by Invisigoth Gypsy (InvisigothGypsy@starmail.com)
Summary: Quinn decides to throw a party, and Helen forces Daria to partici-
pate in the preparations-- and what's worse, she even has to attend. In the
end, Quinn nearly ruins the big day for Daria... until Trent saves it.
Comments: I wrote this story in script style in the show's basic format (with
commercial breaks and stuff). It's probably longer than a half-hour show
would be, but oh well. This is my first Daria fanfic, and I wrote it after
watching only four and half episodes of the show, so please be gentle. I
tried my best to keep everyone in character, and to make it more sarcastic
than sappy. Comments are welcome! (In other words, pleasepleaseplease tell
me if you like it. My fragile self-esteem could use the boost.) Special
thanks to my two beta readers, DeRaptor and Keppa.
(Usual Daria opening sequence. End with title screen: Daria in "Party
(Scene opens around the Morgendorffer dinner table. Quinn is looking nause-
atingly perky and babbling a mile a minute.)
QUINN: An' so, the Fashion Club decided to have another party, 'cos the one
last week at Stacy's was, like, *so* much fun.
DARIA: What happened? Someone spike the punch with Valium?
(Quinn gives Daria a dirty look and continues.)
QUINN: And I volunteered to host! It's gonna be *so* cool. We can move all
the furniture in the living room to make room, and we'll have, like, music
an' stuff, an'--
JAKE: Wait a minute, Quinn, I'm not so sure if this is such a good ide--
HELEN: (interrupting) It sounds *wonderful*, Quinn honey. I'll help you
plan everything so it's just perfect. And I'm sure Daria would love to help,
*wouldn't* you Daria?
(She looks pointedly at her oldest daughter. Daria stands up and picks up
DARIA: Sorry, I have a root canal scheduled the same night. Maybe some other
time. 'Scuse me.
(As she starts to leave, Helen clears her throat menacingly...)
(Cut to Daria's room. She's on the bed talking to Jane on the phone.)
DARIA: ...so Mommy Dearest put me in charge of the entertainment and food
because she thinks it would be "good for me." *Fun.*
JANE: (phone voice-over) How would it be good for you?
DARIA: I dunno. Something about self-esteem and experience. Basically she
meant that I'm a loser with no life and this was my one chance to break out.
(Cut to Jane's room. She's holding the phone to her ear with her right
shoulder. Both hands are covered paint.)
JANE: Sounds tha-rilling. What does Quinn think of all this?
(She makes a few dabs on a canvas with a finger. Cut back to Daria.)
DARIA: Quinn? Think? You've been sniffing your paint thinner a little too
(Split screen showing both girls.)
DARIA: Quinn hates that I'm involved, of course. To make it worse for both
of us, Mom's making me actually *go* to the stupid party.
(Jane makes another careful mark on the canvas.)
JANE: And I suppose you want me for support.
DARIA: Need I ask?
(Jane squints at her canvas for a long moment, then shrugs and smears both
hands all over it.)
JANE: Perfect! C'est magnifique! (She wipes her hands on a towel.) Anyhow,
so what are you gonna do about your part in the big preparations?
(Cut to Daria only.)
DARIA: I'll make those stupid little sandwiches without crusts or something.
Maybe I can slip some arsenic into Quinn's. But I don't know what to do for
the music. Somehow, I don't think my musical tastes coincide with those of
the Fashion Club.
(Cut back to Jane.)
JANE: And once again, little ol' Janey comes to the rescue.
DARIA: (looks suspicious) What is *that* supposed to mean?
JANE: (evil grin) Oh, I know someone who'd *love* to visit the Morgendorffer
residence to provide a little musical entertainment.
DARIA: (glares) Jane, if you're talking about who I think you're talking
JANE: Da da da *dum*! Ta-rent!
JANE: Aww, c'mon... it'll be fun, honest!
DARIA: I don't know... (grasping at straws) Umm, for one thing, I doubt the
Fashion Club would like his kind of music, and--
JANE: Well, who do they *expect* to get around here, Matchbox 20? They're
lucky to get any live band at all. (narrows eyes) Quit thinking of excuses
and get to work. You've got a lot of sandwiches to make, chica.
