By: Board Bum
SCENE 1: Daria is sitting on the couch watching Sick Sad World. School is
finally out for the summer.
TV: Youve seen the commercials. But just how far will people go for a glass
of milk? The true story, next on Sick Sad World.
Daria: They dont even try anymore.
Helen walks in.
Helen: Daria, we just received some more news from Berkeley about your classes
Daria: I tremble with excitement and anticipation.
Helen: You know I would if I could have attended a college like this on full
scholarship when I was your age. You can show a little happiness Daria.
Daria: Whats that?
Helen: I have a good idea. We can all go on a tour of the campus today. It
can be a family outing! Ill just call and arrange to...
Daria: Um, I was going to do something with Jane today. I uh, have to go now.
Daria gets up and leaves.
SCENE 2: Daria and Jane in Janes room watching television.
Jane: So, the last summer before we have to pay to suffer the torment of
conventional education. How are you spending it?
Daria: Maybe Ill apply for a job at the cracker factory.
Jane: Your family is a cracker factory.
Daria: Good point. What are you planning to do?
Jane: The usual. Avoid my parents... thats about it. Oh yeah. In July Trent
is taking me with him up to Mount Hood for a week.
Daria: Trent leaving the house? And for a whole week? You call that usual?
Jane: Yeah well, underground sources have told us that we have another family
reunion coming up that particular week in July, so Trent and I figured that if
we make plans before they can, mom and dad wont force us to go. Maybe the
cracker factory will give you some vacation time so that you can come too. You
were in Ski Club, right?
Daria: Not of my own free will.
Trent walks by the open door of Janes room.
Jane: Yo Trent!
Trent: Yeah Janey? Oh hey Daria.
Jane: You think there will be room in the tank for one more next month?
Trent: Yeah, theres always room for Daria.
Trent leaves. Jane raises an eyebrow and looks at Daria.
Daria: Shut up.
Jane: I didnt say anything.
Daria: You didnt have to.
Scene 3: The dinner table that night.
Helen: So how was Janes?
Daria: Um it was fine. She invited me to go with her on a ski trip next month.
Helen: Oh thats great Daria. I didnt think you would continue with your
snowboarding after ski club. Isnt that great Jake?
Jake: Yeah! Go get em tiger!
Quinn: Dylan has a ski lodge at Mount Hood.
Helen: Is that your boyfriends name? I thought it was Matthew.
Quinn: Mo-om! That was last week. Anyway, Dylan says that he can take me
whenever I ask.
Helen: Oh maybe you can get him to share the lodge with Daria and her little
Quinn & Daria: NO!
Helen: So how are you planning to get there?
Daria: In the van.
Quinn: Eeeuw, that big ugly one that your friends brother drives? I wouldnt
be caught dead in that.
Daria: One could only hope.
Helen: Well, that sounds like a great idea Daria. A way to spend your last
summer before college. Arent we proud of her Jake.
Jake: Yeah! Go get em tiger.
Scene 4: A month later, Daria is over at Janes helping stock the van.
Daria: Its Jesse.
Jane: I didnt tell you he was coming?
Daria: No, but Im sure that the just the thought made you forget everything
Jane: Ha. Ha. So do you have everything?
Daria: Board, boots, bindings, jacket, pants, goggles, hat, money,
prozac...Yeah. I have everything. So wheres the box to sit on?
Jane: The drummer somehow managed to fit a loveseat in the back. You should
have seen them trying to get a couch in there. Its really comfortable, and you
dont have to worry about the sandwiches.
Jane looks over at Trent and Jesse, leaning up against the van half asleep.
Jane puts her board in the van.
Jane: So noble of them to help.
Daria: Its only 7:30 in the morning.
Daria and Jane finish loading the tank.
Jane: Trent, Jesse! Wake up! Were done!
They both jump.
Trent: Okay so who wants to drive. I think that you or Daria should, Janey,
were not even awake yet.
Jane: Daria you drive. Ill sit in back with Jesse. Trent can sit up front
Everyone gets in.
Daria: I have never driven anything like this before. Hope I dont kill you
all. And if I do, at least I know Jane will die happy.
She pulls out of the driveway.
Daria: So where are we going?
Trent: (yawns) Well, I think its going to be a two day drive, so just see how
far we can get.
