"Harrison Schmidt? Really?"

The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Maid in Arlen"

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Quotes from "Maid in Arlen"
Written by Dan Sterling
Directed by Kyounghee Lim & Boohwan Lim

DALE: Kahn has a mother? Somehow I always pictured a pod situation.

KAHN (singing to "Beverly Hills Cop" theme music):
Bev, Bev, Beverly Hills Cop,
Bev, Bev, Beverly Hills Cop,
Axel Foley gonna find those drugs!

LAOMA: Uh-oh! Sticky stain!

MINH: My mother-in-law have remaining shifts left at unbeatable prices. Who sign up first?
DALE: I'll take a day. I could use some Asian fingerprints in there.
MINH: Why not you, Bill? Have you become emotionally attached to your many rats and cockroaches?
BILL: No. They can leave any time they want -- I wouldn't care.

BILL: Something's on your mind. As a barber, I've seen that look on my own face in the mirror many a time.
LAOMA: Well, there is still a void that neither family nor work can fulfil.
BILL: Yeah, there's a void in my life too. It's nice to talk to someone who has the same void.

LAOMA: A heart attack took my husband away to the next life, but I believe he returned as the gentle wind that blows through this meadow even now.
BILL: My God, that's the most beautiful description of a haunted meadow I've ever heard.

DALE: Bill, she's twenty years older than you! She's literally an old maid! My God, she's perfect for you.

KAHN: Dauterive, my mother get home two hours late last night! You work her overtime?
BILL: I'm sorry, Kahn, we lost track of the hour.
KAHN: Well, that unacceptable. Every time my mother come back from your house, she sweaty and exhausted. From now on, you stop riding her so hard!

DALE: I've been raising show turtles for three years and I've never once put them in a show. I'm a freaking hypocrite.

KAHN: Used to be I could go to work and brag about my family. I say, "My daughter a genius, she build perfect replica of lunar module for advanced placement science class." They have no retort. Now, anything I say, they counter with: "Ah, how's that six-toed possum baby your mother have with redneck?"

KAHN: Astronaut turned Senator. This is the kind of man my mother should be dating: man who conquer moon, not man who conquer moon pie.

KAHN: I wish I could come here under happier circumstances.
BILL: Any problem of yours is a problem of mine.
KAHN: Actually, this one all yours.

BILL: Sometimes you have to move on to find true love. New people show up, some of 'em wearing space helmets, I guess.

KAHN: What a rush! Maybe next I break up Hank and Peggy.

DALE: You'll get a new woman soon, Bill. Remember, you scored with an older chick. You're the man now. Oh, wait, I was thinking of high school. Sorry.

PEGGY: Damn that Laoma! She waltzes into my life, teases me with labor at slave wages, and then runs off to a nursing home.
BOBBY: No soup? Where's the fish course? This isn't right. I'm the first-born male.
PEGGY: Look, I should be in the warm tub right now, contemplating!

HANK: Harrison Schmidt? Really?

KAHN: Mama, it not what it look like. I only did it because the thought of you two together make me sick to the very pit of my stomach.

KAHN (as Bill and Laoma kiss): You know, this not so bad. It kind of like those dogs that so ugly, they almost cute.


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