by Mockingbird Grrl
Scene 1 opens with Daria and Jane lying spread out on the floor of the Lane's
living room. An interesting episode of (what else?) Sick, Sad World is blaring
across the television, only to be interrupted by a Fuzzy Wuzzy Weebits
Jane: So...um, well...
Jane: Well, you see, um...
Daria: Come on, Jane. What are you talking about?
Jane: (Blurting it out real fast) Trent's got a girlfriend!
Daria: (a look of shock and pain crosses her face quickly, only to be replaced with
her usual apathatic expression) So? Am I supposed to care?
Jane: Oh, come off it, Daria. Both you and I know you've been in love with my
brother since the time he drove us to Britini's party. Of course you should care.
You should be heartbroken.
Daria: Since when do I have a heart?
Jane: Fine, fine. If that's the way you want to act, so be it. But I figured you'd at
least want to know who your new worst enemy is.
Daria: Well, I don't.
(Long pause in which neither of them say anything)
Daria: Ok, enlighten me.
Jane: (smiles) Andrea.
Daria: You've got to be kidding me.
Jane: I kid you not. I was as suprised as you when I found out, but according to
Trent they're perfect for each other.
Daria: It's perfectly disgusting if you ask me. I think I'm going to go use your
bathroom and vomit.
Jane: Ah, come on. You should be happy for Andrea. Who ever thought she'd be
perfect for anything, let alone anybody?
Daria: Shut up, Jane. If someone like her can get Tr...I mean, a boyfriend, then
what's left for someone like me? Upchuck?
Jane: Try calling him Charles. It gives you a much better sense of dignity. Or at
least leaves you with a fraction of something that resembles dignity. (smirks)
(Jane looks at Daria jokingly, but the look she is greeted with is beyond Daria's
usual expressionless facade tinted with anger. Her face is all red, her eyes are
flashing, and she looks like she's capable of murder.)
Jane: Daria, I'm joking. (forces a laugh) See?
Daria: (angry and sarcastic) Ha ha.
(Jane's about ready to say something when she's interrupted by Trent, who comes
running into the room)
Trent: Janey, have you seen my lucky pic anywhere? We're playing at the pub
tonight and I really need that pic. (smiles) Oh, hey Daria.
Jane: I'm afraid I haven't seen it, Trent. And though I'd love to help you look for it,
as I'm sure Daria would too (an angry glare from Daria at this), we've got to get
(The two get up to leave the room, but Trent stops them)
Trent: Providing that I find that pic, we'll be playing at McGrundy's tonight at
8:00. You guys gonna come?
Jane: (at the same time as Daria) Sure.
Daria: (at the same time as Jane) No!
(Both Trent and Jane look at Daria)
Daria: (stammering, searching for something to say) I, um, uh...I've got this family
thing. It's one of those things that you can never get out of.
Trent: (seemingly oblivious to Daria's torment) Yeah, I know what you mean.
Well, you guys better get going so Daria's home in time for that "thing." You
wouldn't want to miss that. (laughs softly, which automatically leads to a coughing
Daria and Jane exit before he can recover and say anything else. As they leave,
Daria looks particularly downcast and Jane keeps glancing at her worriedly.
Scene 2 opens in Daria's room. Daria sits rigidly on the bed while Jane lies
sprawled out on the floor. Again, they are watching Sick, Sad World.
Jane: So, what's this family thing that's keeping you from coming to see Trent play?
Daria: (dismally, with her eyes cast down) There is no family thing, I made it up.
Jane: Big surprise there.
(Daria looks up at Jane and for a minute it looks like there are tears in Daria's
eyes, but she looks away too quickly for Jane to be sure)
Jane: Why won't you come? Trent wants you to.
Daria: No he doesn't.
Jane: Yes he does.
Daria: No he doesn't.
Jane: YES, HE DOES. (smiles) Really.
Daria: (almost in tears) Why would he want me to come, Jane? He has Andrea to
obsess over him now.
Jane: Wait a minute. Are you actually admitting that YOU used to obsess over
Trent? (smiles) Meaning that you like him?
