"Inner Apathy"
By cherishc
Daria Fan Fiction #3
Summery: Lawndale's PE classes start teaching Yoga. Quinn catches the "inner peace" bug and tries to get "earth crunchy".

Hey everyone! I'm doing that "use titles that start with letters that no one has started their DFF stories yet" again. One more story after this and no letter section in the "Title" section will be empty! Ok, that sounded VERY pathetic. My choice of words in the summery is a little strange because I myself am a vegetarian (lacto-vegetarian, for those who specify, and trying to go vegan), earth-lover (I am SO into conserving, recycling, etc.), and avid animal lover (all dogs, to me, fall under the term "honeys or swe-swes [short for sweet-sweet] and I KNOW that's nauseating but it's the truth). I also am humanitarian (I have four "Free Tibet" bumper stickers"). My vegetarianism does NOT mean that I am a wimp when it comes to blood or other "yucky" stuff--I want to be a forensic pathologist and I am a horror movie addict. Also, don't send me stuff about how meat is God's food and all that because I go to a small private school in a very prejudiced, closed-minded part of the country where I am accused of being an abortion clinic bomber and worse every day--I've heard it all and your opinion will not change my mind. Sorry for that spiel-I tend to ramble sometimes. Ok, here's a real announcement. I actually joined the Fashion Club at my school! Yes, it is actually called the Fashion Club and it puts on a fashion show at the end of every year. I, unlike Daria, have a passion for extracurricular activities. That's probably because I like developing relations with different people. Anyway, you don't have to have any taste to join and you don't have to adore any store like "Cashmans". However, if I catch an electrode in my neck I might have to resign. Speaking of electrodes, I saw Katie Holmes at the car wash during my vacation. What a jerk--she certainly has developed a diva attitude quickly. I hate that--I also saw Joshua Jackson and he was really nice. Of course, he's also the hottest guy on the face of the planet. As always, no copying my work directly (I don't mind people copying themes, but copying whole paragraphs will annoy me). Please, don't take offense at this little briefing and enjoy my story! ________________________________________________________________________

Scene 1: Quinn, Helen, and Jake sitting at the dinner table. Quinn is, of course, dissecting her food.
Jake: This is really great Lasagna, Helen!
Helen: Jake, it's the frozen kind. So Quinn, what are you doing this weekend?
Quinn: I'm going on some dates and I'm going shopping tommorrow with the Fashion Club so I need your Gold Card.
Helen: I wish wouldn't spend so much on it, Quinn. I'm going to have to set a limit.
Quinn: But Mo-om, you let Daria have it when she went shopping and you didn't set a limit!
Helen: That was once, and she was shopping for CDs, not clothing--which you really have enough of anyway.
Jake: Where is Daria anyway?
Helen: She went out for pizza with her friend.
Jake: She had better be home soon. She said something about an event at school tommorrow…
Helen: Quinn, what do you know about this?
Quinn: All of the teachers are giving a lot of tests because it's getting close to the end of the quarter and I really hate that. Just because they couldn't fit as much stuff as they wanted to in this quarter doesn't mean they have to punish us.
Helen: Speaking of tests, don't you have them tommorrow too?
Quinn: So?
Helen: Don't you have a date tonight? Honestly Quinn, put a little more effort into your schoolwork. You can't expect to go through life having other people work for you.
Quinn: It's OK Mom, the teachers said that they were planning to use one of our classes to help us get through it so I'll do just fine. I just hope that the sheets are right--last semester they totally screwed up the answers so they were all wrong and how were we supposed to know that I mean would I be using the sheet if I knew about the stuff anyway and--
Helen: Quinn, were you thinking of cheating on these tests?!
Quinn: No…I…ment my review sheet with the answers on it.
Jake: I wonder if Daria wants us to save some Lasagna for her…

Scene 2: Daria's living room in the morning. Daria walks in and starts to head upstairs. Jake emerges from the kitchen.
Jake: Hey, kiddo! Your mom wants me to talk to you…
Daria: Tell her that I'm in counseling and see needs to take it up with my therapist.
Jake (pause): Huh? REALLY?!