(Commercial break scene showing Jane smearing her canvas while Daria looks
put out. "La la la la" etc.)
(If you really feel like you need commercials to get into this, think about
some Mentos commercials or those stupid psychic network ads.)
(Cut to Lawndale High the next day. Quinn is walking around with a large
stack of invitations. She comes up to Brittany, Kevin, Mack, and Jodie.)
QUINN: (bubbly) Hi, I'm having a party, and you're all invited!
KEVIN: (grins at Quinn) Wow, thanks!
(Brittany kicks him.)
(Quinn hands them some invitations.)
JODIE: Saturday? Cool, I'll be there.
(Brittany looks a little hostile.)
BRITTANY: I dunno...
QUINN: (cajoling) I'm giving Clinique lipstick as favors...
BRITTANY: (brightens) Ooooh, I wouldn't miss it for the world!
(Cut to Daria and Jane at their lockers.)
DARIA: (casually) So... uh... you talk to Trent?
JANE: Yeah. He said only he and Jesse could make it, but it's better than
nothing... (looks slyly at Daria) You know, this is your big chance...
DARIA: (flatly, no question) What are you talking about.
JANE: It's a dressy kinda party, right? Wear something colorful... curl your
hair... try a little makeup...
DARIA: Why? Looking like Ronald McDonald isn't going to help me win any pop-
JANE: (earnestly) Daria, please be serious about this for once. Look, I know
you like Trent, and even though he's never said anything, I know him really
well, and he doesn't treat you like you're just any old girl. If you look
nice, and try to smile and have a little fun, he can't help but notice you.
(Waver to a daydream in Daria's head. The party is in full swing, with Trent
playing guitar. Suddenly Daria steps into the room in a full white dress
smiling with makeup and a tiara. A beam of light shines down on her and the
rest of the room goes dim. Pan to Trent, who drops his guitar and stares,
then runs across the room to her. He takes her in his arms, moves to kiss
her, and... the scene disappears with a pop, leaving normal Daria in school
DARIA: Yeah. Right.
(Cut to the middle of Mr. O'Neill's class. Daria is boredly making a list of
preparations for the party.)
DARIA: (thinking-out-loud style voice over) Buy food. Prepare food. Buy
dress. Get makeup from somewhere. Hire hit man to kill Mom, Quinn, and
(She sighs, and the camera cuts to behind her. Over her shoulder, we see the
list she was making. She crosses it out, then starts doodling a cartoon of
Barney the dinosaur with a knife through his chest. She scribbles that out
too, then writes her name in fancy cursive letters. After a moment's hesi-
tation, she adds "and Trent" to it. Cut back to her face. She looks at the
paper a moment, then glares, scribbles it out, then crumples the paper up.)
(Cut to the Morgendorffer living room that afternoon. Quinn and Helen are
making plans for the decorations.)
HELEN: Now if we move the sofa over *there*, and dim the lights just like
(Daria walks in.)
HELEN: (exuberant) Oh, Daria, you're just in time to go with us to pick out
dresses for you and Quinn!
DARIA: I was going to go get one with Jane on Friday.
HELEN: Just let me get my car keys...
DARIA: I've got homework to do.
HELEN: Now should we go to the mall, or that new dress shop that just opened?
QUINN: Ooooh, the dress shop! It looks sooo cool!
DARIA: I'm having a heart attack.
HELEN: Okay, got my keys! Let's go!
(Cut to the dress shop. A tall snobby-looking blond woman walks up as the
SALESLADY: (nasally) Hiiiiii, may I help you? (She beams at Helen and Quinn,
then wrinkles her nose at Daria and makes a disapproving noise.)
HELEN: Yes, my two daughters need new dresses for a party we're having. (She
leans toward the saleslady conspiringly.) They're just growing up so fast!
SALESLADY: (beaming again) Oh, of course! We got in the perfect shipment
(Cut to a dressing room. Helen is standing up, beaming, Daria is sitting
in a chair looking bored, and Quinn is modelling a dress. Time lapse, with
Quinn appearing in dress after dress. By the time she stops, even Helen
looks a little daunted.)