Trent falls back asleep.
Daria: Hmmm... nothing on the radio.
She pops in a Beastie Boys tape. Brass Monkey, that funky monkey...
Scene 5: Its 11:45 at night. Daria has been driving all day, except for lunch
and dinner, everyone else has been sleeping. She turns the volume on the radio
up all the way and wakes up Trent, Jesse and Jane. They all jump.
Jane: Dammit, Daria.
Daria: (yawns) Where do we want to stop?
Jesse: Motel 6?
Trent: Yeah, that sign said that there was one at the next exit.
Daria turns off the freeway. The find the motel and get out.
Jane: Shall we save money and get one room, or waste it on two? I think it is
about 60 bucks for a night with one.
Daria: I dont care. I just want to sleep.
Jane: One it is.
She goes in and pays for the room. She comes out of the lobby twirling the
Jane: Room 147.
They all get their overnight bags and walk to the room. Daria stumbles on the
Trent: You okay, Daria?
Daria: Yeah, its just that spending 14 hours with your eyes glued to the
freeway is a little tiring.
Trent: Ill drive tomorrow.
Jane unlocks the door and opens the room.
Jane: Three twin beds.
Everyone looks at one another and Trent, Jesse and Jane all run to one of the
three beds in the room.
Jane: Looks like Daria gets the cot.
Daria turns around and bangs her head against the door saying dammit each time.
She goes over to the closet and gets it out. A couple of dead spiders occupy
Daria: (sighs) It just keeps getting better and better doesnt it?
Trent: Hey Daria, you can have my bed; you deserve it more than I do. Ill
take the cot. I can sleep on anything.
Jane: Trent, how very noble of you.
Trent: Shut up, Janey.
Daria walks over to the bed, drops her bag on the floor, falls down and goes to
Jesse: Someone was tired.
Trent: Hey she drove us all the way here... we slept the whole time.
Jane: And I cant sleep now.
Jesse: Me neither.
Jane: You want to come with me to get a soda, Jesse?
Trent: I think you two have ulterior motives.
They both smile and leave, and Trent goes to sleep.
The next morning, about 9:30 they all wake up. Everyone gets into the van.
Jane: So whos driving?
Jesse: I will.
Jane: I call shotgun. Daria, looks like youre back there with Trent this
Trent is laying on the loveseat, asleep again. Daria pokes him.
Trent: Huh? Oh hey Daria. Are we there?
Daria: No, were still in the parking lot of Motel 6.
Trent: Wake me up when we get there.
Daria: Well, I kind of need somewhere to sit.
Trent: Oh yeah.
He smiles and sits up, Daria sits down.
Daria: Wow this is comfortable.
She goes to sleep after they get on the freeway. They hit a bump and her head
rolls over on Trents shoulder. He wakes up, and looks at her for a while,
smiles and goes back to sleep, resting his head on hers.
Jane: Awww... arent they cute.
Jesse: Yeah. Too bad they cant see that.
SCENE 6: After many grueling hours of driving, they finally reach the ski
lodge. Trent and Daria are still asleep in the backseat.
Jane: Yo Trent, Daria. Wake up.
Daria wakes up and realizes that her head is on Trents shoulder. She blushes
and sits up suddenly.
Trent: Its all right, Daria.
They walk into the lodge lobby and ring the bell. Upchuck comes to the desk.
Daria & Jane: Upchuck?!
Daria: How did you manage to land a job here?
Upchuck: Hello ladies, I have my connections, and I know how much women like a
man in uniforrrrrrm. (he rolls the "r" in uniform.)
Trent: Hey we have a reservation under Lane.
Upchuck: Yes, Lane, here it is, room 72.
Trent takes the keys and they start to walk away.
Upchuck: If youre ever feeling a little chilly, you girls can ring me up there
Daria: Well take you up on that offer when were in need of a new cult
Upchuck: A...sexual sacrifice?
Jane & Daria glare at him.
SCENE 7: They get to their room to find it has four beds. It also has a
kitchenette and two bathrooms and a living room.
Trent: Nice. I see our money was well spent. So we should probably go unload
After an hour, they finally unload anything and go to sleep.
The next morning, about eleven, Jane and Daria starts to wake up. Jane and
Daria are eating cereal.
Jane: So Daria ready to hit the slopes?
