Through the Moshpit: Daria's Adventures in Wonderland
By Colby Corbin
Part One: A Rude Awakening
Scene opens in the Tank. Trent and Jesse are seated up front and Daria and
Jane are crammed in the back along with Mystik Spiral's equipment for that
Jane: Hey, Trent. What's this place you guys are playing at called again?
Trent: The Wonderland.
Jesse: Isn't that a book or something?
Trent: Alice's Adventures In Wonderland? Yeah, real trippy. You ever read it,
(Trent turns around to smile at Daria and she blushes like mad until he about
runs into a semi-truck and she, as well as Jane and Jesse, scream at him to
concentrate on the road.)
Jane: Nice one, Trent. You wanna die before you even get a chance to play the
biggest gig in your crummy lil' musical career?
Trent: Shut up, Jane. I don't see you making any major artistic
accomplishments lately. Do we have some issues here we need to discuss?
Jane: Nah, just trying to cause some friction. Go ahead and return to your
flirt session with Daria.
(Daria glares at Jane and Trent smiles.)
Trent: So, did you ever read it, Daria?
Daria: Yeah, a couple of years ago. It's not that bad if you're into acid or
you're eight years old, but I personally wasn't too thrilled with it. Neither
do I recommend it for eight year olds on acid.
Trent: Oh, come on, I liked it.
Jane: That's probably cuz you were on acid at the time. Since when do you
(Trent looks back at her with an offended, hurt look on his face. He's only
Trent: I read! Sometimes. Occasionally. Rarely.
Daria: But only when that rare case of insomnia pops up every four years and
you need something to bore you back to sleep, right?
(Jane smirks as Trent and Jesse chuckle. Daria looks half-pleased with
herself. Trent smiles back at Daria briefly and she blushes a little.)
Trent: Good one, Daria.
(He regards Jane in a more serious tone.)
Trent: I do read you know.
Jane: I'm sure you do. Nothing like catching up on your classics four years
after sleeping your way through high school.
Trent: Funny, Janey. Real funny.
(Jane smirks as Trent turns back to the road.)
Jane: I try.
(Cut to The Wonderland, which much resembles Lawndale's Grunge Club. Mystik
Spiral is playing loudly on stage and there's somewhat of a moshpit thing
going on near the front. Daria and Jane are hanging out towards the back. Jane
is attempting to push Daria towards the moshpit.)
Jane: Oh, come on, Daria. You can't get a good view of Trent all the way back
(Daria gives her a death-ray glare.)
Jane: Okay, okay. I'll shut up about the Trent factor, even though we both
know it's there. Now come on, you're missing out on all the action. It'll be
Daria: I don't like fun.
Jane: Well, too bad.
(Jane pushes Daria into the moshpit and Daria just kind of stands there and
doesn't move as bodies crash around her. Jane is weeding through the crowd of
sweaty, peirced freaks to join her when she sees an overly enthusiastic
headbanger knock over Daria. When she doesn't see Daria resurface a look of
panic crosses her face and she screams at everyone to move aside.
Miraculously, everyone does as she says and an unconscious Daria is revealed
lying sprawled out on the floor. The band stops playing and Trent jumps down
from the stage and rushes toward her. The two Lanes kneal at her side and
both wear identical expressions of panic. Trent traces her lips with his
fingers sorrowfully and turns away.)
Trent: Someone call 911!
(Cut to the ambulence. Daria is in one of those stretcher beds and Trent sits
beside her, his head in his hands. He's shaking violently.)
(Cut to the Tank, Jesse is driving, Jane has shotgun. Both are saying nothing
and staring at the flashing lights of the ambulence in front of them. Both
have eyes filming with tears.)
(Cut to closeup of the lights, which flash brightly and then begin to fade
slowly into the next scene.)
(Cut to wishy-washy dream-type sequence scene of Daria falling through the
blackness for miles and miles at an alarming speed.)
Daria: What the hell-
(She whizzes by a large shelf on the wall and her arm brushes against it
(She continues falling and rubs at her arm, wincing. Then she studies her
surroundings. It looks as if she's falling through some endless, black pit,
but there's things on the sides or walls, if you could call them that.
Shelves, pictures, the usual type of thing people tack up on their walls.
These walls, however, are made of dirt, and not lovely cream-painted plaster.
Just as Daria is about to open her mouth and say something to account for
this weird situation, she hits the ground with a thud.)
Daria: Oww! What the hell is going on here? Where am I?
(Daria looks around her. The dreamy, wishy-washy sequence thing has faded
away. She's now sitting outside on the grass. Her head is throbbing, even
though she landed on her rear end when she hit the ground. Probably from when
she fell and got trampled in the moshpit a while back. Question is, where is
she now and how the hell did she get there? As she begins to rapidly think of
any kind of explanation to explain this situation away, she spots a rabbit in
a waistcoat, pulling out a watch. She stares at him confusedly and puts on her
glasses, which had fallen when she and the ground had made that painful
impact. On second glance, with her spectacle-aided vision intact, this
old-fashionedly dressed guy wasn't a rabbit afterall, but Jodie, a classmate
from school who she sometimes considered a friend. To Daria's surprise, Jodie
rushed right past her, not even bothering to help her up. She kept glancing at
her watch and muttering. Daria called after her and Jodie turned around
Jodie: I'm sorry, but do I know you?
