Characters in this tale include:
Sandy, Tiffany, and Stacy
Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie
At Lawndale High School, Quinn, Sandy, Tiffany, and Stacy sit in Mr.
O'Neill's English class.
Mr. O'Neill: Romeo and Juliet is one of Shakespeare's timeless tragedies,
filled not only with colorful metaphors and descriptive symbolism, but classic
romance. Thus, making it a favorite within the literary world. Would anyone
care to comment? Quinn?
Quinn: Well, I thought Leonardo Dicaprio was really cute and everything, but
what was with Juliet? I mean, I know if I had a boyfriend as hot and rich and
had a car as cool as Romeo I'd wear an outfit that actually had a waistline
and would opt for a hair style that didn't make me look like some truck-stop
Mr. O'Neill stares out thoughtfully.
Mr. O'Neill: What an excellent thought, Quinn. Are you saying that the
modernized version of Romeo and Juliet took some of the classic beauty away
from the play, thus leaving it not up to the same level as the original?
Quinn: Um...yeah. It was also pretty cool how they found time to write a
play about it when they were making the movie and everything.
Mr. O'Neill blinks at Quinn in disbelief. The intercom turns on as the
principal, Ms. Li speaks.
Ms. Li: Good afternoon students of Lawndale High. Though I am impressed with
the turn out from last Friday's bonfire pep rally, I'm disappointed with the
choice in checked out library books for kindling. In order to compensate for
the damaged school property, it is my decision to make cutbacks from all
extracurricular activities that fail to produce positive results in the
students and faculty.
Sandy: I hope they start with the Chess Team and the Mathletes. I know I'd
be a total loser is I spent all my free time locked in some room.
Tiffany: You are so right. This school would be so much better with less
people like Quinn's cousin or whatever.
Stacy: They should really put some kind of limit on people like that in one
Quinn: I hope they do something about the foreign language clubs too. I
mean, we live in America so why do we need to learn any other language besides
Ms. Li: The following clubs will need to show their usefulness to me by the
end of the week in order to prevent slashed funding: The Dissection Club, The
Future Accountants Club, The Lawndale Hacky-Sack Team, and The Fashion Club.
That is all.
Quinn, Sandy, Tiffany, and Stacy all gasp and turn to each other.
End Scene 1
* * *
In Lawndale High School, Daria and Jane walk though the hallways talking.
Jane: I knew this whole book burning thing was going to be considered passť.
Daria: Do you think Ms. Li is more worried about the school budget or the
idea that the Nazi's we're one of the first groups that founded this sort of
Jane: Depends. Which do you think will get her more publicity? Anyway, your
sister must bitting off her press-on nails at the thought of her makeover
party coming to an end.
Daria: I'd actually rather see Quinn rip out her hair, but it wouldn't be
bouncy if it had multiple bald spots.
They stop at Daria's locker as Daria opens it and deposits a stack of books.
Daria: Since I doubt they can prove the Fashion Club is anything less than
practice runway for narcissistic sex-symbols, they'll have to take up a new
after school activity that won't feed their inexhaustible egos.
Jane crosses her arms.
Jane: You mean like Cheerleading, Drama Club, and Photography Club? After
all, those sort of programs wouldn't amplify their school recognition and
self-advertisement. Of course they can always just date any boy who happens
to throw themselves at them an hour before school lets out.
Daria stares at Jane in silence, then shuts her locker.
Daria: I guess I should have known that the Devil would just find yet another
form to hide and model the latest trends in.
Jane: But then you just wouldn't be your normal, perky self Daria.
Daria: You're right Jane. I think I'll reinstate my usual vacant grin.
Daria's facial expression doesn't change. Jane punches her lightly in the
Jane: There you go!
Quinn, Sandy, Tiffany, and Stacy walk past Daria and Jane.
Sandy: We have to think of something to prove just how important the Fashion
Club is to this school or we'll have to start buying clothes from catalogs.
Quinn: I know, Sandy. How about we give someone a complete makeover?
Tiffany: But we do that already.
Stacy starts to look panicked.
Stacy: Tiffany's right. Nobody appreciates the skill it takes to apply make-
up so it looks like you never put any on! I mean, people aren't just born
with that kind of talent, it takes years and countless cosmetics to master!
