"They're wearing my socks, Uncle Hank!"

The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Movin' On Up"

Click here to return to the Main Quotes Page


Quotes from "Movin' On Up"
Written by Garland Testa
Directed by Klay Hall

HANK: Boy, look at Pops go. Eighty years old and he still has the reaction time to miss those sprinkler heads.
BILL: Tony Curtis is eighty.

BILL: You know how I want to go? Right here in the alley with you guys. It'll probably be my heart, the way things are going.

LUANNE: Do you mind if I just take a quick shower first? I smell like waitressing.
BOBBY: I'm sorry, my bath is already drawn.

HANK: The way I see it, you are in direct violation of four of our rules. (hands her a list of rules)
LUANNE: You had it notarized?
HANK: No water usage after ten p.m. Nine o'clock curfew on school nights. Entering the master bedroom without verbal permission. And you're barefoot in the kitchen! Ladybird eats off that floor!
LUANNE: God only has ten rules, Uncle Hank, and His house is much bigger.

HANK: Dale, for the last time, I can't turn in this rental application without your social security number.
DALE: Fine: 5-5-5-5-5.
HANK: That's not even enough numbers.
DALE: 5. (beat) 5.

(Hank and the guys pretend to be "hillbillies" to scare off prospective buyers for the house)
HANK: Well, hey there, Mr. Kahn, them's some fancy blue jeans y'all's lady friend's wearin'.
BILL: They must be city folk. I just whupped up a new batch of possum stew I'd be willin' to share with you -- don't worry, I took off the feet.
BUYER: What did he just say?
MINH: All great chefs doing that now! Wolfgang Puck cut the feet off everything!
DALE, then BILL (singing):
Got my old pineapple, got my old fiddle,
Sun's comin' up, I got Gribble, Gribble, Gribble,
Life ain't nothin' but a funny funny riddle,
Thank God I'm a country boy!

DALE: Young lady, you better march right back into Hank's den. That's your home and that will always be your home. Right, Hank?
HANK: Luanne, welcome to your new home.

BILL: My first choice was the Marines, but I couldn't do enough sit-ups to be a Marine Corps barber. Semper Fi!

HANK: The audacity!

LUANNE (as Sir Reginald): They're not going to leave you a scrap, what what?

LUANNE: Listen, when I signed up for phone service, I signed a document that said I would pay on time. I swore it! On my mother's maiden name!
GRIFFIN: You're kind of being a house Nazi right now, Luanne.
LUANNE (as Tanya lights up): Hello, I thought we agreed no smoking in the house.
TANYA: You know who else had anti-smoking laws? Who was it... oh, yeah -- Hitler!
GRIFFIN: coughNazi!cough

BOBBY: Luanne, what's up, girlfriend? I have not seen you in the longest!

PEGGY: There is nothing funny about starvation. Except for Comic Relief, of course.

BOBBY: Guys can shave their legs too? That's very interesting.
HANK: Peggy!
PEGGY: Bobby!
BOBBY: Sorry, Dad.

LUANNE: We have rules in this house, people! We all agreed to them! I'm counting at least twelve violations. (stops short) Oh, my God! I have become... (pointing at Hank) you! I hate myself!

HANK: You see, Luanne, a lot of good things happened in the world when people were like me. Sure, they'll never write a Hollywood musical about a fella who keeps his yard free of debris and pays his bills on time, and the MTV won't put on a video about a man who requires shoes in the kitchen, but it's because of people like us --
LUANNE: But I'm not like you! This is just too much for me! Oh, and all the bills, and they mooch my food, and they're always on the phone, and I can't take it any more! I can't stand one more day! They're wearing my socks, Uncle Hank! Oh, God, I need a paper bag!
HANK: Take it easy. You didn't see me getting all huffy every time you made me mad.
LUANNE: I made you mad?
HANK: Sure! And you were three times the pain in the butt these kids are.

DALE: It is I, Dale Gribble, man of a thousand faces. You just met face two: the deaf electrician. I couldn't help but overhear your uncle's bad advice. The only thing your roommates, i.e. enemy, understand is psychological warfare, i.e. dirty tricks. It worked for Dick Nixon. For example, get some goat's blood, then taint that blood. Then when your roommates need blood, give them the tainted goat's blood. It's a perfect plan.
LUANNE: I don't want to hurt anybody, I just want them to do the dishes.
DALE: Oh, well, in that case, put the dishes in the shower. That's how Nancy gets me to do them.

HANK: Yep.
LUANNE: Yep.

GRIFFIN: Hey, get your hands off me, you Nazi!
COTTON: Who are you callin' a Nazzy????


Click here to return to the Main Quotes Page

1