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Daria:
"My Quinn's Delayed Reaction"

by John Berry [berry@sugar-river.net]

"Daria" & characters 1999 MTV... why do disclaimers have to be long?

There are a lot of references to others' works of fanfiction in this one, so
I shall be borrowing the Peter Guerin method.

ACT I

[Int. Lawndale High cafeteria. Morning.]
[Fashion Club meeting at one of the tables. Nobody else is around.]
SANDI: We shall now have this before-school Fashion Club meeting come to
order, but first the official FC anthem.
STACY: Ohh... Do we have to?
SANDI: Yes.
STACY: [Reluctantly] Okay.
SANDI: o/` We must! o/`
QUINN: o/` We must! o/`
ALL: o/` We must improve our bust! o/`
STACY: o/` The bigger, the better... o/`
TIFFANY: o/` The tighter the sweater... o/`
ALL: o/` The boys will follow us! o/`
SANDI: Thank you. And with that out of the way, Secretary Stacy Nibblet {1}
shall now recall the events of our last meeting. Stacy?
STACY: [Reading from her notebook] Sandi asked Quinn "How do you like my new
hair style?" and Quinn said "It looks fine" and Sandi said "Just
'fine'?" and Quinn said "No, not *just* fine" and Sandi said "So it
doesn't look good at all to you now" and Quinn said "I didn't say
that" and Sandi said "Yes you did" and Quinn said "No I didn't" and
Sandi said "Yes you did" and Quinn said "No I didn't" and Sandi said
"Yes you did" and Quinn said "No I didn't" and Sandi said "Yes you
did" and Quinn said "What were we talking about?" and Sandi said "I
forget" and then the meeting just sort of fizzled out.
[Pause. Sandi and Quinn look at each other, than expectedly at Stacy.]
STACY: Oh, and then Tiffany mentioned something about the latest school
dance just before the bell rang.
SANDI: Right. Dance. Tiffany?
TIFFANY: Lawndale High is to hold its first outdoor dance in a long while.
Frankly, I find that Mother Nature and hair don't mix. And with the
unpredictable-ness-itivity of weather, I hafta go against this.
SANDI: Tiffany, perhaps you are forgetting that the Fashion Club laws
prohibit unattendence of any local assembly of the popular. Just use
some extra gel and you should be fine.
TIFFANY: [Hesitantly] Ohh...
SANDI: I apologize if I sound a little like... well...
QUINN: A tyrannical bitch?... Uh, I mean-
SANDI: [Hides being cross] Yes, Quinn, perhaps. But it's all for the good of
the Fashion Club... It is for this reason that I must retire anyone
that does not attend the dance.
[The rest mutter.]
SANDI: Now, now. I'm sorry. But I am harsh for a reason. If one is unpopular
enough to attend a local event, I'm afraid she must not be fit to be
one with us.
[The rest reluctantly agree. The school bell rings.]
SANDI: That is all for now. We shall meet later. All dismissed.
[They all get up. As Stacy leaves, she slips and falls to the floor.]
SANDI: And beware of the floors after Waxing Day.
STACY: [Weakly] G-good advice.

[Int. Lawndale High hallway.]
[Daria and Jane at their lockers.]
JANE: Soon is the event that you've awaited. The one you've circled in red
ink on your calendar, panting, drooling, eagerly and impatiently
waiting for.
DARIA: I didn't pant or drool over Trent's birthday.
JANE: But you don't deny the calendar part, I notice. Whatcha getting him?
DARIA: The mangled corpse of his little sister. You?
JANE: I've been painting a series of the significance of every age he
reaches. When he was sixteen I drew him maimed in a car crash; at
eighteen I had him painted as an empty shell of a man sapped by
society because of the need of employment, and at twenty-one I had him
passed out at a bar.
DARIA: But what'll be so significant about being twenty-two?
JANE: Um... [closes her locker] ...I'll... I'll think of something. Uh, in
the mean time, though, you'd better go shopping.
DARIA: But I could have your body mangled right here.
JANE: [Walks away] Later.
DARIA: [Calling] Or are you suggesting I should hire a professional?
[follows Jane O.S.] Of course, doing the task by hand would really
show that I care.
JANE: [O.S., calmly] Get your hands away from my neck.

[Int. O'Neill's sophomore class.]
[Quinn's class. She and Stacy talk over O'Neill's lecture from the back of
the room.]
STACY: Have you asked anyone out yet?
QUINN: I don't see why I should. The boys will just have to ask me. It's not
like I have much of a risk there.
STACY: Oh, that's so true.
QUINN: Yeah. I've got a while, anyway. What risks do I really run, if you
think about it, by waiting?
[Pan to Joey, Jeffy, & Jamie, also whispering among themselves.]
JAMIE: I still get the feeling that she's never gonna ask us.
JOEY: Shut up, Jamie.
JEFFY: No, I think he's right.
JAMIE: Yeah... I am?
JEFFY: Chicks are always playing hard to get. Why can't we guys try that for
change?
JAMIE: `Cause acting like a girl makes us, like, gay or something?
[Pause.]
JOEY: Shut UP, Jamie.
JEFFY: If acting "gay" is what it takes to get Quinn's hand, then so be it.
JOEY: Agreed. No compliance to go out with her from any of us.
JAMIE: I guess.
[School bell rings. Cut to "normal-view" of the class.]
O'NEILL: [Finishing] That should be all for today. Class dismissed.
[In one synchronized move, everyone in the class gets up, attempts running
to the door, and slips to the floor on the first step.]
O'NEILL: Oh, and beware of the floors after Waxing Day.

[Int. Lawndale High hallway.]
[Quinn is talking to the three J's.]
JEFFY: I dunno, Quinn. I think I'm busy that day.
JOEY: Yeah. Maybe some other time?
JAMIE: I'm free! [Elbowed by Jeffy] Oof! Uh, I mean, yes-yes-dear-God-yes.
[Elbowed by Joey] Ow! I mean, sorry.
QUINN: [Confused] Oh... Okay... [walks away]
JOEY: [Giddy, to the other J's] I think it's working!

[Montage of Quinn at different parts of the hall, different times, to
different people.]
COREY (From "Esteemsters" & "Quinn the Brain"): You dumped me for homework!
[Scene change.]
ROBERT #1 (From "The New Kid"): I was only supposed to be banned from your
table for a week, then it turned to, like, forever or something,
and now you want me back? Are you up to something?
[Scene change.]
ROBERT #2 (From my first fic "Bond, Jake's Bond"): You belched in my face!
[Scene change.]
RONNY (From "Pinch Sitter"): You want me to do something for you, don't you?
Forget it.
[Scene change.]
TAYLOR (Also "Pinch Sitter"): You dumped me after my parents' ski house
burned down.
[End montage.]

[Int. Lawndale High hallway.]
[Quinn mopes up to Sandi.]
SANDI: Gee, Quinn, what is wrong?
QUINN: Wha-... uh, nothing... Um, Sandi, you *did* scrub off those poems
about me from the boys' room, right? {2}
SANDI: What are you accusing me of?
QUINN: Oh, nothing at all, Sandi. It just came to mind.
[Sandi nonchalantly pushes Quinn away. Rather than fall over, though, Quinn
just slides away.]
[Cut to another part of the hallway. Kevin, wearing his football helmet, is
talking with Jane and Daria.]
KEVIN: Since the floors are so slippery today, I thought I should wear my
helmet. You know, just in case.
DARIA: I never knew you were capable of rational thought.
JANE: *I'm* impressed.
KEVIN: Thanks!
[Quinn slides right on by the three, not even moving her legs.]
QUINN: [Waving, slipping off-screen] Hi, Daria.
DARIA: [Waving] Hi, Quinn.
JANE: [To Daria, looking over to where Quinn disappeared] I've lost the will
to question things like this anymore.
QUINN: [O.S.] Stacy, mind poking me in the other direction?
[Quinn slides by the other way.]
QUINN: Thanks. [Slides O.S.]
SANDI: [O.S.] Oww!
DARIA: [To Jane] Beware of the floors on Running Gag Day.

[Est. Lane house. Afternoon.]

