The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Leanne's Saga"
Quotes from "Leanne's Saga"
Written by David Zuckerman
Directed by Tricia Garcia
LUANNE: I don't think Mama would want anyone to take her place. Not unless they took her place in prison...but I guess that's too much to ask.
PEGGY: I will tongue-kiss Bill before I let that tramp in my house!
BILL: I never met the lady, but she did her time.
BILL: The only person I ever showed my toes to was my ex-wife. She used them against me in the divorce.
PEGGY: Marriage is about trust, and she betrayed him. It was like a knife in his heart when she stuck that fork in his back.
PEGGY: I'm so proud of what you've accomplished since we took you in. You're in school, you've got a righteous Christian puppet show, you're always so very clean...I just do not want you to get distracted and lose your way.
LEANNE: You have such a lovely home. Of course, if somebody turned on a fire hose, it would all be ruined.
PEGGY: How long is that woman going to stay here? I am sick and tired of scrambling around to prepare nutritious meals that do not require a fork.
HANK: How's the job search going?
LUANNE (to Buckley): Go on. Like we practiced.
BILL: You must be Luanne's mama.
BILL: Oh, I don't know, me gettin' my toes rubbed all night by a pretty girl, in the...okay.
BILL: Our relationship is just starting -- it's too soon to ask her to move in with me. We'd be moving faster than the speed of love!
HANK: Dangit, at this rate, my new work bench is never gonna get used.
LUANNE: I got so scared when you didn't come. I thought maybe you started drinkin' again and got in a accident or a gunfight.
HANK: Leanne's first husband is working on an offshore oil rig in the gulf, and he swears he's coming ashore until I fax him her death certificate. Now what makes you think you can do any better?
PEGGY: I will not have you running around all glammed up like Phyllis Diller!
LUANNE: You're gonna marry Mama? This is just like a fairy tale! I'm gonna call you Stepdaddy Bill!
HANK: What happened to your eye, Bill?
DALE: Poor Bill. His woman is making a fool of him.
BUCKLEY: Help! Get this skank off me!
PEGGY: Leanne, whether you like the title or not, you are this girl's mother. She has been waiting her whole life for just a shred of attention from you, but you don't know how to return even a fraction of the love you get from your child or from your man. I hope someday you can live without alcohol, but until that day, we can all live very nicely without you!
LEANNE: I kicked your brother's ass, and I will kick yours too, sissy!
LEANNE (to Luanne): Oh, think you're better than me, huh? Fine! Then I ain't your sister no more!
HANK: You can't just let her steal your truck, Bill, you've gotta call the police.
BOBBY: You kicked her ass, Mom.
LUANNE: What should I do about Mr. Dauterive? He keeps introducin' me as his daughter.