Daria: (smiles through her now evident tears) Oh, come off it, Jane. Both you and I
know I've been in love with your brother since the time he drove us to Britini's
Jane: True, but I'm just amazed that you admitted it.
Daria Morgendorffer actually has feelings. It's astounding.
Daria: Shut up, Jane. It had to happen sometime. But I must admit, I feel really
weird. Like I'm almost happy.
Jane: (laughs) You're in love. That's what it's like.
Daria: (soft smile) And you would know?
Jane: (grins evily) I don't know about love, but I'm sure you know what I mean.
Daria: One word...
Daria and Jane simultaneously: Jesse.
Daria: Do you think that you really love him though? I mean, aren't you afraid that
you'll turn into some mushy romantic or even worse, like Quinn?
Jane: Nah. Love's different for everyone I guess. Never once have I had the urge to
buy Jesse a Fuzz Wuzzy Weebit as a sign of my love or anything, even though I do
love him. (adopts a Quinnesque tone and twirls her hair around her finger) But...
(Daria throws a pillow at her and they both end up laughing. Daria laughing?
Strange concept, I know, but it had to happen sometime *s*)
Daria: (sad and half-teary-eyed again) But what about Andrea? Just because I've
finally admitted that I like Trent doesn't mean that will change anything.
Jane: (smiling) That's the best part. I made that all up. See, Trent told me a night or
so ago that he liked you, but he wasn't sure how you felt about him so he wasn't
going to ask you out. I knew you liked him, but he wouldn't believe me until I came
up with proof. So I made up that thing about him and Andrea so that you'd finally
admit that you liked him. (looks at Daria who seems to be getting angry) What's
wrong, Daria? Trent's all yours now. The whole thing about Andrea wasn't true. I
mean, come on, it's Anrea were talking about here.
Daria: That's the thing. You purposely screwed with my emotions for no reason.
You couldn've just told me that Trent liked me and then I would've told you my
feelings for him.
Jane: But, Daria...I couldn't. Trent made me promise I wouldn't come out and say
that he liked you...
Daria: (interrupting her) So Trent's in on this too?
Jane: No, it was all me. Trent just told me that he liked you and didn't know what
to do about it and I took it from there. Trent had nothing to do with it. Daria, why
are you so mad? I was trying to help you and I did! You can go out with Trent
now, as soon as I tell him what you said.
Daria: But you lied to me. If Trent was too scared to tell me how he felt, you
should've just left it alone. In time, he might've been able to tell me himself and I
would have appreciated and enjoyed that a lot more than...this. Get out of my
house, Jane. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you, I don't want to
know you. That goes for Trent, too. For all I know, you could be lying about him
as well. Hell, you could be lying for him, he's probably just as involved in this as
Jane: But, Daria...
Daria: (interrupting her) Just get out, Jane.
Daria turns her back to Jane who walks out the door fighting back tears, but she
doesn't succeed. By the time she reaches her house, she's bawling her eyes out.
Trent opens the door to let her in, sees the mess she's in, and doesn't know what to
do. So he just holds her as Jane begins to tell him, inbetween sobs, everything that
Scene 3 opens with Jane and Trent still standing on the Lane's porch, the door
partway open. Trent is standing half in the house and half out, his arms encircled
around his sister as she cries.
Trent: (Holding her tight and stroking her hair softly) It's alright, Janey.
Everything's going to be alright. I promise.
Jane: (still crying, her words come out choked and crackly) But how, Trent?
How's everything going to be okay? I just did a completely unforgivable thing and
Daria...she hates me. My only friend hates me. And now, because of me and my
stupid idea, she probably hates you too. (starts crying even harder) I'm sorry,
Trent. I'm really sorry.
Trent: (continues to hold her tight and speak to her in soft tones) Don't be sorry,
Janey. You don't have anything to be sorry for. If anything, I'm the one who should
be apologizing. If I hadn't fallen in love with your best friend none of this
would've happened. Maybe you shouldn't have taken me and Daria's relationship
into your own hands, but that's my fault. I should have been brave enough to talk to
Daria myself instead of letting you go off and do it.
Jane: But you didn't know I'd...
