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Accounts; for the sake of it

I'm as distant as I can be.
Now there's nowhere to turn to but my thoughts.
They're self-destructive so I evade them.
Customarily it's healthier not to think and to just let things happen because if I do, I could get discouraged.
I could grow incensed and furious, hear voices, have amnesia, or start a commotion.
I could cry and scream just to be grasped.

Where's the antidote?
I'll come back just to depart.
It appears like I will not be around much longer if this keeps up.
I really need the bathroom, but being tied down will not help.
I should have thought of the effects before I drank so much.
I'm speaking of all of you people who yell and rebuke.

Therapists ceaselessly read into every irrelevant thing we express just to point out all the petty inaccuracies.
They constantly indicate how much smarter they are than us and inform us that we are not reasoning precisely.
I detest therapists.
Why do they ask me that question if they already know the answer?
It is a deception.
Perhaps I'm being distrustful.
They're always generating new obstacles for us, asking ineffectual questions and it's all about the minor details.
They strive to figure us out with questions so offhanded, yet so revealing.
Either way, we're going to fail whether we shut our mouths or lie all day.
It will not make a difference.
They don't give us any breaks because their job is to pin point our imperfections.
All of a sudden they don't like the choices we've made in our lives.
Well maybe if they had my predicament, they'd have a clue, but the thing is that they'll never suffer from it, which means they'll never comprehend.

They're professional, affluent, and they don't give a fuck about supporting us.
All they want is our money and something to use against us.
They try to make me believe that I am deranged and that they're such rational guys.
They put me on the list for five medications.
Now I'll never be the same.
I'll be stupefied and insane and that's another reason to keep me hanging with no explanations.
All they need to do is shut me up for the time being so they won't have to deal with me.
Besides they can always change their minds without informing me.
Now they state that I have an anger problem.
I'm delighted that you made me feel a whole lot better.
Thank you for transforming me and allowing me to feel like I don't belong in this world as much as I knew that before!
I finally understand myself clearly.
That's the form of rehabilitation I needed.
It's the kind of treatment that makes me feel more separated and more contentious.

They literally notify me about how screwed up my life was and about how inadequately my brain cells were operating.
It was functioning below average.
They are the standard.
I should resemble them and be able to trust them.
That keeps my prospects high.
Then again I can always screw up any day ahead.
That makes my existence fun.
I chose this because of them.
Yes, they helped me out too much; I couldn't have done it without them.
I'm not even myself anymore.
I'll just abandon my issues, and let it come back severely some other time.

Nevertheless I'm skeptical.
If all of them could just keep me alive, I wouldn't have to think of all this.
I wouldn't have to think about my dilemmas all the time.
That's why I especially condemn all this free time they give me.
It's too much time left exclusively to rationalize and too much time left to dwell on my problems.
If my mind could just run freely for a second, I'd call that progression.
I'd call that a remedy because I detest encountering that same familiar thing.
I hate dealing with all this shit because they make me hate it.
If I lie about it, they'd do something at odds to make me despondent again.
Yet if I truly liked facing it, I would face it because I'd like to live on the promising side too.

There's excessive time to contemplate that nothing ever happens.
I get too much opportunity to think about where I am and how much I hate being where I am.
It's just me and my mind which is a hazardous way to attend me.

-STUPOR