[Int. Jane's room.]
[Jane is staring at a blank canvas. She looks vacant. She even begins to
drool slightly. Daria watches from Jane's bed.]
DARIA: Okay, now you're getting *too* right-brained.
JANE: Duh... art... make... must... do...
DARIA: Hit a block?
JANE: It's never taken me this long to think up a painting!
DARIA: We've been in here three minutes.
JANE: But I've been thinking all day! My widdle noggin is getting all
shloompy.
DARIA: Hmm... They say that artists must suffer...
JANE: What could be more painful than hitting a block?!

[Int. Morgendorffer kitchen. Evening.]
[Jane has dinner with the family.]
HELEN: I'm so glad you came over to us for supper. What made you come over?
JANE: Oh, I just felt like I needed your kind of company.
HELEN: Oh, how sweet. And I'm glad Daria warned me of your coming early on.
I made sure not to have oregano in the meal this time. {3}
JANE: That's alright; I'm getting better. I don't really get nauseous
anymore, I just break out in festering hives.
QUINN: Uck.
JAKE: Why do we always have these kind of discussions at the dinner table?
DARIA: When else is the entire family in the same room?
JAKE: ...Good point.
DARIA: [Segueing for Helen] Speaking of which:
HELEN: Quinn, how was your day?
QUINN: It sucked. It sucked more than a Hoover or Kirby. It sucked more than
Dad's talent at the roller derby.
JANE: [To Daria] She's not gonna break into song, is she?
DARIA: What are the chances that ANYone would show that kind of talent in
this town?
JANE: I see.
HELEN: Quinn, I've warned you about language.
JAKE: Yeah! And why'd you have to make fun of me falling on my ass in those
skates?
HELEN: Jake, you're not helping my case.
JAKE: Sorry. I meant my rump.
HELEN: Jake.
JAKE: Well, jeez, is there any word for that I *can* use?
JANE: "Kiester?"
DARIA: "Arse."
QUINN: "Tushie" sounds cute.
JANE: "Bottom."
DARIA: Call me a lame-o, but I've always gone for just good ol' fashioned
"butt."
JAKE: "Buttocks." That's the full form.
QUINN: You can also shorten it to "tush," which sounds cuter.
JANE: Just plain "seat."
DARIA: You could sound more intelligent about it; "gluteus maximus."
JAKE: How about "rear?"
HELEN: Oh, will everyone cut it out?!!
[Pause.]
JAKE: [Very quietly] Heiney.
HELEN: [To Quinn] Now what was so wrong with your day?
DARIA: Uh-oh, she asked Quinn a question.
JANE: This was a bit more suffering than I anticipated.
QUINN: Well, I guess one reason that s- [catches herself] -sssso much didn't
occur as a nice day was that no one asked me out.
DARIA: Oh my God. [To Jane] Cue the spit take.
HELEN: [To Quinn] Really? That's odd... Uh, I mean, that doesn't make you a
bad person at all. Why, at your age, I was-
QUINN: Ew, Mom. I'd rather not compare our love lives.
[Helen gives the same mournful expression as she did when Quinn dissed her
wardrobe in "See Jane Run" and "The Old and the Beautiful." Quinn gets up
walks around, gesticulating in full 'Why Me?'-mode.]
QUINN: I mean, it's not like I'm *not* attractive and popular at school. But
why now of all times for such an ugly thing to occur? Woe to me, as
the blackness of a cruel fate engulfs my very passion, my being.
Dating has been my life, and for so long have I lived this spiteful
career that I have dated and dumped virtually every male within the
school walls. [puts the back of her hand to her forehead] Oh, the
bitter, bitter ironic-al-ness. [kneels and bows her head]
[Daria and Jane stand up and applaud lightly.]
QUINN: [Not catching the sarcasm] Thanks.

[Int. Morgendorffer living room.]
[Daria and Jane sit at the couch while Daria flips through channels.]
DARIA: Inspired yet?
JANE: Quinn has suffered less than me and she's already out-art-ed me.
DARIA: Oh, well. Them's the breaks.
JANE: No, not "oh well." I've got to pull through this.
DARIA: Now look who's getting all hyped up over Trent.
JANE: Hey, that doesn't work when we're siblings.
DARIA: Well just because we don't happen to come from Alabama--
[Quinn enters.]
QUINN: Why why why why why why why WHY hasn't anyone just been willing to
forgive and forget the past?
DARIA: Your endless bitching and self-pity wouldn't happen to be anything of
a turn-off, would it?
QUINN: [Not registering again] I don't think so. But how bad is it if I
don't get a call from Joey or Jeffy or... Frank--I dunno; I'm too
uppity to concentrate.
JANE: You must be uppity quite a bit.
DARIA: I can verify that.
QUINN: I mean what were really the chances that I couldn't find a date
tonight??
[Daria stops channel surfing just long enough for:]
TV: Dolly wasn't the only farm animal bred through genetic sciences! The
Flying Pig, next on Sick, Sad World!
[Quinn's lip begins to quiver. She then runs upstairs sobbing.]
DARIA: TV, you haven't failed me yet.

[Est. Lawndale High. Next day.]

[Int. Lawndale High hallway.]
[Quinn has her head in her locker, burying her face in her teddy bear. Stacy
stands aside.]
STACY: C'mon, Quinn, we're gonna be late for class... Uh, I mean, I know how
that education stuff doesn't matter, but, uh, I don't think you want
detention.
QUINN: [Muffled] My... life... sucks.
STACY: [Desperately] Please, Quinn. I know everyone has a bad day, but-
QUINN: [Stands upright] This is more than a bad day! Almost everyone on my
list is checked off as a "no!" Look at this. [Pulls out a notebook
from her locker] All that's left is that Chad guy... {4}
STACY: Uh, I think he's taking Brooke out... And Wendy and Tracy and Liz.
QUINN: Maybe I could swallow my pride and ask that weird Ted kid.
STACY: [Startled] No! Not Ted!
[Quinn stares confused at Stacy.]
STACY: Uh, I-I mean... he's just not your type. {5}
QUINN: Right. Looks like my last hope is Upchuck.
[Beat.]
QUINN: Maybe being kicked out of the Fashion Club won't be so bad.
STACY: The situation isn't *that* bad.
QUINN: Well, I already tried Skyler Feldman! He just looked at me funny and
looked like he was plotting something, though... {6}
STACY: I'm sure he'll get over whatever it is eventually. But that's not at
all what I was talking about. There's this new guy in town. He just
moved in recently.
QUINN: Am I supposed to believe that a new person moves here every two
weeks?
STACY: I guess.
[Quinn closes her locker and she and Stacy walk off.]
QUINN: Okay, show him to me. I just wish he didn't need to be my last hope.
He isn't, like, geeky or ugly is he? I mean, he also has wealthy
parents to an extent, right?
STACY: I don't know yet. Gossip and rumor can only move so quickly.
QUINN: Do you even know where he is now?
STACY: We share homeroom together. His locker should be somewhere around
mine. [They stop walking] Oh, there he is. [points]
[A white male is at his locker, back turned.]
STACY: Go ahead. Ask him.
QUINN: [Resigned] Okay, fine...
[Quinn walks up to the guy and pokes his shoulder. He turns around: he seems
reasonably handsome, wearing an open blue jacket over a turquoise shirt,
with tan pants and black and white sneakers.]
GUY: Yes?
[Quinn doesn't move, but slowly starts turning red.]
QUINN: ......Hi...
GUY: [Waiting for more] Uh... hi?
[Quinn just stands there blushing. The bell rings.]
QUINN: Oh, uh, talk to you later, then.
GUY: [Confused] Um... okayyyyy.
[Quinn walks back to Stacy as the guy closes his locker and heads in the
opposite direction.]
STACY: Why didn't you talk to him?
QUINN: [Defensively] I did... sorta. [Recovers] Uh, it's just that now isn't
the best time. We'd have more time to talk in the lunch room.
STACY: [Not buying it *completely*, but trusts Quinn enough] ...Ohhh.

[Int. Defoe's junior class.]
[Defoe walks around to check everyone's charcoal sketches. Jane, oddly, is
still staring at an empty piece of paper. Defoe comes up to her.]
DEFOE: Jane? Is there something wrong?
JANE: I don't know! It all started out as a small project, but now it seems
to be spreading to my other works.
DEFOE: Honey, what's wrong?
JANE: I've hit... [dramatically] THE BLOCK!
[Dramatic sting music which dissolves into a longer song. Defoe turns
around.]
DEFOE: Kevin, turn down your Walkman.
KEVIN: Sawww-reeee. [Does so; the music dies down]
DEFOE: [Back to Jane] Now, Jane, it's nothing to be worried about. Everyone
suffers temporary burn-out. What started this?
JANE: When I was trying to paint something for my brother's birthday.
DEFOE: Oh.
JANE: The problem is, I can't find anything significant about him becoming
twenty-two.
DEFOE: I'm sure there must be.
JANE: I dunno. Do *you* remember anything significant about being twenty-
two?
[Defoe looks back...]