Trent: (interrupting her) Yes, I did. I din't know for sure or anything, but I kind of
secretly hoped that you would say something to Daria. I should've told you I'd do it
myself or I maybe I should've just forgotten about her to begin with. Afterall, she
does hate me, right? I don't have a chance with her now...
Jane: (crying) And that's my fault, Trent. If it weren't for me...
Trent: Janey, quit blaming yourself. It's not your fault. None of this is. I was about
to say that the reason she's mad at me is probably because I didn't have the nerve
to tell her how I felt about her myself. That and her confused anger at you probably
contributed to it some. But don't worry, Janey. I'll fix everything. I promise. I'll go
over there right now and talk to Daria and hopefully things will start to look better
for both of us. (tilts her head up and wipes away some of her tears) Alright?
Jane: No, it's not alright. If you go over there now you won't make it to
McGrundy's in time for the gig. You can talk to Daria later. The band comes first.
Trent: But, Janey...
Jane: No, Trent. If you want to make me happy, go to the gig. The band needs you
and that's where you should be. We'll both go and talk to Daria later. (notices
Trent's unsure look) This is what I want.
Trent: Alright, if you say so. I have to go...um, drive down to Jesse's quick. I want
to see if my lucky pic's over there. Why don't you go wash your face or something,
and when I get back we'll go to the pub.
Jane: Okay. (Trent starts to leave but she stops him, smiling)
Jane: Do I really look that bad?
Trent: Do you want the truth?
Jane: No, I don't think I can handle the truth right now.
Trent: Then you look great. (smiles and winks at her) I'll be back soon.
Trent gets into his car after giving his sister a quick hug. As he drives away,
millions of thoughts are running through his mind. Thoughts of how much he loves
his sister and how he hates to see her upset. Thoughts of Daria, who's probably
just as confused as he is right now. He also thinks of how much he loves Daria and
how everything that's happened is mostly his fault, and how some if it's Daria's.
He thinks of how he knows that Daria's probably at home now with no one to
comfort her. She's probably crying too, and she doesn't have anyone there who
cares about her, just her crazy father, her ditzy sister, and her over-worked mom.
Instead of heading to Jesse's house, Trent turns onto the street that leads to the
Scene 4 opens with Trent pulling into the driveway in front of Daria's house with
Quinn peering out the window curiously. As soon as she sees Trent she jumps to
her feet to answer the door.
(Trent rings the doorbell just as Quinn opens the door)
Quinn: Hi! I'm Quinn, remember me? You're Jane's brother, right?
(Before he can answer Quinn starts talking animatedly again. On second thought,
of course she talks animatedly, she's a cartoon. *s*)
Quinn: Look, you have a car, right? Of course you do, that's how you got here!
Why don't we go see a play or go to a fancy restaurant or something. But...(eyeing
him carefully with a tinge of disgust) you're definitely going to have to change
clothes first. I mean, God, you're pants have holes...
Trent: (interrupting) Hey, could you shut up a minute! I really have to talk to Daria.
Is she home?
Quinn: You want to talk to Daria?
Trent: Yes, so could you please...
Quinn: (interrupting) Daria Morgendorrfer? Ugly hair, stupid glasses, looks like a
Trent: (angry) Yeah, I mean Daria Morgendorrfer, but she doesn't fit that
description. Now, let me in so I can talk to her.
Quinn: I'm sorry, Trent? But you've definitely got the wrong Daria. (giggles
flirtatiously) Why don't you forget about her and take me for a drive in your car. I
can go cancel my dates, just say the word.
Trent: (getting really po'ed) Look, I have no interest in you, let alone taking you
out on a date. I came here to see your sister...
Quinn: (interrupting) Cousin.
Trent: (continuing) Daria. Now...
Daria: (offscreen) Trent?
Trent: (running into the house, practically knocking a very angry-looking Quinn
over) Daria! We have to talk.
Daria: (now standing in front of him, red-faced and teary-eyed) Yes, we do.
Scene 5 opens in Daria's room. Daria sits down on her bed and Trent plops down
beside her, a comfortable distance away. At first neither of them speak, but then
they both start talking rapidly at once.
