

(Cut to Trent and Daria later that day sitting in the kiddie pool, which
happens to be vacant of kiddies at the moment.)

TRENT: You seem to be holding up well to fame.

DARIA: Er, thanks. (She sighs.) You don't how close I was to just telling
that reporter to screw it--

TRENT: Actually, I do. (He smiles.) I recognized that expression as your
best "you're-about-to-get-it" look.

DARIA: (deadpan) My best, hunh? I've been practicing in the mirror. (They
are quiet for a moment.) You know something?

TRENT: What?

DARIA: In that dream I had last night... I woke up before I found out whether
I drowned too or not.

TRENT: (softly) You didn't.

DARIA: How did you--

TRENT: I dreamed that we had both been shipwrecked on an island. You told me
that the _Titanic_ had sunk with everyone on it, but that you had survived.

DARIA: Well *that's* good, anyway.

TRENT: Yeah... and you said something else. Really profound.

DARIA: What's that?

TRENT: You said that you were going to have to die because everyone that
cared about you was gone. That if no one cared about you, there wasn't any
reason to live.

DARIA: (wryly) Yeah, that's profound, but not exactly how I usually think.
(She pauses.) So... did I die?

TRENT: (looks down) No... because I cared about you. (He looks at her.)
You're one of the closest friends I have, Daria. I'll *always* care about

DARIA: (softly) Thanks, Trent. I... I feel the same way about you. (She
smiles.) So how did we make it off the deserted island?

TRENT: (grins) We didn't. The last thing I remember is DiMartino showing up

and telling me I had to finish an overdue history report.

DARIA: Ugh. From dream to nightmare, hunh? (She suddenly realizes what she
said.) Uh... I mean...

TRENT: (softly) Yeah. From dream to nightmare.

(Cut to that afternoon, after they've gotten off work for the last time.
Daria and Jane are walking to Daria's house from the Lanes'.)

JANE: Oh, Trent told me you're coming to watch him and Jess practice
tomorrow. (She smirks at Daria.) What's up with that?

DARIA: (looks down) He asked if I wanted to come, so I said I would. It's
just something to do.

JANE: Suuuuuuuure. I guess he didn't mention that he *never* lets anyone
watch him practice?

DARIA: Oh, come *on*, Jane...

JANE: No, I'm serious! You've seen how he can be kinda shy, and he says it
makes him nervous. He won't even let me watch, usually.

(Daria looks at Jane in amazement. Jane grins.)

JANE: What'd I tell you? (She nudges Daria.)

DARIA: (covering the fact that she's actually impressed) It's nothing, Jane,
I'm sure. He's just being nice.

JANE: Have it your way then. We both know the truth. (She looks at Daria.
earnestly) Seriously, Daria, what more proof do you need? You and Trent
can't keep dancing around each other forever! He's sending you hints the
only way he knows how, just like you're obviously attracted to *him*. If
both of you weren't so damn convinced that there's nothing there, it would be
like holding up a big neon sign flashing "Love me!"

DARIA: Jane... I'll tell him. Someday. But right now-- right now, I just
don't think I could risk it.

JANE: (sighs) You'll never do it.

DARIA: Look, Jane. Since you and Jesse are going out tomorrow, Trent and I
were planning on hanging out or whatever.

(Jane's ears perk up, so to speak.)

JANE: Really? He didn't tell me that.

DARIA: Yeah, well... (She takes a deep breath.) I'll do it tomorrow, when
we're alone. I'll tell him how I feel.

(Jane grins at her.)

JANE: Good girl. (She pats Daria on the back.) I'm proud of you. You won't
regret it, I promise.

DARIA: (sighs) I just hope you're right.

(Cut to the Lane basement the next afternoon. Daria is sitting on the steps
watching, while Trent and Jesse are playing the end of "Awkward" on electric
guitar. As the chords fade off, Trent adds a fancy riff on his guitar.)

JESSE: (laughing) Trent, man, quit showing off.

(Trent glances at Daria and blushes a little.)

TRENT: I wasn't showing off. Just trying it out.

JESSE: Sure. Hey, did you work any more on that acoustic song?

(Trent looks down.)

TRENT: Yeah, a little. But... I don't think I'm ready to play it yet.

JESSE: Come on, man. I think you're ready.

(He looks meaningfully at Daria.)

TRENT: Jesse, I--

(He is saved by Jane sticking her head in the door. Trent looks relieved.)