[Dissolve to flashback:]

[Ext. Middleton College. Day.]
[A young Defoe and some roommates walk around campus.]
DEFOE: Soon graduation will be on my birthday. I think that's a nice
present.
ROOMMATE #1: Oh, yes, definitely.
ROOMMATE #2: Oh, by the way, Claire? Mind if we crash at your apartment for
a while after? Just till things get started, of course.
DEFOE: Oh... Okay, I don't see why not.

[Ext. Defoe's apartment, in the hallway. Night.]
[Loud party music is heard from inside. Defoe lies in front of the door in
a sleeping bag wide awake.]

[Dissolve to Lawndale streets. Day.]
[One of Defoe's roommates is trying to talk to her.]
ROOMMATE: Evicted?! Why?
DEFOE: They said the place was unsanitary and the neighbors complained about
the noise.
ROOMMATE: Oh, this is awful!
DEFOE: I kn-
ROOMMATE: Now where are we gonna crash for the night?
DEFOE: [Cross] Oh... [tries to put it aside] Well, it doesn't matter... I've
been looking into this place where I'd have more room for a studio.
ROOMMATE: That'd be great! Thanks! [Runs off]
DEFOE: I didn't say...! Ohh.

[Int. Defoe's empty art classroom. After school (still in flashback).]
LI: I must say I'm proud of the work you've been doing here for the past few
years. You seem to handle the students well, and you're always willing
to stay after to finish things up.
DEFOE: Oh, yeah. I practically live here.

[Int. Defoe's studio.]
[Her roommates are holding another wild party.]

[Dissolve to a graveyard. At this point it's become more a daydream than a
flashback.]
[An adult Jane and several random faces watch the coffin of Claire Defoe
lower into the earth. Enter her aged roommates.]
ROOMMATE #1: Wait! Hold it off!
[One opens the coffin to look at the withered corpse of Defoe.]
ROOMMATE #2: Mind if we stay over a bit? We're still trying to catch up on
things. [No answer] Thanks.
[They both pull the corpse out of the coffin and climb in themselves.]
ROOMMATE #1: Okay, lower away.
[They close the coffin as it finishes going into the ground. Loud party
music is audible through the wooden case. The zombied Defoe gets up in
rage.]
DEFOE: Will I ever get sleep?! I'm being so smothered by you people!! Why
must I be sapped even in death?!! Why, WHY?! WHYYYYYYYYYY!!???!!
JANE: Ms. Defoe!

[Cut to present: Defoe's junior class.]
JANE: Ms. Defoe!
DEFOE: Wh-what?
JANE: Are you alright?
DEFOE: Oh, yes, of course. I just must've zoned out. Heh. I'll be away,
weeping- I mean sweeping out the storage room. [Quietly to Jane] Just
knock on the door when the bell rings. Thanks. [Walks away]
DARIA: [To Jane] Being around all those paint thinners all day must not be
that good for her.
JANE: I was just thinking that.

[Int. Lawndale High cafeteria.]
[Quinn and Stacy look at where "the guy" is at.]
QUINN: Maybe I *won't* have that much time to talk with him.
STACY: Don't worry. The rest of the club won't be here for a few minutes.
[Cut to the line at the bar. Tiffany holds a small package of cracker
intended to be used with soup.]
TIFFANY: Does this make me look fat?
SANDI: What the hell do you even mean by that?!
[Tiffany thinks about this for a second.]
TIFFANY: It does make me look fat, doesn't it?
[Cut back to Stacy and Quinn's table.]
STACY: Quinn, why are you putting this off so much?
QUINN: Putting off? No-o-o-o-o, it's just that there's a different way to
approach a new student. Make him feel welcome to the entire school,
not just to me. You see?
STACY: ...No.
QUINN: <Grunt>... So what's his name, anyway? I want to make a good first
impression.
STACY: Don't worry. His name's Blake, I think. Blake Stevens? Just go over
there and introduce yourself.
QUINN: Okayyy. [Takes a breath]
[Quinn gets up and walks to Blake's table.]
QUINN: [As if her line is all one sentence] Hi Brett oh I screwed that up.
[Turns around in the middle of her "sentence" and walks back]
[Stacy pushes Quinn back on-screen and leaves. Quinn stares awkwardly at
Blake.]
QUINN: Um... mind if I sit down?
BLAKE: I guess not.
QUINN: Thanks. [Sits] My name's Quinn. Quinn Morgendorffer.
BLAKE: Morgendorffer?
[Quinn gives a distraught look (not too unlike how Daria did after admitting
her vanity in "Through a Lens Darkly").]
QUINN: So... Lawndale treating you okay?
BLAKE: Eh.
QUINN: Wh-what does that mean?
BLAKE: Don't you speak English?
QUINN: Yes!
BLAKE: Hey, sorry, I was just kidding.
QUINN: ...Oh. [Blushes] [Thought V.O.] Must control... Must not make any
more of a fool of myself. [Aloud] So, you eat here often? [Thought
V.O.] CRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAP!
[Cut back to Stacy's table. Quinn walks back to her place.]
STACY: How did it go?
QUINN: [Holds up a piece of paper] I got his phone number!
STACY: Oh, you've still got it!
QUINN: [Humble? Yeah, right!] I know!

[Int. Quinn's room. Evening.]
[Quinn is sitting on her bed with the phone on her lap. She simply stares at
it.]
QUINN: Okay, Morgendorffer, you've called dozens of numbers before.
Hundreds, if memory serves. Just push the buttons. It's that simple.
[She puts the receiver to her ear, looks at the paper Blake gave her, and
dials two numbers before hanging up suddenly.]
QUINN: ...So why can't I dial *this* number?
HELEN: [O.S.] Quinn, honey, it's time for supper!
JAKE: [O.S.] It's lasagna! Your favorite!
QUINN: [Sighing] [To herself] Okay, I'll wait until after supper. Then I go
try again... for the sixteenth time.
[Quinn sighs again as she places the paper on her bed next to the phone. The
gust of closing the door behind her causes the paper to flutter out the
window.]

[Commercial bumper: B&W slow-mo of Quinn attempting to introduce herself to
Blake before immediately turning back around.]

END ACT I

***

ACT II

[Int. Morgendorffer kitchen. Same evening.]
[Dinner in session. Close-up of Quinn with her elbows on the table, lost in
thought.]
JAKE: Lasagna on ya.
QUINN: [Confused] What?
JAKE: Uh, your elbow's in your food.
[Zoom out. It's just as Jake pointed out.]
QUINN: Eww! [Pulls her arm up and takes a napkin]
HELEN: Honey, was something wrong?
QUINN: What? No, not at all. I was just... thinking.
[Daria raises her eyebrows then gets up, taking the cordless phone
wordlessly into the living room.]

[Int. Morgendorffer living room.]
[Daria dials a number. Squeeze-back for a split screen with Jane in her
room.]
JANE: Yo.
DARIA: The apocalypse is coming. I just witnessed a sign. Just thought you
should know.
[With that, Daria simply hangs up. Expand the screen back, this time into
Jane's room. She's sitting at her sketch pad on her bed scribbling ideas.]
JANE: Okay, that was a bit bizarre. [Hangs the phone up] Now where was I?
Ah, yes: absolutely nothing. [Tosses the pad away, frustrated]
[She just sits there for a few seconds, doing nothing. She then turns to the
camera.]
JANE: You'd might as well go someplace else. I'm not gonna do anything.
[Zoom out. Turns out she was talking to Trent at her doorway.]
TRENT: Oh, sorry. [Walks away]

[Int. Quinn's room.]
[Quinn enters and looks around. She looks at her bed, then to the window.
She then opens her mouth in shock.]

