It's My Party and I'll Hide If I Want To
by Fickling, Jossie
Summary: Jane throws Daria a party, Daria and Trent write a song for Jane. Watch the
Daria and related characters were used without permission, so have mercy on my virgin
soul. This is my first fanfic and I do have ideas for my next one, so you have been
warned. If there are things mentioned in here that you feel have been taken from other
fanfics, Im sorry. Im really making this an original work, so dont send
the Mafia after me. They already know that I owe them money.
Since this is my first fanfic, if you have better ideas for music in scenes (please say
you do), drop my a line at firstname.lastname@example.org
because I wanna know. And if you have any cool poetry (Ive been having a dry spell)
tell me. You will be in the credits, Im not one to take all the credit. Also, I
didnt put any commercials in because I couldnt really see where good places
would be for them.
Okay, now on with the show!
We hear Splendora and see the cool beginning, and then the famous shot of Darias
face, an orange background and in lovely Daria font, we see "Its My Party
and Ill Hide if I Want To."
Beginning of "Local God" from Everclear.
A Wednesday morning, Shot of Daria and Jane walking to school.
Jane: So are you gonna come over on Sunday night for our movie or will Helen and Jake
have you on a leash?
Daria: No, Ill definitely be over.
Jane: (excitedly) Great!
Daria has surprised look on her face. She glances at Jane with a strange look on her
Jane: (innocently) What?
Daria: By your reaction, I would say that you are planning something...
Daria: But since I have no proof, I guess Ill let that one slide.
Jane: No need to worry. Whats on the movie agenda for this week?
Daria: I dont know. (Deadpan) Ooh, lets watch some old movie and dress as
Jane: (Smirks evilly) Now theres an idea!
Daria: Um..I was kidding. (Hesitantly) Jane, what are you planning?
Jane: Nothing! (pissy) God, Daria, cant a girl be excited about the
Daria: Yeah, but..
Jane: (Interrupting) I mean, do you have to wonder every time I get a
Daria: No, but..
Jane: Must you assume that Im up to something?
Daria: I was just wondering. (pissed) God, Lane, calm down. Its just a question.
Shot of the two in front of the school as the bell rings. Cut to 2 hours later. We see
Trents room, with him asleep on his bed. He is snoring and is awakened by the
incessant quacking of his duck phone.
Trent: (tiredly) Hello? Oh, hi....Okay, yeah. (Pause) Yeah, I know. Okay.
Trent hangs up the phone and looks around his room. Pan to the wall he is looking at.
On it we see a calendar with Sunday circled on it in red.
Trent: Man, I hope you know what you are doing.
"A Challenge" from the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack plays. He then proceeds to
grab his acoustic guitar, a pad of paper and a pen, and walks out of his room.
Shot of him walking down the stairs which fades into a shot of him walking down the
basement stairs. He first sits on an old fruit crate, then plucks a couple of strings on
the guitar and scribbles some words on the pad. This goes on for a little while. He stops
to read the lines.
Trent: Whoa, what am I thinking?
He crumples up the paper, ripping it off the pad, and throws it behind him.
Trent: I think waking up early was a bad idea. Maybe (sleepily) if I just rest
He falls into a deep sleep.
Cut to Daria and Jane eating lunch. Lauryn Hills "Everything is
Jane: So I was thinking, maybe we could do that.
Daria: Do what?
Jane: Dress as characters in a movie. Just for fun.
Daria: I guess thats harmless enough. What were you thinking of?
Daria: Oh, God no. Keep those damn poodle skirts away from me.
Jane: Okay, how about Pippy Longstocking? You got the hair for it.
Daria: Fuck you.
Jane: What? Im just trying to think here. You dont have to get pissy.
Daria: Sorry, but braids bring back horrific memories.
Jane: I see.....how about Copycat?
Daria: And that would be...
Jane:...A psychologist and a detective looking for a serial killer who likes to one-up
his killing competition.
Jane: Okay, so you dont have to dress up. (Trailing off) I
guess it will have to do...
Daria: Lane, you worry me. Youre planning something. I can tell, yet you hide it
Jane: I aim to please. (Smirks) You know, Trent will be home.
Daria: I expect him to be sleeping or practicing at that time.
Jane: Hey, hes not dating anyone now? (Smirks evilly)
Jane: (Oblivious) "Now" what? Are you so obsessed that you are
Daria: No! (Defensive) It just sounded like....
Jane: Yeah right. Do you think hed rather date someone or get his beauty sleep?
Come on now, Daria. (Pause) You know, we could always watch that. You seemed to
like it before.
Jane: Trents sleeping.
Daria: Drop it, Lane!
Jane: Oh, come on. This is the 90s now. We women ask men out.
Daria: (Grasping for an excuse) But theres a 5 year
age difference between me and Trent. Itd never work out anyway.
Jane: Now youre just making excuses. You know age isnt an issue for you.
Daria: (calmly) Listen, Im happy just being friends with him.
Jane: But youd like to be more than friends, huh?
Daria glares at Jane.
Jane: Why dont you come over this afternoon. Trent will be there.
The glare deepens.
Daria: If I come over, am I to expect that you will nonchalantly leave me in the same
room as Trent, making me feel like a complete idiot?
Jane: Ah, amigo, you know me too well.
"Escape from Mantua" from R&J soundtrack plays. Shot of Daria and Jane
entering the Lane house. We see the two walking into the kitchen. An unusual silence
engulfs the house.
Daria: Think Trents asleep?
Jane: Most likely. I cant imagine him awake right now. Let us visit him in
Daria: Sure, and then Ill tell Trent how I really feel for him and give him a lap
Jane stares at her with disbelief.
