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"Monkeys on the Mind"
by Kate

DARIA'S SURBURBAN HOME

DARIA'S ROOM

RRrringgggg.........RRrringggg

Daria get's up to get it.

Quinn: (yells)I'll get it. It's probably some hunk wanting to ask me
out.

Daria sighs.

Quinn: (screams)IT'S YOUR STUPID LITTLE FRIEND JANE LANE!!!

Daria: (picks up the phone) Hello, Jane.

Jane: Hi. So, what are you doing today?

Daria: Nothing, what are you doing?

Jane: I was thinking about going to the zoo, but I have no one to go
with. Do you want to come?

Daria: Sure sounds great (sarcasticly)

Jane: Okay, get a cab and come over here.

Daria: A cab??? Ah come on those drivers freak me out!

Jane: Well...you could always take the BUS!

Daria: No. That's okay I'll take the cab. (sighs) See you in ten
minutes, bye (hangs up)

Daria: (looks up to see Quinn standing in the doorway) What do you
want?

Quinn: Well.. I just wanted to say- (Daria gets up and slams the door)
MOM- DARIA IS BEING VERY RUDE!!! And she's going to the zoo, too he he
he.

Helen: DARIA DON'T BE RUDE!

Daria: (Calls a cab; waits outside for it to come)

5 MINUTES LATER...a cab pulls up. Daria gets in. A bald goth lady with
tons of piercings is driving.

Cab lady: Where to, baby?!?!?

Daria: 520 Parker's Lane

Cab lady: Oh...you know Trent?

Daria: Yeah.

5 MINUTES LATER...520 Parker's Lane

Daria: Wait here I have to get Jane (Exits the cab)

JANE'S DOORSTEP: Daria rings bell. Trent answers.

Trent: Hey Daria

Daria: (Blushes) Hey, Trent is Jane home? We're going to the zoo.

Trent: Yeah. Oh wow the zoo. Sounds like fun.

Jane: (Runs down stairs) Daria let's go. (Pulls Daria away from her
love)

INTERIOR OF CAB

Jane: This cab smells bad.

Daria: Yeah, but we're almost there.

Jane: No, we are here.

Daria: OH

Cab lady: Pay up sexy.

Jane: (eye's widen)

Daria: Um..kay how much?

Cab lady: $10 and 555-1111

Daria: (Hands lady the money) Um..no thanks (pushes Jane out of the cab
and gets out, slams the door and shivers)

ENTERANCE OF THE ZOO

Jane: That lady was scary!

Daria: No kidding (Walks up to the window where Upchuck is working)

Upchuck: Hello sexy ladies what can I do for you?

Jane: Give us tickets for free than jump off a brigde.

Upchuck: I'll do the first thing, but not the second. Can I come with
you beauties?

Daria and Jane: NO!!! (Walk to the lions first)

LIONS ARE ALL SLEEPING

Daria: Wow. They are so ferocoius.

Jane: (ROARS really loud)

LIONS SNAP AWAKE AND BEGIN ROARING AND RUNNING ALL OVER

Daria: Wow, that was cool! (Eyes widening)

Jane: Look at those two humping each other! (Jane points to the right
side of the glass)

CLOSE UP ON HUMPING LIONS

Daria: That's gross

CLOSEUP ON DARIA'S FACE

CLOSEUP OF JANE LAUGHING

DARIA AND JANE WALK TO MONKEY HOUSE

Jane: (Opens the door and deeply inhales) Ah...the smell of Monkey's
shit. How I love it.

Daria: Jane your messed up.

Jane: Yeah. I know. (Walks to the first monkey exhibit)

Daria: Look at the monkey's they are so small and cute (sarcastic tone)

Jane: (Nugdes Daria and points to a small lady) she looks like them.
Do you think there is any relation?

CLOSEUP ON MONKEY LADY

Daria: *sighs* (walks on)

Jane: Baboons

SHOWS BABOONS THEN BACK TO DARIA AND JANE

Daria: Great

Jane: Their asses are very colorful

Daria: Yes they are, and that one is shiting. EW!

Jane: (Nugdes Daria and points to a big red man) Do you think that his
ass is as red as the baboon's?

SHOWS THE RED MAN THEN BACK TO GIRLS

Daria: (sarcasticlly) I don't know why don't you ask him?

Jane: HA HA you're so funny.