Daria: Oh, I'm only in every single class with you at school. But other than
Jodie: School? What do you mean?
(Both regard each other puzzledly. Daria begins to make a smart-ass comment
but thinks better of it.)
Daria: Nevermind. Where am I?
(Jodie walks towards her and helps her up concernedly.)
Jodie: Wonderland, of course. Did you hit your head or something?
(Daria frowns in confusion.)
Daria: I must've.
(Jodie regards her with concern and then glances at her watch anxiously.)
Jodie: Look, I'd love to help you out, but I'm going to be late for my croquet
match with the Queen. Can I talk to you later?
Daria: Sure, why not. Unless I fall through another seemingly bottom-less
pit, I'll be waiting right here.
(Jodie chuckles nervously and runs off, calling goodbyes and apologies over
her shoulder as she goes. Daria attempts to figure things out on her own.)
Daria: Okay, Morgendorffer, don't panic. There's probably a perfectly logical
explanation for all this. I'm going crazy. Perfectly logical. I mean, we all
knew it'd happen someday, what with my life, my parents, my sister...er...
(Realization comes over her confused brain and you can practically see a light
bulb burst into the picture over Daria's head.)
Daria: Wait a second! Wonderland? Oh, God. This is NOT the logical explanation
I was looking for. But it's the only explanation I've managed to find. I
remember something about falling after Jane pushed me
(Daria reaches up and touches her head, wincing in pain.)
Daria: and the pain. Ohhww. This is like some cheesy movie or something where
a weird situation leads to the heroine of the story being knocked out cold.
Then she goes into la-la land and dreams about all this weird stuff as a
result of the incident that happened before her loss of conscious. So going
to Trent's gig at The Wonderland caused some feelings of anxiety in me, and
right before I got knocked out I was thinking about him asking me about that
book. Ah, yes, a perfectly logical explanation that leads to something that
defies all logic.
Voice: How perceptive.
Daria: What the-
(Daria leaps off the ground and turns to face the voice. All she sees is a
black cheshire cat sitting in a tree. It has bright blue eyes and a strange
smirk. It automatically reminds her of Jane, more so when it speaks with Ms.
Jane-Cat: Oh, I'm sorry, did I scare you? How dreadfully insensitive of me.
(The cat's smirk grows wider and Daria could've sworn it was laughing at her.)
Daria: Who are you and why does your voice resemble that of my best friend?
Jane-Cat: Do you really want to bother me with such trivial questions and
have me waste your time with my trivial answers?
(Daria begins to respond angrily, but it cuts her short by leaping down from
the tree and landing directly in front of her. Daria jumps back slightly and
stands with her arms crossed in front of her chest, looking at the cat warily
as it resumes speaking.)
Jane-Cat: Or would you rather I explain what's going on here for you? Not
that you didn't already do a satisfactory job of that yourself...
Daria: Look, kitty, just tell me why the hell I'm here and how I can leave?
(The cat smirks at Daria's crabbiness and taunts her in typical Jane fashion.)
Jane-Cat: Only if you say the magic word...
Jane-Cat: That's better! See, apparantly you have some "issues" to deal with.
Involving this Trent guy, perhaps?
(Daria starts to protest but Jane hisses at her in a silencing manner.)
Jane-Cat: I belive there were some other reasons as well, but you'll find
out about them in due time. Fortunately, your little affair with the moshpit,
resulting in some kind of temporary coma, has given birth to the perfect
oppurtunity to clear this matter up. UN-fortunately, you won't come out of
this supposed coma and return to the real world you so know and love until
you fix things here.
Daria: What do you mean, fix things?
Jane-Cat: I mean exactly what I said. Throughout your time here in Wonderland,
you'll be given oppurtunities to fix the situations you were placed here to
fix. But don't try to watch out for them or plan anything, just go with the
flow. You'll be here for quite a while so I'm sure you'll have ample
oppurtunity to ponder over this all. Well don't! Things will happen as
they're supposed to and to make sure they do, I'll be trailing you at all
(Before Daria can respond to that, the cat starts to disappear bit by bit
until it's faded into nothingness. It's voice, however, still remains.)
Jane-Cat: Conveniant, isn't it? Now come on, choose a path.
(Daria looks ahead of her and sure enough, there are two paths.)
Daria: Somehow this situation seems strangely familiar. What the hell, I'll
(Daria points to the left path and walks toward it, heading into the unknown. Invisible
Jane-Cat trails behind her, we assume.)
To be continued...I hope...