Daria: Did I just say that out loud?
Jane: So thats what you want, eh?
Daria: Just walk, Lane.
Cut to Jane and Daria knocking on Trents door. After hearing no answer, they walk
inside to see an empty room.
Jane: Thats strange.
Daria: Really. (Looking around) Trent and his guitar are nowhere to be
Jane: (Looking around) Well, where the hell is he?
Daria: (Spots the calendar and lunges for it, nearly knocking Jane over.) Oh my
God, a rat!
Jane: (looking) Where? (Notices Darias face) (suspiciously)
Really? A rat?
Daria: (forcing sincerity) Yeah, it was big and...and..and black! (Stands
up in front of the calendar.) Boy, was it black.
Jane: Okay....Did you hear something?
Daria: Yeah, (listening) I think it is....
Shot of heat vent. Soft snoring can be heard coming from the vent.
Jane and Daria: (in unison) Trent sleeping.
Fade to shot of Daria and Jane walking down the basement steps. Daria races ahead of
Jane and lunges again, only this time, waking Trent. Daria lands on her stomach, sliding
into an awakening Trent. Trent mumbles something, Daria replies, and the two quickly get
up. Jane watches this in disbelief.
Jane: Whats going on?
Trent and Daria: (In unison) Nothing... nothing.
Jane: Trent, are you up to something?
Trent: Um, no, I cant say that I am.
Daria: (Looking about) (whispering to Trent)
Slightly befuddled, there?
Trent: (whispering) Nothing sounded good.
Daria: (whispering) I guess not. I didnt think it would be so hard to...
Both notice that Jane is watching them.
Jane: I smell a rat. Two of them, as a matter of fact.
Trent: Oh, Janey, lay off. Daria here is just....just (grasping for an
Daria: Protecting his work. Dont want anyone reading it before its finished.
Trent: Um..yeah. (Changing the subject) You know, Im really
thirsty. Lets get something to drink.
Daria: For once, I agree. Jane?
Jane: Ill just, um, go get some sodas then. She walks up the stairs and closes
the door slightly. Shot of her confused face as she walks away from the door.
"Hot Show" from Prozzak plays.
Daria: Great planning, Einstein.
Trent: Sorry. I got a little tired of what I was writing.
Daria: I guess so. Do you think she has any ideas?
Trent: Who, Janey? Naw.
Moment of silence. They start picking up the papers and throwing them towards a nearby
Trent: Hey, I think its pretty cool, what youre doing for Janey.
Daria: Well, thank you. She means a lot to me. And this is how I can tell her.
Trent: Well, do you know when you will.
Daria: No, I would tell her soon, but I think shed think its for a guilt trip for
a birthday present.
Trent: Yeah, thats in what, 2 weeks?
Daria: (surprised) How do you know?
Trent: (Looking up at her) Come on, Daria. I wouldnt
forget your birthday. Youre Janeys best friend. That would be like forgetting
how to play in open D tuning.
Daria: Um, okay.
Trent: I mean, Im surprised I remembered the party on Sunday.
Daria: What party?
Walking to School, Thursday morning. "La Isla Bonita" from
Madonna (sorry) plays.
Jane: Well, can you blame me?
Daria: Yes. You went behind my back. Now I must stab you. Stab you I say.
Jane: Its not my fault. Trent was supposed to keep it a secret.
Daria: I cant believe youre having a party on Sunday. What about "Bad
Movie Night?" Jane: Well, what were you going to do? Actually watch a movie with
Sigourney Weaver in it?
Daria: Oh, God.
Jane: Plus, think of it this way: You get to watch a bunch of posers without paying for
a ticket to a play.
Daria: Gee, sounds lovely.
Jane: Cheer up. Trent will be there.
Rumbling car approaches. "Adore" from Smashing Pumpkins plays from car.
Daria: Speak of the Devil.
Tires squeal to a halt.
Trent: Hey Janey. Hey Daria.
Jane: Hey Trent.
Daria: (in low voice) Hi.
Jane: Trent, what are you doing up so early?
Trent: Practice got out early. Or late. Whatever.
Trent: Daria...(motions for her to come with his finger)
Daria: (coming over to car) Yes, mighty safe-keeper?
Trent: I think I found some good mixes, mind if I run them by you tonight. Say 7:30?
Daria: Okay, fine. (Speaking up) Yeah, that would be great!
Trent: (Going along with it) Mystic Spiral is gonna play at
Jane: Cool. Well, um, we gotta go to school, so, bye Trent.
Daria: Yeah, bye.
Trent drives off. Music fades. Daria returns to Janes side.
Jane: In light of this momentous occasion, I believe that invitations must be made.
Daria: Ill make them. Then Ill be sure to send them straight to the trash
Jane: Cheer up. At least you wont be stuck having to see Quinn all night.
Shell be too busy with some lowlife idiot of a guy.
Daria: No, three of them.
In Brittanys car. "Barbie Girl" from Aqua plays.
Brittany: Did you hear? Darias having a party this weekend.
Kevin: Really? Who would come to her party?
Brittany: I dont know. Oooh! We could come.
Kevin: Why would we come to a brains party?
Brittany: Kevie, have a heart! We dont want her to not have anyone come, right?
That might make her upset. Plus, if there isnt anyone cool there, we can always make
Kevin: Thats true.
Brittany: Then its settled. Well go to Darias party!
In school corridor, "Cumbersome" from Seven Mary Three plays.
Daria: Why is everyone staring at me?
Jane: I dont know.
