It's My Party and I'll Hide If I Want To
by Fickling, Jossie

Daria and related characters were used without permission, so have mercy on my virgin soul. This is my first fanfic and I do have ideas for my next one, so you have been warned. If there are things mentioned in here that you feel have been taken from other fanfics, I’m sorry. I’m really making this an original work, so don’t send the Mafia after me. They already know that I owe them money.

Since this is my first fanfic, if you have better ideas for music in scenes (please say you do), drop my a line at iamthequeen@chickmail.com because I wanna know. And if you have any cool poetry (I’ve been having a dry spell) tell me. You will be in the credits, I’m not one to take all the credit. Also, I didn’t put any commercials in because I couldn’t really see where good places would be for them.

Okay, now on with the show!

We hear Splendora and see the cool beginning, and then the famous shot of Daria’s face, an orange background and in lovely Daria font, we see "It’s My Party and I’ll Hide if I Want To."

Jane: So are you gonna come over on Sunday night for our movie or will Helen and Jake have you on a leash?

Daria: No, I’ll definitely be over.

Jane: (excitedly) Great!

Jane: (innocently) What?

Daria: By your reaction, I would say that you are planning something...

Jane:...No!

Daria: But since I have no proof, I guess I’ll let that one slide.

Jane: No need to worry. What’s on the movie agenda for this week?

Daria: I don’t know. (Deadpan) Ooh, lets watch some old movie and dress as the characters.

Jane: (Smirks evilly) Now there’s an idea!

Daria: Um..I was kidding. (Hesitantly) Jane, what are you planning?

Jane: Nothing! (pissy) God, Daria, can’t a girl be excited about the weekend?

Daria: Yeah, but..

Jane: (Interrupting) I mean, do you have to wonder every time I get a "bright idea"?

Daria: No, but..

Jane: Must you assume that I’m up to something?

Daria: I was just wondering. (pissed) God, Lane, calm down. Its just a question.

Jane: Oh....Sorry.

Trent: (tiredly) Hello? Oh, hi....Okay, yeah. (Pause) Yeah, I know. Okay. Bye.

Trent: Man, I hope you know what you are doing.

Trent: Whoa, what am I thinking?

Trent: I think waking up early was a bad idea. Maybe (sleepily) if I just rest my eyes.....

Jane: So I was thinking, maybe we could do that.

Daria: Do what?

Jane: Dress as characters in a movie. Just for fun.

Daria: I guess that’s harmless enough. What were you thinking of?

Jane: Pleasantville?

Daria: Oh, God no. Keep those damn poodle skirts away from me.

Jane: Okay, how about Pippy Longstocking? You got the hair for it.

Daria: Fuck you.

Jane: What? I’m just trying to think here. You don’t have to get pissy.

Daria: Sorry, but braids bring back horrific memories.

Jane: I see.....how about Copycat?

Daria: And that would be...

Jane:...A psychologist and a detective looking for a serial killer who likes to one-up his killing competition.

Daria: Thrilling.

Jane: Okay, so you don’t have to dress up. (Trailing off) I guess it will have to do...

Daria: Lane, you worry me. You’re planning something. I can tell, yet you hide it so well.

Jane: I aim to please. (Smirks) You know, Trent will be home.

Daria: I expect him to be sleeping or practicing at that time.

Jane: Hey, he’s not dating anyone now? (Smirks evilly)

Daria: "Now?"

Jane: (Oblivious) "Now" what? Are you so obsessed that you are analyzing sentences?

Daria: No! (Defensive) It just sounded like....

Jane: Yeah right. Do you think he’d rather date someone or get his beauty sleep? Come on now, Daria. (Pause) You know, we could always watch that. You seemed to like it before.

Daria: What?

Jane: Trent’s sleeping.

Daria: Drop it, Lane!

Jane: Oh, come on. This is the 90’s now. We women ask men out.

Daria: (Grasping for an excuse) But there’s a 5 year age difference between me and Trent. It’d never work out anyway.

Jane: Now you’re just making excuses. You know age isn’t an issue for you.

Daria: (calmly) Listen, I’m happy just being friends with him.

Jane: But you’d like to be more than friends, huh?

Jane: Why don’t you come over this afternoon. Trent will be there.

