By the author of "Zippity Do Damn", cherishc
Fan Fiction #2
Daria and all related characters are a trademark of MTV. They have been used without
permission of MTV. The author of this story is in no way associated with MTV or its
Summery: Helen and Jake try to send Daria to camp.
Hello again! After I submitted my first Fan Fic, I thought of a bunch of improvements
and corrections I could make. So I am writing another one to move further along my path to
Fan Fic History (yeah right). Anyway, send all of your comments, insults (not too many
please), and suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org.
I have been watching all of the first two seasons of Daria constantly to find little
nuggets of info that I could play up into a story, and low and behold, I found two. Well,
one for a story, one for a realization. I always thought that the Fan Fic writers who
would hook up Jane and Jesse in their stories were over-interpreting their tiny moment in
"Road Warrior". Then, watching "Write Where It Hurts", I noticed
during the Pride and Prejudice scene that Quinn refers to Trent and Jesse as "Mr.
Lane and his sister's admirer". To all of you out there who, like me, doubted that
scene in "Road Warrior", there is now more solid evidence. Who knows, I might
get weird one day and write my own Daria romance story. But not yet! Please, don't copy
large chunks or original phrases directly from my stories. They may be bad, but they're
mine and I hold them dearly.
Scene 1: Daria in bed, wearing usual night-clothing. She is reading an unknown book.
The phone rings.
Jane: Hey, wanna go see the Mad Dogs play at House of Pain tonight?
Daria: I didn't know that a place called "House of Pain" existed in Lawndale.
Jane: Well, they change their name nightly so they can be one of those cool, exclusive
places that only the terminally hot rockers know of.
Daria: I guess that excludes me.
Jane: Come on Daria, it will be fun.
Daria: But how will I break it to my mother that at ten at night I 'm going to an
Jane: Who says she has to know? Sneak out your window and meet me at my house.
Daria: Who's driving?
Jane: Trent's asleep, so we'll be walking. I know what you're thinking Daria. Don't
worry, it's only a couple miles away.
Daria: Well, I haven't been out in a while.
Jane: I'll see you in a couple of minutes then.
(they hang up)
Daria (monotone): Oh, all of the outfit choices. I wonder what I'll wear. (Pulls out
her usual outfit.)
Helen (Knocking on Daria's door): Daria honey, it's time for bed!
Daria: Ok. (now in her usual outfit, she shuts her light out and crawls out the window
and starts walking down the driveway.)
Quinn (pulling up in a sports car with some random guy): Thanks, Brad. I had a great
time.(She looks at Daria in surprise) Umm, well, it looks like my cousin's here again.
We'll finish this in Homeroom tommorrow, Ok? (waits till he pulls out) Dammit Daria, why
did you have to ruin my evening like that? Where are you going anyway?
Daria: Wouldn't you like to know. Tell mom and dad and they see ALL of the blackmail
material I have against you.
Quinn (shouting after Daria): It may be dark, but that doesn't hide that horrible
Scene 2: Daria walks up to Jane's house. Jane is waiting on the front steps.
Daria: I can't believe you talked me into this.
Jane: Hey, that's what friends are for.
Scene 3: Daria and Jane at House of Pain, which has turned into a semi-riot. People are
obviously high, drunk, or very disturbed.
Daria (thinking): Must
Jane (thinking): Oh hell, where's Trent when I need him? (talking) YO DARIA! LET'S TRY
TO GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE THINGS GET OUT OF HAND, OK?
Daria: WHAT? (Jane grabs Daria's wrist and they try to make their way to the door. They
are hit by a flying keg of beer. Drenched with beer and sore, they stagger outside.) Well,
that was fun
for the first 10 minutes.
Jane: Remind me to bring Trent next time.
Daria: He'd probably get drunk or fall asleep.
Jane: Ok, remind me to avoid staying here after the alcoholic beverages are served.
Jane: The singer up there was pretty cute though.
Daria: Stuff it. I hope the smell of beer doesn't wake my parents when I sneak back in.
Jane: You should smell ok by the time you get home.
Scene 4: Daria, at her front door. She enters cautiously and creeps halfway to her room
before the hall light comes on.
Daria: Oh hell.
Scene 5: Daria being interrogated by a pink bathrobe clad Helen.