JANE: Are you guys through yet?

TRENT: (quickly) Yeah. We're done.

JANE: About time! C'mon, Jesse.

(Jesse goes up the stairs, nudging Trent as he walks past. Jane winks at
Daria, then she and Jesse leave the room. Daria is suddenly nervous, remem-
bering that she promised to talk to Trent that night.)

TRENT: So, uh... you still want to do something?

DARIA: (stands up) Er, yeah. Sure. (thought VO) Later. I'll wait a while.
No sense in messing things up *now.*

(Trent joins her on the stairs, and they walk up together.)

TRENT: Where do you want to go?

DARIA: I'm sure there are plenty of people to be sarcastic about at the mall.

TRENT: (smirks) The mall it is.

(Cut to Trent and Daria a couple hours later sitting in the food court at the
mall with drinks in front of them.)

TRENT: (incredulous) Could you believe that guy in the pet store?

DARIA: (laughs) I've never seen anyone so scared of a parrot before.

(They are quiet a few moments.)

DARIA: (thought VO) This is it, I guess. (She looks at Trent. out loud) Um,

(Trent looks at her.)

TRENT: Yeah, Daria?

DARIA: (thought VO) Oh hell, I don't even know what I'm going to say. (out
loud) I was just thinking about something, and I wondered how you felt about

TRENT: (smirks) Is this another discussion about the true meaning of Beanie

DARIA: (smiles in spite of herself) No, not quite. (serious again) I just
wanted to talk to about how I--

JODIE: (offscreen VO) Hey! Daria!

DARIA: (deadpan thought VO) So much for that. (She turns and forces a smile.
out loud) Hey, Jodie.

(Jodie comes over to Daria, followed by Brittany, Kevin, and Mack.)

KEVIN: Wow, Daria, did you *really* save Upchuck's life?

DARIA: Um, well...

BRITTANY: I'm telling you, Kevvie, she did! It was so wonderful! (She
smiles.) Daria, you're the best.

DARIA: (deadpan) Thanks, Brittany.

JODIE: Daria, maybe we could do something sometime. You know, you could come
hang out with us or whatever.

DARIA: (glances at Trent) Uh, yeah. Maybe.

JODIE: (smiles) I'll call you later. Bye!

DARIA: (without much enthusiam) Bye.

(They walk off, and Daria turns to Trent.)

TRENT: (narrows his eyes) Hmm. Anyway, what were you going to tell me?

(Daria is quiet a minute, but the interruption has made her lose her nerve

DARIA: Uh... I was just going to ask if you thought people might start being
nicer to me now. I guess that's my answer.

TRENT: Yeah, well. (He pauses, then looks at her.) It's okay if you want to
go with them. I mean, I can see that you'd probably rather hang out with
people your own age than with me.

DARIA: (surprised) Are you kidding?

TRENT: No, it's okay. I shouldn't have--

(Daria puts her hand on his. He looks up in surprise, and their eyes meet.)

DARIA: Trent, you know as well as I do that it wouldn't last. You said your-
self that people would forget about it before long, and as soon as they did,
that group would dump me. They mean well, but they aren't the kind of
friends I want. (softly) I wouldn't trade your friendship for any of theirs.
I promise.

TRENT: (smiles) I'm glad.

(He continues to hold her hand a moment, then lets go a little self-

TRENT: Well. Um, I guess we'd better get going.

DARIA: Yeah. I guess.

(They stand up and walk toward the mall exit.)

(Cut to the next day. Daria is sitting on the sofa in the Morgendorffer
living room, lost in thought. She jumps when the phone rings, then goes to
pick it up.)

DARIA: Hello?

(Split screen with her and Jane.)

JANE: Well? What'd he say?

DARIA: I... I didn't tell him.

JANE: (glares) What? Daria!

DARIA: I started to, honest, but then Jodie and Brittany came over and...

JANE: (sympathetically) Oh. I see. Well, there's always next time.

DARIA: Yeah. (She rolls her eyes.) Next time.

(End credits showing makeovers while "Out of My Head" by Fastball plays:

Was I out of my head?
Was I out of my mind?
How could I ever be so blind?
I was waiting for an indication,
It was hard to find.
Doesn't matter what I say,
Only what I do.
I never mean to do bad things to you.
So quiet that I finally woke up.
If you're sad, then it's time you spoke up too.)

The End