Stacy starts hyper ventilating. Sandy starts shaking Stacy at the shoulders.
Sandy: Get a hold of yourself, Stacy. It's going to be okay or something.
Sandy shifts her eyes toward Quinn.
Sandy: Unlike Quinn, I have a brilliant and original idea that will save our
Quinn looks at Sandy with low-key hostility.
Quinn: Please do enlighten us, Sandy. After all, you are the President of
the Fashion Club, for some reason or another.
Sandy: We'll take a complete loser and transform them from geek to chic.
Quinn: Gee, that sounds an awful lot like "Let's give someone a makeover."
Sandy: You're just jealous because you didn't think of the details.
Tiffany: But it's going to have to be a major change or Ms. Li won't be
Quinn: Nice try Sandy, but where are we going to find someone sooo pathetic
and socially challenged to fix up that much?
Sandy points to Daria down the hall.
Sandy: We can use your cousin or whatever.
From down the hall, Daria turns to Jane.
Daria: I don't know what they just said, but it still gave me a cold chill.
End Scene 2
* * *
In the Morgendorffer living room, Quinn and Helen sit on the sofas. Daria
enters the living room.
Helen: Daria, Quinn and I have something we'd like to discuss with you.
Daria: If it's about the changes I can expect as I ascend into womanhood I've
learned everything I need to know from watching prime time television.
Quinn makes a disgusted face.
Helen: Actually, Daria, Quinn needs you help in order to keep the Fashion
Daria: If zippers are too complicated for you at this point in time, may I
Quinn: Well, I came up with this great idea, that Sandy modified in her own
special, plagiarizing way, and we decided to do a complete makeover on someone
so horribly unpopular...
Helen flashes Quinn an annoyed look.
Quinn: I mean, under appreciated and we thought you'd be the poster girl for
Daria: Sandy also thought photosynthesis was how you developed film. How can
you ask me to entrust my mediocre looks in unskilled hands like that?
Helen: Come on, Sweetie, do it for your sister.
Daria: Don't you mean cousin?
Quinn: Please, Daria? I really need your help! If you don't do this for me,
I'll have to start wearing brand name clothes!
Daria: Oh, well when you put it that way...
Helen: Daria, I'm trying so hard here to be supportive of both my daughters.
Quinn's found an after school activity that will help show colleges that she's
involved and I have been very good about not pressuring you into joining
anything. Can't you do this one thing ? As a favor to me?
Daria shifts her eyes away.
Daria: If it was anything else, I'd consider it, but it clashes with so many
of my morals I'd be a hypocrite if I did it. My answer is no.
Helen's expression becomes slightly frustrated.
Helen: All right, Daria, I've played hard ball before and I know just how to
get through to people like you.
Daria: Are you going to impale me?
Helen looks at Daria with narrowed eyes.
Later in Daria's room, Daria lies upside down on her bed while talking on the
telephone to Jane.
Jane: So what happened after that?
Daria: In short, she said if I didn't help Quinn with her extracurricular
activity, Mom would "help" me find one. Meaning she'd force me to enroll in
dance lessons three times a week until the Fashion club was reinstated.
Jane: Which would be?
Daria: Minimum: Next September.
Jane: So what are you going to do?
Daria: Chose between being the pet-project to a group of girls who think of
trend magazines as the New Testament or half a year of Hell in tap shoes.
Jane: I'm not finding the lesser of two evils here.
Daria: Thanks for the help.
Knocking comes from Daria's bedroom door. Daria sits up.
Daria: I have to go.
Daria hangs up the receiver of the telephone.
Daria: Come in.
Quinn, Sandy, Tiffany, and Stacy enter the bedroom with cloths on hangers,
make-up kits, and shoe boxes.
Quinn: Are you ready for you close up?
Daria: I was thinking more along the lines of point-blank range.
End Scene 3
* * *
In the hallway bathroom of the Morgendorffer home, Daria, Quinn, Sandy,
Tiffany, and Stacy are all crowd in. The only view seen is from outside the
Sandy: Hold still or I'm going to smudge your eye shadow!
Daria: I can't help it. These contact lenses burn my eyes.
Quinn: You know, Mom got them for you so you wouldn't have to wear those ugly
glasses all the time. How come you've never used them before?
Daria: Because they burn my eyes.
