The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Be True to Your Fool"
Quotes from "Be True To Your Fool"
HANK: Dangit, lately my scalp's been itching like crazy.
BILL: There's a lady in town who does lice treatments for schoolkids. She's so pretty. So I stuck my arm into a bucket of hair we cut off some new recruits, and those little critters, they just hopped right aboard me. If any of you guys know a better way to meet the lice lady, I'd like to hear it.
(In his panic, Dale does a Curly Howard "run around on the ground" routine)
HANK: That got-dang Bill. Ever since Lenore left him, I've done nothing but cut him slack. He sleeps on our car. He's always stealing Ladybird's squeaky toys. Remember when he kept a chamber pot by his bed? He keeps burying his porno in our backyard.
DALE: As an exterminator, I will take steps to spare us the shame of hairlessness. A mixture of melathion and lindane. Fairly harmless, according to the government, which has been squirting it at you for most of your life.
DALE (after squirting himself with pesticide): And... tingling. And burning. Itching. Itching. Burning. And blindness. Intense burning. Hank, get your hose.
BILL: I want to play lawn games too. But nobody wants Bill's head on their lawn, oh no. Bill has lice, he's no good, blabbity blabbity bloo. I suck.
HANK: How does a man lose track of the back of his own head? A tattoo!? I've been lying every time I donated blood.
VAGRANT # 1: You got lice?
HANK: Can you think of any reason why any of us might ever have gotten a tattoo?
BILL: Sure your fingers turn blue from the barbicide, but that's just part of the job.
BOOMHAUER: All right, sit back and I'm gonna tell you a dang ol' story, man... 'bout a long time ago in a dang ol' Arlen far, far away. You know... simpler time, man... talkin' 'bout crazy kids... dang ol' bell bottoms... disco sucks... dang ol' back in the day, man.
YOUNG DALE: Dallas! Can I see where Lee Harvey Oswald was framed?
YOUNG HANK: "The Chainsaw." Huh. Probably a hangout for the lumber industry.
BOOMHAUER: I thought you'd never know, man... that dang ol' lice, man... threw us a curve ball, man... talkin' 'bout like dang ol' Sandy Koufax, man.
HANK: I've been your friend for twenty-five years. Who talked you out of buying the houseboat? Who kept you from killing yourself after Lenore left you? Who listens to you for hours after you've had a nightmare?
BILL: That must have been incredibly painful.
COP (to Bill): Looks like you're out on good behavior.