Jane: Should we wake up the sleeping beauties?
Daria: Go ahead.
They go into Trent and Jesses room. Clothes and gear cover the floor.
Jane: Ill wake up Jesse. You can wake up Trent.
Jane walks over to Jesse and starts shaking him.
Jane: Yo! Jesse! Wake up! JESSE!!!
Jesse: Yeah, Im up.
Jane: Come on Daria, staring at Trent is not going to do anything.
Daria pokes him.
Daria: Uh, Trent? Wake up. Trent?
Jane: Daria you know that wont work.
Jane throws a pillow at Trents head. He wakes up suddenly.
Trent: Dammit, dont do th--oh hey Daria.
Daria: That was Jane. So, uh, were getting ready to go. Are you...coming?
Trent: Yeah. Well be out in a few minutes.
He looks over at Jesse who is asleep again, and throws the pillow at him.
SCENE 8: They are all standing outside the lodge, watching the skiers walk by
and glaring at them.
Jane: So whats it gonna be-- green circle, blue square, or black diamond?
Daria: Black diamond.
They all look at Daria.
Daria: Well, whatever floats your boats.
Trent: Its been awhile. I dont think I want to do a diamond just yet.
Jane: Lets try that one.
She points to a chair with a big blue square sign. They all walk over to the
line and fasten a boot to the binding.
Jane: So Jesse, how about we share a chair.
Daria: Theyre four person.
Jane glares at Daria.
Jane: So Jesse, how about we ride up together?
Trent: So I guess you and me are riding together, Daria.
There werent many people there anyway, it being a Monday morning so the lift
operators didnt care. Jane and Jesse get on first. Daria and Trent step up to
the gate when another snowboarder comes up next to them.
Snowboarder: Hey, mind if I ride up with you?
Trent thinking: yes.
Daria thinking: yes.
Trent & Daria: No.
They all get on the chair.
Snowboarder: So my names Chris.
Daria and Trent sit in silence looking ahead.
Chris: And you are...?
Daria: Call me Tootsie.
Trent laughs softly.
Chris: Sick, man. So how many runs have you done.
Trent: This is the first.
Chris: Sick. Me too. So are you two together?
Daria and Trent shift uneasily.
Daria: Uh, no. Were just friends.
Chris: Platonic. Thats sick.
Daria: It sure is sick, man.
Daria and Trent suffer through the rest of the ride listening to Chris history
as a snowboarder, not to mention that wonderful slang he uses. They finally
reach the top. And get off. They sit down to fasten the second boot and Chris
gives Daria a piece of paper.
Chris: Its been real. Bye.
Daria opens the paper.
Daria: His phone number.
She looks at Trent.
Daria: Want it?
Trent: Nah thats okay.
Daria holds it up and lets the wind blow it away.
Trent: So where are Janey and Jesse?
Jane and Jesse are no where to be seen.
Daria: They probably went down already. You ready to go?
Trent gets up and motions for Daria to go first. He is shocked to see that
shes really good. Trent is pretty good too. He follows Daria back down to the
bottom. Daria sees Chris at the lift waving to her, so she makes her way to a
new one. She stops at the line and bends over to take her boot off. Trent
comes up next to her.
Trent: Sick run Daria
He says this imitating Chris.
Trent: I saw him waving to you. You didnt want to ride with him again?
Daria raises an eyebrow and looks at him. Trent smiles. They get up to the
lift and get on, alone this time.
Daria: Quiet. Thank God.
Trent: Yeah...Daria youre really good. I didnt think--
Daria: That I could be good at anything involving physical coordination?
Trent: Well, you just didnt strike me as the aggressive type. I think I am
going to enjoy this more than I thought.
Daria: Yeah. Fat chance well find Jane and Jesse. Theyre probably making
out in a tree well.
Trent: Either that or Jesse fell off a cliff. Hes kind of reckless sometimes.
I hope Janey will be all right with him.
Daria: I dont think hell let anything happen to her.
SCENE 9: 8:30 PM, Trent and Daria walk into the lodge restaurant.
Trent: Wow, Ive really worked up an appetite.
Cashier: So what will it be?
Trent: Wanna split a pizza, Daria?
Daria: Sounds good to me.
Trent: Lets see... a small pizza, half mushrooms and half--
He looks at Daria.
Trent: And two sodas.
Daria takes out her money.
Trent: I got it Daria.
He pays and they get their drinks. They sit down at a booth in the corner and
wait for their pizza. Jane and Jesse walk into the restaurant.
Daria: Jane, Jesse!
They order their food and sit down.
Jane: So how was your day?
Trent: How was yours? You have some red lipstick on your mouth Jesse.
Jesse: Its a fashion statement.
Jane wipes it off. The pizza comes.
Jane: Daria, since when have you liked mushroom pizzas?
Daria kicks her under the table.
Jane: Oh, I see.
They finish their dinners and head back up to the room. They turn on MTV.
Jesse: Hey, its the Ten Spot.
Trent: Yeah, I love that one show thats on after Road Rules. Whats it
Trent gets out his guitar and goes to his room.
Daria: You guys brought your guitars?
Jesse: Why not? We still need to practice.
So same thing for the next three days. Daria and Trent snowboard together, Jane
and Jesse find a nice comfortable spot to...well, you know. Theres the
occasional lift ride with Chris, and Trent grows more and more pissed off as
Chris hits on Daria, asking her to call his room.
SCENE 10: 10:30 on Friday morning, the last day before the Darians must leave
and return to that hell on earth they refer to as Lawndale. Jane and Jesse have
already taken the lift up to the top in search of some trees to hide in. Trent
and Daria are riding up one of the slower chairlifts.
Daria: So Trent, whats wrong? Miss Chris?
Trent: Its just kind of depressing that this is our last day.
Daria: Mmm, yeah.
Trent moves closer to her on the chair.
Trent: Remember when I took you to your prom Daria?
Daria: Prom, prom. Is that the place where they keep the goats?
Trent laughs softly, coughing a little. Daria smiles a little.
Daria: Of course I remember, Trent.
Trent: Remember when Jane got the dj to play Closer by Nine Inch Nails, telling
him that it was the new Mariah Carey album?
Daria: Yeah, That was the one song we could dance to, well, if you call it
dancing. Mrs. Li practically went crazy when she heard that one line. The dj
told her that if he stopped the track after it started the equipment would blow.
Trent: Hm. You know, when we were um, dancing, I really wanted to kiss you.
Trent: Yeah, but I was kind of afraid you would get pissed off and slap me or
Daria: I wouldnt slap you, Trent.
Trent: What about now?
Trent kisses her.
Trent: So do you want to slap me?
Daria: Oh yeah, Trent, I really want to kick your ass for that one.
Trent: Its just that this past week, spending all this time with you has made
me realize how much I (he swallows) love you and how much Im going to miss you
when you leave to go to college.
Daria: I feel the same way, Trent. You know, I kind of wanted to kiss you on
the dance floor too.
Trent kisses her again, and again...
Lift Operator: Hey! Pay attention! Rides over!
They get off and strap on their boots. Trent comes down in front of Daria and
gives her his hand to help her up.
Daria: You wanna go first?
Trent smiles, and starts to carve down the mountain, then turns and leads Daria
into the trees...
SCENE 11: About 9:30 Trent and Daria get back to the room to find Jane and
Jesse sitting on the couch together watching Sick Sad World.
Jane: We waited for you guys at the restaurant, but-- wait a minute. You two
both look happy. Suspiciously happy...
She looks down and sees them holding hands.
Jane: Well, its about time.
Jesse: So are we getting the tank loaded tonight or in the morning?
Trent: How about in the morning? I kind of want to, um relax tonight.
Trent takes Darias hand and leads her into his room and shuts the door. They
sit down together on the bed and Trent picks up his guitar.
Trent: Um, I kind of wrote a song...for you. Tell me if it sucks or not.
So many things that Ive wanted to say
Never been able to find the way.
Dont want it to turn out so bitter
Like the others turned out
You are the missing half
To my soul, my heart, my mind.
Words cant describe how I feel
You are so beautiful, so real
I cannot live without you.
I cannot breathe.
Im drowning in your eyes.
Yeah, so thats it.
Daria: Its beautiful Trent.
Daria leans over and kisses Trent. He puts down his guitar and turns off the
The End. And in this story, Daria does NOT get pregnant. She and Trent
practiced safe sex. Good for them!!!