Tiffany: Ankle strap with low heel or no strap with high heel?
Stacy: Are you experienced with heels?
Daria: I never found the sense in wearing miniature stilts that hurt your
feet, so no.
Sandy: Don't waste your time. Can't you see she has no arches on her feet to
begin with? Go with the slip-ons.
Quinn: Here, see if this fits you.
Daria: What is that?
Quinn: It's the dress you're going to wear to school tomorrow. I know it
might seem inappropriate compared to the things you wear...
Daria: I don't think it's inappropriate. In fact, I think it will provide
the boys with more dollar-stuffing convenience.
Tiffany: How can I put on lip-liner if her lips won't stop moving?
End Scene 4
* * *
In the Morgendorffer kitchen the next morning. Helen is on her cellular
phone while Jake reads the morning paper at the kitchen table.
Helen: I'm telling you Eric, my client will take that settlement when my
license is disbarred. Call me back when they have a real offer.
Helen hangs up her telephone and sits at the table, across from Jake. Jake
reads the paper in wide-eyed shock.
Jake: Would you listen to this article, Helen? It says girls tend to show
differences in behavior after they've lost their, um, virtue. I only pray
I'll become horribly oblivious to everything so I'll never notice that sort of
thing about Daria or Quinn.
Helen sips her coffee with a brooding look on her face.
Helen: I don't think you'll have to worry about that, Jake.
Quinn walks into the kitchen pulling an unseen Daria behind her.
Quinn: Mom, Dad, look what happened to Daria!
Only the back of Daria's legs can be seen as the view looks on to Helen, her
face brightens up as she walks over to Quinn and Daria.
Helen: Oh Daria! You look so lovely!
Jake drops his paper on the table and spits out his coffee.
Jake: Dear God, Helen! Everything you read in the tabloids is true!
End Scene 5
* * *
At Lawndale High School the next morning, Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie stand
against a row of hallway lockers.
Joey: I can't wait for Quinn to get here.
Jeffy: Well, I can't wait even more.
Jamie: I can't wait the most.
Quinn enters through a school doorway followed by Sandy, Tiffany, and Stacy.
Joey: Hi Quinn!
Jeffy: I missed you.
Jamie: I almost cried, Quinn.
Quinn waves her hand at Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie as she walks back to the
Quinn: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be with you three in a minute.
Quinn pokes her head out the door. Daria remains unseen.
Quinn: Daria, are you going to just stand on the front steps all day?
Daria: Unless I'm fortunate enough to be attacked by a pack of wild dogs.
Quinn grabs Daria by the arm and pulls her into the building.
Quinn: Oh just come on! We're not going to impress Ms. Li if your hair is
Quinn pulls Daria through the doorway. Only the back of Daria is seen while
beyond her Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie stare with slack jaws. All begin to stammer
as Daria is seen in a wine red dress with thin straps and a shortened skirt.
Daria is without glasses as her hair is pulled up, framing her face in
dangling curls. Daria blushes as she clutches her book bag over her shoulder.
Joey: Hi there...I'm Joey...welcome to Lawndale...
Jeffy: My names Jeffy...are you new...
Jamie: Um...wow...I'm Jamie...pleased to meet you...
Quinn looks at the three with an annoyed expression.
Quinn: Well it looks like my cousin's a big hit, now which one of you three
wants to hold my purse while I talk to other guys?
Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie look at Quinn then turn back to Daria and continue
looking back and forth at the two.
Daria sighs and starts walking away.
Daria: If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go to class before my mind shuts
down out of fear of losing brain cells.
Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie chase after Daria down the hall.
Joey: Wait, Quinn's cousin! Can I carry your books?
Jeffy: I'll carry your book bag for you!
Jamie: I'll carry you so your feet won't get tired!
Quinn chases behind them.
Quinn: Wait! My feet are tired!
Sandy, Tiffany, and Stacy watch as they all run off.
Sandy: My, she certainly seems to have the look for popularity. If Ms. Li
gives us back are funding, we should consider making her a member of the
Tiffany: She does have a natural pouty look. I mean, I took me eight months
to work on mine.
Stacy: And she used to be a brain before she became popular so we'll never
have to worry about our school work again.
Sandy: So it's unanimous. She might even make Vise President.
Sandy crosses her arms as she watches Quinn run down the hall.