Trent: (at the same time as Daria) Daria, I'm really sorry. I never meant for Janey
Daria: (at the same time as Trent) Trent, I'm so sorry about Jane, I didn't mean the
Trent: You go first.
Daria: I'm really sorry about what I said to Jane. That's why you're here, right? I
must have hurt her so much with everything that I said and she didn't deserve it.
She was just trying to help me out and I bit her head off for it. She's the only friend
I've got and now she must hate me. (starts to cry)
Trent: (smiles softly and moves closer to Daria, putting his arm around her) Hey,
it's alright. Jane feels the same way as you do, afraid that she screwed up and now
you hate her.
Daria: But I don't, she's the one who should hate me because...
Trent: (softly) Shh...Calm down, Daria. Let me explain some things. Once I can get
you and Janey together, I know you two will make up. You both hurt each other
unintentionally and from the way you've both been crying and worrying about each
other, it's obvious that you care about each other and still want to be friends, right?
Daria: Yes, but...
Trent: No, don't interrupt me. I still have something else to say and whether or not
you want to hear it I don't know. See...um...well, Janey was right. Not about that
girl...Andrea?...but about me liking you. The truth is, I've had a crush on you ever
since we first met and it's seemed like everyday it gets worse. You're different
than any other girl I've ever met. You're smart, funny, and so much more. And
there's this...I don't know, there's something about you that I don't have a word for,
but it's beautiful. I...I love you, Daria.
Daria: (whispers softly) I love you too, Trent.
(Trent pulls her closer and they kiss. Softly and tenderly at first, and then wildly.
Trent lowers Daria onto the bed and they're making out pretty steamily when
Quinn walks into the room.)
Quinn: Trent, one of your friends is here, he says you're running late for...Oh my
(The two untangle themselves to explain things to Quinn, who is standing there
with her mouth hanging wide open.)
Quinn: You? Him? Oh my god... (runs out of the room like she's going to either
scream or cry)
Trent: (grinning) What's with her? You'd think she never saw a guy and a girl do
Daria: Nah. She only seems to be aware of things like that in the first person, not
all-knowing. And the setting usually takes place in the back of a car, not her
sister's...excuse me, cousin's bedroom.
(Trent laughs and then starts to cough)
Trent: That's probably Jesse down there. I'm late for the gig.
Daria: Oh, I'm sorry.
Trent: (smiling) Don't be. Love comes before work. So does play, for that matter.
Trent: Come on, let's go. You and Janey still have some making up to do. You're
coming to McGrundy's with me, right?
Daria: Of course.
Trent: Good, I've got a suprise for you.
Daria: It can't be any more of a suprise than what just happened now.
Trent: (smiles) That wasn't a suprise, Daria. That was a dream come true.
(He pulls her close for another kiss which is interrupted by Jesse.)
Jesse: (offscreen) Trent, let's go! We're going to be late!
Trent: (yelling) In a minute!
Daria: (Taking his outstretched hand in hers) Yeah.
Trent and Daria walk downstairs hand-in-hand to both the surprise and delight of
Jane and Jesse, who are standing there similarly. The group heads out to the Tank,
Daria and Jane seperating from the boys to talk.
Scene 6 opens at McGrundy's, a dark and atmospheric pub. Mystic Spiral are
setting up on-stage with Trent and Jesse goofing off in a competition to impress
Daria & Jane, who are sittin at a table near the front. The two girls are obviously
friends again, trading their usual sarcastic comments.
Jane: I still can't believe you and Trent finally hooked up. I mean, in both senses of
the word, if you know what I mean.
Daria: Shut up, Jane.
Jane: (pretending not to hear her) And just think, if it weren't for me lying to you
and starting a huge fight between us, it never would've happened. You should be
Daria: I already apologized to you. Isn't that enough?
Jane: (smiles) I can see love hasn't changed you much.
Daria: Hey, it's like you said, love's different for everyone. I guess I really haven't
changed that much, I'm just happier, believe it or not.
Jane: I'll choose "not." Picturing you happy is impossible. Ever more impossible
is picturing you and Tr...
Daria: Shut up, Jane. Just shut up.
