"My Best Friend's Brother's Ex-Best Friend's Wedding"
by Invisigoth Gypsy (InvisigothGypsy@starmail.com)
Summary: Jesse and Trent get invited to an old friend's wedding... and guess
who they decide to bring along. Meanwhile, Quinn convinces Helen that Daria
can't be trusted with Trent.
(Opening credits. Title scene: Daria in "My Best Friend's Brother's Ex-Best
(Scene opens at Jane's house. She and Daria are sitting at a computer, surf-
ing the 'Net for lack of anything constructive to do.)
DARIA: Where would the Internet be in a world without Star Trek and the
JANE: Ooh, interesting thought... You know all the X-Files fan fiction out
there? Well, okay, imagine that one of the fanfic universes is real, that
Mulder and Scully really exist or whatever. (She grins evilly.) So what's
on Fox Sunday nights? If Mulder and Scully really exist, there couldn't be
a *TV show* of the X-Files, so all the merchandise and web pages and stuff
DARIA: Your plot to blow my mind failed, Jane.
DARIA: I bet I can beat it, though.
JANE: (narrows eyes) You're on.
DARIA: Okay, you were talking about a fictional universe where Mulder and
Scully are real. Well, how about this: What if *we* live in a universe
that's fictional to *somebody else*? What TV show are *we* missing?
(Jane looks at Daria, completely expressionless.)
JANE: I hope you rot in hell for messing with my mind like this. (Suddenly
she notices something out the window.) Ooh, mail truck's here. I'll be
(She goes outside. Daria sighs and turns back to the computer. In a few
minutes, Jane returns holding a small stack of mail.)
JANE: Umm... Pottery Barn catalog. Mall flyer. Hmm, there's a sale on baby
t's... want to go? Heheheh. Er... uh oh. Internet services bill. And...
hmmm, interesting. Something for Trent. In neat handwriting too. Looks
like an invitation or something. (She looks up at Daria and grins.) Whaddya
say we enter the lair of the sleeping hell beast to see what this is about?
DARIA: Uh... this is a very interesting web site. I'll just stay here.
(Jane looks over her shoulder.)
JANE: "The Mulder/Krycek Romantics Association"? Nice try, but you just
aren't cut out to be a slasher chick. Come on.
(Cut to Jane and Daria outside Trent's room. Jane knocks, but there is no
response, so she opens the door. Trent is sprawled out on the bed, asleep,
with the radio blaring.)
JANE: (yelling) Trent! (She goes over and shakes him. There is no response.
Jane sighs.) Only one thing can wake him up when he's like this.
DARIA: What's that?
JANE: Complete silence.
(She reaches over and turns off the radio. Sure enough, Trent jumps awake
but doesn't open his eyes.)
TRENT: Hunh-- wha--
JANE: Yo, Sleeping Beauty, rise and shine.
TRENT: (His eyes are still shut.) Janey, I love you, now go to hell.
DARIA: (sardonically, to Jane) Ah, the affection of brotherly love.
(Trent opens his eyes and looks embarrassed.)
TRENT: Uh, hey Daria. (He sits up.)
JANE: You got this in the mail.
(She hands him the letter. He looks a little puzzled, then opens it and
pulls out a card. He starts reading it, then stares.)
TRENT: Oh, *man*. I can't believe this! Jesse's gonna *flip* when he finds
JANE: Um, what *is* it?
TRENT: Remember that guy me and Jess used to hang out with a while back?
JANE: Uh... you mean that guy who moved away?
TRENT: Yeah, him. Janey, he's... he's getting *married.* (He shakes his
head.) This is too weird. I mean, we were like, best friends and all, and
now... now he's *grown up*.
JANE: So, you gonna go?
TRENT: Only if Jesse goes.
JANE: My brother, the wuss.
DARIA: Strength in numbers. (She looks at Jane.) I wouldn't go to *your*
wedding by myself.
JANE: *You'll* be married before I ever will!
DARIA: (wryly) Poor Jesse. He'll be waiting a while then. I'm not getting
married for a *long* time.
JANE: (evil grin) Poor Trent, then.
(Daria gives Jane a deadly look, but luckily Trent doesn't notice Jane's com-
ment. Daria is spared by the phone ringing beside Trent's bed. He picks it
TRENT: Hello? (pause) Oh, hey Jess. (pause) Yeah, I got it. You going?
(pause) Okay, but it's like five hours away. (pause) No, we're *not* taking
the Tank to a wedding.
(Daria and Jane exchange looks.)
TRENT: Oh, you can? Cool. Yeah. Um, d'ya think we're supposed to bring
dates or something? (pause, wryly) I should have guessed. Yeah, I'm sure
Jane'll want to go. (pause) Yeah, I guess. (pause, Trent glares) *No*, Jesse.
Okay. See you Saturday. Bye.
(He hangs up the phone.)
JANE: I take it I'm committed to going Saturday?
TRENT: (shrugs) I already knew that where Jesse goes, you'll follow.