Sandy: Of course, that means our current V.P. will have to resign...
End Scene 6
* * *
In Ms. Barch's Science Class, Ms. Barch sits at the front of the room.
Ms. Barch: Now that you've all been paired up with members of the opposite
sex, we can study the social habits of different animal species. You will
observe in all instances how the females build and maintain a stable living
environment and see how they gather food and protect the young while all the
men want to do is sleep, fight, and play with themselves. You might be able
to relate this to our own society and be as surprised, yet not so much
shocked, as I to find out the similarities. Perhaps you'll then understand
why certain, enlightened, female insects tend to kill their mate. You may
start discussing your assignment with you lab partner.
Charles walks over to Kevin and Brittany's lab table.
Charles: Excuse me you two love birds, but have you seen my cynically endowed
lab partner around today?
Kevin: You mean Daria? I always thought she looked flat-chested.
Brittany: No, Kevie, I think he's talking about her personality.
Charles: How astute of you, Brittany. Of course, not everyone was bestowed
with the generosity of nature such as yourself.
Kevin: Yeah, Babe, you're a very giving person!
Brittany looks at Charles with suspicious eyes.
Brittany: I think Upchuck was referring to something else.
Kevin: Oh! Well you give a lot of that too, Babe!
Brittany slaps Kevin in the head.
Brittany: You jerk!
Aria walks into the room and sits down at her lab table. Kevin, Brittany,
and Charles looks at her in shock.
Kevin: Whoa! She isn't flat-chested after all!
Brittney looks at Kevin angrily. Charles smooths his hair back with the
palms of his hands.
Charles: I should say not. Growl!
Charles walks over to Daria and slides into the chair next to her. Daria
Charles: My, aren't we the duckling that turned into a swan?
Daria: Funny, this whole situation reminds me more of a Brothers' Grim fairy
Charles: To what do we owe this metamorphosis?
Daria: My sister and her twisted sense of humor.
Ms. Barch walks over to the lab table Daria and Charles are seated at.
Ms. Barch: Charles, instead of staring at Ms. Morgendorffer as if she were a
cold beer and syndicated sport broadcast, why don't you do something more
constructive like arrange the pieces of chalk at the black board from longest
Charles: But Ms. Barch, I fail to see how that would...
Ms. Barch: Upchuck, if you mumble one more thing from your chauvinistic
little mouth I'll keep you after school for a detailed recount of all my ex-
husband's, and the rest of men's, faults.
Charles walks over to the chalkboard. Ms. Barch turns to Daria.
Ms. Barch: Well Daria, I see you've embraced the superficial mating face-
paint and garments that is more commonly known as feminine attire.
Daria: Am I in trouble because of this?
Ms. Barch: Not at all. I just wanted to tell you what you can expect. Now
that you're an object of perverted affection to the opposite sex you can
expect nothing but lies and betrayal in exchange for all you love, support,
and 15 minutes of carnal pleasure. Of course, you'll be better off when the
grunting ape you marry runs off with a woman who buys all her clothes from the
junior's section at Cashman's.
Daria: We're not talking about me anymore, are we?
End Scene 7
* * *
In the Lawndale High Cafeteria, Daria sits down at a lunch table. A string
of laughter comes from behind Daria. Jane, still laughing, sits down next to
Jane: Well look at you! Have you finished your Miss Teen America speech yet?
Daria: Go to hell, Lane.
Jane: Well those Judges won't have to look to hard for their Miss
Congeniality. You look like a centerfold, Daria.
Daria: The man had a camera and promised the pictures would be tasteful and
in wallet print.
Daria fold her arms on the table and puts her head on top of them.
Daria: I've been hit on by every guy and propositioned by every girl in
school. The thing is none of them know my name. They keep calling me
Jane: You know that's only the ones who don't know how to whistle. Still, I
wish I had your problems. Not many girl seem to get along with me and the
only men that come a call'n for me are the ones who don't want to take their
cousins to prom.
Daria: The day is half way over. I can make it if I don't think about
A group of guys and girls walk over to Daria.
Guy 1: You know, I've never seen an Angel fly so low.
Guy 2: Those shoes aren't good for someone to wear when all they do is run
through my mind all day.
Girl 1: Deriah, me and the girls were wondering if you'd like to hang out
with us this weekend?