QUINN: Well, I've narrowed it down to these. (She holds up a stack of
dresses towering over her head.
HELEN: Umm... *good*, Quinn. Why don't you try to decide while we find a
dress that suits Daria?
QUINN: (brightly) Okay! (under her breath sarcastically) Good luck!
(Helen and Daria walk out of the dressing room and up to a clothes rack.
Cut to Daria from the clothes rack's POV. She starts flipping through the
DARIA: (Thought VO) Nope. Nuh unh. No way. (She stops and stares.) Da
hell is *that*? (Continues flipping) No. Nope. (Suddenly she stops and
looks at the rack for a long moment.)
DARIA: (out loud) Mom? I think I found one...
(Cut to the grocery store, Saturday morning. Daria is walking beside Jane,
who is pushing a grocery cart full of food.)
JANE: (looking at shelves and pulling stuff off) And we'll need some of
this... and this... and oooh, some of *those*... and--
DARIA: Are we *really* going to need all this stuff?
JANE: Look, if you want the party to be a success, you have to have good
DARIA: But that's just it. I don't *care* about the stupid party.
JANE: Oh, you'll change your mind once Trent finds out you helped plan it!
DARIA: Oh yeah, I'll care then 'cos he'll never want to speak to me again.
JANE: Shut up. Just shut up. Oh, and grab a pound of sugar, will you?
(Cut to the Morgendorffer kitchen. Jane is wearing an apron and venemently
stirring something in a large mixing bowl. Daria is sitting in a chair
DARIA: (without much conviction) You sure you don't want me to help?
JANE: Uhh no, that's okay. After the last cake (cut to a pile of smouldering
ashes sitting in a pan on the counter) I've realized that you *weren't*
lying when you said you don't like cooking. (Cut back to Jane. She stops
stirring a minute and blows a piece of hair out of her face.) Look, why
don't you go start getting ready?
DARIA: (gets up then stops) You sure you can manage the little sandwiches?
JANE: (placatingly) Yes, Daria, I can manage the little sandwiches.
(Daria leaves. Jane waits a moment, then starts singing loudly.)
JANE: Stand... in the place where you live... now face north...
(Daria walks into the living room. Helen is standing in the middle of the
room with a clipboard wearing a visor, while Jake is holding the coffee table
and looking helpless.)
HELEN: Okay, a little to the left... now back up... no, not *that* far, you
dolt! No, wait--
(Cut to close-up of Daria.)
DARIA: Never mind.
(Cut to Quinn's room. She's on her bed wearing a robe, trying to talk on the
phone and paint her toenails at the same time. Daria opens the door and
sticks her head in the room.)
DARIA: Uh, Quinn, I hate to interrupt the fun, but I-- I-- (She takes a deep
breath and gathers some strength.) I need to borrow some makeup.
(Quinn freezes, stares, and drops the phone with a clunk. There is a screech
on the other end, then a dial tone.)
QUINN: I... I... you... (She faints.)
DARIA: Um... I'll just... get it myself then...
(Cut to a clock. The hands move in the usual time-passage indicator. It
nears eight o'clock. Cut to the living room. It is bright, empty, and pris-
tine, then fade in people and dim light. There is a hum of conversation.
The doorbell rings, and Quinn, all dressed up, answers it. Jane, wearing a
dress, Jesse, and Trent are there.)
QUINN: Hi! You must be the band! (notices Jane) Oh, and you...
JANE: Where's Daria?
QUINN: Ummm... (distracted) I guess she's still upstairs... or something...
(She suddenly sees someone across the room.) Ohhh, hiiiiiiii! (She runs
JANE: Well you guys go over there and do yer thing... I'm gonna go find
JESSE: Cool, babe.
(He walks off. Trent looks at Jane.)
TRENT: Janey, you think something's up with Daria?
JANE: (placatingly, again) I'm sure she's fine. She's probably just nervous.
TRENT: Why would she be nervous? It's that little girl's party, not hers...
JANE: (grins evilly) Well you know how Daria is...
(Cut to Jane outside Daria's closed door. She knocks.)