Daria glares at Jane.
Jane: Okay, so maybe I told like, 2 people.
Jodie stops them in the hallway.
Jodie: Daria, I heard that youre having a party this weekend.
Jane makes "ix-nay on the arty-pay" signs to Jodie.
Jodie: (understanding, recovering quickly) I mean, Jane, youre
having a party this weekend.
Daria: (not noticing the mix up) Gee, I wonder who told you.
Jane: Probably just a friendly bird.
Jodie: So, I was wondering, would it be okay if I brought Mack and a
few of his friends over.
Jane: Sure it is! The more the merrier.
Jodie: Great. See you later. Walks away. The two continue to stand.
Daria: You do realize that I have to kill you now.
Jane: Come on, Just think of how much time youll get to spend
with Trent. Isnt it worth a few more people coming?
Daria: I suppose. But Im still pissed that people know.
In Ms. Barchs Science Lab, "Enter My Mind" from Drain
Ms. Barch: Now class, can any of you tell me why this experiment did
not work? Pause. Kevin?!
Kevin: Umm, uhh...Pause.. What experiment?
Ms. Barch: The experiment sitting right in front of you, you
Kevin: Oh! Yeah! Umm, theres no mice....
Ms. Barch: ...Shut up Kevin! Daria?
Daria: The experiment did not have a constant field to check the
variables against. Therefore testing the experiment a total waste of time and money.
Ms. Barch: Much like my marriage. By the way, very good, Daria. Now,
class, can anyone tell me.....Trails off.
Kevin: Daria, why isnt there any mice in this experiment?
Daria: Because were having them served to us at lunch today.
Kevin: Really? Cool! Shot to Brittany.
Brittany: I think this is a really good thing were doing for
Daria, inviting some popular people to her party, dont you, Jodie?
Jodie: How did you find out about her party?
Brittany: I heard her friend Jane say something about a party
Jodie: So why did you invite popular people to her party? Dont
you think she has any friends?
Brittany: Jodie! Shes never even worn nail polish! Do you
think shed have any friends?
Jodie: Its amazing that you have so many...
Interruption over loudspeaker:
Ms. Lis voice: Daria Morgandorffer, please come to my office at
Daria: I dont know how Ill keep up with the work.
Ms. Barch: Shut up!
Daria in Ms. Lis office
Ms. Li: Ms. Morgandorffer, I am pleased to see that you are opening
yourself to people by having a party.
Daria: Its not my party, its Janes.
Ms. Li: Well, anyway, its nice to see that she invited you to expand
your sssocial horizons.
Daria: But its not.....
Ms. Li: Get back to c lass!
"Lost Ones" from Lauryn Hill plays. Later that night, about
7:30 p.m.. A car can be heard shutting off from outside Darias window, and we see
that Trent is walking along the sidewalk toward the Morgendorffer home. Daria walks
downstairs and out the door, ushering Trent and his guitar into the back yard.
Daria: Trent, its not that I dont trust you, but I dont
want to subject you to my parents. It can cause permanent brain damage.
Trent: Okay, thats cool.
We see Daria peek into a living room window and guide Trent into the
house. He follows her upstairs as she stops by Quinns room. The door is partly open,
and we can hear her talking on the phone. Daria walks past the door normally and motions
for Trent to follow. Just as he follows, shot of Quinn walking toward the door. Daria
hears this, Grabs Trents wrist and yanks him into her room. Daria slams the door
behind her. We see Quinn walk up to her door with curiosity.
Shot of Daria and Trent in Darias room.
Daria: That was close.
Trent: Yeah, (looks around) Cool room, Daria.
Daria: Youve been in here before, Trent.
Trent: Yeah, I know. I just never noticed it.
Knock at Darias Door.
Quinn: (o.s.) Daria, whats going on?
Daria: (freaking out) Nothing! (Walks up to Trent, grabs her
closet doorknob, opens the closet and shoves him in it.) Nothing at all.
Daria closes the door making a "be quiet" motion to Trent.
Quinn: (o.s.) Im coming in, Daria.
Daria grabs a book and lands on her bed as Quinn turns the knob.
Quinn: (Walking in) Whats going on, Daria?
Daria: (calmly) Nothing. I told you.
Quinn: (looking around the room) Nothing, eh?
Daria: Thats what I said, Einstein.
Quinn: (Grabbing Trents guitar) What is this doing here?
Daria looks up and her eyes widen.
Daria: (to herself) Think of something, brain!
Quinn: Im waiting.
Daria: Oh, Trent offered to teach me to play the guitar. (to herself)
Quinn: Oh. (Setting the guitar down) Then shouldnt he be
here with you?
Daria: (to herself) Damn. (out loud) No, I decided to
teach myself. You know how Mom and Dad would freak out if I had a guy in my room.
Quinn: (realizing) I see your point. But that still doesnt
explain your actions.
Daria: When have you ever been able to explain my actions?
Quinn: Whatever. Anyways, Im going out. See ya later.
Quinn walks out the room and shuts the door behind her. Daria looks out
the window and sees Quinn enter a car. As the car drives away, Daria walks over to the
closet door and opens it. Trent starts to walk out as a knock is heard at the door.
Daria shoves Trent back into the closet, shuts the door and runs for
Daria: (opening the door) Yeah, mom?
Helen: Your father and I are going over to the Guptys for a
"Parental Success" meeting. Well be back around 10:00. Will you be alright
Daria: (dripping with sarcasm) Oh, no mom. The Bogeyman might
Helen: (sighs) Daria, were leaving now. Be back in a
while. (She walks away)
Daria: Bye. (closes her door.) Daria walks over to her window
and watches her parents drives away. She then walks over to the closet and opens it.