Helen: Daria, what the HELL do you think you were DOING? Were you DRINKING at this
Daria: No, some guy spilled beer on me. I didn't do anything.
Helen: Then what DID you do to get soaked in beer?
Daria: I believe I already mentioned that. All I did was listen to the music until
things got a little while, then I left.
Helen: Dammit Daria, how am I supposed to believe that? You are grounded for the rest
of your life, young lady!
Daria: But don't I at least get a trial?
Helen: This was your trial. Have a nice time in prison. How could you DO such a thing?
What is Quinn supposed to think of this?
Daria: She won't care. She'll probably hope that my clothes are ruined and I have to
get new ones. Besides, she's the one who threw a keg party at our own house.
Helen: That's totally beside the point. She wasn't drinking.
Daria: Neither was I.
Helen: I don't believe you--
Daria: Mom, I AM telling the truth. Will you trust me for once? How about I bargain
with you for information about your other daughter
Helen: I don't bargain unless I think that there's something worth bargaining for. Up
to bed and DON'T even think of getting out of that room. Your father and I will discuss
Daria (heading upstairs): Thank you, Jane.
Scene 6: Breakfast the next morning. Daria is reading the paper, Quinn is painting her
toenails. Helen walks in.
Helen: Daria, I have decided your punishment.
Daria: You, by yourself?
Helen: With your father. Daria, this is not the time to get smart. We have decided that
you could use a little
positive social exposure.
Daria: And what would that be?
Helen: We're sending you to camp.
Daria: WHAT? Don't I get the slightest bit of say here?
Helen: I'm afraid not. You will be going to a nice camp, in the country, where you can
make some new friends and learn to respond to discipline.
Daria: So we're talking and extended time out. You just can't stand the thought of
having to entertain me when you ground me.
Helen: It's summertime anyway, Daria. You won't miss anything. This IS punishment, you
Daria: Gather all of the prescription drugs in my room. And bring a noose in case that
Helen: Daria, you're pushing me. You leave tommorrow. You also are grounded for today.
Daria: Just when I thought my life couldn't get any worse.
Quinn: Daria, now that your clothes smell, can I burn them?
Daria: Will this camp have uniforms?
Helen: I'm afraid so. I hope this will teach you a lesson.
Daria: When I get back home, I'm running away.
Helen: Upstairs, now! I want you to be packed and ready by 3pm. I have some more work
for you to do as part of your punishment.
Daria: This is hell.
Jake (entering room, gets down and pleads with Daria): Kiddo, how could you do this to
me? I thought you were my little girl! Please Daria, say you didn't do it!
Daria: I didn't drink.
Jake: That's not what I ment
people can do things that they don't mean to when
Oh God, Daria, tell me you didn't have sex!
Daria: Dad, of course I didn't. I didn't even drink!
Helen: I'm going to the store for some things for you to pack, Daria. Quinn, your
curfew is now half and hour earlier. I don't know how much Daria has told you about drinking
Quinn: Mother, you are ruining my life! I can't move! I can't do ANYTHING!
Dont I have enough stress in my life?
Helen: That's IT! Daria-upstairs. Quinn-go do your homework. You haven't done it for a
while and it's about time your grades started improving anyway. I'll be at the office all
day if you need me. (Helen leaves)
Jake: Girls, I'm going to work. Please, do what your mother said
Daria: Bye Dad. (Jake leaves)
Quinn (threatening): I hate you Daria. You couldn't be satisfied with ruining my life
just by living. You will pay for this Daria. You'll wish you never laid eyes on me!
Daria: Sorry, Quinn. Mom already took care of all of that.
Quinn: Just go to hell, Daria! (she stomps off)
Scene 7: Daria the next morning. She is waiting on the front porch in white shorts and
a green polo shirt--clearly her camp outfit. She looks ready to kill at any moment.
Daria: Waiting for the shuttle to hell
all I need now is Quinn.
Helen (coming outside): Daria, I hope you think about your decision to drink and its
consequences while at camp. Quinn told me that she hopes you stay there as long as you
need to recover. Wasn't that sweet?
Daria: Your going to need a big time cover up for this kind of mental abuse.
Helen: Oh, look. Here's your bus. Now I want my well behaved, clean Daria to come back
from camp instead of this Daria we have right now, Ok?
