The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Three Coaches and a Bobby"
Quotes from "Three Coaches and a Bobby"
HANK: Bobby looks pretty good in that uniform.
HANK: Boys, the Welton Wolves have already left their mark on this bridge. Now, what does a cougar do when a wolf comes into his neck of the woods?
COACH SAUERS: You get us to State and I guarantee I'll kiss each and every one of you little pansies right on the mouth!
HANK: Settle down, Bobby. That's the kind of attitude that drove Mark Gastineau into boxing.
DALE: Wingo, interception, Joseph! That's our boy, a real all-American. Arlen's native son.
DALE: That's a Gribble of an idea, Bill!
COACH SAUERS: Boomhauer! How are your folks?
COACH SAUERS: Up to now you men have been losing. But now you're gonna be winning. 'Cause I'm gonna ride you Dainty Joes so hard you'll wish you were all dead! I'm gonna chew you up, spit you out, take a big dump on top of that, and then I'm gonna get tough!
COACH SAUERS: Eat mud! I said eat it! Eat it!
HANK: Bobby, I never thought I'd need to tell you this, but I would be a bad parent if I didn't. Soccer was invented by European ladies to keep them busy while their husbands did the cooking.
COACH SAUERS: Okay, Louisa May, go play your ballerina ball. Just leave your penis in the bucket.
PEGGY: If the other mothers do not like me for the wit and wisdom that is Peggy Hill, then I want nothing to do with them.
COACH LUCAS: Bobby's our best high kicker. Careful, don't let the Rockettes find out about him.
JOSEPH: Coach Sauers, I think there's something wrong with my helmet.
COACH SAUERS: You little pantywads think you're ready to play the Wolves again? The Wolves eat razor blades for breakfast! Run, you bunch of fuzzy-butted softies! Run, with your fancy sneakers with the bumps and valves and little lights in the back that can set off a seizure, but what do you care? I ran around the world in a pair of Jock Taylors, for the love of Pete!
SOCCER MOM # 1: I know it's bigger than the other SUVs, but it makes me feel safe. I mean, if I have an accident in that thing, I'm going to live.
BOBBY: Come on, y'all, we were all Cougars once. We're getting our butts kicked over there. I for one have had enough of this dang lawyer-ball. Haven't you?
BOBBY: I'd rather be on a losing football team than a winning soccer team any day.
HANK: That was good strategy, bringing Joseph back. Stick with it and you could make a good coach someday.