Trent: (walking out) Whoa. That was close.
Daria: Yeah, I know.
Trent: Who wrote all that weird poetry in your closet?
Daria: The last owner of this room. So....
The two look at each other.
Trent: (Grabbing his guitar) Well, how bout I play for you what
Daria: (Sitting on her bed) Okay.
Trent walks over to her bed and sits down in front of her, on the
floor. He starts strumming away as Daria starts daydreaming.
Trent: "I had no one before I met you
You were the coolest, you know that its true
You made me smirk, even when I was blue
Your my best friend, your my best friend, you my best friend...."
We see Daria in the Lane back yard. Mystic Spiral is playing, Trent is
singing the song to an audience of one: Daria. In an instrumental break, Trent jumps down
from a platform and over to Daria.
Daria: Trent, what are you doing?
Trent: (Sets down his guitar) Something I should have done a
long time ago.
Trent leans toward Daria, he caresses her face and leans closer to
Daria. His lips are thisclose to Darias.....
Trent: (out of dream sequence) ...Youre my best friend.
(Looking at Daria) So, what do you think.
Daria: (snapping out of it) It sounds, great, Trent. It sounds
Trent: Really? Thanks, Daria.
Silence engulfs the room.
Daria: So, you want something to drink?
The two walk downstairs, Daria before Trent, and into the kitchen.
Daria opens the door and she and Trent look inside.
Shot from inside the fridge looking out at D and T.
Daria: See anything you want. (to herself) smooth, real smooth.
Trent: Not really.
The two stand there for a little bit.
Daria: So, do you want to watch TV?
Trent: Naw. (long pause) I should be getting back. Got practice.
Daria: (closes the door) Okay.
Shot of Trent walking upstairs. Daria sits down on a couch and turns on
Fifteen minutes later...Daria is still watching TV. Trent hasnt
come downstairs yet.
Daria: I wonder what hes doing.
We see Daria walk upstairs and into her room. The door is open and the
TV is blaring.
Daria: (walking in) Trent, did you get....(Sees Trent asleep
on her bed.)....lost?
Daria walks over to her bed and sits down beside Trent, like in "Lane
Miserables". She places her hand on his arm.
Daria: Trent? (Gets up and turns off her TV) Trent? (Sits down
again) Wake up.
Trent: (sleepily) Officer, I swear she was over 18...(waking
up) ...Oh, hey Daria.
Daria: Trent, maybe you should go home and get some sleep.
Trent: (sitting up) Yeah, youre right.
Daria gets up and hands him his guitar. He takes it and they walk
downstairs. Daria stops when Trent reaches for the door.
Trent: Yeah Daria?
Daria: (pause) um...Thanks.
Trent: For what?
Daria: For helping, writing the song, everything.
Trent: No problem. Anything for the coolest high schooler I know.
Daria: You must not know too many.
Trent: Really, Daria. You are the coolest.
Daria: (smiles) Thanks, Trent.
Trent: (smiles back) Yeah. See ya, Daria. (He hugs her)
Daria: (returns the hug) See ya.
Trent walks out the door and down the sidewalk to his car. Daria closes
the door and smirks that lovely Mona Lisa smile of hers.
Shot of Daria Sleeping in bed later that night. She turns her head
sideways on her pillow, and she can smell Trent on it. She inhales the sweet essence and
is taken away to dreamland.
Fade to her dream sequence. "Whatever" from the Butthole
Surfers is playing.
Daria is walking around an empty corridor. On the walls are pictures of
Trent when Daria has been with him. Included are from Road Worrier, Pierced, Crass and
Roots, The Invitation, Daria!, Lane Miserables... With each picture she sees, a sequence
of the two of them together talking or what have you. (a montage if you will)
Daria sees Trent in the distance walking toward her. He stops a few
feet in front of her.
Daria: Trent, what are you doing in my dream?
Trent: What do you mean? This is my dream.
Shot of Daria immediately waking up. She shoots up on her bed.
Friday morning, Shot of Daria at her locker. Shes getting books
out when Jane comes up to her.
Jane: So, did you have a good nights sleep? You look like you
lost a fight with a light socket.
Daria: Please, just put me out of my misery.
Jane: What? Bad dream?
Daria: Not bad, just scary.
Jane: What happened? Did you and Brittany have a mind merge?
Daria: (deadpan) Ha ha ha. Gee, you sure are funny.
Jane: I try. So really, what is bugging you.
Daria: I guess this party is. Ms. Li thought I was trying to make new
friends or something. Then she told me that a party would be good for me. Said it would
increase my people skills.
Jane: Whats wrong with your people skills?
Daria: Why did she think the party was mine?
Jane: She probably had her wires crossed.
Daria: That wouldnt be all.
The bell rings.
Shot of Daria walking home from school. In the distance a hooptie car
can be heard. The car pulls up along side of Daria and a voice comes out of it.
Trent: Hey Daria.
Daria: (startled) Hi, Trent. She blushes slightly.
Trent: Hey. He walks out of his car after turning it off. I had
a weird dream last night.
Trent: Yeah, I saw all these people dancing around and people actually
liking Mystic Spirals music.
Daria: That is weird.
Trent: Then I walked up to you....
Daria: ...Yes, Trent... They look into each others eyes.
Trent: Then I woke up.
Daria: (peeved) Oh... yeah.
Trent: Well I should get going. Mystic Spiral has to practice.
Daria: Isnt it a little early to be practicing?
Trent: Im not sure. Ive lost my concept of time.
