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The Nine Commandments for living successfully as a punk rocker with a mental illness

IF THERE IS NO OTHER CHOICE...

1. Thou shalt take thy medicines as much as possible in small doses to suppress hunger; rationing.
2. Thou shalt eat as much good food there is left in the dumpster and drink pure energetic liquids such as Jolt.
3. Thou shalt get sufficient exercise doing the pogo and suffocating at punk rock shows.
4. Thou shalt get a good night's sleep even when a bedmate's toes are stuck in the other bedmate's nostrils.
5. Thou shalt have faith in higher punk beings, such as Kevin Bacon and Gary Oldman.
6. Thou shalt seek loving support through a community of whores, homeless hooligans, and drug addicts.
7. Thou shalt find a good doctor who cleans his surgical tools in public water fountains and operates in burger King restrooms.
8. Thou shalt, if necessary, seek counseling from a local gypsy at the tattoo parlor.
9. Thou shalt go to vocational school, work as a full time nuisance, play in a punk rock band, or seek leisure activities such as decorating leather jackets with studs or planting strong Mohawks on fresh teenage heads.

Punks with psychiatric illnesses are

easily hurt by their favorite band's lyrics
easily confused about their identity
easily tired from repetitious chord strumming

Notes from the 1997 KNUP convention gathered by...

-STUPOR

Fact Sheet: Punk

Definition: punk is an illness in which there is a severe and prolonged period of listening to disturbing loud music, going to shows, wearing scary costumes, and isolating from ordinary kids.

Symptoms: Range from being obnoxious to wearing tight plaid trousers that are harmful to the body. Symptoms always include refusal to listen to authority and intense fear of fitting in with ordinary kids. Social withdrawal and extreme preoccupation with fast music are usually present. Excessive conditions may lead to high blood pressure when TV channels such as MTV is on. More excessive conditions may lead to an assembly of kids playing constant, loud, and disturbing music through the use of guitar and drums.

Cause: The exact cause is unknown, but a variety of psychological, social, cultural, familial, and biochemical theories are being investigated.

Course: Punk usually beings during adolescence and rarely appears after the age of 40. It is common in both males and females. Punks usually do not recover after a single episode. In some cases, the course keeps them on the brink of death.

Treatment: Treatment consists of counseling, depending on the extremity of the illness. Full blown, highly visible punks may take a longer time to treat. When severely ill, the patient should be locked in a room alone for a month with a copy of Chicken Soup for the teenage soul, a Britney Spears CD, a videotape of Clueless, and a pair of Ralph Lauren pajamas. As symptoms are brought under control and normalcy stabilizes, control is gradually returned to the patient.

Self Management: patients must...
1. Volunteer in school or other social gatherings.
2. Quit all band related activities.
3. Throw out soiled clothing.
4. Be within 1000 feet from all punk related people and items.
5. Demonstrate ability to deal with people who don't have strange piercings on certain body parts.

Dealing with relapse: When signs of relapse appears, the patient should once again lock themselves alone for a month with book, CD, videotape, and pajamas in deck.

Copyright (C) 1996 by the New York Hospital/last revised in 4/00 by...

-STUPOR

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