DARIA: (wryly) Have fun, Jane.
JANE: Oh, I will. (She smirks.) Ready to return to the wild world of cyber-
DARIA: Actually, I better get home. Mom's on one of her little family kicks
and she'll be mad if I'm late.
JANE: 'Kay. I'll walk with you. Let me go turn off the 'puter.
(She leaves, and Daria starts to follow her.)
TRENT: Uh, Daria?
(She stops and turns around.)
TRENT: You want to go Saturday? Since Janey's going and all.
DARIA: (missing his point, wryly) I can manage without her for one day, I
guess. She probably wouldn't want me around when she's with Jesse anyway.
TRENT: (grins) They'll probably forget *anyone's* around. (He looks down.)
Well, do you still want to go... like as my date or something? (quickly)
Since Jesse's taking Jane and all.
DARIA: (thought VO) Is Quinn's head as empty as her hair is bouncy? (out
TRENT: (looks at her) Okay. I'll see you then.
(She leaves the room with some semblance of composure, but starts smiling as
soon as she's in the hall. She covers her mouth with her hand as she meets
Jane at the front door.)
JANE: What's wrong? Your lips fall off or something?
DARIA: (muffled unintelligable reply)
(Jane grabs Daria's wrist and pries her hand away.)
JANE: Uh oh. You're smiling. What happened?
(Daria tries to stop, but is unable to, resulting in an odd facial movement.)
(They go outside and start walking to Daria's house.)
JANE: Liar. What did Trent do this time?
DARIA: (looks down) He just, uh, asked me to go Saturday.
JANE: Oooooh. (sing-song) Daria has a daaaaate! Daria has a daaaaate!
DARIA: That doesn't even deserve a reply.
(Cut to them walking up to the Morgendorffer house.)
JANE: Guess I'll see you tomorrow at school. (sly grin) You have a whole
day to wait. How will you ever make it?
DARIA: With you around, I probably won't.
(Cut to the Morgendorffers at dinner.)
HELEN: Guess what, girls? I've signed us all up for a family workshop on
Saturday! Won't that be fun?
QUINN & DARIA: I have plans.
HELEN: Cancel them.
QUINN: But Mooo-ooom, you always told me to stick to my commitments!
HELEN: But honey, the family's well-being is more important than anything
else. (She glares.) Besides, I paid a lot of good money to get in to this
workshop. The price they charge is *outrageous*!
DARIA: Wouldn't it be fair if you at least listened to our previous commit-
HELEN: (sighs) All right, all right. Quinn?
QUINN: The Fashion Club is--
HELEN: No. Daria?
DARIA: I'm going to a wedding.
JAKE: You're getting married? My little girl?!?
HELEN: (sharply) Whose wedding?
DARIA: Jane's brother's ex-best friend's.
HELEN: That doesn't sound very--
DARIA: (plays her trump card) And I'm Trent's date.
HELEN: Well, that sounds all right then. (encouraging) It's nice to see you
JAKE: How much time have you spent with this Trent guy?
DARIA: Umm, I usually see him when I'm over at Jane's.
JAKE: Don't you think you're rushing things a little? I mean, getting
married is a big commitment, Daria, and--
HELEN: Jake? Shut up.
JAKE: Er, sure, dear. (He goes back to his paper.)
HELEN: Well, Quinn, you and your father and I will go to the workshop then.
QUINN: (frustrated) Ooooooooooooooooh!
(Cut to Mr. O'Neill's class at Lawndale High the next day.)
MR. O'NEILL: Okay, today we're going to discuss Ray Bradbury's story "There
Will Come Soft Rains." This story focuses on an empty house left behind when
the family who lived in it is killed in a nuclear apocalypse.
(Cut to Brittany, who looks stricken.)
BRITTANY: (whimpers) That's so *sad*!
(Cut back to Mr. O'Neill.)
MR. O'NEILL: Who can tell me some of the symbolism behind this story?
(Cut to show shot of the class. Brittany is still sniffling, Jane is draw-
ing, and Daria is staring off into space and, wonder of wonders, looking
MR. O'NEILL: (offscreen VO, hopefully) Daria?
(Daria jumps and looks hunted.)
DARIA: Uh... what?
(Cut to Mr. O'Neill.)
MR. O'NEILL: What is the symbolism in this story?
(Cut to Daria.)
DARIA: Uh... the house burns down?
BRITTANY: (horrified) It *does*? (She jumps up and runs out of the room,
(Cut to Daria and Jane sitting on the grass outside later.)
JANE: What's with you today? I've never seen you miss a *literature* ques-
DARIA: I was... uh... thinking.
JANE: (smirks) I'm sure you were. Which reminds me... (She digs in her back-
pack and pulls out a notebook.) Check this out. (She hands it to Daria.)
(From Daria's POV, we see a drawing of Daria in a wedding dress. Cut to show
DARIA: (wryly) Thanks, Jane. Now I'll be even more distracted since I have
to plot a way to kill you. (She hands the notebook back.)