Daria: I guess Ill see you later then.
Trent: Yup. They smile. See you at the party.
Trent drives off.
Shot of the Morgandorffers eating dinner.
Quinn: Hey, mom. Guess what I heard today.
Daria looks up, startled.
Helen: What was that, sweetie?
Quinn: I heard that Daria was having a party for her birthday.
Jake: Really honey? Thats great!
Daria and Quinn: What?!
Helen: Jake, shut up! Daria, I did not say you could have a party. I
didnt even know you wanted one, if you ask me.
Daria: Well, I didnt plan it. It just kinda fell in my lap.
Quinn: Yeah, right, Daria. You know your just trying to join the
popular people. Pissed off. Well guess what? Your not going to ruin my life again!
Quinn stomps out of the kitchen. After a pause...
Helen: Daria, you are not having a party, end of discussion.
Daria: Mom, its not my party. I just found out about it the other
day. Anyway, Janes having it.
Helen: Will there be adult supervision?
Daria: Yes. (to herself) There will be adults there, just not
Helen: Well, I guess you can go then. I expect you home by midnight.
Jake: One-twenty five.
Daria: (quickly) DONE! Gets up and leaves the room.
Helen: Dammit, Jake!
Jake: (innocently) What? I wanted to play too.
Cut to Saturday Afternoon. Daria is up in her room with the cordless
phone. She dials the Lanes phone number.
Split screen of Daria and Lane house. Trent picks up the phone.
Daria: (blushing) Trent? Hi.
Trent: Hi, Daria. Whats up?
Daria: Well, I was wondering if I could talk to Jane.
Trent: Yeah, just a minute.
Daria: Well, wait. I was wondering if youve still got the song in
Trent: Of course I do, Daria.
Trent: Yeah, the first Lane-Morgendorffer collaboration.
Daria: (to herself) And hopefully not the last.
Trent: And hopefully not the last.
Daria: (surprised) Really?
Trent: Yeah. Youre a really great writer.
Daria: (blushing) Oh, thanks.
Daria: So, can I talk to Jane?
Trent: Sure, bye Daria.
We see Trent set the phone down.
Trent: (o.s.) Janey, phone.
Jane walks in and picks up the phone.
Daria: Whats up?
Jane: Nothing. What were you and Trent talking about.
Daria: Nothing. (changing the subject) So, need any help setting
up for the party.
Jane: I was just gonna go out and get some food, you wanna help?
Cut to Shot of Daria and Jane walking into supermarket from far away.
Cut to Daria and Jane pushing a cart along isles of chips and dip.
Daria: Flat or ridgy, you make the call.
Jane: Why does that sound familiar?
Daria: Considering that there will be band members at a party, should
we get food or clean syringes?
Jane: (fake) Oh, yes. Im sure Max, Nick, Jesse, and Trent
would love you if they heard that joke. (Normal) Most likely, theyd cast you
off into exile like they did me.
Daria: But dont you get along with the band?
Jane: Yeah, Im just wondering how you will.
Jane: Ummm....(swishy backflash)
Backflash to about a week earlier. Mystic Spiral is in the Lane
Basement and Jane is with them. The guys are taking a break from practicing.
Trent: Yeah, the other day Daria...
Max: (interrupting) Daria? Your sister Janeys friend?
Trent: Yeah, anyway....
Nick: Trent, how old is your girlfriend, exactly?
Trent: (peeved) Shes not my girlfriend...
Max: I hope not man. Word of that could be bad for our reps.
Trent: (Defensive) What do you mean by that?
Nick: Come on, Trent. That would be rape by police standards.
Trent: (really mad) Listen, guys. Shes just a
friend. And even if I did like her, I dont see why you have to get down on me.
Jesse: Lay off, guys. No need to argue.
Max: (continuing) Trent, Man, shes a child. Its
against the law.
Nick: And I dont want to be affiliated with a guy who could be
charged as a child molester.
Trent: (exhausted) Im not gonna do anything. Chill.
Swishy effect comes back to Daria and Jane.
Jane: (coming out of dream).... No reason.
Daria: (suspecting) Okay, Lane. I give up. Lets just get the
food and go.
It is now Sunday late afternoon. Small montage between Daria and Jane.
New Freestylers (I cant remember what its called!) is playing in background.
Shot of Daria looking through her closet, and we see 7 sets of her
usual outfit, and 3 sets of those cool Doc Marten Boots. Cut to shot of Jane wearing a
chefs hat putting a cake pan in the oven, only to see that its not working.
Cut to Daria sneaking into Quinns room and opening her closet. Cut to Jane placing
the cake pan in her mothers kiln, and slapping her hands together as to say
"well done, Jane". Cut to Trent asleep in his room. Cut to Daria smuggling a
shirt out of Quinns room and sneaking into her own. Cut to Jane carrying the cake
into the house and slamming it down on the stove. Cut to Daria brushing her hair. Cut to
Jane mixing colors in plastic containers, cake in background. Cut to Trent, still asleep
on his bed. Cut to shot of a clock that reads 7:00 p.m. Cut to shot of Jane decked out in
a red T-shirt, long black skirt, boots, and hair back in ponytail ("See Jane
Run"). Cut to shot of Daria in a gray babydoll shirt, blue jeans, and a long black,
crocheted sweater/jacket. And of course, her kick ass boots. Cut to shot of Trent still
asleep in bed. End Montage.
Cut to shot of Jane running up her stairs and into Trents room.
Radioheads "Talk Show Host" is blasting from his stereo. Jane walks up to
Jane: (Yelling) Trent! (pause) Trent, get up, its after
seven and the band isnt here yet!