Daria: Go to hell. (she gets on the bus and looks around) Nevermind, I wouldn't want to
make this worse.
Helen (calling after the bus): Watch your language!
Scene 8: Daria on the bus. The bus is about half full of teens. It stops at a house
somewhere in a Lawndale neighborhood, and about ten to twelve new kids get on.
Daria (to the girl next to her): Would you ask him if we can all take a bathroom break
at the Fast Food complex up here?
Girl: Sure. (she goes up and whispers to the driver)
Driver (bubbly): All right everyone! Let's go and take a potty break. Be back in 10
Daria (thinking): I can't take this anymore. I've got to get out of here. But how?
(whispering to girl next to here again) Ok, when he calls my name for role, have one of
your friends say, "here." I have, umm, laryngitis and it hurts to talk A lot.
Daria: We're at the back of the bus so it should be ok. Make sure that different people
say it every time so that the councilors dont get confused.
Girl: Hey, what do I get out of this?
Daria: You can meet Quinn Morgendorffer.
Girl: How do you know Quinn?
Daria: We're cousins.
Girl (looks doubtful, but agrees anyway): Deal.
(All of the teens get off the bus, Daria carrying a black tote bag. Daria looks around
and goes into the bathroom. She waits till everyone is gone, then changes into her Quinn
uniform from the tote bag with her hair in a ponytail. She also turns her tote bag inside
out so it looks white. Daria watches from inside the store as the bus pulls away.)
Scene 9: Daria at Jane's door. Trent opens the door when Daria rings the doorbell.
Trent: Umm, hi. Can I help you?
Daria (thinking, with a panicked look on her face): Oh my GOD! (speaking) Umm, is Jane
Trent (suspicious): Yeah. Her room's upstairs and to the left.
Daria (quite nervous): Thanks. (She hurries upstairs, while Trent watches her)
Trent: Now where have I seen her before
Scene 10: Daria barges into a bathroom upstairs. She quickly changes into her normal
Daria: That was the worst experience of my entire life. Remind me never to do THAT
again. Oh God, I'm talking to myself now.
Scene 11: Daria knocks on Jane's door.
Daria (entering): Jane, I need your help.
Jane: Hey Daria. How did it go with your parents? I called your house, but Helen said
you were busy.
Daria: I was busy all right. Can I stay at your house for 2 weeks?
Jane: Why would you want to do that? Trent might be awake for an entire 10 minutes of
Daria: My mother tried to send me to camp. I jumped the bus, and apparently Trent
caught me at the door in my getaway costume. (Jane raises her eyebrows) My Quinn
Jane: Really?! I wish I had a videotape for that!
Daria: Ha-Ha. Anyway, I need to hide out here until "camp" is over.
Jane: No prob. It's summer anyway. Of course, you cant go around town
Daria: It's better than summer camp.
Jane: I'll agree with that. Hey, maybe we could go to that new club.
Daria: Who's playing?
Jane: The one they call "The Dead Sleeper of Bad Music".
Daria: Ok, but the moment they bring in any sort of stimulant I'm out of there.
Jane: Oh, all right. (the phone rings, Jane answers) Yo!
Quinn: Is this Daria's friend?
Jane: Um, yeah
Quinn: Do you have that orange top of hers? I need it, and I can't find it.
Jane: Yeah, I have it. (Looks slyly at Daria and puts it on speakerphone) What do you
need it for?
Quinn: Don't tell Daria, but it goes perfectly with my new ass pants and
obviously I can't find one like it anywhere I would be seen in. I mean, Daria must
get her clothes from some underground Brain Clothing Central. Where else could she find
such an ugly outfit? But her top is really cool by itself. Like I'd ever tell her that!
Could you, like, have it in a bag so I can come get it? I don't want anyone to see
Ta-da! This story came about (as did "Zippity Do Damn") when I was browsing
through stories by title and I noticed there were no stories starting with "Z"
or "U" (more stories starting with strange letters soon). I figured, why not
fill those spaces?
So I thought of titles that started with these letters and built stories after them. I
was thinking about how the world really doesn't understand Daria so they torture her by
trying to. My next stories will be about something else besides Daria-abuse, for all you
who are against that sort of thing.