Scene 3: Daria in her room. She is reading "Firestarter" by Stephan King (Ok, I *love* that book and I thought that it fit the situation). There is a knock at the door.
Helen: Daria? I need to talk to you.
Daria (thinking): If a response would change her coming in. (Speaking) I'm hanging myself right now, don't come in.
Helen (entering room): What! Daria, don't scare me like that!
Daria: State your message and I'll get back to you.
Helen: I wanted to tell you that your school called. They said to bring a yoga mat to P.E. on Monday.
Daria: Yoga? Why?
Helen: I'm not sure, but I'm sure it will be an enlightening and mind-expanding experience.
Daria (Thinking): Isn't that what hallucinogens are for?
Helen: Just think, you'll be filling that large social void in your life with something…more intrapersonal.
Daria (thinking): Yeah, just like that large void in your head.
Helen: So Daria, have any plans this weekend?
Daria: Count the number of people I hate, shoot some innocent bystanders, you know, the usual.
Helen: I ment something a little more…social. How about a party? Quinn's going to one tonight.
Daria: I don't think so. It's not like I'd be interested in anything that goes on there.
Helen: I'm sure there's something there you could do. Parties usually have so many different types of things to do..
Daria: Yeah. Dance like an idiot, get drunk, or make out. Sometimes there's the occasional opportunity to commit some sort of crime, but I'm not sure the people at this party will have time, between their drinking and sexual encounters.
Helen: What? Daria, are you kidding? That sort of stuff didn't go on until college in my day!
Daria: Oh really?
Helen: Where's Quinn? (runs out of room)
(small Daria smile)

Scene 4: Daria in P.E. class. She and Jane are sitting on a pair of mats, with legs crossed.
Jane: This is really stupid.
Daria: Of course. But it's better than cheerleading.
Jane: I have to agree with you there.
Gym instructor: All right people, let's get started. We'll start with Sun Salutes and then move on to--
Brittany: Mrs. , what's a sun solute?
Daria: It's when the Chinese make you stare directly at the sun for long periods of time as torture.
Gym instructor: Daria, that bad attitude is getting you nothing but a ruined GPA. If you want to pass this class and not have to take it again next year, I'd suggest that you start participating. Because next year I can make this hell for you Daria. I hope you pay special attention in class today, because you're going to need all the relaxation you can get.
Jane: You might want to lay off on those pills. I heard they can affect your behavior and make you a--
Gym instructor: All right, Lane. One more word out of you and it's Mrs. Lee's office. (stomps away)
Daria: Thanks.
Jane: Don't mention it. Did I tell you I was planning on going to a concert next Friday?
Daria: No. Who's playing?
Jane: Some unknown alternative band. Trent wanted to go but he got a killer gig on Saturday night.
Daria: Why couldn't he go if the gig wasn't until Saturday?
Jane: If Trent goes to a concert, he'll probably be so wasted he won't be able to see for a few days afterwards. He needs a week to fully recover.
Daria: Never heard of a hangover that bad.
Jane: He thinks that sleeping pills taken with No-Doz is a good remedy. Don't ask me where he got that.
Gym instructor: All right, people. Let's get started…

Scene 5: Daria in living room. She is writing in a notebook labeled "Economics". Helen walks in and sits down on the couch that faces away from front window.
Helen: Have you seen Quinn, Daria?
Daria: She's hiding in her room, probably wondering what her life will be like now that she was forbidden to go to a party.
Helen: Can't win them all. Daria, your father and I are worried.
Daria: About what?
Helen: Well, you haven't done anything social for months.
Daria: I slept over at Jane's last night.
Helen: You need more than just one friend. Your father and I want you to get out and do something with more than just one person.
Daria: FBI training course?
Helen: Daria, work with me here.
Daria: What do I get?
Helen: How about some spare cash? Let's say, $50?
Daria: Sound's good. Jane is going to a concert on Friday. I'll go too.
Helen: Good. I'm glad to see you expanding your horizons.(hands her the money)
Daria: If you think this is a move towards being more social, you're underestimating me.
Helen: Unfortunately, honey, you can't do anything about that legally.
Daria: Why do I have to have a lawyer mother?
Helen: Because otherwise you wouldn't have someone to defend you in court for verbal harassment cases.
Daria: That is a perk.
Helen: Maybe this concert will give you the chance to make some new friends and have some fun away from Jane's house.
Daria (monotone): Fun.