Daria: That's what I thought. (Moves on)

Jane: Normal monkeys

CLOSEUP ON THE EXHIBIT

SHOWS THE MONKEYS DOING WHAT THEIR DOING

Daria: Ah yes, normal. That one is eating a bananna, that one is
picking bugs off the other one and those two are...uh what are they
doing?
(pointing to two little monkeys dressed up, close together)

CLOSEUP ON THE DRESSED UP MONKEYS

Jane: Oh that's monkeys "President Clinton" and "Monica" the "Monica"
is goiving "President Clinton" a blow job.

Daria: That is just great

Jane: Let's go to the Gorilla's pit.

SHOWS GORILLA PIT FAR AWAY VIEW; CLOSEUP ON THE GIRLS BACKS AND THE PIT

Jane: Ah! The Gorilla's pit.

SHOWS DARIA DRIFTING OFF INTO HER DAYDREAM THEN THE DAYDREAM

Daria: (Daydream: Daria and Quinn are at the zoo, and Quinn is blabbing
about how Sandy is going to kick Quinn out for insluting her. They come
to the Gorilla's pit and Daria pushes Quinn over the edge screaming "DIE
DIE")

EXTS. OUT TO SHOW JANE SHAKING DARIA

Jane: You haven't been listing to a word I've said have you?

Daria: No, but YOU just ruined our favorite daydream!

SHOWS ALL OF DAYDREAMS AS THEY ARE SAID

Jane: School burning down?

Daria: NO

Jane: Cheerleader's and football players all die?

Daria: NO, Quinn and the Gorilla's

Jane: Oh yeah, sorry, continue.

Daria: I can't you lost my train of thought.

Jane: Sorry.

3 HOURS LATER

DUSK SETTLING IN SHOWS A CAB PULL INTO SCHOOL BY GYM; PARKING LOT FULL;
ZOOMS IN TO DARIA AND JANE EXITING CAB AND WALKING INTO GYM; SHOWS
EVERYONE WEARING BLUE AND YELLOW; BRITTANY RUNS UP TO THEM

Brittany: Hey guys where is your blue and yellow team spirit?

Daria: We didn't stand in that line.

Brittany: Oh phooey! (Stomps off)

Jane: And I guess she didn't stand in the line handing out saneness.

Daria: Why are we here?

Jane: Because I like to watch all the people with no lives watch the
people with lives, and wish they were them, and someone them look like
monkeys.

Daria: That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.

Jane: Let's hear what you have to say?

Daria: (Thinks a minute then shrugs her shoulders)

Jane: Come, let's sit. (Starts walking off, Daria follows)

4 HOURS LATER INSIDE A BUS WAITING PLACE

Daria: I really don't want to take the bus home

Jane: Ah come on, why not?

Daria: It is dirty and freaky people ride the bus.

Jane: I ride the bus!

Daria: EXACTLY!

Jane: You're so mean!

Daria: I know.

Jane: Come on the bus is here.

JANE AND DARIA GET INSIDE THE BUS

INT. OF BUS

(all the people stare at Daria)

Daria: Why are all the people staring at me?

Jane: You're a newcomer, they can tell, they do that to scare people.

Daria: Well, it is working, can we sit. (Finds a seat and sits down.
Watches out the window.)

Jane: You know what, Daria?

Daria: No, what?

Jane: That lady over there looks like a monkey. (pointing to a freaky
looking lady)

CLOSEUP ON LADY THEN BACK TO DARIA AND JANE

Daria: You are rude. No...wait...she does! Omigosh she actually does,
now that is scary!

Jane: See, sometimes I can be right.

Daria: Not very often though

BUS STOPS A HAIRY MAN GETS ON

Jane: Hey, look that guy looks like a--

Daria: Let me guess Jane. HE LOOKS LIKE A MONKEY, IS THAT IT DOES
HE???!!!???

(Hairy Man looks over and glares)

Jane: Yes, Daria he does, calm down.

Daria: NO, suddenly everything to you is monkeys, everything has to do
with those damn apes. (Frantically pushes stop button)

Jane: No it is not.

BUS STOPS SHOWS DARIA STANDING UP WALKS TO THE FRONT OF THE BUS

Jane: This isn't your stop.....this is the CHINA TOWN stop

Daria: Well. It's my stop now.

Jane: Okay?!?

Daria: Call me when you become sane, and drop all the monkey shit.

Jane: That might not be for a while and the monkeys won't like it.

Daria: Go @&$* the monkeys!

Jane: No they are dirty.

Daria: Whatever Jane!!!