Quotes from "And They Call It Bobby Love"
Written by Norm Hiscock
Directed by Cyndi Tang
HANK: Why would somebody leave a couch behind my house?
DALE: I know how it got here. One of them firefighting planes scooped it up out of Lake Arlen.
BOOMHAUER: Man, it's always about them dang ol' urban legends with you, man, like that federal toothbrush up that man's bottom, man... that's true, too, man, it happened to me.
MARIE: A bunch of us are going to hang out at the mall. Wanna come?
BOBBY: Well, I did have a prior engagement, but I can always tape it.
BOBBY: My dad says if God didn't want us to eat meat, he wouldn't have invented steak sauce.
KID: Your dad says that?
MARIE: Bobby, did you know that the average person consumes five hundred chickens? That's enough chickens to feed an entire starving village. But they shouldn't eat them, because that's bad.
MARIE: You want a kiss?
BOBBY: Well, I'm willing to try anything once. I didn't think I'd like fruit pies, but then I tried them, and if your kiss is anything like a fruit pie, then...
HANK: Bobby has a girlfriend? Well, all right, son! (beat) She's real, right? I mean, she's not imaginary or on a cereal box?
HANK: Bobby, vegetarians can't be trusted. Just last week we caught one siphoning gas out of a company truck.
PEGGY: You're only twelve. You should be afraid of girls.
BOBBY: I bet me and Marie have kissed more in two days than you two in your whole marriage. I don't think I've ever seen you guys kiss.
PEGGY: Your father has kissed me.
BOBBY: I'm not afraid to show my love, and you are.
PEGGY: Your father and I have done things you can't even imagine!
CONNIE: As you know, Bobby has a girlfriend.
LUANNE: Bobby has a girlfriend? And I know it?
CONNIE: Yes. And it's made me realize that I really like Bobby. What should I do, Luanne?
LUANNE: Well, if you and Bobby are meant to be, then it'll happen. I mean, Buckley and I weren't meant to be, and that's why he blew up.
BOBBY: Why were you dancing with those guys?
MARIE: I don't know, I like to dance.
BOBBY: Who were those guys? Why were you dancing with all those guys?
MARIE: Bobby, they're friends. We were just dancing.
BOBBY: What about us? You're supposed to dance with just me, and maybe some of your girlfriends, but mostly just me!
MARIE: Wait, Bobby, this is getting way too intense. We're just friends.
BOBBY: But I thought we were more than that!
MARIE: Bobby, you're a funny guy, you make me laugh, that's all.
BOBBY: But we kissed!
MARIE: Yes, and looking back now, maybe that was a mistake.
BOBBY: Mistake? That was the single most important thing in my life!
BOBBY: Marie, come back! Look, I'm doing your favorite comedy bit! Vot are you talking about? Vot are you talking about?
HANK: Bobby, I know it's not good when a girl breaks your heart. It's only natural to be sad. But the couch is a happy place.
HANK: Look at it this way, Bobby, tonight you're going out on a date with your parents. We know how much you like going out with people older than you are.
PEGGY: Is that her? Oh, now it all makes sense. She looks exactly like me.
HANK: If you leave, she wins. And dating's all about who wins and who loses.
BOBBY: Marie and I just broke up. (starts throwing up) CONNIE: Oh. You're taking it pretty hard.
BOBBY: No, I just ate a seventy-two ounce steak dinner in thirty-seven minutes.
CONNIE (happy): Oh. Well, when you're finished, do you want to come over and watch some television? (Bobby continues throwing up) It doesn't have to be television.