[Int. Lawndale High hallway. Next day.]
[Quinn and Stacy walk down the hall.]
QUINN: I mean, it seems obvious enough to me. Sandi climbed up the wall
somehow, through my window specifically to steal the phone number
which she knew nothing about.
STACY: Um, Quinn, have you seen Mrs. Manson? She can actually work wonders.
Believe me.
QUINN: No no no no no. It's not really anything like that. I think it's just
this weird way I've been sick lately.
STACY: Sick?
QUINN: Yeah. I should have probably asked to get out of school.
STACY: How have you been sick?
QUINN: You know; feeling too warm, sweaty hands, cloudy ability to think,
loss of balance...
[Stacy lets this sink in.]
STACY: ...Oh, my God. You're in love.
QUINN: What?
STACY: It's Blake, isn't it? I knew it! You're in love with Blake.
QUINN: In love? [They stop walking] There's no such thing. Human beings have
only existed for, like, maybe HUNDREDS of years through just going
through instinct or something. No one really falls in love.
STACY: But you've said--
QUINN: I've SAID I was in love before. But, God, everyone knows that I've
never really had it. If I've been going out for so long without the
feeling, how could it really exist?
STACY: I think you're in denial.
QUINN: [Starts walking again] Oh, come on, Stacy. I've never even *been* to
Iraq.
STACY: [Follows] Um, I think you mean Egypt, and that's not what I'm talking
about. I think--
QUINN: [Stops again, turns around] Will you quit thinking? You're thinking
wrong! [Blake comes up behind her] For the last time, I am not in
love with Blake!
BLAKE: Hi.
[Quinn holds her position, wide eyed. Pause.]
QUINN: [To Stacy] He's right behind me, isn't he?
STACY: Yyyyyyeah... I should prob'ly get going. [Walks off]
[Quinn shuts her eyes and slowly hits her forehead.]
BLAKE: You begged me for my number last night and you didn't even call.
QUINN: [Turns around to face him] You see, there was a problem last night. I
sorta kinda lost it. I WAS gonna call, I swear it! Please!
BLAKE: It's alright.
QUINN: Okay, sorry. Uh... Maybe... Maybe I'd better give you... my... number
instead. Heh.
BLAKE: [Joking] I guess someone has to be the responsible one, huh?
QUINN: [Hurt, but hides it] Heh... yeah.

[Int. Defoe's junior class.]
DEFOE: Okay, class, I have a special assignment for you. Ms. Lane here is in
need of your help.
JANE: [Aside] Oh no.
DEFOE: I'd like everyone to help contribute at least one idea to her cause.
MACK: [Raising his hand] What's the subject matter?
JANE: [Getting up to leave] You're right. The subject doesn't matter
anymore.
DEFOE: [Catching up to her] Jane, what's wrong?
JANE: [Takes Defoe's shoulders] Ms. Defoe... dear... I know you're only
trying to help, but you're only making things worse.
DEFOE: I really don't see much of a problem. If you can't come up with an
idea on your own, why can't you hire someone else to at least help
you?
JANE: It's not that, it's just...
[Jane looks over Defoe's shoulder to see Kevin drinking Elmer's glue through
a straw and Brittany digging into her ear with the eraser of her pencil.]
JANE: It's just if you hire people for free, chances are the job won't go
right.
DEFOE: Come, now. People can work creatively for free. Haven't you ever read
any stories on the internet?
JANE: Yes, and that's exactly what I'm talking about.
DEFOE: Just let everyone work today and we'll have the ideas presented to
you. Don't have to actually accept any of them if you don't want to.
JANE: [Reluctantly] ...Okay. But if anyone does stick figures, it's
automatically unaccepted.
DEFOE: Fair enough, I suppose.

[School bell segue:]

[Int. Lawndale High cafeteria.]
[Quinn sits next to Blake. She doesn't say anything.]
BLAKE: [Let's make conversation] So, have the floors always been so
slippery? I almost lost my lunch back there.
QUINN: Oh, yeah, the scent of the floors makes me a little nauseous
sometimes, too.
BLAKE: No, I mean I almost dropped it.
QUINN: [Embarrassed] Oh.
BLAKE: You're funny.
QUINN: [Blushes] Oh... Thanks.
[Pan to the Fashion Club's table.]
SANDI: What is with Quinn and that guy she's sitting with?
STACY: Blake? Oh, she's just trying to get him to go out with her.
TIFFANY: Buuuuut how come she hasn't asked him yet?
STACY: I think she's a little self-conscious.
SANDI: Ohh, right. All those others dumping her.
STACY: It's not that. It's...
SANDI & TIFFANY: Yesssss?
STACY: I'm not sure I should tell you this.
SANDI: Stacyyyy, if you can't, like, trust us, who can you trust?
STACY: Oh... okay... But you promise not to tell anyone.
TIFFANY: Sure.
SANDI: Of course.
STACY: Okay... I think Quinn's in love with him. I mean *actually* in love
with him.
SANDI: Wow, he must have one big beach house.
STACY: No, I mean REALLY in love with him.
TIFFANY: He has a convertible?
STACY: No! I mean *in love*!
[No reaction.]
STACY: With *him.*
[Same.]
STACY: For who he is.
[Same.]
STACY: With no material possessions she has her eye on.
SANDI: What are you trying to say?
STACY: IT'S FRIGGIN' *L'AMOUR*!! [Catches herself, suddenly calm] ...uh,
Sandi.
TIFFANY: Whoaaa. This could be serious.
SANDI: She can't be kicked out of the club if she's successful, though. But
on the other hand, how could she possibly concentrate on fashion when
she's head over heels?
STACY: I'm sure everything could work out and she can stay here.
SANDI: I suppose.
STACY: Just please don't tell anyone.
SANDI: Stacy, our word is our bond. We shall not tell a soul.

[Int. Lawndale High hallway.]
[Sandi talking to Andrea.]
ANDREA: Why are you telling *me* this?
SANDI: You're soulless. [Walks off]
ANDREA: Well you don't have to rub it in.
[Crash from O.S.]
SANDI: [O.S.] Oww! What the hellllll?
ANDREA: [Walking the opposite direction] The floors just haven't been the
same after the custodian got that new buffer. Whoa! [Crash!]

[Int. Quinn's room. Late afternoon.]
[Quinn is on the phone, sitting on her bed.]
QUINN: ...Yeah, sure. I'd love you, er, to... Yeah, see you later.
[Quinn hangs up as Daria walks by the door.]
DARIA: What's that all about?
QUINN: Oh, I'm just bringing a date over here for dinner.
DARIA: [Squealing] You can't do that! My friends'll be here! You're gonna
embarrass me!
QUINN: Will you shut up?! I do not sound like that!
DARIA: [Realization dawns] Whoa, wait. Cynicism jumped ahead of my logic,
here. Did you just say that you're bringing a date home?
QUINN: Yes.
DARIA: Here?
QUINN: Yes.
DARIA: To meet your mother, uncle, and cousin?
QUINN: Yes... Oh, crap...
DARIA: Why?!
QUINN: [Panicking] I don't know! I wasn't thinking straight! I *couldn't*!
I just didn't want him to waste any money on me!
DARIA: Wow, you weren't kidding about not thinking straight.
QUINN: [Sarcasm? Whoosh! Over the head!] I know! What am I gonna do?!
DARIA: Take it like a man... well, WOman.
QUINN: He's gonna be here in an hour! Omigodomigod!
[Quinn grabs a recently purchased paper bag of CDs, dumping out the contents
and rapidly breathing into it.]
DARIA: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Calm down. What are you so hyped up about?
QUINN: [Slows a little] It's just my date. He's... he's... Oh, Jesus. I've
just got to make a good impression on him. I've been screwing up all
week and I need just this one chance!
DARIA: Okay, you need this time to yourself right now. You need it to scheme
some way of keeping him out of the house. Of course at this point
it's hopeless to think. I mean, what made you think that introducing
someone to our parents was a good first move?
QUINN: Yes! Mom and Dad. Maybe they'll say no about him coming over and I'll
have to call the thing off. Yeah! [Nervous laughter]

[Int. Morgendorffer kitchen. Evening.]
[Blake! Having dinner! With the family!]
QUINN: [Thought V.O.] I'm gonna have nervous breakdown... and I'm only
fifteen... a-and a half.
BLAKE: Oh, good, I love lasagna.
DARIA: You should come here every night.
BLAKE, JAKE, & HELEN: Huh?
JAKE: Um, well, why don't you tell us a little about yourself?
QUINN: [To Blake] You don't have to answer that.
DARIA: You really *shouldn't* answer that.
BLAKE: Well, I used to be on the football team...
HELEN: That sounds fascinating.
BLAKE: But I dropped out a few months before we moved. Ethical reasons.
HELEN: [Disappointed] Oh... [Half to Daria] That sounds a bit familiar.
BLAKE: I never really wanted to go professional anyway. I felt that if
sports and other activities weren't in the way we could actually get
some education.
QUINN: I couldn't agree more.
[The Morgendorffers stare at Quinn in silence. Daria drops her fork on her
plate.]
QUINN: What?