JANE: Hey! Come *on*, everyone's here!
DARIA: Forget me. I'm just going to stay up here. I'll be joining a convent
JANE: Oh, hurry up!
(Finally the door opens. We see Jane from Daria's POV.)
JANE: (blinks) Whoa.
DARIA: (offscreen VO) Just shoot me now. It's the humane thing to do.
(Commercial break scene: Trent takes Daria into his arms in her brief fan-
(Cut back to party. Trent and Jesse are playing, while people stand around
talking. Brittany, Jodie, Kevin, and Mack are standing in a group.)
JODIE: This is pretty cool.
MACK: Yeah. More people than I expected...
BRITTANY: (oblivious to them) I wonder where that lipstick is...
(Suddenly Kevin does a double-take.)
KEVIN: Is that... is that... *Daria*?
(He stares and the camera follows his gaze to where Daria and Jane entered
the room. Daria is wearing a sleeveless pale blue dress that goes halfway
to her knees and sandals with heels. Her hair is curled and she's wearing
makeup. Cut back to Kevin.)
KEVIN: (staring) Wow...
(Brittany kicks him.)
KEVIN: Owwww... (still watching Daria, but to Brittany) What's wrong, babe?
(Pan to Trent playing guitar. He looks up and sees Daria entering the room
and stares at her, but when the camera cuts back to her and Jane, she's look-
ing at the ground and doesn't notice.)
(Cut over to where the Fashion Club is standing with Quinn's boys.)
SANDI: Quinn, why is your *cousin* here?
TIFFANY: Yeah, and what did she do to herself?
STACY: She actually looks... *nice* for once...
QUINN: Umm... I don't know... (trying to change the subject) Hey, look,
JOEY: Whoa, she looks *good*!
SANDI: I don't know what she did to herself, but it's, like, an improvement.
TIFFANY & STACY: For *real*!
JEFFY: (dreamily) Let's go talk to her!
(The Fashion Club, except for Quinn, walks off, followed by Joey-Jeffy-Jamie.
Quinn is sulking and glaring at Daria. The FC and the boys approach Daria
JANE: Oops, here come the fashion police. Later.
(She walks off, leaving poor Daria to fend for herself.)
SANDI: Hi Quinn's cousin.
DARIA: Umm... hi.
JOEY: What's your name? (Gives her a lovesick puppy grin usually reserved
DARIA: Umm... hey, look, I think my friend wants me. I'll be *right* back.
(She hurries off after Jane, who has made her way over to where the band is
taking a break.)
DARIA: Jane, why did you-- (She sees Trent and stops short.)
JANE: (fakey, conjurer voice and waggling her fingers in the air at Daria)
Come, out of your shell, little turtle...
DARIA: (thought VO) Just a liiiiitle closer... that's it... no, Jane, the
meat grinder won't hurt a bit...
TRENT: Hey Daria.
DARIA: (swallows hard) Hi.
(She looks down self-consciously. Trent looks like he's about to say some-
thing, but Jesse interrupts him.)
JESSE: Hey, man, we better get back on it before the little kid revolts.
TRENT: Uhh... sure. (to Daria) I'll talk to you later I guess...
(Daria can't answer, and Trent walks off. She looks after him, then looks
DARIA: Jane, don't you think I've suffered enough now to sate your hidden
JANE: (ignores her comment) Hmm, that's the first time I've ever heard some-
one call Quinn "little kid." It's a start. (looks at Daria) And heeeeey,
did you notice the way Trent was looking at you?
DARIA: What, like "Oh my God, get away from me before I get sick all over my
JANE: Really, Daria, you have the *lowest* self-esteem of anyon-- (breaks off
and looks over Daria's shoulder) Uh oh, preps at eight o'clock.
(The FC, its followers, and Brittany's crowd are approaching Daria. Quinn
sees them and looks mad, then crafty. She hurries toward the band. Mean-
BRITTANY & FC GIRLS: (brightly) Hi, Daria!
KEVIN & THREE J's: (dreamily) Hi Daria...
(Suddenly Quinn interrupts, using the band's microphone.)