JANE: By the way, Trent talked to Bobby on the phone. Turns out we got to be
there early. The guy wants to show off his house or something. (She rolls
her eyes.) Anyway, Trent said we'll have to leave around six or so to get
there in time.
DARIA: I can't imagine Trent being coherent at six in the morning, much less
able to drive.
JANE: (shrugs) The things a person will do for friendship. But you'd pro-
bably better spend the night. And no, you can't sleep in Trent's room. No
point in asking.
JANE: Just kidding!
(Commercial break scene: Daria and Jane surfing the Web.)
(Cut to Jane's room, around five o'clock Saturday morning. There is a loud
buzzing as an alarm clock goes off.)
(Cut to around five-thirty. Daria and Jane are finally up and dressed, wear-
ing their usual clothes. They both have bags and their dresses on hangers.)
JANE: Ready to face the world?
JANE: Ready to face Trent?
DARIA: (deadpan) I'm going back to bed.
(They leave the room and go downstairs. Jesse is sitting on the sofa,
JANE: Hey, Jesse, wake up. (to Daria) Jesse borrowed his mom's sedan, so we
wouldn't have to take the Tank.
JESSE: (yawns) I'm awake.
(Trent comes into the room, looking only slightly more alert than Jesse,
carrying two suits.)
JANE: (pretending to be stunned) Oh my God! *Clean* clothes!
TRENT: I'm too tired to hit you now, Janey, but remind me to do it later.
(He smiles at Daria.) Morning, Daria.
JESSE: Everybody ready?
JANE: I guess. Might as well get it over with.
DARIA: You're enthusiastic.
JANE: Blame it on the fact that Mr. Sun has yet to show his face.
(Cut to the four in the car. Jane and Daria are asleep in the back seat,
Trent is asleep in the passenger seat, and Jesse is driving. As the sun
starts coming up, he pulls off the side of the road and shakes Trent awake.)
JESSE: Hey man, you take it for a while. I'm about to fall asleep.
(They get out and exchange places.)
TRENT: The girls doing okay? (He looks at them in the mirror.)
JESSE: Yeah. Fell asleep right away. I shoulda sat back there instead of
TRENT: (sharply) Why?
JESSE: (yawns) So Jane could have fallen asleep on *me* and not Daria.
(He starts the car and pulls on to the road.)
JESSE: Next time we stop, I'm in the back. (yawns again)
TRENT: Okay. Daria can have shotgun.
JESSE: (falling asleep) I'm sure you'll... enjoy...
(He never finishes. Trent glares.)
(Cut to around nine o'clock. Trent pulls off at a McDonald's as Daria wakes
DARIA: (yawning) Where are we?
TRENT: More than halfway there. I thought we'd better stop for breakfast.
Wake up Janey, will you?
(Daria wakes up Jane, as Trent wakes up Jesse. The four wander somewhat
sleepily into McDonald's for breakfast. They sit down at a table, with
Trent and Jesse on one side, and Daria and Jane on the other.)
JANE: How much farther is it?
TRENT: Only a couple hours.
JESSE: I got the back seat this time.
JANE: Oooh, me too.
DARIA: (wryly) Remind me not to turn around.
JANE: I'll make a deal. If you don't watch *us*, we won't watch *you*.
(She smirks at Daria, who glares.)
TRENT: We'd better get back on the road. (He looks at his watch.) It's nine-
JANE: (sighs) Okay, okay. You ready, Jesse? (She looks over at Jesse, who
is slumped over the table, asleep again.) Jesse?
(Cut to the Morgendorffer house around ten. Quinn sticks her head out of her
door and looks around quickly before sneaking downstairs. She tiptoes to the
front door and quietly opens it-- just as Helen and Jake come up behind her.)
HELEN: Why, Quinn, you must be really excited about this workshop! You're
all ready to go.
QUINN: Uhh... yeah, Mom.
JAKE: Well, let's load up the ol' jalopy and hit the road!
(Helen and Jake go outside.)
QUINN: (frustrated) Ooooooooohhhhhhh!
(Commercial break scene: Quinn's escape attempt being thwarted by Helen and
(Cut to later that morning, around eleven. Jane, Jesse, and Daria are all
asleep again and poor Trent is *still* driving. He looks over at Daria and
smiles, then sighs and turns back to the road. Cut to around eleven-thirty,
as the car pulls up in front of a nice-looking, albeit rather average,
house. Cut to inside the car. Trent leans over and gently shakes Daria.)
DARIA: Whaaaaaaa... (She opens her eyes and blinks. a little embarrassed)
Uh, hey Trent.
TRENT: We're there. (He turns to the back seat and pokes Jane.) Janey,
Jesse, wake up.
(Jane yawns and sits up as Trent and Daria get out of the car. As Jane and
Jesse get out, a young man about Trent's age comes out of the house. He has
blond hair in a conservative haircut [at least compared to Trent and Jesse's
ROBERT: Trent! Jesse!
