Lawndale Air Force (3/3)
By Michael J. Pfeffer
Scene 6- Back at the Academy, at the end of the main runway. Two F-22A Raptor
advanced tactical fighters are at the end of the runway. Dariaand Michael are in the
Michael: Okay, thank God Brittany's not coming up on this one.
Daria: Yeah. We've got live weapons. "What does this do?" and we all get blown
Michael: Either by the missile or the commanding officer's boot. Shall we?
Daria: I'm not getting any younger. Although I wish I could I.E. time travel I can
Jake and Quinn will never have been born.
Michael: Me too. You'd get a Nobel peace prize for that.
(The afterburners on the F-22s ignite, the planes roll down the runway until takeoff.
Shortly, they are airborne.)
Instructor: Okay, we're going to try an ACM hop. Alpha One, you're going to lag behind
and pursue Alpha Two. When you get a radar lock, our computers will register it, and
then it's Alpha One's turn. It's a standard Delta-Tango maneuvering run, Alpha group.
Michael: I think I lost you at the fifth Alpha.
(The F-22s begin their air combat exercises. Shortly after they are engaging in twists,
spins, rolls, loops, etc. About an hour later they are all done.)
Daria: Well, that was certainly unsettling.
Michael (Whose face is slowly turning a shade of green): Just wonderful... are you my
Michael: Well, can't say that was the best experience of my life
Daria: Mine neither.
Scene 7- At the barracks. Michael's room.
(Michael walks in, yawning.)
Michael: Never thought air combat could wear you out.
(He flops down on the sofa bed and closes his eyes. A few seconds later, the doorbell
(He opens the door.)
Michael: Someone better have died, or else you're going to.
Messenger: Sir, this came from the officer's club.
(He takes the envelope, closes the door, and opens it up.)
Michael: Hmmm Well, well, well. "Press Release: Due to incapacity of performing
mentally stressing tasks, we regret to announce that Brittany Taylor has been dropped
from the Air Force Juvenile Training Program. We apologize for any inconvenience that
has been caused to any party. Transport will be arranged for Ms. Taylor back to
Michael: Finally, the first smart thing I've seen done here.
(A knock sounds from the door.)
Michael: Just wonderful.
(He opens the door. Daria is outside.)
Daria: I suppose you got the press release?
Michael: Nope, I was just celebrating that today's such a wonderful day. Yeah, I got the
Daria: Well, then, your stuff's packed, I presume?
Michael: On Brittany's account? Huh?
Daria: This form.
(She hands him a sheet of paper.)
Michael: "Dear Air Force Juvenile Trainee Group: It is our duty to announce that the
program has been dropped due to lack of federal funding. You will be transported back
to your hometown of Lawndale. We apologize for this incident and wish you all the best.
Signed, Lt. Smythe, Air Force Funding Office." Well, it was fun while it lasted.
(Colonel Landry walks to the barracks, hands behind his back. Jane exits her room.)
Landry: Oh, I see you got the memo.
Jane: One memo-ry I'd like to forget.
Landry: All your belongings have been packed, and there's an Osprey outside.
Michael: Can't wait.
Landry: Personally, I think you all did great, so I have something for each of you.
(He withdraws three flight helmets from behind his back. Each have call signs on them.
Daria, Jane, and Michael each take theirs.)
Michael: Hmm "Flametosser?"
Daria: "Party Girl." Oh yeah. That's real me.
Jane: "Artsy." I'm going to be proud of this.
Scene 8- back at Lawndale High, the next day. Cut to Mr. O'Neill's classroom. All
four Air Force trainees plus the usual classmates are there.
Mr. O'Neill: Ah, I see our proud military volunteers are back. Tell us, did you experience
any pride for our wonderful country and defense forces?
Michael: We got kicked out because of insufficient funding, got sick to our stomachs on
a daily basis, and Brittany almost killed us all had she not been kicked out.
Daria: And these people are our first line of defense against real enemies.
Jane: I wouldn't say we're any more proud than we were before.
Brittany: Those pilot guys weren't buff!