Through the Rainbow

Through the Rainbow
A Daria/Wizard of Oz Parody
Fan Fiction Story

By Crazy Nutso

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction (or a desperate plea for help....you be the judge) Daria & her amazing friends are ™ and © MTV. Daria and all other characters belong to MTV, but were created by Glenn Eichler and Susie Lewis . Doesn't that just suck? The Wizard of Oz is © and ™ Warner Bros/Turner Entertainment, but the original story was written by Frank L Baum and I seriously doubt that his descendants are getting paid either. Life is hard. Used without permission...Please don't sue me :>]

Summary: Daria & Jane get caught in a tornado....which caries them over the Rainbow.

SCENE 1: Behind the Scenes (if it's BEHIND the scene how can it be scene 1? Never mind!)

(Setting: a typical dressing room, sorta like Daria's bedroom, but no bed)

Daria: So we're having this writer's meeting, right? Then this suit *.....

*author's note: the term 'suit' or 'the suits' is a derogatory manner in which non suit wearing people refer to their suit wearing overlords. A more polite term would be management or boss.

Jane: Is this the same suit that came up with the "meet the holidays" storyline?

Daria: Who can tell? They all look the same to me. Anyway he comes up with this idea
            about doing an episode as a musical. AND a musical involving some kind of
            natural disaster.

Jane: Wow, this guy knows what's entertaining.

Daria: Really. So I say, real sarcastically if we're gonna do a musical based around a
            natural disaster, why not do The Wizard of Oz? He looks at me and says
            "great idea, write it." and the suits leave.

Jane: Gee Daria, you've GOT to stop being sarcastic around the suits.

Daria: The writers' exact words. So now we're stuck doing this stupid Wizard of OZ story.

Jane: (Picking up a large book marked Script) Through The Rainbow. Why Through The Rainbow?

Daria: Well, Over would have been too obvious, and Under the Rainbow's been done.

Jane: Oh, yeah that Chevy Chase and the midgets thing. Cult classic.

(Jane sits back and starts reading the script. Camera pans to a clock, which suddenly jumps ahead an hour, to show the passage of time.)

Jane: (setting the script down) This thing reads like a badly written internet fan fiction.

(Suddenly, and for no apparent reason, a lightbulb falls from the ceiling and crashes into Jane's head)

Jane: (rubbing her head) OW! (muttered) Dam sensitive fanfic writers.

(Suddenly Trent walks in carrying a cup of coffee)

Trent: Hey Daria. Janey. I brought you some coffee. you're on in 15 minutes.

(as he hands the coffee to Daria, their hands touch briefly)

Daria: (sounding only slightly thrown off) Thanks, Trent.

(Trent leaves*)

* author's note: This gratuitous Trent/Daria scene was thrown in purely to appease fans of the Daria/Trent thing. And that's all you get!

(The opening runs)

ACT ONE: All right! Field trip. Where we going? THE FIELD!

(The Scene opens with a wide overhead shot showing a school bus driving through the country. You know, the country! Wheat fields, quaint farm types on tractors, etc. Camera zooms on bus then we see the inside.. Everyone from Daria's class is on the bus. camera pans to show Mrs. Bennett standing at the front of the bus.

Mrs Bennett: ...You see class, a farm is a perfect economic model for...

(Camera pans to Daria and Jane, we can still hear Mrs. Bennett droning on in the background, but you can't make out what she's saying.)

Daria: So what's up with all the painting stuff?

Jane: I'm going to paint a few Quaint Farm Setting type paintings to sell at the upcoming flea market.

Daria: That desperate for money?

Jane: It beats prostitution. (pause) By a small margin.

Daria: It's got to beat going on a tour of a farm. Looking at acres of crops, watching farm
animals mate......

(Daria and Jane both look up and to the right. Camera pans to show Kevin and Brittany, and they're at it again!)

Daria: Well at least we're used to that.

(The bus pulls up to a farmhouse. A farmer (wearing a straw hat and blue coveralls, just like all farm folk wear!) comes out.)

(We see a montage of farm scenes, including:

Kevin trying to milk a cow by pumping the tail.
Brittany stepping in a "cow pie".
Upchuck watching the cows mating.

then a woman comes running up to the farmer)

Lady: Zechariah! Your brother Ezekiel called. He says a tornado is headed right for us!

Zechariah: Tarnation! We better get these Young 'uns into the cellar!