QUINN: I hope everybody is just having a *wonderful* time, tonight!
(Assorted consenting noises.)
QUINN: Goooood! And as a special treat, the band has agreed to have a
JANE: Karaoke? (to Daria) Yes, Quinn has officially flipped.
QUINN: And our first participant is my sis-- my cousin, Daria Morgendorffer!
(Cut to Daria. She's staring at Quinn.)
DARIA: (to Jane, without looking away from Quinn) Jane... please tell me this
is just a dream... *please*...
JANE: Sorry, Sleeping Beauty, it's the truth... your public awaits... (She
DARIA: (looks at Jane and glares) You know, if it didn't mean sudden and
painful death for you, I would say that you're enjoying this.
(She trudges over towards the microphone.)
DARIA: (thought voice-over) And the helpless victim, accused of being a
witch, is tied to the stake and mercilessly burned to death...
(She comes up to Quinn, with Trent and Jesse watching her.)
DARIA: Quinn, have you reaffirmed your faith lately?
DARIA: Because you'd better be hoping Armageddon hits before this song ends.
QUINN: (looks puzzled) Umm... sure.
DARIA: (resignedly) What do I have to sing?
QUINN: (smiles sweetly) Whatever the band can play. Have fun! (She walks
off with a self-satisfied smirk.)
DARIA: (to Trent) Do you know "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain"?
TRENT: Look, you'll do fine. What d'ya wanna sing?
DARIA: Hmph, how about "Crazy"? Seems fitting at the moment.
JESSE: Oooh, by Aerosmith?
DARIA: Uh no. Patsy Cline.
JESSE: (looks blank) Who?
TRENT: Yeah, I can do that.
DARIA: (blinks) What do you know *that* song for?
(Trent just shrugs.)
DARIA: Oh well. Here goes nothing... (thought VO) Except my dignity.
(She walks up to the microphone. She taps it, then clears her throat. Trent
starts playing the song and she nervously starts singing. Her voice cracks
on the first line. Wavering a little she continues, then her voice gets a
little stronger. She glances at Trent and sees him watching her. Blushing
a little, she sings with more force.)
(Cut to Jane standing with Jesse and the others.)
JANE: What do you think, sirs?
JESSE: It's an okay song... not as good as Aerosmith's though...
JANE: I *meant* Daria's singing.
JESSE: (shrugs) She's not half bad.
(Pan down the line of popular folks.)
MACK: I never knew Daria could sing!
JODIE: (to Mack) Hey, remind me to ask her if she wants to join the choral
group... We've had an opening ever since Jessica got bronchitis...
(Pan on down to Kevin. He's still staring at Daria. Brittany pokes him.)
BRITTANY: You haven't seen that lipstick yet, have you?
(Pan to the Fashion Club.)
STACY: I never realized that Quinn's cousin was so cool.
SANDI: Hmm, girls, we may have to make her an honorary member if she keeps
(Pan to the three J's.)
JOEY: Man, she's hot!
JEFFY & JAMIE: Unnnnnnnnh hunnnnnnnnnh.
(Pan to Quinn, who is silently fuming, then cut back to Daria as she nears
the end of her song.)
DARIA: (singing and really into it) An' I'm craaaazy for cryin'... craaaaazy
for tryin'... (On a whim, she looks straight at Trent.) And I'm crazy for
(All of a sudden she realizes that she was staring at him and he knew it.
She backs away from the microphone and looks at the partygoers. They are
staring at her in surprise. Suddenly embarrassed, she runs away from the
band, pushes past the people, and races out the door. As she leaves they
start cheering for her, but she doesn't notice.)
(Commercial break scene: Daria onstage, singing.)
JANE: (to Quinn) Wow. You really brought out the passionate, untamed side
of Daria. Good work.
QUINN: (noise of extreme frustration) OOOOHHH!
(She stalks off to rejoin the FC, the center of attention again now that
Daria is gone.)
(Jane walks up to the band.)
JANE: Daria's pretty good, ya know. (Looks suspiciously at Trent) And when
did you learn that song?
(Trent is putting down his guitar. He pushes past Jane and heads for the
TRENT: I'm going after her.