TRENT: Bobby! Man, it's been forever!
ROBERT: (grins) Sure has. And call me Robert. It sounds more... husbandy.
(His grin widens; it's plain to see that he is incredibly excited about the
TRENT: You remember Janey, don't you?
ROBERT: (wryly) How could I not?
(Jane looks very embarrassed. Daria looks at her in surprise.)
TRENT: (laughs) I'd forgotten about that. Anyway, this is Daria.
ROBERT: (grins) Your girl, hunh?
(Daria and Trent both look embarrassed and mumble something negative at the
ROBERT: So, how's life treating *you*, Jesse?
JESSE: (glances at Jane) Just fine.
ROBERT: (grins even more) You two? Man, I *never* thought I'd live to see
the day you two could look at each other without fighting.
DARIA: (looks interested) Jane, I think you have some explaining to do.
ROBERT: Do I have some stories to tell you, Daria! (He looks slyly around.)
You won't believe some of the stuff that happened to these three--
JANE, TRENT, & JESSE: Robert!
ROBERT: Don't think you three are getting out of it, 'cos you're not. But
right now, why don't you all come look at the house? (He gestures at the
house behind them.)
(The five walk inside and Robert shows them around, explaining that he and
his bride-to-be Cindy are going to move in as soon as they get back from
their honeymoon. Finally they all sit down in the living room.)
JESSE: I can't believe that you and *Cindy* are getting hitched.
TRENT: Yeah. I remember when she was so damn in love with you and you
wouldn't even talk to her.
ROBERT: (smiles softly) Yeah. Man, I didn't know what I was missing. She's
a great girl. The best. (He has a mushy, deep-in-love expression on his
JESSE: Where is she, anyway?
ROBERT: Come on, you know a guy's not supposed to see his bride the day of
the wedding! She's at her mom's house down the street. (to Daria and Jane)
I thought you two could get ready over there while me and the guys catch up
on stuff. We're gonna go eat somewhere, and you two can hang with Cindy.
JANE: (looks at Daria and shrugs) Sure. Fine with me.
DARIA: (trying not to look disappointed) Yeah. It's fine.
ROBERT: Great! It's the fourth house to the left. You could just get your
stuff and walk if you want.
JANE: Okay. Come on, Daria.
(They get up.)
TRENT: I'll go get our stuff out of the car, Jess.
(He follows the girls out to the car. Jane and Daria get their dresses and
bags out of the trunk, while Trent gets the suits.)
TRENT: I hate to brush you two off like this.
JANE: Oh don't worry about it, Trent.
TRENT: (grins) You have to tell Daria about Robert, you know.
JANE: Dammit, Trent--
TRENT: (to Daria) Make her tell you, okay?
DARIA: (smirks) Okay. This should be interesting.
TRENT: Umm... I guess I'll see you this afternoon. Meet us back here around
three and we'll drive to the church together, okay?
JANE: Okay, fine, Trent, come *on*, Daria.
(She starts dragging Daria down the street.)
DARIA: (over her shoulder) Bye, Trent.
TRENT: (smiles) Bye.
(He turns to go back inside. Cut to the living room.)
ROBERT: Man, what's up with Trent and that Daria chick?
JESSE: (groans) Don't ask. It's a mess.
ROBERT: Hmm, this is more interesting than you and Jane hooking up...
JESSE: I really don't know, man. She's Jane's best friend, so we usually do
stuff together, all four of us. At first he didn't say too much about her--
you know how Trent is-- but lately... I dunno. (He sighs.) I think he likes
her, 'cos he'll be like "Daria this" and "Daria that" but he denies
out of it.
ROBERT: (chuckles) From the way he was looking at her just now, I'd say he's
got it bad. What's she like?
JESSE: (shrugs) She's pretty cool. She's got sense and all, and she's pretty
funny. Kinda quiet. I think they'd be good together, but whenever I mention
it, Trent just glares at me.
ROBERT: (shakes his head) Man, I'm glad I'm through with this kind of thing.
Well, Trent always was pretty quiet and shy in his own way. Maybe he's into
her and is just scared to tell her.
JESSE: Maybe so. I wish--
(They hear the front door opening and immediately change the subject.)
JESSE: Where we gonna eat?
TRENT: (coming into the room) Man, Jess, all you think about is food. (to
Robert) Where should I put this stuff?
ROBERT: I'll show you. (He and Jesse exchange looks, then follow Trent out
of the room.)
(Cut to the three remaining Morgendorffers in the car driving to the family
QUINN: Mom, do we *have* to go?
HELEN: Quinn, I've already told you it's for your own good.
QUINN: (pouting) I still don't see why *Daria* gets out of this and I don't.
HELEN: Daria already had a very important commitment.
QUINN: But the Fashion Club *is* important! And Daria doesn't even know the
guy that's getting married. (She scowls.) You're just letting her go 'cos
she has a date, aren't you? It's not fair. *I* have dates all the time.