Daria: If I come over, am I to expect that you will nonchalantly leave me in the same room as Trent, making me feel like a complete idiot?

Jane: Ah, amigo, you know me too well.

Daria: Think Trent’s asleep?

Jane: Most likely. I can’t imagine him awake right now. Let us visit him in dreamland.

Daria: Sure, and then I’ll tell Trent how I really feel for him and give him a lap dance.

Daria: Did I just say that out loud?

Jane: So that’s what you want, eh?

Daria: Just walk, Lane.

Jane: That’s strange.

Daria: Really. (Looking around) Trent and his guitar are nowhere to be found.

Jane: (Looking around) Well, where the hell is he?

Daria: (Spots the calendar and lunges for it, nearly knocking Jane over.) Oh my God, a rat!

Jane: (looking) Where? (Notices Daria’s face) (suspiciously) Really? A rat?

Daria: (forcing sincerity) Yeah, it was big and...and..and black! (Stands up in front of the calendar.) Boy, was it black.

Jane: Okay....Did you hear something?

Daria: Yeah, (listening) I think it is....

Jane and Daria: (in unison) Trent sleeping.

Jane: What’s going on?

Trent and Daria: (In unison) Nothing... nothing.

Jane: Trent, are you up to something?

Trent: Um, no, I can’t say that I am.

Daria: (Looking about) (whispering to Trent) Slightly befuddled, there?

Trent: (whispering) Nothing sounded good.

Daria: (whispering) I guess not. I didn’t think it would be so hard to...

Daria: Nevermind.

Jane: I smell a rat. Two of them, as a matter of fact.

Trent: Oh, Janey, lay off. Daria here is just....just (grasping for an answer)....

Daria: Protecting his work. Don’t want anyone reading it before its finished.

Trent: Um..yeah. (Changing the subject) You know, I’m really thirsty. Lets get something to drink.

Daria: For once, I agree. Jane?

Jane: I’ll just, um, go get some sodas then. She walks up the stairs and closes the door slightly. Shot of her confused face as she walks away from the door.

Daria: Great planning, Einstein.

Trent: Sorry. I got a little tired of what I was writing.

Daria: I guess so. Do you think she has any ideas?

Trent: Who, Janey? Naw.

Trent: Hey, I think its pretty cool, what you’re doing for Janey.

Daria: Well, thank you. She means a lot to me. And this is how I can tell her.

Trent: Well, do you know when you will.

Daria: No, I would tell her soon, but I think she’d think its for a guilt trip for a birthday present.

Trent: Yeah, that’s in what, 2 weeks?

Daria: (surprised) How do you know?

Trent: (Looking up at her) Come on, Daria. I wouldn’t forget your birthday. You’re Janey’s best friend. That would be like forgetting how to play in open D tuning.

Daria: Um, okay.

Trent: I mean, I’m surprised I remembered the party on Sunday.

Daria: What party?

Walking to School, Thursday morning. "La Isla Bonita" from Madonna (sorry) plays.

Jane: Well, can you blame me?

Daria: Yes. You went behind my back. Now I must stab you. Stab you I say.

Jane: Its not my fault. Trent was supposed to keep it a secret.

Daria: I can’t believe you’re having a party on Sunday. What about "Bad Movie Night?" Jane: Well, what were you going to do? Actually watch a movie with Sigourney Weaver in it?

Daria: Oh, God.

Jane: Plus, think of it this way: You get to watch a bunch of posers without paying for a ticket to a play.

Daria: Gee, sounds lovely.

Jane: Cheer up. Trent will be there.

Daria: Speak of the Devil.

Trent: Hey Janey. Hey Daria.

Jane: Hey Trent.

Daria: (in low voice) Hi.

Jane: Trent, what are you doing up so early?

Trent: Practice got out early. Or late. Whatever.

Jane: Oh.

Trent: Daria...(motions for her to come with his finger)

Daria: (coming over to car) Yes, mighty safe-keeper?

Trent: I think I found some good mixes, mind if I run them by you tonight. Say 7:30?

Daria: Okay, fine. (Speaking up) Yeah, that would be great!

Jane: What?

Trent: (Going along with it) Mystic Spiral is gonna play at the party.

Jane: Cool. Well, um, we gotta go to school, so, bye Trent.

Daria: Yeah, bye.

