"What is it with this school and vegetables?"

The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "I Never Promised You an Organic Garden"

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Quotes from "I Never Promised You an Organic Garden"
Written by Tony Gama-Lobo & Rebecca May
Directed by Adam Kuhlman

HANK: It says here that because of high produce prices, schools are yanking vegetables from their menus.
BOBBY: Man. First they get rid of the organic garden, and now this. What is it with this school and vegetables?

PEGGY: What if the garden was working for the football team?
PRINCIPAL MOSS: Football! I'm listening.

BOBBY: Hey, Dad, wanna see me --
HANK: No.
BOBBY: But you don't know what I --
HANK: No.

HANK: Organic garden? That's what hippies eat. When was the last time you saw a hippie that could take on an offensive tackle?

BOBBY (after eating an organic strawberry): Mm! So that's why people eat fruit!

HANK: Peggy, I have to admit this stuff looks so good, I might become a vegetarian. Heh-heh-heh. Not really.

DALE: What exactly are you trying to do, Hank? Turn our school into some kind of bohemian Montessori lovefest?

DALE: You know what would make this baby sing? Bat guano. Nature's miracle-grow.
BILL: Where do you buy bat guano? Sears?
DALE: Yes. But it lacks the potency of straight-out-of-the-bat feces. Nope, we need to go straight to the source, mano a guano.

HANK: Why does every book about organic gardens have naked people in it?
PEGGY: Well, this one has three chapters on Nixon and nothing about bugs.
HANK: When they say "Mother Earth," they mean "dirt," right?
PEGGY: I'm not sure. But listen to this: "Snails are attracted to the smell of beer. They will follow the smell, fall into the beer, and drown." Just like Judy Garland.

PEGGY: Oh, my God, you grew a garden of lies.
MR. TOMICH: Yes, and tomatoes the size of your cranium. Look, if you want to keep your garden and your job, you gotta use pesticides. What do you think is keeping termites from eating this deck? Love?

HANK: Is there anything beer can't do?

DALE: Oh, God, we've awakened a sleeping, pooping giant!

HANK: I just wanted to tell you all how proud I am. You've overcome the elements, the bugs, and, God knows, your own limitations.

HANK: Peggy, this is an organic garden! Spraying chemicals is the only thing you're not allowed to do!

PEGGY: I had no choice. You can't get anything good without chemicals. Chemicals are what keep my hair so high and brown.

BOOMHAUER: Step up, man, get that little ol' guano, man, just like them dang ol' Egyptians, man, gonna change your life, yo... guaranteed to be fresh, man.
DALE: You, sir, why are you afraid to take the guano challenge? Are you afraid it might rock your world? Coward!

BOBBY: We have been working on this garden for a week, and I've tried to resist, but... Dad, give me a wheelbarrow ride.
HANK: Okay, quick.

PEGGY: I've gone straight, I swear. I'm off chemicals. I didn't even use any shampoo or soap or deodorant this morning. Smell me!


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