HELEN: That's why it's special for Daria, honey. We want to encourage her to
start seeing people. (threateningly) *Right*, Jake?
JAKE: Er, right! (whispers to Helen) What are we talking about?
QUINN: Oh, so just because Daria has no life, she gets special treatment?
HELEN: Now, Quinn--
QUINN: Have you *seen* this Trent guy?
HELEN: Umm. Well, no.
QUINN: He, like, doesn't shave or something. And his clothes-- ugh!
HELEN: (glances at Jake) Well, I'm sure he's a very nice boy, fashion sense
QUINN: From what *I* hear, he's about 21--
HELEN: (shocked) *21*? (She tries calms down somewhat.) Well, that's...
um... nice. What college does he go to?
QUINN: (enjoying herself) He doesn't.
HELEN: Umm... well, I guess he works then.
QUINN: If you call playing for a band work.
HELEN: (severely) He's in a *band*?
QUINN: Yup. (She looks nonchalantly out the window.) I'm sure you can trust
*Daria* with him though. She wouldn't do anything *too* bad. As long as she
doesn't have too much to drink at the reception. (Helen looks stricken.)
That might cloud her judgment a little... but I wouldn't worry if I were you.
HELEN: Jake-- turn the car around.
JAKE: Hunh? What about the workshop?
(Close-up on determined Helen.)
HELEN: Screw the workshop. We're going after Daria.
(Commercial break scene: Trent and Jesse's reunion with Robert.)
(Cut to Daria and Jane walking towards Cindy's house.)
DARIA: (smirking) So, what's this I hear about you and Robert?
JANE: (embarrassed) I... uh... well, back when I was a kid, I sort of...
well, I had a crush on him. Followed him around all the time and stuff. The
guys thought it was hilarious.
(Daria starts laughing.)
JANE: (sardonically) Thanks for the support.
DARIA: (still laughing) Sorry. (She calms down.) What was he saying about
you and Jesse fighting?
JANE: (snickers) Oh, *that* was hilarious. We used to *hate* each other. I
thought he was the stupidest person on the face of the planet, and he thought
I was an annoying little brat.
DARIA: Dang, no wonder Robert was so surprised that you two are together.
JANE: Yeah. I dunno how it happened, either. Suddenly it was like he didn't
seem so stupid anymore, and I didn't seem so annoying. (She shrugs.) People
change, I guess.
(They stop at a pleasant yellow house.)
DARIA: I guess this is it.
(They go up to the door and ring the bell. A pretty young woman with
shoulder length blond hair and glasses answers the door.)
CINDY: Hi! You must be the girls with Trent and Jesse. I'm Cindy.
JANE: I'm Jane, Trent's sister. And Jesse's date. This is Trent's date--
(Daria glares at Jane.) --and my partner-in-crime, Daria.
CINDY: Nice to meet you. Come on in, I'll show you where to put your things.
(They go inside and leave their clothes in a guest room. Cindy turns to
them and smiles.)
CINDY: Why don't we go out for lunch? Just us girls.
JANE: (grinning) On your last morning of freedom.
CINDY: (laughs) It must be love, because I'm more than willing to give it up.
(Cut to them sitting around a table at the restaurant, with salads and
JANE: Okay, Cindy, time to tell me all my brother's darkest secrets from his
high school days.
CINDY: (laughs) Hate to disappoint you, but I don't know any of them.
DARIA: What were Trent and Jesse like back then?
CINDY: (looks thoughtful) Well, they and Robert were all best friends. It
was like they were almost one person, because you always talked about them
together-- Bobby, Jesse, and Trent. Robert was the heart-breaker... (She
smiles.) He sure broke mine. I was crazy about him all through school, and
he knew it, but he wouldn't pay any attention to me. I got over him when he
moved away, but then we ran into each other when my mom moved out here a few
months ago. (She laughs.) *I* nearly broke *his* heart this time. I didn't
want to get involved with him because he had been such a jerk in high school,
but now I'm glad I gave him another chance. People really do change.
(Daria and Jane glance at each other.)
CINDY: Anyway, Jesse was the... odd one. He would say stuff when you least
expected it. A lot of people thought he was kinda dumb, but he really
wasn't-- he was just different.
JANE: (laughs) Amen to that!
DARIA: (casually) What about Trent?
CINDY: Trent. Well... there just wasn't much to say about him back then. He
was real quiet and thoughtful all the time, and pretty shy. Never really
dated too much. I mean, when the guys all went out, he'd bring a girl along
like the others, but he never really got involved with anyone. It was a
shame, since he was a great guy, and not bad looking either, but... I guess
he just never met the right girl.
(Jane nudges Daria, who blushes. Cindy notices and smiles.)
CINDY: Hey, what's this? Are you and Trent together?
JANE: She wishes.
DARIA: (glares at Jane) Jane!
CINDY: It's all right, Daria. Trent's great. I think you two would be good
together, from what I remember of him.
JANE: That's what I keep telling her, but she won't tell him how she feels.