Jane: In light of this momentous occasion, I believe that invitations must be made.

Daria: I’ll make them. Then I’ll be sure to send them straight to the trash can.

Jane: Cheer up. At least you won’t be stuck having to see Quinn all night. She’ll be too busy with some lowlife idiot of a guy.

Daria: No, three of them.

In Brittany’s car. "Barbie Girl" from Aqua plays.

Brittany: Did you hear? Daria’s having a party this weekend.

Kevin: Really? Who would come to her party?

Brittany: I don’t know. Oooh! We could come.

Kevin: Why would we come to a brain’s party?

Brittany: Kevie, have a heart! We don’t want her to not have anyone come, right? That might make her upset. Plus, if there isn’t anyone cool there, we can always make out upstairs.

Kevin: That’s true.

Brittany: Then its settled. We’ll go to Daria’s party!

Kevin: Yeah!

In school corridor, "Cumbersome" from Seven Mary Three plays.

Daria: Why is everyone staring at me?

Jane: I don’t know.

Jane: Okay, so maybe I told like, 2 people.

Jodie: Daria, I heard that you’re having a party this weekend.

Jodie: (understanding, recovering quickly) I mean, Jane, you’re having a party this weekend.

Daria: (not noticing the mix up) Gee, I wonder who told you.

Jane: Probably just a friendly bird.

Jodie: So, I was wondering, would it be okay if I brought Mack and a few of his friends over.

Jane: Sure it is! The more the merrier.

Jodie: Great. See you later. Walks away. The two continue to stand.

Daria: You do realize that I have to kill you now.

Jane: Come on, Just think of how much time you’ll get to spend with Trent. Isn’t it worth a few more people coming?

Daria: I suppose. But I’m still pissed that people know.

Ms. Barch: Now class, can any of you tell me why this experiment did not work? Pause. Kevin?!

Kevin: Umm, uhh...Pause.. What experiment?

Ms. Barch: The experiment sitting right in front of you, you incompetent....male!

Kevin: Oh! Yeah! Umm, there’s no mice....

Ms. Barch: ...Shut up Kevin! Daria?

Daria: The experiment did not have a constant field to check the variables against. Therefore testing the experiment a total waste of time and money.

Ms. Barch: Much like my marriage. By the way, very good, Daria. Now, class, can anyone tell me.....Trails off.

Kevin: Daria, why isn’t there any mice in this experiment?

Daria: Because we’re having them served to us at lunch today.

Kevin: Really? Cool! Shot to Brittany.

Brittany: I think this is a really good thing we’re doing for Daria, inviting some popular people to her party, don’t you, Jodie?

Jodie: How did you find out about her party?

Brittany: I heard her friend Jane say something about a party yesterday.

Jodie: So why did you invite popular people to her party? Don’t you think she has any friends?

Brittany: Jodie! She’s never even worn nail polish! Do you think she’d have any friends?

Jodie: Its amazing that you have so many...

Ms. Li’s voice: Daria Morgandorffer, please come to my office at once.

Daria: I don’t know how I’ll keep up with the work.

Kevin: Huh?

Ms. Barch: Shut up!

Ms. Li: Ms. Morgandorffer, I am pleased to see that you are opening yourself to people by having a party.

Daria: Its not my party, its Jane’s.

Ms. Li: Well, anyway, its nice to see that she invited you to expand your sssocial horizons.

Daria: But its not.....

Ms. Li: Get back to c lass!

Daria: Trent, its not that I don’t trust you, but I don’t want to subject you to my parents. It can cause permanent brain damage.

Trent: Okay, that’s cool.

Daria: That was close.

Trent: Yeah, (looks around) Cool room, Daria.

Daria: You’ve been in here before, Trent.

Trent: Yeah, I know. I just never noticed it.

Quinn: (o.s.) Daria, what’s going on?

Daria: (freaking out) Nothing! (Walks up to Trent, grabs her closet doorknob, opens the closet and shoves him in it.) Nothing at all.

Quinn: (o.s.) I’m coming in, Daria.

Quinn: (Walking in) What’s going on, Daria?

Daria: (calmly) Nothing. I told you.

Quinn: (looking around the room) Nothing, eh?

Daria: That’s what I said, Einstein.

Quinn: (Grabbing Trent’s guitar) What is this doing here?

