The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Dale to the Chief"
Quotes from "Dale to the Chief"
DALE: I'll tell you why your license is taking so long: the U.S. Postal Service is bogged down in the most elaborate sci-ops campaign in history. First they fatten us up with all those 2-for-1 pizza coupons, then when we're too logy to put up a fight, they sell us off to the Red Cross, who removes our kidneys, which go back on the pizzas to start the process all over again.
JOSEPH: I had the scariest dream!
DALE: But that makes sense. It can't make sense. It's the Warren Commission Report, for God's sake!
BOOMHAUER: How could you not dang ol' know, man? Everybody knows it's dang ol' West.
DPS EMPLOYEE: Now if you'll just step aside, Ma'am --
DALE: It just makes absolute, total, complete, perfect sense!!
HANK: The DPS said they couldn't do it because of national security. What does the contents of my underpants have to do with national security?
DALE: Give me liberty or give me death! But only the kind of liberty you find in a controlled, well-regulated society.
BOBBY: Dad, I was just thinking: if you really were a woman, then that would make you and Mom lesbians.
HANK: This DPS is really amazing. I didn't know it was possible to feel ignored and violated at the same time.
BILL: You really think Hank's a woman? Not just your ideal of what a perfect woman would be?
DALE: You tell me what's crazier: that the government's free cheese contains surveillance devices to monitor America's underclass, as I once believed, or that you're a woman, as I now believe? If my government says you're a woman, I say, "enchante, madame." (Dale tries to kiss Hank's hand. Hank slaps his face.) Whoa. I think you've had enough to drink, sweetheart.
HANK: I got this form from the DPS. I just need you to say that I'm a man.
PEGGY: These back issues of Rosie are just fabulous.
PEGGY: My hairstylist was telling me that I am a lipstick lesbian. Apparently, that's the best kind.
DALE: Whoa. A black Suburban. The new models are much smaller and greener than last year's.
FBI AGENT: It's illegal for us to "profile" anyone, but I know what I'm looking for -- not that I'm looking for anyone -- and you're not it.
DALE: Everyone will see Hank Hill for what he truly is: an America-hating he/she!
DALE: Listen! I've never been able to say this in my whole life, but as of 2 p.m. yesterday, I am a taxpayer. And I demand $36 worth of service. I know the chain of command, starting with your supervisor, Franklin Thomas, all the way up to the under-intendent of Transportation, Edward Dibble, whose daughters, Pat and Ellie, played ladybug soccer with the daughters of the President of the United States. And I'm not afraid to make some phone calls. I'm your worst nightmare. I have a three-line phone, and absolutely nothing at all to do with my time!