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Quotes from "Wings of the Dope"
Written by Johnny Hardwick
Directed by Cyndi Tang-Loveland.

LUANNE: I won't let you down, Miss Kremzer.
MISS KREMZER: Yeah, sure.

HANK: Bill, remember when we got you to brush your teeth by saying you didn't know how?
BILL: Yeah.
DALE: Reverse psychology? That'll never work.
HANK: Yes, it will!
DALE: Gotcha.

LUANNE: I just had a test last semester, and now I have to take another test! It's not fair! How often in real life are you tested?

HANK: Kahn, me and the guys were just thinking --
DALE: We don't want to fix your trampoline.
BILL: I do!
DALE: Bill!
BILL: What?
HANK: Dale!
DALE: Gih!

MISS KREMZER: Very good, Sharona. If this hair weren't attached to a horse's rear end, I'd swear it was Cher's.

LUANNE: Who are you? What are you doin'? (sees who it is) What???
BUCKLEY: Chicken butt.

LUANNE: You are an angel! Unless you're just a hallucinogen of my mind. If you're really Buckley's Angel, then tell me something only the real Buckley would know.
BUCKLEY: Uh...you have a birthmark on your butt the shape of a Honda key.
LUANNE: You are a real angel!

PEGGY: Luanne, you look positively radiant this morning. You're not pregnant, are you?

LUANNE: I have an announcement to make. Last night I had a religious experience.
PEGGY: Ix-nay, ix-nay! Obby-bay too-yay oung-yay!

PEGGY: She is giving me the heebiest of jeebies.
HANK: The angel part, sure, but the whole not crying thing -- I like that. I like that a lot.
PEGGY: I told her to use proper ventilation around those hair chemicals.
HANK: She's probably just stressed out, Peggy, but if this helps her, let her think anything she wants. She sees Buckley's Angel; Nolan Ryan saw his arm as a rocket launcher and the catcher's mitt as Saddam Hussein.

HANK: I can't believe I didn't think of this before. It's like she has a boyfriend I never have to meet.

SHARONA: You're going to fail the test and flunk out of beauty school and wind up selling pretzels at the mall, and we'll all be famous hairdressers on the third floor of the mall working on people's hair who eat pretzels at the pretzel place.

HANK (reading Bill's letter to Buckley's Angel): "Dear Buckley's Angel, find me a woman, any woman. Love, Bill F. De La T. Dauterive."
BILL: Hey, that is between me and Buckley's Angel.
HANK: There is no Buckley's Angel! There was barely a Buckley! That greaseball couldn't even find a hammer in the Megalomart -- how could he possibly find you a woman?

DALE: It's a sign. We've been playing God with Buckley's trampoline, and now God is playing God with us, and he's a lot better at it.

BOOMHAUER: I don't know, man, I been havin' trouble with my dang ol' crankshaft...Buckley's Angel, walk up and just touch the hood, just touch it, my Dodge is healed, man...yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, man.

MINH: This about Buckley's Angel, huh, Peggy Hill?
PEGGY: How did you know about that?
MINH: Not much happen in this neighborhood. When someone come back from dead, it gets around.
PEGGY: Well, Luanne is clearly crazy. I mean, if there was a real religious vision, why would it come to her? I was home!
MINH: Uh-huh.
PEGGY: I mean, I have had my share of close encounters. Once, I heard a voice saying "Jesus is love," right in my ear. But when I turned off the hair dryer, it was suddenly gone.

LUANNE: Maybe I should drop out of beauty school, Aunt Peggy.
PEGGY: What? Luanne, you have wanted to go to beauty school since you were six! You have wanted to graduate from beauty school since you were twelve! If you give up on school, honey, you are giving up on your dreams. "Education is the sleeping pill that makes dreams happen." -- Peggy Hill.
LUANNE: But school is hard. I should just give up and sell pretzels.
PEGGY: Uh-uh. You have to look deep inside yourself and stop depending on your uncle, or your boyfriend, or your boyfriend's angel. This time it is all up to you. Buckley's Angel helps those who help themselves.
LUANNE: I'll do it! You'll help me, right?
PEGGY: Of course.

LUANNE: I don't know why you didn't come, Buckley's Angel. If this is some kind of test, I'll have to take a make-up test, because I have a makeup and a hair test this morning.

BUCKLEY: You're gonna fail the test.
LUANNE: What?
BUCKLEY: I have a message from Jesus, something about how you suck at beauty school, except worded nicer. Here it is: "Luanne, you really suck at beauty school. Drop out. Love, Jesus." Hm. He underlined "really." Guess it wasn't nicer.
LUANNE: I thought angels were supposed to be good! You're a terrible angel, Buckley -- I wish you never died!
BUCKLEY: Hey, Jesus said it, not me.
LUANNE: You are mean, just like when you were my boyfriend! But I have faith in me, and I am not gonna be trailer trash! I'm gonna graduate, and I'm -- I'm gonna do makeups, and I'm gonna have the biggest truck in Hollywood!

BUCKLEY (as Luanne is about to collide with a truck): Bail!!!

LUANNE: You thought I was in school with you? In college?
GIRL: Yeah, why not?

LUANNE: Buckley's Angel came back and I almost hit a wiener-wagon, but first, Buckley said that Jesus said that I was meant for something else, and I thought Jesus meant something worse. But then I remembered you telling me not to give up on my dreams, and I realized he meant something better. So I got my tuition back from Miss Kremzer and enrolled in Arlen Community College -- just like Jesus said!

BUCKLEY: I just came back to say I'm sorry I bailed out of the car.
LUANNE: I knew you weren't really a jerk.
BUCKLEY: Yeah. Well, I gotta go. Jesus is having a party. It's gonna rock.
LUANNE: There'll probably be a lot of people there, but if you see Jesus, tell him I said thanks.

LUANNE (as Buckley leans in too close): No, that part's over.
BUCKLEY: Why?
LUANNE: Chicken thigh.

KAHN: Buckley's Angel? Oh, I'm so alone! I have to commute to Houston every day -- that city one big stinkhole! Did I make the right decision, Buckley's Angel? Oh, Buckley's Angel! Why you not come to me instead of that redneck little hot potato?

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