"Andy Griffith and Aunt freakin' Bee!"

The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Get Your Freak Off"

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Quotes from "Get Your Freak Off"
Written by Garland Testa
Directed by Tricia Garcia

HANK: When I was your age, we had these things called songs. They were two-minute stories about falling in love or burning down Georgia. But I guess Hollywood decided we needed more criminals yelling about their lady friends'... baby-places.

HANK (listening to 4 Skore): Kinda sounds like the Beatles before they went nuts in India.

BOOMHAUER: Talkin' about dang ol' boy band, man... talkin' 'bout prance around, goin' "Oh oh oh oh..."

DALE: 4Skore is for pre-pubescent girls. Are you a pre-pubescent girl, Hank?
HANK: Could a pre-pubescent girl kick your ass?
DALE: Probably.

(ranking the men in the neighborhood by sex appeal)
NANCY: Okay, so it goes John Redcorn...
MINH: ...Boomhauer, Kahn, and Dale. Then Bill and Hank.
NANCY: Or Hank and Bill.
MINH: Doesn't really matter. Whichever.

JORDAN: I read a rumor on the Internet that Chris frosted his bangs.
HANK: Dang Internet. They don't care whose lives they ruin.

HANK: They weren't dancing like you and I dance. They were enjoying it.

LUANNE: Lord, everything now is sex, sex, sex. It wasn't like this when I was growing up. What is going on with our children?
HANK: Yes, exactly!
LUANNE: Do you see the way the little girls are dressing? Walking around in their tiny shirts, everything right out on display. Where's the mystery? And we wonder why men don't respect us!

HANK: Then there was this godawful hip-shaking. It was like those lizards we saw on the Discovery channel.

DALE: Yep, kids are growing up way too fast, and we have no one to blame but the Dairy Council. They're shooting our milk up with hormones. Your Christina Ag-u-a-leras and your Shakiras are their prototypes.

KAHN: Minh, come quick! Redneck boy getting busy with lawn clippings!

PEGGY: You are making Bill look like Pierce Brosnan.

MRS. HILGEN-BRONSEN: Love the glasses on you two. Totally geek chic.

MR. BRONSEN: All you've gotta do is be Bobby's friend. If not, where is he gonna turn when he's in trouble?
HANK: He won't even need to turn. We'll be right there, bam! with a brick wall of rules, limitations and discipline.
MRS. HILGEN-BRONSEN: My parents were a wall. I want to be a door that leads to a world of experiences.

JEN: Chaperoning? Nice job, Ronald Reagan.
MR. BRONSEN: Hey, don't call me that.
HANK: Yeah, don't call him that.

PEGGY: Did you even see how cool those other parents were? They look like Chandler and Monica. And look at us, Andy Griffith and Aunt freakin' Bee!

BOBBY: Hey, Jordan, I'm sorry I couldn't come to your party, but you know how it is with parents. Oh, wait, you don't, 'cause yours are fine.

CLARK: I don't hear the sounds of ecstasy.

JORDAN: Do you have any pets?
BOBBY: An old dog.
JORDAN: What's your favorite food?
BOBBY: Pork pockets.
JORDAN: Ham or pepperoni?
BOBBY: Oh, that's a toughie. I gotta think about that one.
JORDAN: Bobby!
BOBBY: Ham. No. Pepperoni. No, ham.
JORDAN: There. I like you.

MINH: All right, I'm coming around. Hank Hill pretty sexy. But not as sexy as Boomhauer.
NANCY: Mm, that Boomhauer.

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