(Jane looks at Jesse and shrugs.)
JANE: Who knew?
(Cut to outside, on the dark sidewalk far from the Morgendorffer house.
Daria is sitting on the curb with her head in her arms. Close-up on her as
we see a hand touch her shoulder.)
DARIA: Look Jane, I know you meant well and all, but I should have just
stayed in my room! I'm *never* going to be able to show my face in Lawndale
TRENT: (voice over) It's me, Daria.
(Cut back to show both of them. Daria looks up at him in surprise, then he
sits down beside her.)
TRENT: What was wrong? Why did you leave?
DARIA: (faces forward again, sulking) You saw them staring at me. I look
ridiculous, I can't sing anyway, and Quinn just ruined my life, or what there
was of it to begin with. Usually I don't really care about being unpopular,
mostly because to be popular you have to be an idiot. But sometimes-- I
don't know. It would be different if I was pretty or talented like Jane is,
but me... I don't have *anything*.
TRENT: Daria, look at me.
(Daria turns to face him.)
TRENT: First of all, they were staring because they were amazed. They were
cheering for you, but you had already left. But more importantly, being
unpopular doesn't matter. Like you said, it's mostly idiots who *are* pop-
ular, and the people who don't fit in are the ones who do the important
things and are the best of all.
(Daria opens her mouth, but he holds up his hand and stops her.)
TRENT: Yeah, I know you've probably heard that before, but there's more than
that. You said you didn't have anything, but you do. You really did sing
good tonight, and you have a great sense of humor when you're not down on
yourself. And... (He pauses, then looks down and continues quickly.) And
you *are* pretty, especially when you smile. (He looks back up at her.)
You're really pretty cool, Daria.
(She finally smiles.)
TRENT: C'mon... the party's over by now and Janey's probably mad that I'm not
there to take her home.
(Cut back to the front of the Morgendorffer house as Daria and Trent
approach. The last car is driving off, and Quinn is outside.)
QUINN: Bye-eeee! (She waves, then sees Trent.) Hey your sister or whatever
said that, like, that other guy was taking her home. (She glares at Daria.)
Thanks a lot for *ruining* my evening, Daria! (She stomps back inside.)
DARIA: Ruining *her* evening? Well, I don't guess Quinn's mental capacity is
great enough yet to handle playing hostess.
(Trent laughs a little, then Daria walks to the door.)
DARIA: Bye Trent.
TRENT: (smiling a little) Bye.
DARIA: Umm... thanks. (Looking a little sad, she starts to go inside.)
TRENT: Daria-- umm, wait...
(She turns around and he walks up to her.)
TRENT: Look, remember what I said, okay? There's nothing wrong with you.
DARIA: (smiles) Okay.
(She looks at him, then suddenly leans forward and kisses him on the cheek.
She then realizes what she did, and steps back blushing and looking down.)
DARIA: Umm... I'm sorry... I didn't mean--
TRENT: It's okay.
(He smiles at her, then leans over and kisses her lightly on her cheek. She
looks up at him quickly, but he's already turned away and doesn't see her.)
TRENT: (over his shoulder) Good night, Daria.
DARIA: (smiling) Good night. (She goes inside and shuts the door.
The living room looks like a disaster area. Jake is walking around slowly
picking up trash, while Helen is trying to drag the sofa back.)
HELEN: Oof! (She lets go of the sofa and staggers backwards.) Oh, Daria,
there you are. I-- (She looks at Daria curiously.) *You* must have had a
good time. You're smiling!
DARIA: Yeah. I had fun. (She walks over to the sofa and gets one end of
it.) So where's Quinn?
HELEN: (grabs the other end of the sofa) She went to bed. She said that all
the excitement had given her a headache.
(They move the sofa back.)
DARIA: Want me to help clean up?
(Helen and Jake look at each other with a "what's happened to our daughter"
look on their faces, then Helen turns to Daria.)
HELEN: No, honey, you just go on to bed. You've had a long evening. Your
father and I will take care of it.
DARIA: Okay. (She walks over to her parents and gives each of them a hug.)
'Night Mom. 'Night Dad.