(We see everyone start running for the house. The sky is turning a menacing looking color. Daria is last, and she's looking for Jane.)

(Daria realizes Jane is still in the bus, and dashes back to it. Jane is behind the bus madly painting the sky)

Daria: Jane, we've got to get into the cellar.

Jane: (lost in artistic fervor) But look at that sky! I must paint it!!

Daria: Look at that tornado coming straight at us.

(the camera pans up to show a HUGE twister that is, indeed coming straight at them.)

(Daria and Jane dive into the bus, slamming the door shut behind them. Just as the tornado is about to hit the bus, they go to commercial. the bumper shows the twister with the Daria logo at the center)

(Let's see....Remember the MTV commercials with those 4 amish looking guys. Two of them are sitting on the couch watching MTV and they're all slicked up, then the other brother comes in (He's the one who actually goes out and does something) He's not dressed fashionably, so the Dad guy takes him out back and spanks the MTV logo into his ass. These commercials were so disturbing I think MTV pulled them. Plus they were just perfect for Daria fans.

Then there's the Nike commercial w/ a group of girls (soccer team?) and one of them has to get her tooth drilled so all the rest stand up and say "I must have my tooth drilled too". The moral? CONFORM!! We all know that Daria fan's are major joiners.

That's enough of that)

ACT TWO: IT's a MUSICAL! Sing, Dammit, SING!

(Scene 1: Back on the bus, it's another 'behind the scenes' kind of thing. You can see bluescreen through the bus windows, for special FX!)

Jane: So...If this is a musical, how come we haven't done any singing and dancing?

Daria: They wanted to do Somewhere over the Rainbow but I refused. We will have enough humiliation once we get to Oz.

Narrator: Hey! You guys are on! Get in character.

Daria: I am Daria, as in Daria. I am Daria, as in Daria.

Jane: I am Jane, as in Jane. I am Jane, as in Jane.

Narrator: What is that? Sarcasm?

Daria: You told us to get into character.

Narrator: Never mind! You're on!

(Scene 1 begins, We see the tornado hit the bus, then a close up on the tornado shows that the bus is inside the tornado. Yep, all in one piece, and its not even spinning around. Pretty unlikely, but hey, it's a cartoon.)

Daria: Well this is another fine mess you've gotten us into.

Jane: Hey! Look out the window!

(camera pans to show out the window. It's MS. LI on a broomstick.)

Ms. Li: I'll get you Ms. Morgenddorffer. And your little DOG, too!

Jane: LITTLE DOG!? Why the hell am I the little dog? What are you doing?

(Daria is on her hands and knees with her ear to the floor of the bus.)

Daria: Quiet!

Jane: (Realizes what is about to happen, joins Daria on the floor) Oh this is gonna be SWEET!

(As the bus hits the ground we hear:)

Ms. Lee: (off screen) What the Hell.....(Followed by a sickening squishing sound effect)

(Daria & Jane emerge from the bus. The bus is sunk into the ground and you can see Ms. Li's legs sticking out.)

Daria: Anyone Home?

Jane: They must be hiding. (Notices Ms. Li's corpse) Gee I didn't think you'd manage to kill anyone with a vehicle until after you started driving.

Daria: Me? You were the one who HAD to stay by the bus.

(They see a shinny light in the sky, slowly descending)

Jane: OOOHHHH! Shinny special effects!

(the light hits the ground and turns into.....)

Daria: Aunt Amy?

Glinda: NO! I'm Glinda, the good witch.

Jane: Aren't you supposed to be wearing a big, frilly dress?

Glinda: (she's wearing jeans & a t-shirt) No freakin' way. Uh oh, here comes trouble.

(There is a pink flash and Sandi (the other wicked witch) appears (she's wearing something fashionable She is flanked by Stacy & Tiffany, the fashion flunkies)

Sandi: So that other wicked witch or whatever, is, like dead or something...

Daria: Are you asking me or telling me?

Sandi: Like, I'm here to get revenge, or something.

Glinda: Don't you want to get....the shoes?

Sandi: Yes! With the shoes I will be the most fashionable witch in all of Oz or something.

Stacy: the shoes are so beautiful! (She bursts into tears. Tiffany comforts her.)

(Sandi goes over to Ms. Li's corpse, but the shoes are gone. Camera pans to Daria's feet. Her combat boots are gone, replaced by the shoes

Daria: Dear God, get these damn shoes off me!