Jane: (grinning evily and once again pretending not to hear her) I mean, from what
you told me, you and Trent did things I didn't even think he knew existed. Me and
Jesse, however, are a different story. The day you and Trent start to resemble us
I'll have to check with your mom to see if you really are adopted.
Daria: (laughing) That made absolutely no sense
Jane: I know. But my point is...
Daria: You actually have a point?
Jane: Shut up. My point is that I hope you and Trent stay all cute and cuddly like
you were on the way here. Wait a minute, cute and cuddly? You? My brother?
That's even scarier, I take that back. I'd prefer it if you two were more like me and
Daria: Speaking of Jesse and Trent (gestures to stage where the two are involved
in a heated argument,)
Trent: Shut up, man! You weren't there, so just shut up! Don't talk about her like
Jesse: Oh and it's okay for you to dis me and Janey? I only said that cos that's what
I'm guessing happened cos you won't give me any details.
Trent: We're onstage in front of tons of people! Like I'm going to tell you every
single detail of what went on between me and Daria right now.
Max: Hey you guys. The mic's on.
Jane: Isn't that cute?
Daria: No comment.
(The lights dim and the band is introduced. Trent steps up to the mic)
Trent: Good evening Lawndale.
Trent: Like the guy just said, we're Mystic Spiral and we're here tonight to change
the way you think about music.
(They play Ice Box Woman, Behind My Eyelids, From the Futon, a few Doors
covers: La Woman and Light My Fire. The band exits the stage, leaving Trent
alone sitting on a stool with an acoustic guitar)
Trent: I hope you've enjoyed the show so far. This will be the last song of the
night. It's kind of a cross between a ballad and a poem I once wrote that just
seemed to fit together. I know we usually don't play this kind of music but this song
is really important to me becauseI wrote it for my girlfriend Daria before we
started going out and I was afraid I'd never get her. It's called Longing.
(starts to play a soft, melancholy song and sings the following lyrics downcast and
Sitting here silently
Guitar in hand
No words come to mind that describe you
A feeling deep within me
That may never touch my lips
Aches to be set free of my heart
From the moment I first saw you
To the last time my eyes met yours
I knew that you were the one
That could soothe all my pain
And be my everything, my only need
Like a drug I crave you now
From the deepest, darkest corner of my heart
That no one must ever see
(strums one last chord and looks out into the dark pub as the audience goes wild.
His eyes find Daria's and the two just gaze at each other with such intensity it's
almost scary. As the applause dies down some, the spell is broken and Trent looks
Trent: That was probably one of the most meaningful songs I've ever written, but
I'm glad it no longer applies to my life. I've got the girl who it was about and she's
sitting at one of the table near the front. I won't point her out and embarrass her,
but I'll say this: Daria, I love you and I always will. Goodnight.
(Trent leaves the stage as the crowd cheers again. Daria looks over at Jane and
Daria: Maybe I have changed. Maybe not. But if anyone in the world could make
me eternally happy, it'd be Trent.
Jane: (smirking) How touching.
Daria: Shut up, Jane. At least I don't have I love Jesse tattoed on my thigh.
Jane: (shocked) How'd you know about that?
Daria: (smiles) Just a lucky guess.
Jane: I bet. Did Trent tell you? But then, how would he know?
The two continuing arguing half-heartedly until the boys come out. Trent kisses
Daria softly and the two walk outside holding hands followed by Jesse and Jane,
who are arguing about Jane's tattoo. Normally Daria would have felt inclined to
comment, but for the time being she was satisfied just walking with Trent, not
saying a word. They all boarded the Tank and headed home, stopping at Daria's
first. Daria gets out, followed by Trent, who had left his car there. The van speeds
away with Jane and Jesse's arguing still audible.
Scene 7 opens with Daria and Trent standing against his car in the dark, cold night.
Daria: I wonder if we'll ever act like that.
Trent: (laughs softly) I hope not. (pulls her close to him in a hug to keep the two of
them warm) You're not worried about that are you?
Daria: No, not really. I do enough fighting with the rest of the world as it is.
