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DALE: Society's going to hell in a handbasket. I blame the media-blamers.

JOSEPH: Dude, you wanna be my partner for the science fair? I found a dead bird in my backyard we could probably do something with.
BOBBY: Thanks, Joseph, but I'd like to increase my chances of winning and decrease my chances of working.

JOSEPH: Tell her I've always been into her, and that I always stare at her, not because I'm creepy, but because I'm deep.

CONNIE: That's my cousin Tid Pao from L.A. She's sleeping in my room.
BOBBY: L.A.? She was so in-my-face I thought New York, but L.A. is even better!

BOBBY: "Catch you later" is still a cool phrase, isn't it? I mean, have you ever used it?
CONNIE: No.
BOBBY: Okay. Whew!

TEACHER: We have a new student, Tid Pao. Now, I know there are a number of ways we could make fun of her name, like Kung Pow, or I suppose Tid Poo, so let's have none of that.

CONNIE: Her grades are slipping! That's right! Sl-IPPING!

LUANNE: You know what's exciting? That place where you bet on which chicken is madder.

DALE: Painter-er!

BOBBY: Man, I'm just keepin' it real, dawg. Heh-heh. You'd never make it in L.A.
HANK: I hope I never make it to L.A.!
PEGGY: I could make it in L.A.; I just have very fair skin. My dermatologist says it would be a death sentence.

HANK: And stay away from that Tid Pao. Don't think I can't tell the difference between her and Connie, because I can!

KAHN: I swear to your father I keep you out of trouble, and now you get mixed up with Bobby Hill! What is it with you beautiful Asian girls and that stupid redneck boy? Why so self-destructive? Low self-esteem?

ANNOUNCER: Leave your calendars open, cockpit biplane fans, because tomorrow is the dedication of Arlen Airfield's new windsock!

BOBBY: What are you making?
TID PAO: It's, uh, a candy machine.
BOBBY: All right! Hard candy? Chewy candy? Sticky candy? Gummi candy?
TID PAO: Just candy.
BOBBY: Interesting. Interesting. What's the filling? Caramel? Nougat? Nuts? Jelly?

HANK: I can understand wanting propane so bad you could steal it, but to actually go through with it...

BOBBY: I'll meet you here before the science fair -- I mean, the science fizz-air.

JOSEPH: Check out this machine we made! It picks up radio signals!
CONNIE: It's an incubator, Joseph. I had the radio on in my room while I was making it.
JOSEPH: Then does music just --

TID PAO: You are one dumb-ass pig farmer!

CONNIE: Bobby, you're not making candy! Didn't you watch that MTV special with Andy Dick? You're making -- meth amphetamine! You know, crystal meth? Ice? Crank?
BOBBY: Big deal, I made a crank machine. I'll just change the sign to "How a crank is made."

BOBBY: No, you can't, it's too sweet, you'll get diahrrea, I sneezed in it!

CONNIE: It was an accident. Prove it wasn't, yo!

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