Scene 5: Daria and Jane in line for drinks at a concert--an apparently large concert. They are surrounded by some of the lovely looking people that go to Trent's gigs.
Daria: How long have we been in this line?
Jane: About twenty minutes. Why?
Daria: I have to go to the bathroom. If I'm not back in half an hour, assume I got lost on the way there and get me a drink.
Jane: Sure thing. (Daria leaves. Jane pulls out one of those wristbands that allows you to get alcohol and puts it on)

Scene 6: Daria coming out of bathroom into night air.
Daria: Have they ever heard of the concept of sanitation? Or more than 10 stalls for 20,000 people? God, I'm talking to myself again. (Daria walks back to the arena, where she meets Jane on the grass.) Hey. Sorry I took so long.
Jane: No problem. Here's your drink.
Daria: What is it?
Jane: Virgin Margarita.
Daria: Never had one. What did you get?
Jane: Real Margarita. Never had one either.
Daria: If you get tipsy, I'm not apologizing to the people you insult or barf on.
Jane: Ditto. Cheers!

Scene 7: Quinn in her room, with Helen sitting on the edge of the bed while Quinn sobs.
Helen: Quinn, parties aren't good for you. I don't know what's going on there and--
Quinn: You let Daria go out! That's not fair!
Helen: I'm sure Daria's being quite the proper young lady.

Scene 8: Daria and Jane, standing on their blanket listening to the music.
Daria: That was a good drink. Would you get me another?
Jane: Sure. Just give me the cup for a refill. (Daria chilling to the music. Cut to a later time, when Jane brings back the drinks.)
Daria: Thanks. (She drinks it down fast. Jane looks at her strangely, and hands her a second drink. Daria does the same with it) Man, these are good. They make me feel like I'm really light…
Jane: Daria, are you ok?
Daria: I'm fine…(Jane drinks her two drinks down fast.)
Jane: These are supposed to be alcoholic? They don't make me feel any different. (Looks at Daria, who is dancing to the music in an un-Daria-like fashion.) Wait a minute…

Scene 9: Quinn on phone with fashion club (screen in quarters).
Stacy: I can't believe your mom would do that to you Quinn. That is *so* mean.
Tiffany: Yeah.
Quinn: I know! I'm going to sneak out though. Maybe around nine.
Sandi: Do you have a plan, Quinn? So you don't get caught and grounded further?
Quinn: Good idea, Sandi!

Scene 10: Daria in bathroom stall, barfing, with Jane at side.
Jane: Sorry. Should have asked them to mark the drinks.
Daria: Uhh…
Jane: But you did show everyone a different side of Daria Morgendorffer.
Daria: What did I do? All I can remember is dancing…
Jane: You puked on some guy, but he was drunk too so he didn't care.
Daria: Great. Uhhh…
Jane: Ok, tiger, the concert's almost over. Let's get to a pay phone so we can call a taxi.
Daria: I can't go out on the street like this. My head feels like a sledgehammer hit it…hard.
Jane: Daria, if the cops come by, it's a migraine. Otherwise, the cabby won't care.
Daria: I mean, how long till this wears off?
Jane: Well, you didn't have that much alcohol so it should go away in less than two hours. And since the ride home is two and half hours, you should be fine.
Daria: Are you disappointed that you didn't get your margarita buzz?
Jane: Nah. We Lanes have a high alcohol tolerance anyway. I figured there was something wrong after the third drink.

Scene 11: Daria coming home after concert. She steps out of the cab, and walks in the door. Helen is sitting in the living room, reading in her bathrobe.
Helen: Hi honey. How was the concert?
Daria: Good. I'm going to bed. (Daria goes up the stairs and into the bathroom. She looks in the mirror and sees that her vision is totally out of focus.) I'll really need that yoga tommorrow. God, who ever thought I'd look forward to P.E.?
Scene 6: Quinn in school bathroom next day. She and her fashion cohorts are applying their many layers of make-up.
Quinn: I'm *so* glad we're having yoga in P.E. now. This means I won't have to skip so much.
Sandi: That's good Quinn. A little exercise would do that figure of yours good.
Quinn: What are you saying Sandi?
Sandi: Oh nothing. That is a *really* good shade of lipstick Tiffany. Where *did* you get it?
Tiffany: The Andrew McGee Russian line.
Quinn: I got *my* lipstick from that too.
Sandi: Maybe you should have them help you pick out the shade next time, Quinn. It makes your face look orange next to your lips.
Stacy: Did you guys bring your yoga mats today?
Tiffany: Mine's Calvin Klein.
Sandi: Mine's Betsy Johnson.
Quinn: I didn't know you were into her, Sandi.
Sandi: She *is* a major designer, Quinn. Maybe you need to research the fashion world a little more.
(Quinn glares at mirror)

Scene 7: Quinn's P.E. class. Everyone is in a strange position, some struggling and falling over.
Stacy: This sucks.
Sandi: All these positions stretch out my pants!
Quinn: Maybe you need a bigger size. Besides, this is fun!
Stacy: Right.
Gym instructor: No Talking! You're supposed to be relaxed!