[Int. Morgendorffer living room. After supper.]
[Quinn and Blake stand by the door.]
QUINN: I'm sorry I had you over here.
BLAKE: It's alright. I've developed a new sense for you.
QUINN: [Blushes] Really?
BLAKE: Yeah. Pity.
[Blush fades.]
BLAKE: It seems your sister is the only other normal one.
QUINN: Oh, she's not my sis- uh... sis-... [melting] she... IS my sister...
BLAKE: Uh-huh...
QUINN: But, uh... normal? Where'd you get that?
BLAKE: Well, she's smart, funny, avoids her eccentric parents as well she
could... sort of like you.
QUINN: Oh... thanks.
BLAKE: Maybe we should have dinner someplace else next time. Got any
suggestions?
QUINN: Oh... Sure... Um, Chez Pierre is, um, the usual place.
BLAKE: Okay, can I pick you up tomorrow? Six?
QUINN: ...Sure.
BLAKE: Bye. [Leaves]
QUINN: Yeah...
[Daria comes in.]
QUINN: Wow, he thinks I'm smart... [To Daria] What does "eccentric" mean?

[Int. Lawndale High hallway. Next Day.]
[Jane and Daria walk to class.]
JANE: Hey, Daria, race ya.
DARIA: Okay.
[Jane runs ahead while Daria continues her normal pace. After reaching the
door she was aiming for Jane tries to stop, only to keep sliding in the
direction she was running. She crashes off-screen. Daria calmly walks up to
the door and enters.]
DARIA: I win.
[Pan over to the trash barrel that Jane has knocked over and is sprawled
over. The Fashion Club walks by.]
SANDI: So, Quinn, we hear that you're going out with Blake Stevens.
QUINN: Um, sorta.
[Stacy seems aggravated that the subject would be brought up despite asking
Sandi not to earlier, but doesn't say anything.]
SANDI: Oh, where did you go out last night?
QUINN: Home.
SANDI: Whoa, to his house on the first night? He's either, like, real
forward or real stingy.
QUINN: It was *my* house, not his.
[Sandi looks at her funny.]
QUINN: It was my idea.
TIFFANY: Quinn, are you feverish or something?
QUINN: I think so, actually. We're going to Chez Pierre tonight, though. I'm
hoping things'll get better by then.
SANDI: Sure.
STACY: Of course.
TIFFANY: Yeah.

[School bell segue:]

[Int. Defoe's junior class.]
DEFOE: Okay, class, let's all show Ms. Lane what you came up with.
DARIA: `Tis Judgment Day.
[Kevin and Brittany walk up to Jane. Kevin has a picture of a cheerleader
and Brittany has a picture of a football player.]
KEVIN: Heh. We did each other!
JANE: [Grumbling] Everyone knows that.
[Upchuck hands his to Jane face down. She looks at it.]
JANE: [Disgust] Oh, GOD! PLEASE, I have SOME morals! [Crumples it up]
[Jodie walks up.]
JODIE: I'm sorry, Jane. I didn't really get to know much about your brother
when I met him. [*] This is all I really know about him.
[Jodie holds a picture of Trent sleeping.]
JANE: Yeah, good. But that isn't significant.
[* Jodie tried to help Trent a little in my previous fic "Best Years of Our
Lives, Revisited"]
JANE: [Interrupting Mack as he's coming up] Look! This just isn't working!
I told you it wouldn't! This is just frustrating! [Storms out]
DARIA: I think I should go talk to her. [Follows]
MACK: I guess there's no point in showing this to her anymore.
[Mack holds his picture to the class. They and Defoe all make sounds of
being impressed ("Wow." "It's so clear, now." "How about that." Etc.). Mack
then simply tears the picture up.]

[Int. Lawndale High cafeteria.]
[Fashion Club sans Quinn at a table.]
SANDI: Okay, this I don't get. Why would Quinn go out with someone in order
to stay in the Fashion Club and then not actually attend with it?
STACY: I already explained it.
TIFFANY: "Friggin' l'amour"?
STACY: [Humiliated that that's the particular part remembered] Yeah.
SANDI: I don't even speak Spanish.
[Pan to Quinn and Blake's table.]
QUINN: I'm really sorry about last night.
BLAKE: You don't need to keep apologizing. It was actually a little fun.
QUINN: Really?
BLAKE: No, I was just being polite.
QUINN: Heh.
[Bell rings.]
BLAKE: Uh-oh, back to the salt mines.
QUINN: Watch the floors.
BLAKE: Don't worry, I've gotten used to them. [Gets up, waves his arms a
little but stays steady] See?
QUINN: Good. Pavlov has been so excited since the school upped his budget
slightly on that buffer.
BLAKE: Pavlov?
QUINN: [Gets up] He's the janitor.
[Quinn slips up and begins to fall. Blake catches her in his arms.]
BLAKE: Whoa, you okay?
QUINN: [Blushing... *again*... get used to it] Oh... yeah...
BLAKE: Can you get on your feet?
QUINN: [Thought V.O.] Why would I want to? [Aloud] Yes. [Thought V.O.] Damn
it, mouth. You always screw things up! [Aloud] Do not.
BLAKE: What?
QUINN: [Thought V.O.] See? You did it again!
[Quinn tries to ignore her head as she gets to her feet. She doesn't let go
of Blake's support, though. She continues holding on as romantic music
swells up.]
BLAKE: Quinn?
QUINN: Yes?
BLAKE: Could you ask that guy to turn down the music?
QUINN: [Recovers] Right. [Turns around to face Kevin] Kevin, turn down your
Walkman!
KEVIN: Sawww-reeee. [Does so]
QUINN: What are you doing here? You don't even *have* lunch this period.
KEVIN: [Thinks for a second] Uh-oh. [Runs off]
QUINN: How is he able to run without falling down?
BLAKE: The spiked shoes, I think.
[They look at the holes Kevin's shoes left in the floor.]
QUINN: Pavlov's not gonna like this.

[Phone ringing segue:]

[Split screen: Daria in her living room and Jane in her bedroom. Evening.]
JANE: It's hopeless, Daria. Trent's birthday is in a couple of days and I
still don't have a painting.
DARIA: "The Block" is a natural occurrence, Jane. You're just gonna have to
wait it out.
JANE: I don't have enough *time* to wait it out!
DARIA: There's no other way to eliminate "The Block." Believe me, I've had
the same problem.
JANE: But you're a writer. That's different. A writer can at least fake
having ideas with scenes that lead nowhere.

[Int. Morgendorffer kitchen.]
[Jake is shaking a case of Boggle cubes as Helen sits at the opposite side
of the table. He puts the case down and opens it.]
JAKE: Gahh! That one piece is always in crooked!
HELEN: Jake, let me do it.
JAKE: [Snatches the case away] Ohhhh NO! I'm tired of you doing things for
me! This is gonna be MY victory! You HEAR ME?!
[Helen gives a frustrated grunt and leans on the table as Jake repeats the
tactic. A piece is still in crooked.]
JAKE: DAMMIT!!

[Same split screen as before.]
[Pause.]
JANE: We've been sitting here wordless for twenty-two seconds.
DARIA: See? There's something.
JANE: Har har.
DARIA: Look, if you're too stubborn to let go, you can always look for
inspiration in the most obvious yet unlikely place.
JANE: You mean Birthday Boy?
DARIA: No, Michael Moore. But Trent is a good second place. [Doorbell rings]
I hafta go. Seeya.
JANE: Yeah.
[They hang up. Slide Jane's side of the screen away to see the living room.]
[Daria gets up and opens the door. Blake is at it, and despite the formal
place he's about to go to he hasn't changed his outfit.]
BLAKE: Hello. Is Quinn ready yet?
DARIA: I doubt it.
BLAKE: Mind if I come in?
DARIA: Not personally.

