Genius or Clay Poisoning?: Q&A with Jane Lane
by Claire Defoe, editor of We Love Art! Magazine

I sat down in a San Francisco loft to get to know Jane Lane, the 26-year-old
up-and-coming artist from the Southern California town of Lawndale and my
former protégé. If I didn’t know her any better, I’d swear she was from right
here in Frisco because there is something very wrong with her. One needs
to look no further than the cover of this month’s issue of We Love Art!,
where Jane is giving a blow job to Michaelangelo’s David. She double-dared
me to put it on the cover.

Q: When did you realize that you wanted to be an artist?

A: Actually, I had two realizations. The first one was when I was five. I laughed
at all the other kindergartners for messing up their finger paintings and
coloring outside the lines. It was around Christmas time, and I made
everybody cry by saying, "You’re not giving that "thing" to your mommy, are
you? She might sell you to Santa if you don’t give her something nice."

The second time was when I was a high school freshman. The yearbook
rejected all my artwork for being one of three things: "too abstract," "too
morbid," or "just plain wrong." I knew then that I was really on my way.

Q: Any influences?

A: Anybody and everybody influences me. I guess my mother is my primary
influence. She gave me soft clay to chew on instead of a teething ring. It was
either working with the clay so early or its chemicals now in my bloodstream. I
influenced my mother, too. Only after I started clay chewing did she begin her
line of clay and shark teeth sculptures.

Q: You seem to have adjusted well to your success. What do your friends think?

A: Friends?

Q: Yeah, friends. You do have friends, don’t you?

A: Not before or since high school. I was always the loner in town until 10th
grade. By the time I turned 18, people kept associating me with this one girl,
and I knew I had to leave.

Q: I guess you could call those "The Daria Years."

A: I’d rather not.

Q: That was the time you knew Daria Morgendorffer?

Daria is Jane’s best friend from high school, rumored to have had a brief
affair with Jane’s brother Trent, lead singer of the band Mystic Spiral. She
is also the executive producer of "Sick, Sad World."

A: I couldn’t pay you to stop saying her name, could I?

Q: Not anything you could afford, Jane.

A: All right then, let’s get this over with.

At this point, Jane picks up what looks like a lacquered revolver. She aims
it at me, scaring me slightly. She then laughs as she twirls it around her
finger, and I realize it is one of her sculptures.

It’s not a real success unless somebody shits their shorts. But you only
pissed your pants. Damn.

As I cross my legs, Jane hands me the revolver. Among the elaborate
designs is the name "Daria," scripted in gold paint along the barrel.

Q: Did you make this for Daria?

A: Yeah. I call it "The Hand That Pulls The Trigger Is The Hand That Rules The
World." I meant to give it to her for our graduation, but I forgot. I used it later
in a painting of her.

Jane unveils a painting of a Charlie’s Angel-esque Daria posing with the
gun. The painting is entitled "Daria’s Fantasy: Offing The Planet."

Like I said, I was a loner before she came along. If you knew Daria as well
as I did, you’d know that she really was way more popular than she thought
she was. Everyone in Lawndale knew her, and I saw that as impeding my
progress. I tried to shove her off on my brother Trent, but she didn’t get the

Q: Funny you should mention Trent. Isn’t he the father of Daria’s daughter?

A: Well, I just walked right into that one. I guess so, if you consider the Lawndale
Has-been (Lawndale High School’s weekly alumni newsletter, edited by Jodie
Landon Mackenzie) a newsworthy source. That would explain why she threw
up when we passed all those pizza joints during our senior year Spring

Q: Are you excited about your brother’s new album being released?

A: I am, believe it or not. But only because I designed the album cover.

Q: Yes, I understand you drew the sword that appears on the cover?

A: That’s not a drawing. It’s a photograph. I designed the sword itself.

Jane reveals the sword in question. She swings it at me, causing me to

You have really got to loosen up, Ms. Defoe.

She puts the swords back in its sheath. I take a peek at her initials
engraved into the handle.

Q: How did you make that, Jane?

A: Metal working was my minor at ArtWorld University (in San Francisco). We
had to make weapons as pieces of art for our final. I made this, plus a
bayonet and an axe for extra credit. Trent loved it.

Q: Is any of the art you’ve shown me today in next month’s Bicoastal art shows?

A: Yes. The sword will be part of my "Artful Destruction" display of weapons in
New York. The Daria gun and painting will be here in San Francisco, in the
"Rollercoaster To Hell" show.

Q: How many pieces have you sold so far?

A: I’m surprised I sold any at all! I’m set for life now. I gave the sword to Trent in
exchange for half the profits for Mystic Spiral’s first album (to date, a
whopping $19 million). I sold my axe and a set of my glue guns to a collector.
And then there’s my Beavis & Butt-head painting.

Q: Your Beavis & Butt-head painting? You know them?

A: Sure. For years now. I met them during a road trip Trent and I took. I got
curious about the town that produced people like Daria and her family. Once I
saw it, it explained everything.

Q: What happened when you met B&B?

A: I told them I used to know Daria. After they stopped singing "Diarrhea,
cha-cha-cha!", they asked me if I wanted to do it. I said yeah. So we did it.

Q: You have got to be kidding, Jane.

A: Nope. They call me about twice a day now, asking if I’m horny. I kinda like
being "the woman who dared to fuck Beavis & Butt-head." Speaking of

Jane reveals her very graphic B&B painting. I throw up, during which time
she tells me that John Waters bought that painting for $30 million. I'm
extremely impressed and I know I taught her well.

By CalTrec10