Scene 7: Dinner at the Morgendorffer's.
Quinn: I love Tai Chi! You get in all these funny positions and you get all calm and you burn calories without, like, sweating and stuff.
Helen: That's great honey!
Daria: It wasn't that bad…except for when Quinn started humming like she was a Japanese sensei.
Quinn: How do you know that?
Daria: My classroom that period is right next to the gym. Might want to hum more quietly.
Quinn: You know what? This being at inner peace is really cool. And those outfits they wear are really cute--as long as it's cute people wearing them. It could be a big trend!
Jake: I'm so glad you like it Quinn. I used to do that meditating thing…
Helen: Jake, that wasn't meditating. That was--
Jake: …and we would all do it together in our group house. Remember? We grew our own food and wore reed sandals and didn't use anything non-biodegradable!
Helen: Jake, I think that was a movie.
Quinn: Reed sandals? Cool!

Scene 8: School hallway. Quinn is wearing reed sandals, a tan tummy tank, and a pair of very short cut-offs. Instead of her mini-purse thing, she has one of those macramé drawstring sacks that acts as a backpack. Sandi walks up, very mad.
Sandi: Quinn, WHAT are you WEARING?
Quinn: You know Sandi, that top of yours can't be biodegradable. You should be ashamed.
Sandi: Do you know what biodegradable means, Quinn?
Quinn: That's not the point. This stuff makes a statement!
Sandi: What statement?
Quinn: Listen, Sandi, I'm doing this because I care about this stuff.
Stacey: Omigod Quinn, that is sooooo cute!
(Sandi glares)

Scene 9: Daria and Jane, listening to Quinn's little spiel.
Daria: Does she have any idea what she's talking about?
Jane: Probably not.
Daria: Definitely not. She just thinks that this is all a fashion statement. She has a faint idea that it might mean something, but if it does, she's not sure what.
Jane: She kicked some guy in the hallway today for not recycling his soda can.
Daria: Really?
Jane: Well, he really was recycling it but she doesn't know it was the recycling anyway. She probably doesn't know where the trash is either.
Daria: It'll blow over soon.

Scene 10: The end of the week. Daria and Jane at their lockers.
Daria: I can't take this anymore. Quinn's been doing nothing but talking about how we should save the cute animals and how everyone should be a vegetarian and--
Jane: Stop now. I don't want to know any more.
Quinn (a few lockers away): …and so I've decided to not buy any products tested on bunnies anymore. That's just sooo…well, I don't know, but it's bad. And we should definitely stop using all artificial products…
Jane: She'll have to give up diet soda. Oh, the humanity.
Daria: I must stop this insanity.
Jane: What are you going to do?
Daria: I have a good idea.

Scene 11: Daria and Quinn at a health food store.
Quinn: So, what are we here for?
Salesperson: Your sister said you were interested in environmental issues, and that you wanted to learn more about them.
Quinn: I did?
Salesperson: I'm going to show you a little video. You girls are so smart. Saving the earth is really cool. (Video starts. We see colors and light flashing on Quinn's face, which becomes more horrified by the second). Wait! Stop the video!

Scene 12: Daria and Jane in Jane's bedroom while Jane is painting a picture of what looks like the face of the T-1000 at the end of Terminator 2, except more colorful.
Jane: So what did you guys show Quinn?
Daria: A documentary on hippies. Their fashion choices scared her. And she figured out what you have to do to recycle. And what being a vegetarian means.
Jane: So basically she realized that she was giving up everything her corrupted mind believed in.
Daria: Yep. She can't wear her favorite make-up, she can't use her favorite products, and she can't have that 10 calorie Jell-O because it has animal marrow in it. The sad thing is, she was most upset when she learned that by not buying her usual products, she was protecting rats, not bunnies, from animal testing.
Jane: Scary thought.
Daria: Especially when the scariest thing in your life is not having a date. I would have paid to see her dates run away in horror after a few days without deodorant.

Hope you liked my story. As always, send all comments/insults/suggestions to To anyone with comments on the issues listed in the foreword, send them to so we can chat--I'm always open to having a new email buddy. See Ya!