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Quotes from "Peggy Hill: The Decline and Fall"
Written by Paul Lieberstein
Directed by Klay Hall

HANK: I think my wife -- I think -- might be dead. I'll be right back.

PEGGY: I have had a near-death experience. Most people never get that, except when it's right next to their death experience, and then they can't appreciate it.

PEGGY: Your mother is one of only sixteen people who have survived parachutes not opening. Now, sixteen is just my estimate. I'll double-check my numbers later.

COTTON: Hank, what did you do to your wife? I didn't teach you that!

COTTON (to the baby): You're a handsome little soldier. You wanna kill a Nazzy? A Nazzy Nazzy-squazzy?

COTTON: I'm calling him Hank. Always wanted a boy named Hank.
HANK: Dad, Hank is my name.
COTTON: Not any more. I'm takin' it back.
HANK: You can't take away a grown man's name.
COTTON: All right, I'll call him G.H. Good Hank.

HANK: Dad, this isn't right. If you call him Good Hank, it makes it sound like I'm Bad Hank.
COTTON: Well, you burnt my burgers, didn't you, B.H.?

COTTON: What the --? The boy's leakin' out of his chest!
NURSE: Oh, that's just from his nipples. It's a form of lactation.
COTTON: I thought you said it was a boy!
NURSE: He is. He's simply been ingesting a lot of female hormones from his mother. It's so common it has a name: "Witch's Milk."
COTTON: Oh, Lord, what did I do to deserve this? Was it them fi'ty men I killed?

HANK: Maybe it would do us all some good if you got away for a while. How would you like a few days at the Motel Arlen? My treat.
LUANNE: Highway 9 or 6?
HANK: 9.
LUANNE: No, thank you.
HANK: All right, 6.
LUANNE: Yes!

MINH: Cast make you look good, Peggy Hill. Like mummy in museum, but with attitude. Mummy for the '90s!
NANCY: Sug, you ain't helping.

PEGGY: I thought I'd be spending more time doing some hands-on baby care. I guess that was just a little unrealistic, huh?
HANK: Well, you know, Helen Keller was largely useless, but look how we remember her: first lady of the American stage.

PEGGY: I was once one of the finest mothers in all of Texas, and now I can't even wipe a baby. And I have to watch those two, Cotton and Stupid, with their beautiful new baby that they don't even want!

BOBBY: I am a twelve year-old boy! I am this child's nephew! I cannot do this. I cannot do this! If anyone makes any dinner, I'll eat it, but that's it. All I'll do is eat!

(Peggy rocks the baby to sleep with her toe)
PEGGY: Isn't it amazing? It's the greatest dang feeling in the world.

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