[Int. Quinn's room.]
[Quinn is still in her undergarments as she's flinging clothes out of her
closet.]
QUINN: Oh jeez oh jeez... There's nothing good in here! Why didn't I plan
ahead?!
DARIA: [O.S., from downstairs] Quinn, your date is here!
QUINN: [To herself] Arrgh! [Shouting to Daria] I'll be down in a second!

[Int. Morgendorffer living room.]
[Daria and Blake sit on the couch.]
DARIA: I'm pretty sure she doesn't mean that.
BLAKE: I know, but I expected that. I've dated before, you know.
DARIA: Well, now I do.
BLAKE: It's hard to treat women the way they'd like to be treated. I mean,
and I'm not trying to brag -- I'm just saying, that I'm just
naturally sensitive. I try to act nice, I don't even find love in
mind-numbing professional sports! I just have a stronger feminine
side than most guys do!
DARIA: You're gay, aren't you?
BLAKE: No! I get that a lot, though. Because I don't act like others I'm
completely misunderstood.
DARIA: I know how it is. Because I'm not bubbly and actually do well in
school my friends are kept to a minimum.
BLAKE: Exactly!
[Quinn comes downstairs, in her usual outfit with lipstick and a purse.]
QUINN: Okay, I'm ready.
DARIA: Oh, I can see why that took three hours.
BLAKE: Three hours?
QUINN: Stop it, Daria! [Explaining quickly] Daria's a real kidder. Ha ha,
Daria. C'mon, Blake.

[Int. Lane basement.]
[Jane comes down the steps to see Trent sitting in a beanbag chair, tuning
a guitar.]
JANE: Hey, Trent? Can I talk to you about something?
TRENT: Sure, I guess. What?
JANE: [Sitting on a box] Well, you get artistically stuck sometimes, right?
TRENT: Sure, everyone does.
JANE: How do *you* handle it?
TRENT: I don't.
JANE: Crap, not you too.
TRENT: There *is* no other recourse. I mean, influence always comes to you;
rarely when you chase it. Right?
JANE: ...I guess I never really thought about that.
TRENT: Right, because you never *needed* to think about it. If you have to
think logically, it'll probably turn out to be something that's been
done already.
JANE: Wow... Trent, sometimes you amaze me.
[Trent has meanwhile fallen asleep and is snoring.]
JANE: Please recall that I said "sometimes." [Smirks]

[Commercial bumper: B&W slow-mo as the Morgendorffers look at Quinn weird
while Blake is eating with them.]

END ACT II

***

ACT III

[Int. Chez Pierre.]
[Quinn and Blake enter, arm in arm, Quinn a bit fidgety about this. They are
immediately greeted by a maitre d'.]
MAITRE D': [Fake French accent] Quinn, oh, we were so worried about you!
It's been days!
QUINN: Calm down, Maurice. I'm fine. Uh, I'd like you to meet Blake.
Stevens.
MAITRE D': Bonjour, monsieur.
BLAKE: Ah, know French, do you?
MAITRE D': Oui.
BLAKE: Qui a coupe le frommage, mon frere?
[Pause.]
MAITRE D': Oui. Um, come this way.
[The maitre d' motions for the two to follow as he leads them to their
table.]
[Pan to a table sitting Sandi and Tiffany, who are just lowering their menus
from their faces.]
TIFFANY: What are we even doing here? It's so annoying to eat here if you
can't fob the check off on your date.
SANDI: We're not here to eat. I'm trying to figure this whole "frignamour"
thing that Quinn has with that Blake guy.
TIFFANY: I think that's--
SANDI: Cheese it. They're coming.
[Both hold their menus back up as Quinn and Blake take their seats at a
table that has a RESERVED FOR QUINN MORGENDORFFER AND GUEST sign.]
BLAKE: Hm. I don't know what, but something's telling me that you come here
often.
QUINN: [Putting her purse down] Oh... well, I...
BLAKE: I didn't embarrass you in front of that waiter, did I?
QUINN: Oh, no! [Quietly] Just between you and me, everyone here *is* kind of
snooty. I actually liked it when you told him off.
BLAKE: I wasn't really telling him off. It was just a stupid question about
"who cut the cheese"; probably even got a few tenses wrong. I only
know about as much French as any of these guys.
QUINN: Heh... [Straining for something to say] Um... let's order, I guess.
BLAKE: Sure.
[They both hold up their menus, Quinn a little relieved that she can hide
her reddening face behind it.]
BLAKE: [Whistles] Steep. How can you afford coming here?
QUINN: Uhh...
BLAKE: And if you don't like the service, why do you always come?
QUINN: Uh... uh... I have to go to the bathroom.
BLAKE: What, now?
QUINN: Yes. [Gets up and walks away quickly]

[Int. Chez Pierre ladies' bathroom.]
[Quinn comes quickly to a sink and turns on the hot water, breathing in the
steam. She calms down after short while and turns off the tap. She leans
against the sink, wiping off the fog on the mirror. She looks at herself for
a second.]
QUINN: ...What's happening to me?

[Int. Chez Pierre dining area.]
[Sandi and Tiffany lower their menus again, finding Quinn AND Blake gone.]
SANDI: Oh, smurf. They've left already!
TIFFANY: They must've seen us or something.
SANDI: [As they both get up to leave] Quinn is just a little more crafty
than I anticipated.
TIFFANY: [Following Sandi out] I hate reaching such an anti-climax so much.
[As soon as the two are gone, Quinn exits the bathroom. She looks around for
Blake.]
QUINN: Wh-...
[The same maitre d' comes up.]
MAITRE D': Oh, Ms. Quinn, your other requested I tell you he's moved to the
patio outside.
QUINN: Patio?

[Ext. Chez Pierre patio.]
[Quinn comes out the back to find Blake sitting at a table. She sits down at
it.]
QUINN: There you are. I was worried.
BLAKE: That I'd stick you with the check?
QUINN: ...I wish I knew when you were joking. Why'd you come out here?
BLAKE: I dunno. Full moon. Cool spring breeze.
QUINN: [Chattering slightly] A little too cool.
BLAKE: Cold? Here. [Takes off his jacket]
QUINN: Oh, I couldn't...
BLAKE: Here. [He gets up and drapes the coat over her shoulders] Better?
QUINN: Little.
[Cut to a distance shot of the restaurant patio.]
BLAKE: Now can we finally order? This is the most starving date I've been
in!
[Quinn giggles. She's finally feeling a little more relaxed around his
company.]

[Pan upwards towards the full moon, focus on it a second, then pan down to:]

[Ext. Morgendorffer house. Late night.]
[Blake's car pulls up. Both he and Quinn exit and head to the door. She
still has Blake's jacket on.]
QUINN: Thanks, Blake... I had a really nice night.
BLAKE: Well, it was your suggestion.
QUINN: Well, yeah.
[They stare at each other for a small while. Blake then slowly touches his
hand to her chin, drawing closer. Quinn jerks away.]
QUINN: What are you doing?
BLAKE: Are you uncomfortable getting a "good night" kiss on a first date?
QUINN: No, um... it's just...
BLAKE: Yes?
QUINN: I've never... actually...
BLAKE: You never kissed? After all the dates you've been on?
QUINN: I didn't say... Yes. I've just never been as physically attracted to
anyone enough... I've always been a little... uncomfortable with it
for... that reason.
BLAKE: Are you saying...?
QUINN: No... no... Just... No...
BLAKE: Well, maybe if you *are* ready, just tell me.
[Quinn looks around, breathes a couple of deep breaths, and closes her eyes.
She silently nods. Blake tries again, tilting her head back gently. He gets
closer, closer... until a window is heard opening.]
JAKE: [O.S.] Dang it! What's going on down there!?
BLAKE: Just dropping your daughter off!
JAKE: [O.S.] Oh... Well, good enough for me. [The window is heard closing]
QUINN: Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.
BLAKE: I'm almost beginning to agree.
QUINN: You want your jacket back?
BLAKE: Normally, I'd be a gentleman and say "keep it"... but it's flippin'
freezing out! Gimme that.
[Quinn chuckles as she hands Blake back his jacket. She crosses her arms as
he puts it back on.]
QUINN: [Smiling] Well, great, now what am *I* gonna do to keep warm?
BLAKE: Third time's the charm.
[Finally, he kisses Quinn! It's drawn out for a little while for all that
it's worth. He slowly pulls away, then walks back to his car, waving.]
BLAKE: Good night.
[Blake gets in his car a drives away. Quinn silently waves back with a blank
expression.]

