"Bobby, if you weren't my son, I'd hug you."

The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Life in the Fast Lane, Bobby's Saga"

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Quotes from "Life in the Fast Lane, Bobby's Saga"
Written by John Altschuler & Dave Krinsky
Directed by Adam Kuhlman

BOOMHAUER (after the cop pulls him over): Hey, man, dang ol' wife's in labor, man, gotta get down to the hospital... lamaze partner, man.

BILL: I hate that Jeff Gordon. I bet I could be NASCAR's top money-winner too if my daddy had bought me a quarter midget car, instead of corrective shoes that all the girls laughed at.

PEGGY: Jeff Gordon is handsome, and he's a great champion.
LUANNE: He's the world's fastest Christian.

HANK: Bobby, I know we've never talked about this, but someday I'm going to die. And when that happens, then you can go to cooking school.

BOBBY: The rope is soft and pretty.

BOBBY: Jeff Gordon's a racecar driver too? I thought he was just a cereal box model.

HANK: Nice hustle, son.
TOMMY: I can rest when I'm dead, sir.
HANK: You hear that, Bobby? Now, that is a good attitude.

JIMMY: If you work for Jimmy, you gonna work hard. People up there are hot and dry. They want something cold and wet. You do your job, you make money, but you work hard, 'cause that's the way you work if you wanna work for Jimmy.
HANK: So if I understand you correctly, you're saying you'll teach my boy the value of a dollar.
JIMMY: If you work for Jimmy, you gonna work hard. You make money. The people are hot and dry --
HANK: That sounds fine, thanks.

PEGGY: If someone crashes, here's a Fun Saver, honey. Try to get me two angles.

HANK: Yep. (beat) You can say "yep" too, Bobby, you've earned it.

HANK: Bobby, if you weren't my son, I'd hug you.

DALE EARNHARDT: Man, this rope sure is soft and pretty. I noticed it when we unloaded my car.

LUANNE: Okay, we wave this sign around, and Jeff Gordon sees it. He comes up to us in the stands and is so taken by our charms that he asks one of us to marry him.
PEGGY: Well, honey, it probably won't be me. I have got a ring on my finger.
LUANNE: Yeah, and big feet.
PEGGY: I'm only ignoring that because a man is on fire.

DALE: You told Bobby to listen to Jimmy Witchard? He was in my gun club. People say he fried his brain one day staring at the sun. 'Course, he couldn't have been to smart to do that in the first place. Kind of a chicken-egg thing.

JIMMY: Do it, you monkey boy! I'm the boss of you!

BOBBY: I'm gonna cross the track and bring Mr. Witchard a soda.
HANK: That's crazy! Why would you do that?
BOBBY: I'm giving 110 percent, Dad.
JIMMY: Go to here, go-to boy! I want a soda! Go to now!

ANNOUNCER: There is a crazy man on the track! (Jeff Gordon's car swerves to avoid Hank) And there goes Gordon into the wall!

HANK: Bobby, you worked harder this month than any guy on this block, and I want to give you the money you earned.
BOBBY: Dad, I don't want money. I was happy before when you just bought all the stuff around here, and there was no money involved.

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