Sandi: Quinn's cousin, or whatever, give me the shoes!

Daria: Gladly. (she tries to take them off) Hey they won't come off.

Glinda: Oh yeah, they only come off if you get offed. (looks at the fashion club) Oops! Guess I should have kept that to myself.

Jane: No problem they're to dense to have caught it anyway.

Daria: (She's madly clicking her heals together.)Their's no place like home. Their's no place like home, Dammit!

Glinda: Did you really think they'd let you off that easily, dear?

Sandi: All right Quinn's cousin or whatever, hand over the shoes or you'll be sorry!

Jane: (holding her finger up)Boy, this wind is really picking up.

Tiffany: Oh no. Wind, Hair...

Sandi: We must go now, but we'll deal with you later.

Daria: So I guess we have to follow...

Glinda: First the munchkins must come out for the big musical number. I'm out of here. They don't pay ME enough to do a musical number. Catch you later!

(She disappears into a shiny ball, which floats away.)

(All the munchkins come running up. They all look like Lawndale High staff.)

(What follows is a musical number with the following highlights: )

The song is Ding! Dong! The Witch is Dead but when they sing the word 'witch' there is a loud gong so you can't tell if they're saying 'witch' or 'bitch'. (my money's on the latter.)
Mr. DeMartino (as the mayor of munchkinland) presenting Daria with the key to the city.
Daria and Jane looking bored out of their skulls.

Daria: OK You've given us the key to the city now can we go?

DeMartino: You must FOLLOW the YELLOW brick ROAD!

(the music begins, and they start singing Follow the Yellow Brick Road but are interrupted by...

Daria: (quickly) OK, OK we've got it. Follow the yellow brick road. Here we go. There is
no need to sing.

(Daria and Jane quickly take off down the yellow brick road, to avoid another musical number.)

Daria: So who do you think they got for the scarecrow?

Jane: Who knows? Their are so many choices in Lawndale.

(they walk up a hill. At the crest they see Kevin (stuffed with straw) standing on a box.)

Daria & Jane: OF COURSE!!

Kevin: Hey! Do you think you could get me off this stick? I was headed toward the Emerald City when this farmer asked me if I could scare away crows for a while. But that was AGES ago! So could you get me down?

Daria: Do we have to?

Jane: If you want to advance the plot and get us out of this nightmare.

Daria: Ahh freedom of choice. (she goes around behind Kevin) There IS no stick.

Kevin: You mean I could have left at any time? Cool!

(Kevin sits down)

Jane: So Scarecrow-boy I guess YOU want to go to the Emerald City to seek a brain.

Kevin: Why would I want to get a brain? I LIKE being popular! I want to go to the Emerald City to join the Emerald City Lions.

Daria: And you don't feel like singing about this do you?

Kevin Um...NO!

Jane: GREAT! We'll all get along just fine.

(they head down the yellow brick road

Kevin: (singing) 99 bottles of BEER on a wall. 99 bottles of BEER.

Daria & Jane: (singing) WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD...(they attempt to drown him out as we fade to commercial)

(the Bumper shows Daria & Jane kneeling in the bus to hear Ms. Li get hers. the Daria Logo shines above)

(Hey if I'm gonna put commercials in here, why not do commercials for products I like? For example:
Lethargic comics! If you like funny comics you'll like Lethargic Comics! Go to this web site for more info:
http://nebula.on.ca/lethargic

End of commercials)

Act III: Andrea Explains It All (OK Andrea doesn't really explain anything, but I thought it'd be a funny title. Deal with it.)

Jane: Hey, doesn't putting in real commercials violate the Rules for Writting Daria Fanfics?

Daria: There are no Rules for Writting Daria Fanfics. But if there were his flagrant
            breaking of the "4th Wall" would get him into more trouble.

Jane: Yeah, if anyone was going to read this he'd get a lot of flames. Lucky for him no one will.

Daria: You're asking for another lightbulb to the head.

Narrator: Hey! You guys! You're on!!

Daria: And how come that narrator never narrates?

Narrator: ********

Daria & Jane: All right!!

Daria: How long is this damn yellow brick road anyway?

Jane: Oh look, a cemetary! I don't remember this part from the movie.