DARIA: (a little annoyed) Yeah, 'cos what if I do and it messes everything
up? Friendship's better than nothing.
CINDY: She's right, Jane. (to Daria) I think you ought to tell him *event-
ually*, but take your time. Don't let Hotfoot here rush you.
JANE: (smiling) Hey!
DARIA: (smiles a little) I won't.
(Cut to the front of Robert and Cindy's new house around three that after-
noon. Daria and Jane are standing out front. Jane is wearing a short red
dress, and Daria is wearing the dress she got for Quinn's party in "Party
Girls." Trent and Jesse come out of the house, dressed in their suits and
carrying their other clothes. Trent looks very nice and has even combed his
hair. Daria tries not to stare at him.)
TRENT: Ready to go?
JANE: Got my rice right here.
(Everyone puts their things in the trunk.)
JESSE: Guess I'll drive.
JANE: Ooh, I got shotgun!
DARIA: Hadn't you better let Trent sit up front? He *is* the reason we're
TRENT: Daria's probably right, Janey.
(Grumbling, Jane gets in the back seat with Daria.)
JANE: (muttering) I try to do something for you, and you *blow* it.
DARIA: Shut up, Jane.
(Cut to the four Lawndalians entering the church.)
JESSE: Where're we supposed to sit?
TRENT: I guess behind Robert's family.
(They wander over to an empty pew and sit down. Daria finds herself between
Jane and Trent, with Jesse on the other side of Jane.)
DARIA: (to Jane) I hate weddings.
JANE: Why? Don't tell me they make you cry.
DARIA: No. They make me sleepy.
(Jane looks over at Jesse, who has fallen asleep again.)
JANE: Looks like you're not the only one. (She yawns.) Wake me when it
starts. (She leans her head on Jesse's shoulder and goes to sleep.)
(Daria sighs and looks at Trent. He's leaning on the arm rest with his chin
in his hand.)
DARIA: (wryly) Looks like Jane and Jesse couldn't stand the excitement.
(Trent glances at them and smiles.)
TRENT: How are you holding up?
DARIA: Fine, I guess. Better than being somewhere with my family.
TRENT: (smirks) You mean my company is preferable to your sister's? Wow.
I'm honored. (He sighs.) Bob-- Robert sure was excited. He really loves
DARIA: She was nervous too. I haven't seen anyone worry that much in one
afternoon since the last time Quinn thought she wasn't going to have a date
to a party.
TRENT: That's happened?
DARIA: No. Just an analogy.
TRENT: Oh. (He's quiet a moment, then slips into one of his profound moods.)
Daria, what do you think it's like to be married?
DARIA: Hell, if my parents are an indication.
TRENT: But what would it be like to wake up every single morning and have the
person you love more than anyone else in the world be there beside you?
DARIA: I... well, great I guess. And to know that someone you care about is
going to always be there for you.
TRENT: (softly) Yeah. It would be nice. (He sighs.)
DARIA: (wryly) Thinking about tying the knot or something?
TRENT: (laughs) First I'd have to find a girl willing to put up with me.
DARIA: (thought VO) Looking for volunteers?
TRENT: (seriously) Maybe the real thing wouldn't be too great, but the idea
(A woman comes into the chapel, sits down at the organ, and begins to play.
Daria pokes Jane, who wakes up Jesse.)
JANE: (to Daria) Cindy's big moment.
DARIA: (looks at her watch) Hmm. There's still time for her to back out.
JANE: Or for the man she *really* loves to burst through the back of the
chapel and profess his undying devotion.
DARIA: Woo. Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson.
(The wedding commences quite normally. Cut past all the ceremony to the
MINISTER: You may kiss the bride.
(Smiling, Robert lifts Cindy's veil and looks at her a long moment, obviously
very in love. He kisses her gently. Cut to the four Lawndalians, all look-
ing completely deadpan.)
JANE: I think I'm supposed to be crying or something right now.
DARIA: Oh well.
(Cut to later that day, as the four walk into the reception. They look
around at the happy guests without much expression.)
TRENT: (looks particularly morose) Why don't we just leave?
JANE: Come on, Trent, the guy was like your best friend. We should at least
stay a little while.
(They sit at an unoccupied table as music begins to play. Cindy and Robert,
still beaming, step out into a cleared area and begin to dance. Slowly
other couples join them.)
JANE: (shrugs) Why not?
(They walk out onto the floor.)
TRENT: Uh, I'm going to go get something to drink. You want anything?
DARIA: No. I'm not thirsty.
(He gets up and walks off. Daria sighs. As the music ends, Jane and Jesse
come back to the table.)
JANE: Where'd Trent go?
DARIA: He said he was going to get a drink. Here he comes.
(Trent sits down again, empty-handed.)
JANE: Uh, Trent? You forgot something.
(Trent gives her a blank look.)
JANE: Never mind.
(After a few minutes, the band begins another dance song.)
JESSE: (politely) Daria, would you like to dance?