Girl 2: We'll do anything you want or say if you let us be seen with you!
Daria sighs. Jane smiles and slides over a peice of paper and pen.
Jane: Make it out to Jane, "I'll think of you each time I apply a new coat of
lip gloss. Deriah"
The group of students start pulling out their notebooks.
Girl: Sign my notebook too!
One of the guys winks at Daria.
Guy: Put your phone number next to my autograph.
Daria turns to Jane with an annoyed expression.
Daria: For this, you will pay.
Jane: Ha! Are you going to sick your groupies on me?
End Scene 8
* * *
Daria stands in front of her opened locker as she grabs a book. She glances
at a reflection of her in a locker mirror and sighs. Jodie and Michael(Mack)
walk up to Daria's locker.
Jodie: It looks like Brittany was telling the truth. Daria, you look really
Michael: But not thrilled.
Daria: I preferred it when nobody even knew I existed. Now everyone I know
wants to heckle me and everyone I don't know wants to be my friend because I
look nice in crimson. It's so insincere.
Michael: Everybody's not like that. People are just noticing you because you
don't just blend into the background like before.
Jodie: Once they get to know you, they'll like you for what's on the inside
as well as what's on the outside.
Kevin and Brittany walk over to Daria's locker.
Kevin: Hey Jodie. Hey Mack daddy!
Michael: Don't call me that.
Brittany: I'm having a party at my house Saturday and I want all of you to
Daria: Even me?
Brittany: Of course! I don't mind knowing you now that you look like an
Daria: As opposed to those synthetic ones?
Kevin: Damn straight! We're like to old to be playing with dolls.
Jodie: Never mind what Michael and I just said.
Kevin, Brittany, Michael, and Jodie all exit.
Michael: See you later, Daria.
Jane walks over to Daria still laughing.
Daria: Jane, would you give it a rest?
Jane: I'm sorry. It just gets funnier every time I see you!
Daria: If it wasn't my life, I'd probably think it was pretty funny, as well.
Jane: Don't worry about it. You can be back to your normal self tomorrow.
Daria: I just have to "shake my little tush on the catwalk" for Ms. Li,
sacrifice what's left of my pride, then I get to go back to being a blemish on
the fashion society. What a great deal.
Jane: At least you won't have to worry about the draft you're getting from
what's left of your dress.
Jane starts laughing again. Daria looks at her in annoyance.
Daria: I will not hesitate in silencing you with my ankle bracelet.
Ms. Li, Sandy, Tiffany, and Stacy approach Daria and Jane.
Ms. Li: Ms. Morgendorffer! I am without words. You look like the embodiment
of good student living.
Jane: I was thinking more like the embodiment of "House of Style".
Ms. Li turns to Sandy and the others.
Ms. Li: This is no small feat, ladies. Not only is did you turn an average
person to a beauty, but she's the talk of the school. The Fashion Club has
proven it's value to Lawndale High. I will reinstate you're funding so long
as you continue to do positive things like this?
Ms. Li eyes Jane.
Ms. Li: Perhaps you could do something with Ms. Lane here.
Ms. Li walks away.
Ms. Li: Remember, a beautiful student is a happy student.
Daria: Funny, I'm not too happy.
Jane: But you scream bubbly.
Daria: I'm not going to be the one screaming...
Sandy and the others eye Jane.
Sandy: I'm sure we could do something for you later, but right now we need to
talk to Quinn's cousin in privet.
Daria whispers to Jane.
Daria: Don't leave me.
Jane pats Daria on the back and walks away.
Jane: Oh don't be shy. Play nice with your little friends and I'll see you
Daria turns to Sandy and the others.
Tiffany: You know, I think you look really cute.
Stacy: Now that you look so cute, you can hang out with us and we won't have
to pretend we don't know you.
Daria: I'm honored.
Sandy: Deriah, wouldn't it be great if we could socialize like this all the
Daria: Only if I want to embrace a fate worst than death.
Sandy: How would you like to become Vice President of the Fashion Club?
Daria: Isn't that Quinn's job?
Sandy: It doesn't have to be.
Daria looks to see Quinn watching from down the hall. Quinn's expression is
hurt as she turns and walks away. Daria sighs.
Daria: The loyalty I see here makes me speechless.