Daria: (to herself) Think of something, brain!

Quinn: I’m waiting.

Daria: Oh, Trent offered to teach me to play the guitar. (to herself) Good one.

Quinn: Oh. (Setting the guitar down) Then shouldn’t he be here with you?

Daria: (to herself) Damn. (out loud) No, I decided to teach myself. You know how Mom and Dad would freak out if I had a guy in my room.

Quinn: (realizing) I see your point. But that still doesn’t explain your actions.

Daria: When have you ever been able to explain my actions?

Quinn: Whatever. Anyways, I’m going out. See ya later.

Helen: (o.s.)Daria?

Daria: (opening the door) Yeah, mom?

Helen: Your father and I are going over to the Gupty’s for a "Parental Success" meeting. We’ll be back around 10:00. Will you be alright alone?

Daria: (dripping with sarcasm) Oh, no mom. The Bogeyman might get me.

Helen: (sighs) Daria, we’re leaving now. Be back in a while. (She walks away)

Daria: Bye. (closes her door.) Daria walks over to her window and watches her parents drives away. She then walks over to the closet and opens it.

Trent: (walking out) Whoa. That was close.

Daria: Yeah, I know.

Trent: Who wrote all that weird poetry in your closet?

Daria: The last owner of this room. So....

Trent: (Grabbing his guitar) Well, how bout I play for you what I have?

Daria: (Sitting on her bed) Okay.

Trent: "I had no one before I met you

You were the coolest, you know that its true

You made me smirk, even when I was blue

Your my best friend, your my best friend, you my best friend...."

Daria: Trent, what are you doing?

Trent: (Sets down his guitar) Something I should have done a long time ago.

Trent: (out of dream sequence) ...You’re my best friend. (Looking at Daria) So, what do you think.

Daria: (snapping out of it) It sounds, great, Trent. It sounds great.

Trent: Really? Thanks, Daria.

Daria: So....

Trent: So...

Daria: So, you want something to drink?

Trent: Sure.

Daria: See anything you want. (to herself) smooth, real smooth.

Trent: Not really.

Daria: So, do you want to watch TV?

Trent: Naw. (long pause) I should be getting back. Got practice.

Daria: (closes the door) Okay.

Daria: I wonder what he’s doing.

Daria: (walking in) Trent, did you get....(Sees Trent asleep on her bed.)....lost?

Daria: Trent? (Gets up and turns off her TV) Trent? (Sits down again) Wake up.

Trent: (sleepily) Officer, I swear she was over 18...(waking up) ...Oh, hey Daria.

Daria: Trent, maybe you should go home and get some sleep.

Trent: (sitting up) Yeah, you’re right.

Daria: Trent...

Trent: Yeah Daria?

Daria: (pause) um...Thanks.

Trent: For what?

Daria: For helping, writing the song, everything.

Trent: No problem. Anything for the coolest high schooler I know.

Daria: You must not know too many.

Trent: Really, Daria. You are the coolest.

Daria: (smiles) Thanks, Trent.

Trent: (smiles back) Yeah. See ya, Daria. (He hugs her)

Daria: (returns the hug) See ya.

Daria is walking around an empty corridor. On the walls are pictures of Trent when Daria has been with him. Included are from Road Worrier, Pierced, Crass and Roots, The Invitation, Daria!, Lane Miserables... With each picture she sees, a sequence of the two of them together talking or what have you. (a montage if you will)

Daria: Trent, what are you doing in my dream?

Trent: What do you mean? This is my dream.

Jane: So, did you have a good night’s sleep? You look like you lost a fight with a light socket.

Daria: Please, just put me out of my misery.

Jane: What? Bad dream?

Daria: Not bad, just scary.

Jane: What happened? Did you and Brittany have a mind merge?

Daria: (deadpan) Ha ha ha. Gee, you sure are funny.

Jane: I try. So really, what is bugging you.

Daria: I guess this party is. Ms. Li thought I was trying to make new friends or something. Then she told me that a party would be good for me. Said it would increase my people skills.

Jane: What’s wrong with your people skills?

Daria: Why did she think the party was mine?

Jane: She probably had her wires crossed.

Daria: That wouldn’t be all.

Trent: Hey Daria.

Daria: (startled) Hi, Trent. She blushes slightly.