DARIA: (surprised) Sure, if Jane doesn't mind.
JANE: (grins) Go ahead. Just don't run away with him.
DARIA: (teasing) Damn. So much for our plans, Jesse.
JESSE: Oh well. We can elope next time. Let's dance anyway.
(They head out onto the floor as Trent scowls. Jane smirks.)
JANE: What's the matter with *you*?
TRENT: (grumbles) Nothing.
JANE: If *you* wanted to dance with Daria, you should have asked her first!
TRENT: (glares at Jane) I don't want to dance.
JANE: Then quit trying to kill Jesse with your death-ray glare.
(Trent mumbles something and gets up from the table. Jane watches him stalk
(Jesse and Daria come back to the table.)
DARIA: *Now* where's Trent?
JANE: I dunno. He just got up and left. Maybe you'd better go look for him,
JANE: I'm serious... he looked upset about something.
DARIA: (sighs) Okay, okay, I'll go find him.
(She walks away from the table in search of Trent. There is no sign of him
anywhere inside. Just as Daria is about to give up, she notices a side door
leading outside. She opens it and peers out to see Trent sitting alone on
some steps with his back to her. She approaches him cautiously.)
DARIA: Umm... are you okay?
TRENT: (shortly) Yeah. I'm fine.
(She sits down beside him on the steps.)
DARIA: A person who feels fine doesn't sit on concrete steps in a suit.
TRENT: (sighs) That's just it. I'm not sure. Something about seeing Bobby--
Robert getting married... it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong.
He's got a wife now, a job, a house. In a year or so they'll probably have
kids. And I don't have *anything*. My life consists of music and sleeping,
I don't even really have any friends outside the band. Other than them and
Janey, I don't have anyone.
DARIA: (hesitantly) I'll always be here. If you need me.
TRENT: (self-loathing sort of laugh) I don't deserve you.
DARIA: Have you looked at me any time recently, Trent? I have the figure of
an eleven-year-old, the mentality of a thirty-year-old, one friend, no social
life, and a bunch of people who hate me. And *you* don't deserve *me*?
(Trent looks at her.)
TRENT: I'm looking at you right now, and what I see is a beautiful girl who
is more intelligent that most of the population of Lawndale put together,
with a friend who loves her, peons who are intimidated by her, a sense of
humor, and a great smile. There's nothing wrong with you, Daria. I've told
you that before, and I'll keep on telling you that until you believe me.
DARIA: Let's make a deal. If I promise to believe you, will you believe me
when I tell you that there's nothing wrong with *you*?
TRENT: (smiles a little) If you present a convincing enough argument.
DARIA: (thought VO) I can't believe this. He's actually setting himself up.
He *wants* me to tell him how wonderful he is. (out loud, deadpan) I have
considerable evidence that the defendant is guilty of being intelligent,
talented, a great friend, and a wonderful brother.
TRENT: (laughs softly) Thanks. I needed that. You know, we've gotten pretty
good at boosting each other's self-esteem.
DARIA: (smiles a little) Yeah. We have.
(Trent looks as if he's about to say something else, but is interrupted by
Jane sticking her head out the door.)
JANE: Hey Daria, Cindy's about to throw her flowers. Let's go try to get
(Daria stands up and smooths down her skirt.)
DARIA: Um, I don't really--
JANE: (starts dragging Daria inside) Oh, come *on.*
(Trent gets up and follows them, grinning. Inside, the girls walk over to
where Cindy is standing on her chair, about to toss her bouquet over her
shoulder. A crowd of girls and women is gathered around her.)
CINDY: Here goes! One! Two! *Three*!
(She throws the flowers. Slow motion as they spiral upward, then down again.
The crowd of girls, Jane included, reaches for the flowers, except for Daria,
who is staring straight ahead. The flowers somehow hit Daria on the head,
then bounce into her arms.)
DARIA: *Oww!* Dammit! (She then notices that she caught the flowers.) Jane,
this confirms it. We *have* to be living in a fan fiction universe.
JANE: You go, girl! (She smirks.) Better tell Trent you two are getting
(Daria glares at Jane as Trent and Jesse come up to them.)
JESSE: Whoa, congratulations Daria. Can I come to the wedding?
DARIA: Er... yeah.
(Robert and Cindy, hand-in-hand, come up to our four heroes.)
ROBERT: Thanks for coming, you guys. (He smiles.) This is the best day of my
TRENT: Nice seeing you too, man. (He grins, a little sadly.) Lawndale was
never the same after you left.
ROBERT: (grins back) I'm sure it'll do just find with you two there to keep
an eye on things.
CINDY: It was good to see you two again. And nice meeting Daria and Jane.
(She hugs Jane, who looks a little taken aback, then hugs Daria who looks
stunned until Cindy whispers) Good luck with Trent.
DARIA: (whispers) Thanks.
ROBERT: Well, we're off. Guess I'll see you guys around.
TRENT: Yeah. (He smiles.) See ya.