Trent moves a little, but is still asleep. Jane now goes up to the
stereo and turns it off. He continues sleeping. Jane walks up to Trent and leans near his
Jane: (evilly) Trent, I showed Daria your songbook.
Trent shoots up from his bed.
Trent: (worried, tired) Janey, you didnt!
Jane: (smirking) No, I didnt. She isnt even here
yet. (anxious) And neither is Mystic Spiral. Why?
Trent: Oh, I have to call them. Max is bringing the Tank. Ill be
down in a while.
Jane: Okay, just promise me you guys wont ruin this. Or fall
Trent: Yeah, whatever. Bye Janey.
Jane walks out the room and into her room. She looks at her wrist,
reading her digital watch "7:11"
Jane: If they even bring that up again....
"Twenty One" from The Cranberries leads us into the next
scene. Cut to shot of Helen and Jake sitting in living room. Both are on a couch,
Helen is going over a deposition, Jake is reading a book on Golf. Pan to Quinn sitting
opposite her parents, putting on makeup. Pan to shot of everyone, and we can see Daria
walking downstairs in her outfit. Everyone turns around to look. Helen wears a surprised
look, Jake is looking at her, but not seeming to be thinking. Quinn has a peeved/surprised
look on her face.
Helen: Well, sweetie, you look nice.
Quinn: Yeah, Daria. You almost look normal.
Daria: (deadpan) Gee, hearing that makes me want to change.
(turning around) Ill just go...
Helen: (standing up) Oh no you wont, missy. You
look just fine the way you are. Doesnt she, Jake?
Jake: (confused) Hmmm? Oh yeah, wow Daria. You changed you
Helen: (pissed) Jake! Cant you for once pay attention to
what goes on around you?
Jake: But I was!
Helen: Like hell you were....
Quinn: Please stop fighting, I cant hear myself think.
Daria: Somehow that doesnt seem to be a problem.
The phone rings. Quinn reaches over to the coffee table and picks it
Quinn: (loudly) Hello?
Jake: (continuing) I really was paying attention, Helen, its
just this book...
Helen: You and your damn books or newspapers....
Quinn: (covering the mouthpiece) Be quiet, I cant tell if
Matthew or Corey is on the phone...
Helen: (stopping) Quinn, how dare you tell your parents to be
Jake: Umm, yeah Quinn. Go to your room.
Quinn: (standing up) Thats a good idea. (into phone)
Just a minute....(Walks upstairs)
There is a moment of silence. After a while Daria heads for the door.
Daria: Well, I guess Ill head to Janes. Ill see you
Jake: Okay, kiddo.
Helen: Be careful. Are you sure you dont need a ride?
Daria: Ill be fine, thank you. Bye.
Jake and Helen: Bye sweetie.
Daria grabs the doorknob and opens the door, to see Trent, arm up,
about to knock on the door.
Daria: Oh, hi Trent.
Trent: Hey Daria.
Helen: (hearing this) Trent?
Jake: Hmm..(realizing, looking up) Oh, hey dude.
Trent: Uh, hi Mr. and Mrs. M. (turning to Daria) I just came to
give you a ride. Is that cool?
Daria: Yeah. I guess I wont be walking then. (to her parents)
Well, Ill see you later then. Bye.
Jake: Bye kiddo, See you later, dude.
Helen: (under her breath) Oh, geez. (normal) Bye kids.
We see Trent lead Daria out of the door and the door close. Pan to
Helen and Jake looking from the door to each other. Helen slaps Jake in the back of the
head. Jake nearly falls over forward.
"Where Its At" from Beck is playing now. Cut to shot of
Trent and Daria getting out of Trents car. Trent walks around the front to Daria,
who is standing at the sidewalk.
Trent: Well, are you nervous?
Daria: No, not really. You still know the words dont you?
Trent: (Tapping his head) Its all in here.
Daria: (to herself) Thats what worries me. (aloud)
Well, shouldnt we go in.
Trent: Um, yeah. (Lifts his arm up as to escort her inside.)
Daria: (looks at his arm, then to his eyes, and slips her arm in his)
Trent: (grinning) No problem.
Cut to shot of the two walking arm in arm up to the front door. We see
Trent open up the door and usher Daria in, then let himself inside the house.
"Glory" from Sugar Ray is blasting from outside. Some people are scattered
around the house. Both Trent and Daria look around.
Trent: Well, Daria, I should be going. Gotta start playing before I
forget all our words.
Daria: Yeah, well... Thanks for the ride, then.
Trent: No problem. Ill see ya. (walks away)
Daria: Bye. (looks around) Okay, now where is Jane?
Cut to shot of Jane putting a cake into the fridge. Her colored
frosting is still sitting on the counter, and her hands are colored rainbow colors. She
looks around the room and sees Daria looking around in the living room. Quickly Jane runs
to the faucet and washes her hands, trying to scrub the gunk and colors off of her hands
as best she can.
Cut to shot of Daria seeing Jane at the sink. She walks into the
kitchen and clears her throat. Jane turns around, eyes wide.
Jane: (surprised) Wow, dont we look nice?
Daria: Laugh and Ill deck ya.
Jane: Im not laughing. You really do look nice.
Daria: (waiting for a joke) Oh, well, then. (looking at
Janes ensemble) I must return the compliment. You look nice too.
Jane: Thanks. (turns toward Daria) So, see anything cool yet?
Daria: No. And I dont plan on it for now.
Jane: Good Idea. (Hears Mystic Spiral warming up in background)
Hey, should we check out whats outside?