Trent: Hey. He walks out of his car after turning it off. I had a weird dream last night.

Daria: Really.

Trent: Yeah, I saw all these people dancing around and people actually liking Mystic Spiral’s music.

Daria: That is weird.

Trent: Then I walked up to you....

Daria: ...Yes, Trent... They look into each other’s eyes.

Trent: Then I woke up.

Daria: (peeved) Oh... yeah.

Trent: Well I should get going. Mystic Spiral has to practice.

Daria: Isn’t it a little early to be practicing?

Trent: I’m not sure. I’ve lost my concept of time.

Daria: I guess I’ll see you later then.

Trent: Yup. They smile. See you at the party.

Daria: Bye.

Quinn: Hey, mom. Guess what I heard today.

Helen: What was that, sweetie?

Quinn: I heard that Daria was having a party for her birthday.

Jake: Really honey? That’s great!

Daria and Quinn: What?!

Helen: Jake, shut up! Daria, I did not say you could have a party. I didn’t even know you wanted one, if you ask me.

Daria: Well, I didn’t plan it. It just kinda fell in my lap.

Quinn: Yeah, right, Daria. You know your just trying to join the popular people. Pissed off. Well guess what? Your not going to ruin my life again! I’m leaving.

Helen: Daria, you are not having a party, end of discussion.

Daria: Mom, it’s not my party. I just found out about it the other day. Anyway, Jane’s having it.

Helen: Will there be adult supervision?

Daria: Yes. (to herself) There will be adults there, just not supervising.

Helen: Well, I guess you can go then. I expect you home by midnight.

Daria: Two.

Helen: One.

Daria: One-thirty.

Jake: One-twenty five.

Daria: (quickly) DONE! Gets up and leaves the room.

Helen: Dammit, Jake!

Jake: (innocently) What? I wanted to play too.

Trent: Hello?

Daria: (blushing) Trent? Hi.

Trent: Hi, Daria. What’s up?

Daria: Well, I was wondering if I could talk to Jane.

Trent: Yeah, just a minute.

Daria: Well, wait. I was wondering if you’ve still got the song in your head.

Trent: Of course I do, Daria.

Daria: Good.

Trent: Yeah, the first Lane-Morgendorffer collaboration.

Daria: (to herself) And hopefully not the last.

Trent: And hopefully not the last.

Daria: (surprised) Really?

Trent: Yeah. You’re a really great writer.

Daria: (blushing) Oh, thanks.

Daria: So, can I talk to Jane?

Trent: Sure, bye Daria.

Trent: (o.s.) Janey, phone.

Jane: Yo.

Daria: What’s up?

Jane: Nothing. What were you and Trent talking about.

Daria: Nothing. (changing the subject) So, need any help setting up for the party.

Jane: I was just gonna go out and get some food, you wanna help?

Daria: Sure.

Daria: Flat or ridgy, you make the call.

Jane: Why does that sound familiar?

Daria: Considering that there will be band members at a party, should we get food or clean syringes?

Jane: (fake) Oh, yes. I’m sure Max, Nick, Jesse, and Trent would love you if they heard that joke. (Normal) Most likely, they’d cast you off into exile like they did me.

Daria: But don’t you get along with the band?

Jane: Yeah, I’m just wondering how you will.

Daria: Why?

Jane: Ummm....(swishy backflash)

Trent: Yeah, the other day Daria...

Max: (interrupting) Daria? Your sister Janey’s friend?

Trent: Yeah, anyway....

Nick: Trent, how old is your girlfriend, exactly?

Trent: (peeved) She’s not my girlfriend...

Max: I hope not man. Word of that could be bad for our reps.

Trent: (Defensive) What do you mean by that?

Nick: Come on, Trent. That would be rape by police standards.

Trent: (really mad) Listen, guys. She’s just a friend. And even if I did like her, I don’t see why you have to get down on me.

Jesse: Lay off, guys. No need to argue.

Max: (continuing) Trent, Man, she’s a child. It’s against the law.

Nick: And I don’t want to be affiliated with a guy who could be charged as a child molester.

Trent: (exhausted) I’m not gonna do anything. Chill.

Jane: (coming out of dream).... No reason.

Daria: (suspecting) Okay, Lane. I give up. Lets just get the food and go.