Trent: (smiles and kisses her forehead) We'll never fight. And if we do, I promise
I'll fix things.
Daria: (smiles) You're good at that aren't you?
Trent: I must be. I helped sort things out between you and Janey and you and me
today. That must prove something.
Daria: (smiling) It proves that you're a good brother and a loving friend. I don't
Trent: (laughs) Maybe not, but you can have me anyway. (kisses her)
Daria: (mockingly in between kisses) You're so generous, Trent. What can I ever
do to repay you?
Trent: Well, since you're offering, you could let me take you out for something to
Daria: Eat? It's almost 1 o'clock in the morning!
Trent: Exactly my point. If I'm not sleeping, I'm eating. But if you'd rather go to
sleep then I'm sure we can arrange something.
(Daria looks at him with mock horror and shock and pretends to slap him, which
soon leads to the two of them chasing each other around the Morgendorrfer's front
yard laughing. Trent finally catches Daria and they both fall to the ground in a very
suspicious-looking angle right when the porch light comes on.)
Helen: (standing in the doorway looking angry) Quinn Morgendorrfer, what in the
world are you...Oh, it's you Daria. Well, would you mind introducing me to the
young man on top of you before I get your father out here?
(the two quickly get up off the ground and stand in front of Helen)
Daria: (muttering to herself sarcastically) Now I'm really scared.
(Trent laughs softly and then starts to cough)
Helen: (hands on hips) What did you say, young lady?
Daria: Nothing. (looks at Trent aggravatedly and apologetic. He mouths a quick
"Don't worry about it") Mom, this is Trent Lane, Jane's brother. He's the singer
the band we went to see tonight and he was just driving me home.
Helen: how nice, but would you mind telling me why the two of you were...
Trent: (interrupting with a seemingly sheepish smile) That would be my fault, Mrs.
Morgendorrfer. Your daughter and I were kidding around and chasing each other
and when I caught her, we both fell. That was when you opened the door and saw
us there. I know we shouldn't have been horsing around like that this late at ight,
but we were both still pretty hyper from tonight's gig.
Helen: That's okay, Trent? (laughs/giggles) I know what it's like to be young and
go to concerts and have flings with musicians. (becomes serious and gives Trent
the once over and says this almost darkly) I know it all too well. (starts talking
cheerily again, as if realizing she may be ruining her daughter's first date) So, are
the two of you...an item, shall we say?
Trent: Yes, Mrs. Morgendorffer, we are. I was wondering if you'd allow me to
take your daughter out for something to eat. I won't keep her out long, I promise.
Helen: Not tonight, Trent. I'm afraid Daria and I have to have a talk. But, I'll leave
the two of you alone for a few moments. (looks at Daria sternly) Don't take too
(Helen goes inside, probably to spy out the window.)
Daria: You're a really good liar and everything, but I'm afraid I'll have to take a
raincheck. Mom undoubtedly can't wait to grill me on every detail about what
you're like, what kind of job you have, how the concert went, and tons of
seemingly personal questions that she'll fire out as easily and ruthlessly as she will
when she asks me when your birthday is.
Trent: You think she'll actually ask that?
Trent: What are you going to tell her?
Daria: Nothing, I guess, because I don't know when your birthday is.
Trent: No, I mean about everything.
Daria: (smiles and looks up into his eyes) I'll tell her you're a very nice and
considerate friend and that you watch out for me and your little sister. And that I
had fun with you tonight and can't wait to see you again. Either that or I'll tell her
you're 21 years old, you came onto me in my own bedroom, you play in a
rock'n'roll band *now that part will scare her*, and you haven't had a job in your
entire life. Both are true, which would you prefer?
Trent: (smiles) Well, I'm actually quite proud of both descriptions, but I imagine
your mother wouldn't deal with the latter too well. I love you, Daria.
Daria: I love you too.
The two kiss quickly yet tenderly on the lips and Daria turns away and rushes into
the house to face her mother, her fingers touching her lips as if she could still feel
Trent's lips on hers. As Trent sat in his car waiting for the porch light to turn off,
he touched his lips with his fingertips too and smiled. "I love you," he
hoarsely and drove away.