"You can't even keep your stereotypes straight."

The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "The Company Man"

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Quotes from "The Company Man"
Written by Jim Dauterive
Directed by Klay Hall

MR. STRICKLAND: Bobby, here's the key to the March of Dimes gumball machine. All you can eat!

MR. STRICKLAND: We got competition. M.F. Thatherton.
HANK: Thatherton!

THATHERTON: See, that's the difference between us. You're a worker bee and I'm a queen.

HOLLOWAY (singing): J.R., J.R., he's a really bad guy, who lives on a ranch with his mom!

HANK: You know, Mr. Holloway, I once had a pair of boots, and then, uh, my Uncle Fess lost his in a tornado.
HOLLOWAY: Oh, you mean a twister?
HANK: Yep. A big Texas-sized twister, I tell you what. Well, that dang twister sucked his boots right off. And you can't bury a man in his stocking feet -- it's the cowboy code. So I gave him my boots, and that's the story of what happened to my boots.
BOBBY: Wow, this is great, J.R.! I always thought you're afraid to wear boots 'cause your toes are too fat.

HANK: I'm only not wearing the hat because of a solemn oath I made to President Lyndon Baines Johnson on the occasion of the birth of his daughter Lynda Bird.
HOLLOWAY: Lyndon Johnson killed our Kennedy!

BOOMHAUER: Hey man, look at that ol' Rhinestone Cowboy, man.

PEGGY: All right, Hank, what is going on here? The way Bobby tells it, you bought my freedom from the Comanches with your rodeo winnings.
HANK: And you were worth every penny.

BOBBY: Hey, Dad, I've been going over the stuff you told Mr. Holloway. How could Mom get pregnant with me if you spent the '80s in a Mexican POW camp?
HANK: Look, Bobby, some of the things I told Mr. Holloway -- the details aren't important.
BOBBY: I gotta get my facts straight, Dad! There's a Q&A after my speech, and those Sunday School kids are tough!

LUANNE: Hi, Mrs. Holloway, want some cold frito pie?

HANK: Mr. Holloway is from Boston.
DALE: Yeah, I know the place. That's in Taxachusetts, ain't it? Say hello to Willie Horton for me, he's teaching at your kindergarten.

HANK: Please, ma'am, I'm trying to carry on a conversation! Yeah, yeah, I see your rear, very nice. Hey, there's some people over there that want to look too.

HOLLOWAY: Buy me a mint julep.
HANK: Heck, that's not a Texas drink. You can't even keep your stereotypes straight!

CHIFFON: Every night my boss makes me put on this humiliating outfit to seduce some drunk out of his money. Hey, we're a lot alike.
HANK: Why do we do it -- (looks at her nametag) -- Chiffon?
CHIFFON: We do it for the money, cowboy. I never made six figures a year at the potato hut.
HANK: Six figures?
CHIFFON: Oh yeah. Soon I'll have enough to stay at home with my granddaughter and her baby.
HANK: I should be at home helping my boy with his Sunday School report.
CHIFFON (sympathetically): Hey, how about a lap dance?

BOBBY: I don't get it. How could he have fought in the Spanish-American War the same year he invented the world's first pressure-cooking chicken fryer?
PEGGY: Oh, Bobby, your father never fought in any war.
BOBBY: Oh, I know. I've given up on Dad. The man I most admire now is Colonel Sanders.

HANK: I don't want your business, not this way. You want to go with Thatherton, go. But one of these days, when your propane mixture's only eighty-nine percent, and you have a smelly condo development full of crying babies whose bottles haven't been properly heated, you give me a call. My name is Hank Hill, and I sell propane and propane accessories with honor and dignity.

BOBBY: He doesn't have an oil well, he doesn't drive a Cadillac, and he doesn't wear cowboy boots because he's not a cowboy, and on account of they squish his toes. But the man I admire most is a real Texan. He is my daddy, Hank Hill. And I want to thank my dad, 'specially for accepting me and raising me as his own, even though I was fathered by another man while Mr. Hank Hill was in a Mexican POW camp.

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