(Suddenly the dirt in the cemetary opens up and the dead rise. Michael Jackson's Thriller plays and they zombies have a big musical number. When the music stops, all the zombies drop back into the ground except for one....Andrea the Zombie chick...I mean Goth chick.)

Andrea: So you guys are headed for the Emerald City? I'd like to go along.

Daria: Let me guess. You want to ask the wizard for a heart.

Andrea: (thinks it over) HMMM a human heart would be useful for certain spells....No! I
              just want to stick around you. You've already killed one wicked witch, and I figure
              if you off the other then I can take her place and restore the 'wicked witch' trade to
              it's former glory.

Jane: So you're basically asking us to help you become the next wicked witch.

Andrea: Yes.

Daria: I'm cool with that.

Jane: Any other motivation?

Andrea: Well, I could comment on how FREAKIN' SMALL my part has been lately, and the fact that I'm NOT EVEN MENTIONED in The Daria Diaries but I won't.

Daria: Well we'd better get going before we end up in a two part story.

(They walk along, until they come to a forest. They see Jodie up ahead sitting on a corner.)

Jodie: It's about time you guys got here. Let's go!

Daria: You're not coming along to get courage, are you?

Jodie: No I need activities! There's nothing to do out here in the woods.

(They continue on the the Emerald City. Surprisingly enough, they have no trouble getting in, although Jane, Daria and Jodie are whisked away for makeovers. They try to take Andrea, but she just gives them a look and they decide to leave her as she is. Later Jodie, Daria and Jane emerge. Their hair are all done up, and they are dressed in fancy gowns that are also quite revealing. Daria and Jane take one look at each other and quickly run into a bathroom. They emerge minutes later dressed like normal. Jodie rolls her eyes, sighs, then does likewise. They head into the throne room.)

(In the throne room, their is a big throne, with a giant holographic head, flames, etc. Daria and Jane are glancing around for the curtain, but of course they can't find it yet.)

Oz: (voice of upchuck) GREETINGS LADIES! I am OZ...The GREAT and Terrible!

Daria: Can it Upchuck. How do we get back to Lawndale?

Jane: I can't believe we actually WANT to go back to Lawndale.

Daria: Tell me about it.

Oz: Well now, perhaps an....exchange of favors can be arranged...

Daria: Upchuck if you even suggest what you're undoubtedly thinking you will be singing soprano for the rest of your sorry assed life.

Oz: GRRRowl....FEISTY! But I had in mind you bringing me something from the Wicked Witch of the West's castle. BRING ME THE LINGERIE OF THE FASHION CLUB!!

Jane: Great now we're being sent on a panty raid by a dork.

Daria: It beats the hell out of the alternative.

Jane: (thinks about it) EWW! (shudders)

(Our heroes head for the Wicked Witch of the West's castle. They're in a scarry forest when Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie swoop down (they're flying monkeys) and grab Daria and Jane, the fly off.)

(In the castle of the Wicked Witch of the West)

Sandi: So Quinn's cousin or whatever, if you won't give me those shoes, I'll give you a desperately needed fashion makeover. And one for your little dog too!

Jane: I AM NOT A LITTLE DOG! (she pulls loose from her captors)

Daria: Jane, run for help girl. Run for help.

Jane: Dammit I'm NOT a dog!

Daria: Do you WANT a makeover?

Jane: (Takes off running)

(Jane's escape is undramatic. None of the fashion crowd will chase here because they don't want to get sweaty. Jane finds the others and leads them back to the castle.)

(Daria is locked in a room. Since this IS an MTV musical, while she sings this next part the camera will revolve around her it will look all artistic and junk. Just watch a music video, you'll see what I mean.)

Daria: (singing) So don't say a prayer for me now
                            Save it 'till the morning after
                            no don't say a prayer for me now
                            Save it for the morning after....

(The music swells up, and the camera rotates around the room to the door. The music is abruptly cut off as their is a loud <thunk> sound, and the door shakes a little.)

Daria: Who is that?

Kevin: Daria! Stand back. I'm gonna break down the door! (we hear him back up, run and hit the door again. He makes a slight groan then gets up for another try)

Daria: You guys are aware that this door doesn't lock from your side, aren't you?

(The door swings open and Jane sticks her head in)

Jane: Yeah, but we thought it would be really funny to see Kevin smash into the door.

(the door opens the rest of the way, revealing Andrea, Jodie and Kevin, who is still laying on the floor moaning.)