Jane: (Yelling) Trent! (pause) Trent, get up, its after seven and the band isn’t here yet!

Jane: (evilly) Trent, I showed Daria your songbook.

Trent: (worried, tired) Janey, you didn’t!

Jane: (smirking) No, I didn’t. She isn’t even here yet. (anxious) And neither is Mystic Spiral. Why?

Trent: Oh, I have to call them. Max is bringing the Tank. I’ll be down in a while.

Jane: Okay, just promise me you guys won’t ruin this. Or fall asleep.

Trent: Yeah, whatever. Bye Janey.

Jane: If they even bring that up again....

"Twenty One" from The Cranberries leads us into the next scene. Cut to shot of Helen and Jake sitting in living room. Both are on a couch, Helen is going over a deposition, Jake is reading a book on Golf. Pan to Quinn sitting opposite her parents, putting on makeup. Pan to shot of everyone, and we can see Daria walking downstairs in her outfit. Everyone turns around to look. Helen wears a surprised look, Jake is looking at her, but not seeming to be thinking. Quinn has a peeved/surprised look on her face.

Helen: Well, sweetie, you look nice.

Quinn: Yeah, Daria. You almost look normal.

Daria: (deadpan) Gee, hearing that makes me want to change. (turning around) I’ll just go...

Helen: (standing up) Oh no you won’t, missy. You look just fine the way you are. Doesn’t she, Jake?

Jake: (confused) Hmmm? Oh yeah, wow Daria. You changed you clothes!

Helen: (pissed) Jake! Can’t you for once pay attention to what goes on around you?

Jake: But I was!

Helen: Like hell you were....

Quinn: Please stop fighting, I can’t hear myself think.

Daria: Somehow that doesn’t seem to be a problem.

Quinn: (loudly) Hello?

Jake: (continuing) I really was paying attention, Helen, its just this book...

Helen: You and your damn books or newspapers....

Quinn: (covering the mouthpiece) Be quiet, I can’t tell if Matthew or Corey is on the phone...

Helen: (stopping) Quinn, how dare you tell your parents to be quiet!

Jake: Umm, yeah Quinn. Go to your room.

Quinn: (standing up) That’s a good idea. (into phone) Just a minute....(Walks upstairs)

Daria: Well, I guess I’ll head to Jane’s. I’ll see you later.

Jake: Okay, kiddo.

Helen: Be careful. Are you sure you don’t need a ride?

Daria: I’ll be fine, thank you. Bye.

Jake and Helen: Bye sweetie.

Daria: Oh, hi Trent.

Trent: Hey Daria.

Helen: (hearing this) Trent?

Jake: Hmm..(realizing, looking up) Oh, hey dude.

Trent: Uh, hi Mr. and Mrs. M. (turning to Daria) I just came to give you a ride. Is that cool?

Daria: Yeah. I guess I won’t be walking then. (to her parents) Well, I’ll see you later then. Bye.

Jake: Bye kiddo, See you later, dude.

Helen: (under her breath) Oh, geez. (normal) Bye kids.

Jake: What?!

Trent: Well, are you nervous?

Daria: No, not really. You still know the words don’t you?

Trent: (Tapping his head) Its all in here.

Daria: (to herself) That’s what worries me. (aloud) Well, shouldn’t we go in.

Trent: Um, yeah. (Lifts his arm up as to escort her inside.)

Daria: (looks at his arm, then to his eyes, and slips her arm in his) Thanks.

Trent: (grinning) No problem.

Trent: Well, Daria, I should be going. Gotta start playing before I forget all our words.

Daria: Yeah, well... Thanks for the ride, then.

Trent: No problem. I’ll see ya. (walks away)

Daria: Bye. (looks around) Okay, now where is Jane?

Jane: (surprised) Wow, don’t we look nice?

Daria: Laugh and I’ll deck ya.

Jane: I’m not laughing. You really do look nice.

Daria: (waiting for a joke) Oh, well, then. (looking at Jane’s ensemble) I must return the compliment. You look nice too.

Jane: Thanks. (turns toward Daria) So, see anything cool yet?

Daria: No. And I don’t plan on it for now.

Jane: Good Idea. (Hears Mystic Spiral warming up in background) Hey, should we check out what’s outside?

Daria: Wouldn’t you know?

