"Smuggling cocaine? That's got to be illegal."

The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Death and Texas"

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Quotes from "Death and Texas"
Written by John Altschuler & Dave Krinsky
Directed by Wes Archer

PEGGY: Listen to this, it's from an old student of mine. He's on Death Row. "...and as I raise my hand for possibly my final question, I hope that Ms. Peggy Hill will call on me one more time, because she is the person who has had the most positive impact on my life. Sincerely, Wesley Martin Archer."
BOBBY: That's a good name for a killer.

BILL: You can't rein Peggy in. Peggy's like a wild mare. She needs to run free, her chestnut mane blowing in the wind, flanks glistening with sweat. I'll stop now.

DALE: Executioning. For us exterminators, that's the major league. The show.

PEGGY: Who'd you kill?
WES: I killed myself. Or at least I might as well have, as bad as I feel about it. One night I went with my buddy Ray over to his friend's house, only he wasn't home. So I gave Ray a boost up to the window. He couldn't climb up and hold his gun at the same time -- that's why we were there, to return his friend's gun.
PEGGY: M-hm, I can see where this is going. Go on.
WES: So we get inside, and turns out the guy was home. He was screaming, alarms were ringing, and when a guy yells "Don't shoot," believe me, it has the opposite effect. I just panicked, and next thing I knew, his head was blown off.
PEGGY: It would be a comedy of errors if it wasn't so tragic.

WES: How do you say "Peggy Hill is the smartest, most talented woman on earth" in Spanish?
PEGGY: Well... uh... that would be "Peggy Hill es bueno."

DALE: My word is my bond, sir, due to the fact that the state wouldn't bond me.

DALE: Where's Old Sparky?
WARDEN: Old Sparky's been put out to pasture. We use lethal injection.
DALE: Okay, where's Old Squirty? Dead is dead, I don't care how we get there.

HANK: Sorry, Bobby, but I guess we're just gonna have to murder somebody if we want your mom's attention.
BOBBY: Okay.

WES: They're all as dumb as a bag of dirt. That's why they hate Boggle.
PEGGY: They hate Boggle?
WES: Only because we love Boggle. When I was little, my mee-maw used to play on her Boggle set all the time. I just watched, being illiterate and all, but I dreamed of someday playing on that set. Peggy, if you'd get me my Boggle set, you could make that dream come true.
PEGGY: I am a dream-weaver!

WES: Jeanette will get you some more timer sand.
PEGGY: What about using a watch?
WES: Peggy, that's not real Boggle.

WES: How stupid can you be? I never had you for a teacher. I grew up in Arkansas. I'm almost 40, for Cripe's sakes! I wrote every teacher in the Arlen yearbook and you were the only sap dumb enough to answer.

BOBBY: My Sloppy Joe is all Sloppy and no Joe.

PEGGY: Hank, I've been smuggling cocaine in to Wes.
HANK: Smuggling cocaine? That's got to be illegal.

HANK (on the phone, to Wes): No, your ass is mine, because we've got a plan. Sure we do! It's a terrific plan. We discarded two perfectly good plans when we came up with this great one. (Hangs up)
PEGGY: Why didn't you tell me about our terrific plan?
HANK: Peggy, I made that up.
PEGGY: And the other two plans?

HANK: Peggy, I... how are you fixed for quarters? No, that's not what I meant to say. Look, you said the other day you've never had a positive impact on anybody's life. Well, I want you to know that you have. I'd hate to think where Bobby, Luanne and I would be without you.

PEGGY: I never saw that man before in my life!... And, uh, what I mean by that is, I did not bring him cocaine.

HANK: So I guess it's this convict's word against my wife's. Now, let's see, who can we trust? Peggy, have you ever decapitated anyone?
PEGGY: No, I don't believe I have. How about you, Wes? Have you ever done anything that caused a man's head to come off?


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