Andrea: And it was!

Daria: Let's get out of here before...

(Suddenly the fashion mob shows up)

Sandi: Like, not so fast! First we must make you ALL over, right Dr. Shar?

Dr. Shar: Sure girls! A little tuck here, a little implant there and I'll have you lookin' great in no time!

Daria: Oh oh. This looks very bad (glances around, sees Quinn on the floor, dressed in rags, scrubbing the floor with a sponge.) Quinn? What happened to you?

Quinn: Sandi in Oz is so much meaner than the one in Lawndale!

Daria: Well, this will take care of that. (She grabs the bucket of water and throws the water at Sandi and Dr. Shar.)

Sandi: Like, did you really think that would work. The new magic hair spray and makeup I've developed DO not run or get messed up or whatever.

Daria: Well great. Now what do we do?

Jodie: I suggest we get behind this desk before the shooting starts.

(Suddenly Brook comes in with a huge pistol.)

Brook: YOU (pointing at Dr. Shar) turned me into a FREAK. And YOU (pointing to Sandi) wouldn't let me into the fashion club. Now you'll all pay!

(the music starts slightly before the shooting. It's The Homecoming Queen's Got A Gun by Julie Brown)

(after she runs out of bullets, Brook runs away)

Daria: Well, let's see...Sandi's dead, Dr Shar's dead. All in all a tragedy.....averted.

Quinn: And NOW I can be the Fashion witch!

Andrea: (holding up a big mirror) In THAT outfit?

Quinn: (looking in mirror) Oh my GOD! This outfit is terrible! AND I'm not wearing makeup! AND my hair is a mess. OH NO! (her head explodes).

(everyone stares at Andrea)

Andrea: What? I told you I wanted to be the new Wicked Witch of the West.

(Meanwhile the fashion mob has dispersed. Tiffany and Stacy come forward.

Stacy: This is great! Now we can dress and act any way we want!

Tiffany: And we don't have to worry about getting fat!

Stacy: Here, Daria. Take this box of lingerie. And Thanks! (she hands Daria a box)

Daria: Great. Now lets get out of here before something else stupid happens.

(Daria, Jane, Kevin, and Jodie head back to the Emerald City. Andrea stays to become the New Wicked Witch of the West.

(Daria and Jane are walking back into the throne room.)

Daria: So where did everyone else go?

Jane: Well, Kevin made the football team, and Jodie is off joining every activity this city has to offer.

Daria: But a loyal dog will never leave your side.

Jane: I WILL kill you!

(This time Upchuck is sitting in a chair, waiting for them)

Upchuck: Did you bring the lingerie?

Daria: Right here. (holds up the box, Upchuck reaches for it) Not so fast. First, how do we get home?

Upchuck: Um well....I really don't know how to send you home. But I can make your stay here very......pleasant (rowl)

(Daria and Jane look at each other, then Daria throws the lingerie into a nearby fire pit, while Jane kicks Upchuck in the balls. Then they walk out.)

Jane: So now what?

Daria: We wait for Glinda to show up again. (there is a pink cloud, then Glinda appears) About time. Now can we go home?

Glinda: First, what lessons have you learned?

Jane: Even though Lawndale totally sucks, their are worse places to be.

Glinda: Very good dear! What else?

Daria: Even though doing a musical about a hurricane hitting Lawndale sounds really stupid, their are even stupider things we could be doing. (beat) Like this.

Glinda: Exactly! Now you can klick your heels and go home!

Daria: (clicking her heels together) There's no place like Lawndale. (pause) And thank God for that.

(Daria and Jane are whisked back to the farm. The bus is laying on its side in a cornfield. As Daria and Jane crawl out, the rest of the class runs up.

Kevin: Gosh Daria! You guys really had a close call!

Jodie: Yeah you could have been killed.

Andrea: (Gives them one of her patented looks)

Daria: Well things are back to normal.

Jane: Yeah.

(Daria & Jane both give depressed sighs. The credits roll, much to the relief of everyone.)

(Extistential Blues by Tom "T-Bone" Stankus plays. Some MTV Pinhead anouncer starts to talk over the song, but their is a sickening <thud> and he shuts up)

Makeovers: (anime themed)

Daria & Jane as the Dirty Pair

The fashion club as Sailor Scouts

Ms Li as Rita from Power Rangers

<Finí>

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