Daria: Wouldnt you know?
Jane: Well, I left the band to set up everything.
Daria: "Set up everything?" Jane?
Jane: Lets just go.
We see the two walk out of the kitchen and into the living room. Cut to
shot of Daria and Jane walking out of doorway and into backyard. Pan to full shot of yard:
Christmas lights strewn around perimeter, Mystic Spiral on a platform toward the farthest
part of back yard, lawn furniture everywhere, and a "Happy Birthday Daria!" sign
hanging above the doorway. A giant box is over part of the door to the fallout shelter
where Amanda Lane does her pottery. Cut to shot of Daria and Jane. Daria is wide-eyed,
Jane is smirking evilly. All the people there gather round the two, except for Mystic
Spiral. We can see Brittany, Kevin, Jodie, Mack, The three Js, Andrea, Upchuck, and
other anonymous members of LHS.
All: (except Daria) Happy Birthday, Daria!
Daria: (surprised) Ummm, I dont know what to say.
Jane: How about, "Gee thanks guys!"
Daria: I was thinking more along the lines of, "My birthday
isnt for another two weeks."
All partygoers go about what they were doing before. Music from
Jane: Thats why I had it today. You wouldnt really suspect
Daria: You got that right.
Cut to shot of Trent tapping a mic. He clears his throat and strums a
few notes on his guitar.
Trent: Um, hello. Were Mystic Spiral, but were thinking of
changing our name. First off, I wanna tell my friend Daria "Happy Birthday," we
hope the day is cool for you. (cheers from the crowd) Well, our first song is one
weve been working on for a while. Its a cover of an old classic, I hope you like it.
Trent backs away from the mic and the band starts playing.
Trent: (singing) Its my party and I cry if I want to...
Cry if I want to...
Cry if I want to...
You would cry too if it happened to you....
Cut to Daria and Jane. They are standing in a corner, talking.
Daria: I must say, the song choice sucks, but the music is good.
Jane: Yeah, Max dug up some of his moms old 45s and got
inspired. Many moons went into that song.
Daria: Yeah, I bet. (Looks ahead) Oh no.
Jane: (looks too) Rat boy at ten oclock.
Upchuck approaches holding a piece of paper.
Upchuck: Helllooo, ladies. How are you doing on this fine evening.
Daria: Fine until you came along.
Jane: Yeah, the night was almost bearable.
Upchuck: Well, dont let me spoil it for both of you.
Jane: Too late.
Upchuck: How can I make it up to you?
Daria: (to herself) Let us both kill you and we can call the
night a success. (Aloud) Dont bother trying.
Jane: Yeah, you might make it worse. (they shoot him evil looks)
Upchuck: Umm... anyway, I brought this for you, Daaaaarrria. I think I
will come in handy, if you know what I mean. (Hands the paper to her)
Daria: (taking and reading it) You are pure evil, Upchuck.
Jane: (curious) What is it?
Upchuck: Its a rain check. I cant make this a night of
eeeexxxtacy for you today, but on your birthday, Im open.
Jane: I think shell be busy that day.
Daria: Ill still be recovering from the repulsiveness of this
Jane: Now, please leave us in peace.
Daria: Or Ill be forced to call Animal Control on you.
Upchuck: Oooh, Feisty! Later, laaadies! (walks away)
Jane: Well, now you know of one person who wants you.
Jane: What? I bet theres more.
Daria: I dont want to hear it. (Mack and Jodie approach)
Jodie: Hey Daria. Happy Birthday.
Mack: Yeah, Happy Birthday.
Jane: Are you enjoying your night.
Jodie: Yeah, I wouldnt plan on seeing Brittany or Kevin though.
Daria: Why not?
Mack: They left to go to Brits house. She got her Jacuzzi in.
Cut to shot of Jane and Daria looking at each other. Cut to shot of
Mystic Spiral playing, Close up to Trent singing.
Trent: (singing) ...you would cry too if it happened to you...
(slower) you would cry too...if it happened to you.
The crowd of people start cheering as the band goes into "Behind
Jodie: Well, Im going to get something to drink. You want
Mack: Ill come with you. Later guys.
Jane: Later. (to Daria) Hey, I got something to show you.
Daria: Lets go then. (Starts to leave)
Jane: Just stay here, Ill be right back.
Daria: (stops) O-kay.
Jane walks off. Cut to Daria standing alone. She looks around and
decides to sit down. As she sits, she looks a the band to see how theyre doing. She
looks at Trent, admiring him.
Daria: (to herself) Why do I like someone like Trent? We think
alike and all, but hed never be attracted to me. Just another mindless crush. (Suddenly
she locks eyes with Trent)
Oh, my God. Do something. (she waves a little to him, causing Trent
to wink in return)
(aloud) Daria, you suck.
Cut to band playing.
Trent:....A place thats just for me...
Behind my eyelids..
The crowd cheers. We see the band, except for Trent, set their
instruments down and walk off the platform. Trent approaches the mic.
Trent: (normal) Were gone take a break. Well be back
in a few. (Someone turns on "B.B.K." from KoRn) Yeah, listen to
Trent has his guitar hanging behind him and walks off the platform,
heading toward Daria. He stops, standing a foot in front of her.
Trent: Hey, quick practice session?
Daria: Um, okay.
Trent reaches his hands down to her and pulls her up. Daria, surprised
by this, loses her balance and falls into his arms. The two look into each others
Daria: (embarrassed) Umm, sorry about that.
Trent: (embarrassed) Its okay. (grabs her hands, tries
to balance her) Umm, are you okay?