[Dissolve to Int. Lawndale High hallway, POV from inside Quinn's locker.
Next day. She's in the exact same position that she dissolved from, from the
last scene.]
QUINN: [Solemnly] You were right.
[Quinn closes the locker, leaving the screen in blackness.]
[Cut to "normal view" of the hallway. Stacy is standing next to Quinn.]
STACY: Right about what?
[Pause.]
QUINN: I *am* in love.
STACY: [Throwing her arms up in triumph] Yes! I knew it!
[Zoom out. Everyone in the hall looks at Stacy awkwardly. She looks around
and slowly puts her hands back down, embarrassed.]
STACY: So... you gonna tell him?
QUINN: Tell him?! How??! I didn't know this was gonna happen to me! I can't
take this pressure... Ohh, I thought I had experience in this sort of
thing. How would you like to discover that you're only an amateur in
this whole love thing?
STACY: I thought everyone was... I guess that's the problem with it.
QUINN: It certainly is a problem. You don't know any smart people I could
ask that have actually successfully experienced love, do you?
STACY: A romantic nerd?
QUINN: ...Okay, stupid question. Y'know, this whole thing is embarrassing
enough as it is. I'm glad no one besides my friends have found out.
[Cut to some other part of the hallway. Sandi with Andrea.]
SANDI: Why haven't you spread any rumors or anything yet? I've been waiting
for days!
ANDREA: Hey, just because I have a heart as black as a thousand midnights
doesn't make me a gossiper.
SANDI: [Stomps away] Stupid Medieval... person!

[Int. Lane living room.]
[Daria and Trent sit on the couch, though she avoids the embarrassment of
sitting right next to him by having his two birthday presents sit between
them. Jane enters with the cake.]
JANE: Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey and
you smell like one too. Now open the damn presents.
[Picks up Jane's gift.]
TRENT: I take it you're carrying on the tradition.
JANE: Yeah. I must say this year's was a toughie.
[Trent tears the paper from his new painting. It's a portrait, similar to
those of the end credits. In it, Trent is portrayed as the old wise man at
the top of the mountain.]
TRENT: I don't know art, but I know what I don't particularly have anything
against... Uh, wha-what does this one even mean?
JANE: Oh, don't make me say it out loud!
TRENT: What?
JANE: Rrrgh... Well... You really helped me out of the blues for once. I
learned the moral of this part of my life; sometimes you really *do*
have to take a break from thinking too hard about creativity. You just
really knew what to do when I was clueless, and I guess that's just
when the idea clicked. The idea *came* to *me*. And frankly, I doubt I
could've left my funk much earlier without your help... You really
were smarter than I made you out to be... Thanks.
TRENT: No... thank you.
DARIA: Aw, this is so annoyingly mushy.
JANE: She's right; open her present before this sappiness gives me the
heebie-jeebies.
[Trent does so.]
DARIA: It's a humidifier. It can sometimes make the air more tolerable. I
thought it'd help you with that weird cough thing you do when you
laugh.
TRENT: What weird cough thing?

[Ext. Lawndale High campus. Next day.]
[Stacy and Quinn sit on a blanket (to avoid grass stains, natch), around a
similar area that Jane and Daria usually talk.]
STACY: You're going to have to tell him at some point. Isn't the dance next
week?
QUINN: I know, I know. [Sighs] Okay, I'll tell him tonight during our date.
STACY: Good.
QUINN: And if not then, I still have a week.
[Stacy groans.]

[Another montage!]
[Int. Morgendorffer living room. Evening.]
[Daria and Blake talk as Quinn slides down the banister in an attempt to
make up for the lost time of dressing carefully.]

[Int. a restaurant other than Chez Pierre!]
[Blake and Quinn eat pasta from the same dish. They end up trying to slurp
up the same piece. Blake notices this, and can't help but egg on the parody
by pushing a meatball to Quinn by his nose. She grins.]

[Int. Morgendorffer kitchen.]
[Quinn tears off a page of the calendar.]

[Int. Quinn's room.]
[Quinn, though unseen, is flinging clothing from her closet.]

[Int. Morgendorffer living room.]
[Daria tries to read a book while Blake tries to hold another conversation,
waiting for Quinn. Daria then offers the book to Blake to read. Quinn rushes
down at that point.]

[Int. Mall.]
[Blake and Quinn enter a photo booth. Eventually, photographs are dispensed
out of the machine just as Upchuck walks by. He notices the pictures of the
two kissing and such, glances around, and decides to keep the photos for
himself before walking away. Quinn and Blake exit the machine to wonder
where their pictures went.]

[Int. Morgendorffer kitchen.]
[Quinn tears off another page of the calendar.]

[A whole slew of miscellaneous shots: Quinn's various dates, Daria and Blake
talking or even watching SSW, all of the shots overlapped by the removing of
another calendar page. It eventually comes to the date circled, labeled
"SCHOOL DANCE TOMARROW" (sic).]
[End montage.]

[Int. Barch's sophomore class.]
[Quinn and Stacy in the back. Barch has several boys at the chalkboard,
each writing an elaborate equation followed by her shouting "Wrong! Again!"
and the likes thereof.]
STACY: Have you told him *yet*?
QUINN: Today, I'm gonna. We've had the best times these past couple of
weeks. And the dance is tomorrow... There's been enough precress...
pro...
STACY: Big word.
QUINN: Prequo...
STACY: Peer...
QUINN: Pih-
STACY: Per-
QUINN: I've waited too long!
STACY: Yeah!
[School bell rings.]
STACY: Get out there!
QUINN: Yeah!
[They start heading to the door.]
STACY: Yeah!
QUINN: Yeah!
STACY: Yeah!
[Blake's head sticks into the door.]
BLAKE: Quinn?
QUINN: Yeah?
BLAKE: Can we talk during lunch?
QUINN: Yeah.
BLAKE: Okay. Later. [Leaves]
QUINN: Yeah.
STACY: [Nudging Quinn] Yeah!
QUINN: Yeah!
BARCH: Ms. Morgendorffer.
QUINN: Yeah?
BARCH: Could you stay here a moment?
QUINN: Yeah.
STACY: [Exiting] Later.
QUINN: Yeah.
BARCH: So, all excited about the opposite sex now, huh?
QUINN: Ye-... how did you know?
BARCH: I had that look once. Over two decades of unquestioned servitude,
then WAMBO! Left only an empty shell of a human being!
QUINN: [Knitting her eyebrows] "Wambo"?
BARCH: First loves never work, kid. I know first hand.
QUINN: He's not like that. He's different from the other guys!
BARCH: I said that too.
QUINN: You're wrong!
BARCH: Said that.
QUINN: I'm not even gonna wait until lunch. I'm gonna tell him now! [Leaves]
BARCH: Said that.

[Int. Lawndale High hallway.]
[Quinn walks down the hall in a hurry.]
QUINN: Where is he? I've got to tell Stevens. I've just gotta.
[Cut to Blake doing the same.]
BLAKE: I don't believe I missed the chance of telling Morgendorffer this
before. I have to find her... There she is! [Walks O.S.]
[Cut to Quinn.]
QUINN: There he is! [Trots a little quicker] Bl- [stops]
[Blake is talking to Daria at her locker.]
DARIA: [From a continuing conversation] What do you mean?
BLAKE: I dunno... I mean, I like Quinn and all, but nothing clicks. You've
understood me for all this time, and I've never had anyone else do
that before.
DARIA: [Speechless] Wh-... Huh? You can't be serious. Nobody gets me!
BLAKE: That's what I've always said... until I met you.
DARIA: Does Quinn even know anything about this?
BLAKE: Nothing. I was gonna wait until lunch to break up.
DARIA: [Glances around] I'm not sure this would work.
BLAKE: Just go out once-
DARIA: No. There's someone over there you need to go to.
QUINN: [Quietly] Break up?
BLAKE: [Turns around] Quinn?
QUINN: [Slowly walks up, still talking quietly] You were using me, weren't
you?... Just to get closer to my sister...
BLAKE: No. She was just always there! That part was never my fault. But you
know I was gonna tell you later!
QUINN: Don't bother.
BLAKE: We can-
QUINN: Still be friends?... No... How can we?... How can we be still friends
AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO ME?!
BLAKE: Quinn!
DARIA: Quinn!
QUINN: I TRUSTED YOU! YOU WERE THE FIRST PERSON I EVER TRULY TRUSTED! *AND*
LOVED! AND THEN YOU JUST *BLOW ME OFF*! JUST FRIENDS?! [Storms off]
DARIA: Oh my God... This is like something out of Party of Five... or a
sitcom with writers trying too hard.
BLAKE: I... didn't mean to hurt her...
DARIA: [Walks away] There never *was* any chemistry... Between you and
*either* Morgendorffer.

