The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Dang Ol' Love"
Quotes from "Dang Ol' Love"
PEGGY: Why can't Boomhauer date someone smart for once? Like a Congresswoman, so I could get my law passed.
HANK: Let's face it, we've been down the imaginary-friend road before. There were those guys you claimed you played soccer with, Larry and Wayne.
HANK: Remember when you fell in love with that speed-skater on the Wheaties box? Turns out she was real too, but that doesn't make her your girlfriend.
DALE: Here's a sure-fire way to sweep her off her feet: You will tend to her wounds.
ICE CREAM LADY: Hey, do you know if Boomhauer's back from his safari yet?
LUANNE: She's not coming back, honey.
DALE: Nancy and I have been dying for another couple to hang out with.
BILL: All he's going to do is give her one marathon night of love-making. I would have given her the same amount of love, but stretched out over a lifetime!
BILL: My name is Bill Dauterive. I would be honored if I could have some of your hair for my collection.
BILL: Don't put on Dido! Please don't put on Dido! (music starts in Boomhauer's house: "Thank You" by Dido) Aaugh! Dido!
PEGGY: And then I said "I know you, you're the weatherman from channel 7, right?" And he says "No, I'm not," and then I said "What are you talking about? Of course you are! You are that guy!" And he said "No, I am not," and you know what? It wasn't!
HANK: I guess Bobby wishes Boomhauer dumped the asparagus lady. Heh-heh-heh. You see, there's not actually an asparagus lady, Peggy. It's funny.
BOOMHAUER (into the phone): Yo, Hank? Hank? Hank, man, talkin' 'bout it's me, man. (beat) Dang ol' Boomhauer, man!
HANK: I just turned on the backyard grill from the swimming pool. And Peggy said man would never be able to do that!
BILL: For a rich woman she buys pretty flimsy underwear. Where's her ass supposed to go?
HANK: I saw this news promo last night that said something's going on in restaurant kitchens that might really surprise us. But then I fell asleep. Boomhauer, you stay up late -- are rude customers really getting more than they bargained for?
MARLENE: I'm going to be honest with you: I only understand about half of what you say. The other times I just nod and smile and wait for your pants to come off.
BILL: Aw, Boo-hoo-hoo-hauer. I bet now you wish you'd only slept with 100 ladies instead of 101. Now you know how they all felt -- except that one that did it to you!
DALE: We gotta do something. The alley was balanced before. A cool single guy, and a cool married guy. A loser single guy, and a loser married guy. Now it's me and three losers!
DALE: Do that thing where you compliment 'em and they come home with you.
BILL: I know how tough it is for you right now, curled up lying in your own emotional vomit. You're in hell now, Boomhauer, and the only way out is through a long dark tunnel. And you're afraid to go in because there's a train coming at you, carrying a boxcar full of heartbreak. Well, let me tell you something: All you can do is let it hit you, and then try to find your legs. I know. I've taken that hit more times than I can remember. Look at me, Boomhauer. I'm fat, and I'm old, and every day I'm just going to wake up fatter and older. Yet somehow I manage to drag this fat old bald bastard out into the alley every day. I'm out there, digging holes, falling into them, climbing out, trying again. And tomorrow I'm going to hang outside at a ladies' prison, and the first thing those lady cons are going to see after twenty years is me. Will I get one? Experience says no. Will I be out there next month? If I'm alive, you'd better believe it. You've got to get up off that cannon bed, slip into a tight T-shirt, wash off some of that cologne, and get yourself out of that tunnel and into some strange woman's bed!
ICE CREAM LADY: Boomhauer. I thought I'd never see you again.
BILL: So, what were you in for?