Daria: Yeah. Lets go before anyone notices.
The two walk toward the house and see Jane coming.
Daria: Um, Trent, Jane is heading this way.
Trent: No problem.
Trent grabs Darias hand and lead her to the fallout shelter. He
quickly opens the door and gets in, leading her in at the same time. The room is dark.
Trent: You think she saw us?
Daria: No, not really. (pause) Its kinda dark in here.
Trent: Yeah, the light is around here somewhere. (footsteps, then a
crash) Ah! Dumb pottery wheel.
Daria: Are you okay?
Trent: Yeah. (flips a switch) Here we go. (we see that Trent
knocked the wheel on its side. He is across the room from Daria) Come here, Daria.
Daria: (walking to Trent, to herself) Dont freak out,
youre just going over a song with Trent. No need to freak out. (aloud) Okay.
Trent: Hey, cool outfit. Didnt even notice it before.
Daria: (blushing) Um, thanks, I think. (changing the subject)
Shouldnt we go over the song?
Trent: Yeah. (grabs the guitar) "To my little sister Janey,
(strums his guitar) (singing) I had no one before you...
You were (forgetting) um, the, (stops strumming) Damn.
Daria: You forgot?!
Trent: Um, yeah. Im sorry, Daria. It gets worse the harder I try
to remember. (hangs head in shame)
Daria: (to herself) Why didnt I think this would happen? (aloud,
staring at him, upset) Trent, this was so important, and...(looks at him)
and...Im not mad at you.
Trent: (looks up at her) Youre not?
Daria: (calmer) No. Ill just have to tell her the old
Trent: Maybe when I get onstage, itll come to me.
Daria: Dont wrack your brain trying, okay.
Trent: (disbelief) I cant believe I forgot Janeys
song. My own sister.
Daria: (outstretches her arms) Its okay. (the two hug)
Im surprised you remembered as long as you did.
Trent: (pulling away) Yeah, me too.
Daria: Well, we should face the world now, shouldnt we?
Trent: Yeah, we should.
Daria heads for the door and stops halfway there. Trent looks down and
slings the guitar behind him. He walks up to Daria, turns around and turns the light off,
then finds his way to the door. He opens it and lets Daria out first. He walks out and
closes the door. Jane quickly approaches them.
Jane: (peeved) Daria, what were you and Trent doing? I was
looking all over for you.
Trent: We were trying to remember the song we wrote for you, but it
Daria: Yeah, Trent forgot the words, but it said mostly how much I
appreciate our friendship. You mean a lot to me, Jane. And I thought you should know.
Jane: So thats what you were doing? (surprised) Wow,
Daria. (at a loss) I dont know what to say. (Looks at her) Thanks,
compadre. (they hug)
Daria: Thank you. I probably would have gone insane if it werent
Jane: (tearing up) Wow. And Trent, (they hug) Thank you
The three stop all of their mushy behavior when they hear fighting
noises. A crowd has gathered in a corner of the yard. The three walk over and see Jesse
trying to break up Max and Nicholas. The two are yelling and an occasional "your
fault" and "your idea" can be heard from within. Trent jumps in and pulls
Max away as Jesse pulls Nick away.
Nick: Its not my fault hes like that! Im so sick of
this band. Im leaving. (shakes away from Jesse and walks away)
Max: Well I didnt tell him its okay to do that stuff. (looks
around) Im outta here. (to Trent) Hope you dont get charged with
rape, man. (Trent releases him in disbelief. Max walks away)
Trent: Im not sleeping with her!!!
Jesse: Uh oh....
Jane: Oh, no....
Daria: What the HELL??
The crowd starts talking looking at Trent and Daria. Some are pointing
and saying "those two?" in disbelief.
Trent: (looking around) Jess, lets get everyone out of here.
Jesse: Yeah, um,(yelling) go, everybody leave!
Cut to shot of Daria and Jane inside the Lane house, in Janes
room. Jane is painting something while Daria is laying on the bed, head hanging off the
Daria: (disbelief) They think Trent and I were....
Jane: Yeah, thats why I worried about them playing. Theyre
afraid theyll get bad publicity.
Daria: Id think theyd be happy with any publicity.
Jane: (thinking) Yeah, me too. (knock at the door) Yeah?
Trent: (peeking his head inside) Can I come in?
Jane: Its up to Daria.
Daria: Go ahead.
Trent: (walking in) Um, Jesse was tearing things down outside,
Janey. You wanna help him?
Jane: (confusedly) O-kay. (walks out of the room)
Daria: (Standing up) What do you want, Trent.
Trent: Well, I want to apologize for tonight. I didnt think the
guys would blow up like that.
Daria: I didnt know they thought that.
Trent: (uncomfortable) Yeah, sorry. You forgive me?
Daria: (hesitantly) Yeah, sure.
Trent: Cuz I dont want you to think that I think of you the way
they said I think of you.
Trent: I mean, I...I think itd be cool to hang out sometime, you
Daria: I agree.
Trent: Really? (Start "Coffee and TV" from Blur)
Daria: (sighs) Yes, Trent. It sounds like fun.
Trent: Cool. Ill remember that. (Daria stares at him) No,
I really will.
Daria: Sure Trent.
Trent: (his hands on her shoulders) I will. I promise. He
kisses her cheek.
Daria smiles her Mona Lisa smile, and Trent smiles back. Closing shot
of him and Daria walking out of Janes room. Fade out.
Music runs through ending credits and the snazzy alter-egos.
O-B-K-B, there you have it. Any comments or what have you, drop me a
C-ya next time!
The Queen @):)