Jane: Well, I left the band to set up everything.

Daria: "Set up everything?" Jane?

Jane: Lets just go.

All: (except Daria) Happy Birthday, Daria!

Daria: (surprised) Ummm, I don’t know what to say.

Jane: How about, "Gee thanks guys!"

Daria: I was thinking more along the lines of, "My birthday isn’t for another two weeks."

Jane: That’s why I had it today. You wouldn’t really suspect it.

Daria: You got that right.

Trent: Um, hello. We’re Mystic Spiral, but we’re thinking of changing our name. First off, I wanna tell my friend Daria "Happy Birthday," we hope the day is cool for you. (cheers from the crowd) Well, our first song is one we’ve been working on for a while. Its a cover of an old classic, I hope you like it.

Trent: (singing) Its my party and I cry if I want to...

Cry if I want to...

Cry if I want to...

You would cry too if it happened to you....

Daria: I must say, the song choice sucks, but the music is good.

Jane: Yeah, Max dug up some of his mom’s old 45’s and got inspired. Many moons went into that song.

Daria: Yeah, I bet. (Looks ahead) Oh no.

Jane: (looks too) Rat boy at ten o’clock.

Upchuck: Helllooo, ladies. How are you doing on this fine evening.

Daria: Fine until you came along.

Jane: Yeah, the night was almost bearable.

Upchuck: Well, don’t let me spoil it for both of you.

Jane: Too late.

Upchuck: How can I make it up to you?

Daria: (to herself) Let us both kill you and we can call the night a success. (Aloud) Don’t bother trying.

Jane: Yeah, you might make it worse. (they shoot him evil looks)

Upchuck: Umm... anyway, I brought this for you, Daaaaarrria. I think I will come in handy, if you know what I mean. (Hands the paper to her)

Daria: (taking and reading it) You are pure evil, Upchuck.

Jane: (curious) What is it?

Upchuck: Its a rain check. I can’t make this a night of eeeexxxtacy for you today, but on your birthday, I’m open.

Jane: I think she’ll be busy that day.

Upchuck: Why?

Daria: I’ll still be recovering from the repulsiveness of this letter.

Jane: Now, please leave us in peace.

Daria: Or I’ll be forced to call Animal Control on you.

Upchuck: Oooh, Feisty! Later, laaadies! (walks away)

Jane: Well, now you know of one person who wants you.

Daria: Pervert.

Jane: What? I bet there’s more.

Daria: I don’t want to hear it. (Mack and Jodie approach)

Jodie: Hey Daria. Happy Birthday.

Mack: Yeah, Happy Birthday.

Daria: Thanks.

Jane: Are you enjoying your night.

Jodie: Yeah, I wouldn’t plan on seeing Brittany or Kevin though.

Daria: Why not?

Mack: They left to go to Brit’s house. She got her Jacuzzi in.

Trent: (singing) ...you would cry too if it happened to you...

(slower) you would cry too...if it happened to you.

Jodie: Well, I’m going to get something to drink. You want something, honey?

Mack: I’ll come with you. Later guys.

Jane: Later. (to Daria) Hey, I got something to show you.

Daria: Lets go then. (Starts to leave)

Jane: Just stay here, I’ll be right back.

Daria: (stops) O-kay.

Daria: (to herself) Why do I like someone like Trent? We think alike and all, but he’d never be attracted to me. Just another mindless crush. (Suddenly she locks eyes with Trent)

Oh, my God. Do something. (she waves a little to him, causing Trent to wink in return)

(aloud) Daria, you suck.

Trent:....A place that’s just for me...

Behind my eyelids..

Trent: (normal) We’re gone take a break. We’ll be back in a few. (Someone turns on "B.B.K." from KoRn) Yeah, listen to that.

Trent: Hey, quick practice session?

Daria: Um, okay.

Daria: (embarrassed) Umm, sorry about that.

Trent: (embarrassed) It’s okay. (grabs her hands, tries to balance her) Umm, are you okay?

Daria: Yeah. Lets go before anyone notices.

Daria: Um, Trent, Jane is heading this way.

Trent: No problem.

Trent: You think she saw us?

Daria: No, not really. (pause) Its kinda dark in here.

Trent: Yeah, the light is around here somewhere. (footsteps, then a crash) Ah! Dumb pottery wheel.

