"Pump jockey! Works for tips!"

The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Nine Pretty Darn Angry men"

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Quotes from "Nine Pretty Darn Angry Men"
Written by Jim Dauterive
Directed by Shaun Cashman

HANK: Look at your average pickup truck. With airbags and vanity mirrors, it's one focus group away from turning into a powder room.

BILL: Oh, Hank, I will never be sick of you, not even when we're sharing a cloud in heaven.

HANK: Dad, you came last year! This year it's Mom's turn, remember?
COTTON: Well, I don't want to cause any fuss -- your mother can eat in the yard.

PEGGY: The day after Thanksgiving is, in my opinion, the biggest shopping day of the year.

HANK: Dad, could you at least show Mom some respect while Bobby's in the room?
COTTON: You heard him, Bobby, leave the room.

PEGGY: You defended Troy Aikman more than you defended your mother.
HANK: Mom knows how it is with Dad. And there were six dropped passes! All Troy can do is get it there!

LUANNE: I'm takin' Bobby ice skatin' at the mall. We're gonna meet guys.
BOBBY: I'm the bait!

PEGGY: Oh, fire-truck.

DALE: We may or may not have met your father in the men's room, and we may or may not have told him that we were being paid $50 to participate in a focus group.
BILL: Mostly may.

LANE PRATLEY: I own Pratley Ford, Pratley Honda, and I got my eye on Pratley Cadillac -- my daddy ain't doin' so good.

REVEREND HUBERT: Boyce Hubert, minister. Although I've lost my faith. 'Course, I did find a pretty great parking space on my way in. But the Lord works in such mysterious ways, who the hell knows?

COTTON: I'm Cotton Hill! I killed fi'ty men!

BILL: My name is William Fontaine De La Teur Dauterive, Sergeant, barber in the United States Army. I am five foot eight. My wife Lenore divorced me in the Year of Our Lord nineteen hundred and ninety-one. That is all.

DALE: Is that a real computer?
JONATHAN: Yes.
DALE: Oh, in that case, my name is Rusty Shackelford. Shackelford.

COTTON: My boy's a pump jockey. He works for tips.
HANK: Dad, I am not a pump j--
COTTON: Pump jockey!
HANK: Dad, I am not --
COTTON: Works for tips!

COTTON: I like the mower. It's got a lot of curves, like a pretty young woman. Hank's mower is like a dumpy fishwife.

LUANNE: Maybe it's too soon --
BOBBY: Buckley's not getting any deader, Luanne.

JONATHAN: Now if we could discuss the electric seat warmer --
HANK: Why would we need our seats warmed? That's what pants are for! Right, Boomhauer?
BOOMHAUER: I don't know, Hank...could get naked on this dang ol' thing...vibrate my...feel good, man.

JONATHAN: Your mower is, oh, what's a nice word for "obsolete?"
BILL: Collectible?
JONATHAN: Perfect!

KAHN: When you little redneck boy, you couldn't defend your mother. Now you try to compensate by defending mower. You confuse personal issues with technological. I have father issues too, but this is a good mower!

DIDI: I'm sorry about all those things Cotton said about you. It doesn't mean anything. He just doesn't like you.
TILLY: I wouldn't mind Cotton's rantings if Hank would just stick up for me.
DIDI: Well, if it makes you feel any better, he doesn't stick up for me either -- his own stepmother!

REVEREND HUBERT: Just because a baptism turns into a little drowning, everybody's gotta blame somebody.

HANK: The seat warmer's doing more than heating Boomhauer's can. It's also heating up his can of beer!
BOOMHAUER: Man, I don't want dang ol' warm beer...I'd be like dang ol' Eurotrash, man...ain't drinkin' none of that warm ol' crap.

DALE: Who are those people?
JONATHAN: Oh, those are just people sent here to monitor your thoughts and opinions, to find out how you think. You know, get inside your head.
DALE: Aaaaaaaaaggggggh!

COTTON: Preacher, if y'all are still in the baptizin' business, I'd like you to drown my boy Hank.

HANK: My mower is not too old and my Mom was not too old. But this isn't about my Mom and it certainly isn't about my mower. It's about a bitter old man who blames everybody but himself for his own problems. And if you ever talk like that again about my Mom or my mower, you're not welcome in my house.

REVEREND HUBERT: I'm not sure if there's a God, or a heaven, but one thing I can tell you, your daddy's going to Hell.


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