(Robert and Cindy run towards the door and off into the proverbial sunset for
their honeymoon. And, seconds later, the sunset is replaced by a storm cloud
as an angry Helen Morgendorffer enters the room.)
(Commercial break scene: Daria and Trent on the steps.)
(Helen is followed by Quinn, looking smug, and Jake, looking a little
puzzled. Helen looks around angrily, then spots Daria and storms over.)
DARIA: Uh... Mom?
(Helen is suddenly aware that Daria is quite sober, that Trent seems basic-
ally presentable, and that people are staring at her.)
HELEN: Er... we need to talk, Daria. *Outside.*
(She grabs Daria's wrist and marches her out the door. Jane, Jesse, and
Trent watch in bewilderment. Quinn wanders over to them.)
JANE: (to Quinn) What was that all about?
QUINN: (innocently) I have no idea. (She smiles at Jesse.) Hi. I'm Quinn.
TRENT: (hiding a smirk) Daria's *sister*.
(Quinn glares at him, then notices one of Robert's teenaged cousins across
the room. She hurries off after him. Jake approaches the three remaining
members of the Lawndale Four.)
JAKE: How's it shakin', dudes?
JANE: (glaces at Trent and Jesse) Hi Mr. Morgendorffer.
JAKE: Hey Jen.
JANE: It's Jane.
JAKE: Oh. Uh...
JANE: What are you two doing here, anyway?
JAKE: Um... we... er... actually, I have no idea. Quinn was saying something
about Daria's date, and then Helen--
JANE: (interrupting) Uh oh.
TRENT: *What* did Quinn say about me?
JAKE: Oh, so *you're* Trent. (He looks at Trent critically.) *I* think your
clothes look okay.
(Cut to Daria and Helen outside.)
DARIA: (exasperated) No, we haven't been drinking, Mom.
HELEN: And you're *sure* this Trent is responsible?
DARIA: *Yes,* mother. (slyly) By the way, did Quinn mention Tyler?
DARIA: Yeah. *Her* boyfriend. Or one of them.
HELEN: No. What about him?
DARIA: Nothing really. I'm sure it's only a rumor, but I heard that Quinn's
plans last Friday night revolved around him.
HELEN: But Quinn spent the night with Stacy last Friday!
DARIA: (smirks) Are you *sure* that's who she spent the night with?
(Cut to Helen storming back into the dining hall and over to Quinn, who is
flirting with Robert's cousin. Helen grabs Quinn by the wrist.)
HELEN: We have to *talk*, young lady! (She drags Quinn towards the door.)
Come *on*, Jake!
(As they leave, Daria comes up to her friends, smiling.)
JANE: Wow, what'd you tell her?
DARIA: Just that Trent was an angel compared to *Quinn's* boyfriend.
TRENT: Thanks, Daria. (He grins.) After seeing *that*, I don't want to get
on your mom's bad side. (pauses) Your dad's all right though. In a... dumb
sort of way.
DARIA: I'm just glad I'm not in Quinn's shoes right now.
JANE: Me too. Platforms suck.
(Cut to shot from above of the Morgendorffer car driving home in the moon-
HELEN: (VO) That's it, you're grounded for a *month*!
QUINN: (VO) But Mooooo-oooooom...
HELEN: (VO) Make that *three* months!
QUINN: (frustrated, VO) Ooooooooohhhhhhh!
(Cut to several hours later, as Trent pulls up at Daria's house. She has
gone to sleep in the passenger seat, while Jesse and Jane are asleep in the
back. Trent watches Daria for a long moment, then he shakes her a little.)
TRENT: Daria. We're back.
DARIA: (yawns) Okay, okay, I'm awake.
(She gets out of the car carrying her bag and starts to shut the door.)
TRENT: Wait-- you forgot these.
(He hands her Cindy's bouquet.)
DARIA: Oh. Thanks.
TRENT: (smirking) Guess this means you'll be leaving us for married life
DARIA: Don't bet on it.
TRENT: (smiles) Good.
(Cut to close up of Daria, looking surprised.)
DARIA: Guess I'll see you later.
(Cut to show both.)
TRENT: Yeah. See you later.
(Trent drives off. Daria watches him go, then turns to go inside. She looks
down at the bouquet and sighs.)
DARIA: I probably could have handled most of this. The wedding was a little
implausible, but not too bad. Even getting off the hook by getting *Quinn*
in trouble wasn't *too* far-fetched. But catching the bouquet? (She shakes
her head, then looks up at the sky.) Whoever you are, I hope you're enjoying
INVISIGOTH GYPSY: (offscreen VO) I am. Thanks.
(End credits showing makeovers while part of "Everyday is a Winding Road,"
by Sheryl Crow plays:
He's got a daughter he calls Easter
She was born on a Tuesday night
I'm just wondering why I feel so all alone
Why I'm a stranger in my own life
Jump in, let's go
Lay back, enjoy the show
Everybody gets high, everybody gets low
These are the days when anything goes
Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine)