"Thank You, Drive Through"
Jane: Ive said it before, and Ill say it again, you have got THE coolest
Daria: yeah, the padding muffles the sound when I throw Quinn against it.
Jane: So where is Princess Grace? I miss the sound of her trying to think.
Daria: Dont we all. Shes out shopping. *deadpan* Again.
Jane: Exactly how much does she spend on clothing?
Daria: Dunno. I heard my mother yelling once. I think it was somewhere in the 5 figure
Daria: Yeah. My parents may make her get a job in a sweatshop to pay off the mastercard
Jane: Ah, the irony of it all. Making clothes shed never wear.
CUT TO QUINNS ROOM
Quinn is lying on the bed, thumbing through Waif and talking on the phone. Apparently
Daria was wrong and Quinn wasnt out shopping. In mean, Daria doesnt care about
Quinns life so it doesnt matter.
Quinn: And so I told Brian, I CANT go out with you anymore. His eye color clashes
with my hair. Any besides, he drives a TRUCK. A TRUCK! I mean, my entire standard of
dating is based on guys who drive sports cars with a roomy backseat. His truck didnt
even HAVE a backseat---
VO: Helen: QQQQQUUUUUUUUIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT
Quinn: Ill have to call you back, Sandi.
CUT TO KITCHEN
Helen is sitting at the table going through a pile of bills. Jake is at the stove
cooking up some dish and obviously has no idea what hes doing. Quinn walks in.
Quinn: Whats up mom?
Helen: Would you care to explain this Visa bill?
Quinn: *looking like a caught rabbit*
just remembered that iahve to um, work on the schools save the whales campaign.
*turns to leave*
Helen: Save it. Young lady, you have absolutely no concept of the value of money.
Ive decided its time for you to get a job.
Quinn: *screams and keels over*
Jake: Omigod Helen! Quinns sick! Call 911!
Helen: JAKE! Shes not sick. Shut up and cook my dinner. ILL handle this.
Daria: *walks in* Oh, good. She finally ate the poisened apple.
CUT TO COMMERCIAL. SCENE AT END IS OF QUINN SCREAMING AND FAINTING
<hrm, commercials. Ummmm, that spiffy Old NAVY christmas one, with the cool song,
the sprite commercial with grant hill doing yardwork, and a varsity blues trailor. That
should cover it>
CUT TO KITCHEN Quinn is still passed out and Daria stands over her smirking.
Helen: Daria, do you know where the smelling salts are?
Daria: Dont worry mom. Ill take care of this. Just let me get Binky, my
Daria: All right. You always ruin my fun. *sighs and kneels down my Quinn*
..theyre having a one day sale at
Quinn: *bolts up* WHAT!
Quinn: Dammit, Daria!
Helen: Quinn, stand up. Thats no way to behave. Now I want you to go down to
McDonalds and fill out an application.
Helen: No buts about it. GO!
Quinn: *leaves sullenly*
Daria: This should be good.
CUT TO MCDONALDS INTEIOR Quinn is sitting in a booth looking at a piece of paper,
chewing on a pen, and talking to herself. All the male employees are staring at her
through the corners of their eyes. For once, Quinn doesnt notice.
Quinn: Name? Yes, I have one. Address? Yup. Phone number? Duh. Sex
only if he has
a really hot car. And buys me stuff. All done. *walks up to front and hands it to the
Manager: *doesnt even look at sheet* Youre hired.
Quinn: *depressed like* Great. When do I start?
CUT TO DARIAS ROOM Daria is talking on the phone to Jane. Scene changes to their
different rooms as they talk.
Daria: Yeah, my parents actually made her get a job. *beat* At McDonalds.
Daria: I know. I couldnt have humliated her more if I had done it myself.
Jane: I dont know
.youre pretty good in the complete and total
humiliation of Quinn department.
Daria: *deadpan* Thank you for youre support. And for being such a long time
member you shall receive this commemorative clock as a free gift. But seriously, how much
money do you have?
Jane: Uuummmm, about 10 bucks.
Daria: Perfect. She starts work today. Come over at 5?
Jane: Ill be there with bells on.
*Daria gets up and takes the phone downstairs, only to find Quinn literally being
shoved out the door. She is wearing her uniform.*
Daria: *smirks* This is just like my dream. Only Quinn had more luggage with her. And a
Quinn: *squealing* NOOO!!! YOU CANT MAKE ME DO THIS!!! NOOO!!!!
*phone rings. Daria sighs and answers it*
Daria: Joes Eviction Company, Joe speaking.
Scene change to Sandi sitting on her bed, looking confused. Same phone sitch as before.
Sandi: Ummmmm, is, like, Quinn there or whatever?
Daria: Hold on. *covers up reciever* Quinn, its one of your "friends." Going
by vapidness, Id say its Sandi.
Quinn: SANDI!!! Omigod, give it here! *lets go of doorframe and just barely manages to
avoid being pushed out the door. Helen pauses and catches her breath*
.Um, no I cant go to Cashmans today, I
have a, ummmmm, family thing. You know how they are. Ill catch up with you tomorrow.
Daria: Let me guess, you have told the Fashion Club about your new activity.
Quinn: No. And its going to stay that way.
Daria: per week. *Quinn graons, Daria smirks*
Scene end Quinn being pushed out of the door.
<commercials, commercials, commercials>
CUT TO DARIA ANSWERING THE DOOR Daria opens it to find Jane standing there. In
background, we see Trents car. Trent has fallen asleep at the wheel.
Jane: Well, how else do you expect us to get there? Besides, I still owe Trent a lunch
from when I was in second grade.
Daria: I hate you.
*They walk out to Trents care. Jane gets in back and sprawls out making Daria sit
up front. Daria glares and gets in. She nudges Trent to wake him up. He just mutters in
his sleep and starts to drool*
Daria: *same voice she used for Quinn* Treeeee-eeeeehhhhhhnnnnnnnt
Trent: *bolts up* But officer, its not even my car!! *looks around* Oh, hey Daria.
Daria: Mouth wont work. Must make mouth work. Work, damn you work. Er,
Trent: Janey, where am I going again?
Trent: Oh, right.
*They drive off.*
CUT TO Mc DONALDS INTERIOR. Quinn is working the cashier and is flirting with all the
guys. Line moves up to reveal Daria, Jane and Trent. Quinn screams soundlessly and then
Quinn: What are YOU doing here?
Daria: I felt in the mood for a burger.
Jane: Me? I wanted stale, processed chicken.
Quinn: Chicken? This is a BURGER joint.
Manager: Quinn, I just wanted to check your progress. Carry on with your customer.
Ill just observe.
Daria smirks evilly.
Quinn: *sullenly* Hi, welcome to McDonalds, may I take your order?
Daria: You know, Im not sure what I want. Could you recommend something?
Quinn: The fries are good.
Daria: Maybe Ill have a Big Mac. Or McNuggets. Or apple
.*Daria goes on like this for a while* Or maybe---
Quinn: *yelling* God dammit!!! Make up your freakin mind already!!!!!!
Manager: Quinn! I will not have you insulting your customers like that. Youre
Quinn: *sputtering* Bu- but! *she begins to argue with manager. Cut to daria, jane and
trent sitting in booth*
Trent: That was pretty cool. You got her fired with out even trying.
Daria:*smirks at Trents comment* Thanks.
Jane: *sulleny* But shes still not humiliated.
Daria: *smirks again* Just wait.
*Door swings open to reveal Sandi, Tiffany and Stacy walking in.*
Sandi: Quinn??? What are YOU doing here?
I thought it would be a really good idea to get in touch
with the masses. You know, so we can do more for the communtiy and stuff.
Tiffany: Yeah, but did you have to do it in such an ugly color?
Sandi: Eggplant is SO last season.
Quinn: But they MADE me wear this!
Sandi: I thought, like, we went over this at the paintball place. Some rules are MADE
to be broken or whatever.
Sandi: No excuUses. I am, like, fashion club PRESIDENT or whatever and I order you to
take a fashion sabatical. *beat* Again.
Quinn: But, thats my SECOND one!
Sandi: When you joined or whatever, you knew the rules. Three sabaticals in
one season and youre out of the club. Forever. *smirks*
Quinn: *bursts into tears and runs out the door*
Sandi: Well, thats taken care of .
why are we here?
Sandi: As president of the club it is my duty to know where bad fashion is taking place
Stacy: Actually, Sandi got an anonymous note that said to be here at 5 and see the
humiation of Quinn.
CUT TO table with Jane, Trent and Daria
Jane: So in one day, you got your sister fired, humiated her in front of her friends
and made her run home crying? Im damned proud.
Trent: *laugh/coughing spasm thing* Yeah, good one Daria.
Daria: Er, thanks. *smiles*