All three smile, oblivious to the remark.
Stacy: This is how we always are to each other!
Daria: I have to go to class.
End Scene 9
* * *
The dismissal bell rings as Daria exits the school. She sees Jane waiting
for her by a tree. Daria walks over to her.
Jane: So, how did your orientation go? Was it more cult like or did they
send you through the spanking machine?
Daria: They tried to give me Quinn's job.
Daria: The petty, self-centeredness is really getting to me. I have to do
A car horn honks. Daria and Jane turn to see Trent parked along the side of
the road in his car. Daria blushes.
Jane: Trent said he'd give us a ride on his way to band practice today.
Jane: Don't worry. You have nothing to feel weird about. You're still the
same sarcastic Daria underneath all that hair gel.
Daria and Jane walk up to Trent's car. Jane slides into the back seat.
Jane: Daria, you sit in front. I feel like riding in the back today.
There's more chances for me to inhale exhaust fumes.
Trent: Don't breath to deeply, Janie, or you'll forget your name for about an
Daria climbs in next to Trent. She blushes as Trent looks at her.
Trent: Hey Daria. There's something different about you. New glasses?
Daria: I'm not wearing any.
Trent starts driving.
Trent: Then that would be what's different. Anyway, you look nice.
End Scene 10
* * *
In her room Daria stands in front of her bedroom mirror, looking at herself.
Jake and Helen enter.
Helen: Daria, we just wanted you to know how nice we think you look.
Jake: Just as long as you didn't do it because of a guy. Just remember,
they're nothing but hormonal sex fiends with one thing on their minds. And if
you're having any problems with them, tell me and I'll kill every last one of
Helen: Jake, will you forget about that stupid article already? Anyway, if
you like, I'll take you to Cashman's tonight and we can buy you a whole new
Daria: Thanks, Mom, but I don't want to commit to anything just yet. I'm not
sure if I like this new me.
Jake: Well, whatever you chose to do, Kiddo, we're behind you.
Helen: That's right. We'll always love and be proud of you no matter how you
look or act.
Daria: Same here.
Jake and Helen exit the room.
Jake: See you at dinner, Kiddo.
Daria turns away from her mirror and sees Quinn come in.
Quinn: So your all popular now and everything. Congratulations or something.
It's like the whole school forgot I existed because you were there. Know I
know how you must feel, like, everyday of your life.
Quinn: Why are you so moody? Everyone in school was talking about you and
this Deriah girl all day. Nobody cares what I was wearing and Sandy handed
you my place on the Fashion Club. You should be thrilled.
Daria: What I am is a posser. I can't pretend I'm happy like this. It's
shallow and dishonest, but it's the only place on earth were a person like you
can be happy.
Quinn: What are you saying?
Daria: Tomorrow I'm going back to my unpopular, average looking self.
Quinn rolls her eyes.
Quinn: That is so like you, Daria! Sandy, the girls, and I go to all this
hard work and this is how you repay us!
Daria: Maybe you can find another pathetic person to makeover that will be
Quinn: Damn right!
Quinn starts to leave the room.
Quinn: And if you think you're doing this as some kind of favor to me or
something, think again because I was never intimidated by any of this!
Daria: Of course you weren't, Quinn.
Quinn leaves the room. She stops in the hall way, leans against the wall,
puts a hand on her chest, and sighs with relief.
End Scene 10
* * *
At Lawndale High, Jane and Daria (dressed as her normal self) stand in a
bathroom in front of the mirror.
Jane: So everyone wants to know what happened to Deriah. I'm going to start
a rumor that she moved to New York to start a modeling career in Mr.
DeMartino's history class.
Daria: You're a true friend. I just wonder what monster the Fashion Club
will create next.
Jane opens the bathroom door. Charles walks by wearing tuxedo with women
Charles: Easy, ladies, don't wrinkle the suit. There's enough of the ol'
Chuckster to go around.
Jane: You had a taste of that kind of power, Daria, don't you miss any of it?
Jane starts to leave as Daria looks into the mirror, removes her glasses, and
pulls her hair up with her hand and smiles.
Daria: Not a thing.
Plot and Dialogue by:
E-mail me at Sentryhope@aol.com to tell me what
you think of my Daria
episode. I'll take positive and negative comments, and don't be too harsh
unless you can do better.