Quotes from "The Arrowhead"
Written by Jonathan Aibel & Glenn Berger
Directed by Klay Hall
PEGGY: What we're about to see is British comedy. You may not understand all of it at first, because it's more sophisticated than what we're used to.
BOBBY: That man is wearing a dress.
BOBBY: We learned in school that you don't call them "Indians" any more, you call them "Native Americans." It's like saying "same-sex partner" instead of --
HANK & PEGGY: Bobby!!
JOHN REDCORN: A treasure such as this is priceless to my people.
HANK: Really? What do you suppose it'd be worth to my people?
JOHN REDCORN: Hank, think about what you're doing. It is wrong to take what belongs to another person and --
NANCY (calling from offscreen): John Redcorn...!
JOHN REDCORN (blushing): Well... food for thought.
STUDENT: Hey, man, sign a petition to legalize hemp?
HANK: What's hemp?
STUDENT: It's a cheap and durable source of fibers that can be used to make clothing, rope and paper.
HANK: Typical government over-regulation. Why wouldn't they legalize it?
STUDENT: Well, because it's basically marijuana.
FEMINIST STUDENT: That's right, they're breasts. Big deal!
PROFESSOR LERNER: You see, the trick is pretending they're special. I probably could have gotten the title to her house if I'd complimented her stupid glasses.
HANK (after Boomhauer reads a legal document): Boomhauer, I didn't understand a word you just said. Damn legalese.
HANK: What I'm about to say goes against everything I believe, but you played dirty and you leave me no choice. You are sued, mister. (to the students) You're all witnesses. And you're all being sued too. (to Professor Lerner) You're the witness to that.
PEGGY: Hank, please, Professor Lerner is no idiot. In fact, he's a genius. And that's as far from idiot as you can get before reaching madness.
DALE: I know what you're thinking, Hank, and it's not true. Every once in a while, a guy suspects his wife has a thing for another man.
HANK: That's not what I'm thinking at all. I'm thinking about... cheese logs.
DALE: Uh-huh. My Nancy's going to Corpus Christi for the weekend for some migrane workshop. I'm suspicious as hell. Good thing John Redcorn's going with her -- he can keep an eye on things.
PEGGY: Don't tell me you were jealous?
HANK: No! I was just mad that you were spending all your time with that guy, and I wanted you to spend it with me. Jealousy had nothing to do with it.
PEGGY: Oh, Hank, I have something in my eye, but I am also crying.
PROFESSOR LERNER: It's funny, isn't it? Sounds like I could have scored with your wife for the price of a fake bracelet.
(Hank pushes Professor Lerner into the hole.) PROFESSOR LERNER: Okay, you pushed me in. Whatever it takes to make you feel good about yourself. (Hank pushes him back in) Mr. Hill, violence doesn't solve anything, so why don't we just discuss this like -- (Hank pushes him back in) You know what's funny? You're the one who looks stupid here. (Hank pushes him back in) Okay, so you're stronger than me. You've proven that. (Peggy pushes him back in) I'm starting to enjoy this! I really am! I want you to push me in the hole! Go on, push me in the hole!
(Sound of Bobby pushing the Professor into the hole.)