[Int. Quinn's room.]
[Quinn is face down on her bed, sobbing. Daria enters.]
DARIA: Sorry about today... Although it wasn't really my fault... [no
response] ...At least now you know how it feels to all those other
guys when you-
QUINN: [Between sobs] Get out.
DARIA: I just-
QUINN: [Gets up. Her eyes are red from crying] I said get out... I hate
"love"... I hate what he did to me... And I hate *you*.
DARIA: Quinn-
QUINN: I've said it before, I've implied it, now I mean it... I HATE YOU,
DARIA! I HATE YOU! GET OUT!
[Daria's unable to get a word in. She ducks out of the way as Quinn throws
a book at her.]
QUINN: GET OUT!!
[Daria does as Quinn slams the door and leans on it.]
QUINN: [Quieter, between sobs] Get out... I... hate you...

[Int. upstairs Morgendorffer hallway. Outside Quinn's room.]
[Daria looks back. For once she feels for her sister. She takes the book
that Quinn threw at her and throws it herself against the wall. She picks it
up again, attempting to tear it apart. Unsuccessful, she winds up to toss it
again, only to notice that it's Quinn's address book. She looks at it,
thinking, turning momentarily to Quinn's door to hear the sobs from within.
She makes her decision, and walks off.]

[Int. Three J's homebase.]
[The three do generic "hanging out" stuff. The phone rings; not the regular
phone, but the special Quinn hotline they hooked up.]
JEFFY: I told you! We just had to wait!
JAMIE: I'll get it!
JOEY: No way!
[All three get into their usual fight for Quinn.]
JOEY: Wait, hold it! [They stop] Let's all three of us get it.
[They all reach for the receiver and squeeze together to get their ears to
it.]
ALL: Hello?...
JEFFY: ...Oh! It's just Quinn's sister!
[He and Joey mutter and leave Jamie with the phone. Though disappointed, he
stays on the line.]
JAMIE: [Sighs] You know this line is only for-... [To the others] Hey, guys,
it's *about* Quinn!
[The other two race back and press their ears to the receiver.]

[Est. Morgendorffer house. Next morning.]

[Int. Quinn's room.]
[Quinn has a card table set up in front of her while she sits on her bed.
She's meanwhile dressed in the same sweatshirt get-up from CE Forman's
"Weighting to Exhale." Dirty dishes and such are scattered across a couple
of places in the room. She has a plate of crackers and a can of aerosol
cheese at the table currently. She piles the cheese onto one cracker and
shoves it in her mouth in one bite. It's plain to see how miserable she is.]
QUINN: [Deadpan, after swallowing] I thought that was supposed to be cheese.
[Looks at the can's label, remaining deadpan] Oh, it is. [Looks at
the ingredients] No, wait...
[Helen peeks in.]
HELEN: Quinn? Honey? Are you alright?
QUINN: Mmm.
HELEN: What are you doing?
QUINN: Well, I'm not old enough to get drunk on my ass and I don't really
feel like suicide, so I thought I'd just get fat.
HELEN: Listen Quinn, I know you're upset but you're going to be late for
school.
QUINN: [Mumbling] I don't care.
HELEN: Quinn-
QUINN: It's not just the loss of my first love... though that does suck...
It's like... he was my last chance at proving to myself that I wasn't
rejected by everyone. But now even he's rejected me. And because of
that, even the Fashion Club is gonna reject me. It's a whole...
Monopoly effect, or whatever that game is.
HELEN: Dominoes?
[Daria enters.]
DARIA: [Phonetically] Gee, Quinn, there are three guys at the door for you?
QUINN: What?

[Int. Morgendorffer living room.]
[All three come downstairs to see the three J's at the door. Quinn is the
most surprised while Daria remains her expressionless self.]
JAMIE: Quinn, go out with me to the dance!
JOEY: No way!
JEFFY: I'm the one that suggested the wait-it-out thing!
JAMIE: Well *I'm* the one that stayed at the phone long enough to know what
to do!
JOEY: Well you're... a dumb-head!
JAMIE: Dumb-head!? Eat those words!
[Argument and brawl all over again. Quinn watches with a satisfied look.]

[Int. Lawndale High hallway.]
[Quinn has joined up with the Fashion Club and is back in her normal
outfit. They walk along.]
QUINN: Yeah, it was great having them fight over me all over again.
SANDI: [Uninterested] Yeah, fun. [Decides to turn things back on Quinn] Too
bad about that Stevens guy, though, huh?
QUINN: Oh, not really, I guess. I mean, it's like you said, that no one boy
is worth crying over. Those words are what really helped me.
SANDI: [Disappointed that the attack failed, but satisfied with the
compliment] Oh, you don't need to say that.
QUINN: I most certainly do. You're the best, Sandi.
SANDI: Oh, no, you.
[The club passes by Daria and Jane, the former at her locker.]
DARIA: [To Jane] Well, looks like my "cousin" is happy again.
JANE: Yeah, I have to give you that.
DARIA: But I'll always wonder if I did the right thing. [Closes her locker]
JANE: Let's see: your sister was finally at your level of thinking about the
world, so you decide to bring her out of her temporary funk by
flinging back to her bubbly, shallow self while she has no clue that
you helped her and was still in a state of hating you at the time. So
I'd have to say... no.
[Daria makes a sound that's half groan, half sigh.]
JANE: Oh, I've got a way to cheer you up.
DARIA: Mm?
JANE: Ms. Li got a few threats to sue due to injury by chance of the extra
slippery floors.
DARIA: Not good enough for me.
JANE: More: she didn't want to waste the money she invested in the floor
wax.
DARIA: So what'd she do with it?
JANE: [Opening her locker] Auctioned it off. [Pulls out a can and rag] What
say we go over buff the dance floor?
DARIA: Oh, what say!
[Jane shuts her locker and carries the supplies as the duo walks arm in arm
away.]

END

THEME: "Pink" by Aerosmith

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

First the references:
{1} "Nibblet" has been suggested as Stacy's last name in Danny Bronstein's
"Who Shot Principal Li?"
{2} See CE Forman's "Daria vs the IRS"
{3} Jane faked an allergy in Elizabeth Thaler's "The Last Supper"
{4} See CE Forman's "Weighting to Exhale"
{5} Stacy is "friends" with him in Austin Covello's "Day in the Life of
Stacy"
{6} This is a reference to Martin Pollard's "Sins of the Past" It's more of
an in joke than a hint of the future since his story goes on a tangent.

I think that's all the references I made. I don't know why I made so many
in the story; maybe I subconsciously felt that I had to make it up to the
other writers from making a reference to Klein-Hass in my last story (come,
now, you didn't actually miss it, did you?). The title to this story, of
course, is of the famous Mike Quinn (get it??!!) who is known on the Daria
newsgroup and on Outpost Daria for his episode reviews. Actually, I think I
made the title that way just to see if he'd notice... And don't you tell
him, I really want to see if he notices. :)

This story looks into the idea that Quinn has dated for so long yet doesn't
know about love. It's kind of obvious. And yes, I had her say that she was
never kissed; you didn't misread that. I always found her to date just
because she loved the attention, and she's more than once felt very
uncomfortable about just touching some guy. See "The Invitation" and "This
Year's Model" if you don't believe me. I liked the idea that she could, if
only once, feel love. I apologize for the drastic "everything's back to
normal by the ending" thing, though.

Jane hitting "The Block" and Jake's problems with Boggle are from
experience, however exaggerated. The slippery floor running gag was just
something stupid I put in for I-don't-know-what-reason!

I like to characterize the underdeveloped people in the show, despite how
hard it can be at some point. Expect Kevin and maybe even Rachel (Jodie's
sister) to have starring roles at some point.

I'd also like to thank all that have sent me feedback. Thanks!