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Quotes from "The Exterminator"
Written by Dean Young
Directed by Shaun Cashman

MR. NICKMAN: Shouldn't you be wearing a mask?
DALE: Mask, smask. Smask? Schmask. Schmask. Mask, schmask. That's it. Mask, schmask!

NANCY: You're too sick to exterminate, sug.
DALE: I'll tell you what I told that doctor: I'm not quitting, you incompetent quack!

DALE: I have more pressures than any of you. You ever try replacing a cockroach's blood with root beer?
HANK: You know I haven't.
DALE: Then don't judge me.

NANCY: I'm tired of getting "While you were out" messages from the receptionist: "Husband called. Still waiting for sex."

HANK: How are things with Nancy? You know, you used to brag a lot about... uh... stuff.
DALE: I didn't mean to brag. It's just that we were having spectacular sex.
HANK: Uh, yeah, but not so much lately?
DALE: Maybe it's something I ate. What's the opposite of oysters? Apples?
HANK: Look, maybe it has something to do with you being out of work. I mean, would you want to sleep with a bum?
DALE: No.
HANK: That's right. See, nothing's sexier than a man with a nine-to-five job.

MISS PITTMAN: We're a team at Stik Tek, and a team is only as strong as its weakest player. That's you.

MISS PITTMAN: Oh, you're bald. And not in an attractive way, like Sean Connery.

DALE: Up yours, Joseph.
NANCY: Dale!
DALE: Sorry, son, that's the coffee talking. And the fluorescent lighting. And the excruciating headache.
NANCY: Make some time for the roaches, sug.
DALE: We'd all love to make time for roaches. But in the real world, people have to spend all night reconciling invoices or Miss Pittman won't let them wear Chinos and a knit shirt next Friday!

WOMAN: I can't fire Bert. We started at Stik Tek together, nineteen years ago.
MISS PITTMAN: Well, I can't fire Bert. We were married briefly in the '80s. Part of me still loves him.

MISS PITTMAN: Mr. Gribble, how would you like to make this your permanent job?
DALE: Firing Gladstone? Sure! Hey, Gladstone...!

MISS PITTMAN: Dallas is downsizing the flavored adhesive division. Pina colada was killing lab monkeys left and right.

DALE: Louis, you've been with Stik Tek how long?
LOUIS: It'll be fourteen years next week.
DALE: No, it won't. You're fired!
LOUIS: Fired? But I --
DALE: Yeah, yeah. Look, I have to eat, she has to pee, and he has to get back to selling propane or he'll wind up in the same boat as you.
LOUIS: But I've got four children!
DALE: I had someone in here today with eight. Heck, I once killed a beetle with thirty million in her egg sack.

DALE: You keep this up, Joseph, you're fired from this family.
NANCY: Dale!!
DALE: You're next, blondie.

DALE: They're not recognizing me as their maternal influence! The project has gone horribly awry! Joseph, get me some poison!
JOSEPH: But Dad, you're not supposed to inhale any more poison.
DALE: Damn it! Why are there so many ways to kill a human, but only one way to kill a bug?

DALE: The roaches are dead! Please return to your lunch! Enjoy!

DALE: Pittman, firing people can give you a pretty good buzz, but it's a poor substitute for killing. I realize that now.

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