(Daria exits. Helen looks at Jake.)
HELEN: Do you think it's drugs?
(Cut to Daria's room. She's taken off her dress and is wearing pajamas. She
carefully hangs the dress in the closet and looks at it a minute, then goes
into the bathroom, takes off her glasses, and washes her face. The makeup
comes off, leaving the normal, everyday Daria. She puts her glasses back on
and picks up some compacts and lipstick lying on the side of the sink.)
(Cut to outside Quinn's room. Daria knocks on the door.)
DARIA: Quinn? You want your makeup back?
(The doors opens, and we see Quinn from Daria's POV. She has mascara running
down her face and her eyes are red. She snatches the makeup from Daria and
starts to slam the door, but Daria stops her.)
DARIA: Look, I don't really know what I did to "ruin your evening," but I'm
QUINN: Hmph, *sure*. All you did was steal my friends, my boyfriends, and
everyone's attention! (She looks melodramatic.) This was *my* party, and
no one even noticed me! My life is *ruined*.
DARIA: Quinn, if I wasn't feeling so generous right now, I'd just let you
wallow in your misery. But it's my duty as a sister to tell you that by
Monday, no one will pay any attention to me. I'll be back to my old, unpop-
ular self, and you'll be the center of attention. Promise.
(She starts to go back to her room.)
QUINN: (hesitantly) Daria?
(Daria stops and turns back to her.)
QUINN: Why? This is your chance to be popular. Why would you give it up?
DARIA: (smiles a little) Sometimes the unpopular people are the best of all.
QUINN: (looks thoughtful, then like a camel in a snowstorm) But I thought you
had to be *cute* to be the best.
DARIA: (back to usual, deadpan self) Don't think about it too much. Wouldn't
want your brain to explode or anything.
(She leaves and goes back to her room. Quinn looks blank, then shrugs and
shuts the door.)
(Cut to Monday morning at Lawndale High. Brittany and Kevin are standing in
BRITTANY: (PO'd) And the little ninny never even gave me any lipstick *at
all*! It was all a big set-up. (Daria and Jane walk by.) Oh look.
(Kevin turns suddenly, sees that Daria looks the same as always, and turns
back to Brittany.)
KEVIN: How about I buy you some new lipstick, babe?
BRITTANY: Ooooh, really? (giggles) You're the best, sweetie!
(Cut to Daria and Jane.)
JANE: So what *really* happened with you and Trent? He said that he just
walked you home.
DARIA: Yep, that's it.
JANE: Don't lie to me, Daria...
DARIA: I'm serious! He just told me not to worry about being unpopular, that
the best people usually were.
(They walk past the FC and the three J's. All seven look at Daria as she
STACY: Hmm. So much for that.
TIFFANY: Daria doesn't look cool at *all* any more.
JOEY: (disgusted) She's not even *cute*. (turns to Quinn) So what are you
doing *next* Saturday?
SANDI: Oh well, you know what they say, girls... nothing lasts forever. *I*
knew Quinn's cousin couldn't keep up the act for long.
STACY & TIFFANY: (with conviction) Me either!
QUINN: (seriously) You know what she told me? She said that she *chose* to
be unpopular. She said that the coolest people were the ones who didn't
(The other six look at her then at each other thoughtfully, then all seven
burst out laughing.)
(Cut back to Daria and Jane.)
JANE: Well *that* was a disappointment. When Trent went running off after
you, I was *sure* something was up. (looks apologetically at Daria) I'm
sorry things didn't work out. There's always the next party, you know.
DARIA: Jane, a word of advice for you... Don't say the "p" word to me again
for a looong time.
JANE: (laughing) Okay, okay. (looks at Daria again sideways) You seem to
have recovered from the whole thing nicely. Are you *sure* there weren't
any confessions of lustful dreams and true love?
DARIA: Nope. Not a one.
(Cut to close-up of Daria. She smiles, just a little.)
DARIA: (thought VO) Not yet, anyway...
(Credits, showing makeovers of Daria, Jane, Quinn, Brittany, Helen, and Trent
while the chorus of "It's My Party" plays. [Come on, you *had* to have seen
that one coming.])