Daria: Are you okay?

Trent: Yeah. (flips a switch) Here we go. (we see that Trent knocked the wheel on its side. He is across the room from Daria) Come here, Daria.

Daria: (walking to Trent, to herself) Don’t freak out, you’re just going over a song with Trent. No need to freak out. (aloud) Okay.

Trent: Hey, cool outfit. Didn’t even notice it before.

Daria: (blushing) Um, thanks, I think. (changing the subject) Shouldn’t we go over the song?

Trent: Yeah. (grabs the guitar) "To my little sister Janey, from Daria"

(strums his guitar) (singing) I had no one before you...

You were (forgetting) um, the, (stops strumming) Damn.

Daria: You forgot?!

Trent: Um, yeah. I’m sorry, Daria. It gets worse the harder I try to remember. (hangs head in shame)

Daria: (to herself) Why didn’t I think this would happen? (aloud, staring at him, upset) Trent, this was so important, and...(looks at him) and...I’m not mad at you.

Trent: (looks up at her) You’re not?

Daria: (calmer) No. I’ll just have to tell her the old fashioned way.

Trent: Maybe when I get onstage, it’ll come to me.

Daria: Don’t wrack your brain trying, okay.

Trent: (disbelief) I can’t believe I forgot Janey’s song. My own sister.

Daria: (outstretches her arms) It’s okay. (the two hug) I’m surprised you remembered as long as you did.

Trent: (pulling away) Yeah, me too.

Daria: Well, we should face the world now, shouldn’t we?

Trent: Yeah, we should.

Jane: (peeved) Daria, what were you and Trent doing? I was looking all over for you.

Trent: We were trying to remember the song we wrote for you, but it didn’t work.

Daria: Yeah, Trent forgot the words, but it said mostly how much I appreciate our friendship. You mean a lot to me, Jane. And I thought you should know.

Jane: So that’s what you were doing? (surprised) Wow, Daria. (at a loss) I don’t know what to say. (Looks at her) Thanks, compadre. (they hug)

Daria: Thank you. I probably would have gone insane if it weren’t for you.

Jane: (tearing up) Wow. And Trent, (they hug) Thank you too.

Trent: Yup.

Nick: It’s not my fault he’s like that! I’m so sick of this band. I’m leaving. (shakes away from Jesse and walks away)

Max: Well I didn’t tell him its okay to do that stuff. (looks around) I’m outta here. (to Trent) Hope you don’t get charged with rape, man. (Trent releases him in disbelief. Max walks away)

Trent: I’m not sleeping with her!!!

Jesse: Uh oh....

Jane: Oh, no....

Daria: What the HELL??

Trent: (looking around) Jess, lets get everyone out of here.

Jesse: Yeah, um,(yelling) go, everybody leave!

Daria: (disbelief) They think Trent and I were....

Jane: Yeah, that’s why I worried about them playing. They’re afraid they’ll get bad publicity.

Daria: I’d think they’d be happy with any publicity.

Jane: (thinking) Yeah, me too. (knock at the door) Yeah?

Trent: (peeking his head inside) Can I come in?

Jane: Its up to Daria.

Daria: Go ahead.

Trent: (walking in) Um, Jesse was tearing things down outside, Janey. You wanna help him?

Jane: (confusedly) O-kay. (walks out of the room)

Daria: (Standing up) What do you want, Trent.

Trent: Well, I want to apologize for tonight. I didn’t think the guys would blow up like that.

Daria: I didn’t know they thought that.

Trent: (uncomfortable) Yeah, sorry. You forgive me?

Daria: (hesitantly) Yeah, sure.

Trent: Cuz I don’t want you to think that I think of you the way they said I think of you.

Daria: Okay....

Trent: I mean, I...I think it’d be cool to hang out sometime, you and me.

Daria: I agree.

Trent: Really? (Start "Coffee and TV" from Blur)

Daria: (sighs) Yes, Trent. It sounds like fun.

Trent: Cool. I’ll remember that. (Daria stares at him) No, I really will.

Daria: Sure Trent.

Trent: (his hands on her shoulders) I will. I promise. He kisses her cheek.

O-B-K-B, there you have it. Any comments or what have you, drop me a line!

iamthequeen@chickmail.com

C-ya next time!

The Queen @):)