The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Pilot"
Quotes from "King of the Hill: Pilot"
(First lines ever spoken on the show)
DALE: I know what's wrong with it: It's a Ford. You know what they say "Ford" stands for, don't you? It stands for "Fix It Again, Tony."
BOOMHAUER: I tell ya what you do...you just take them dang ol' spark plugs out...and
that little hole...you just put a little oil around there...just like Bobby Unser said like it go BOOM...just
BOOMHAUER (discussing Seinfeld): I tell you what, man, you see the part where dang ol' George come in there and he's talkin' 'bout tasting his own burp and Kramer comes slidin' in there, he always does that. Them New York boys, I tell you what...just a show about nothin'.
HANK: That boy ain't right.
HANK: You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs, and you can't get on base without taking a swing.
ANTHONY: I wish I could, ma'am, but the regulations say we can't take custody of the boy without an interview.
DALE: I know what's wrong with your truck. It's your quote unquote pollution controls. I heard on talk radio you don't even need 'em, they're just an egghead government plot.
DALE: Could be far-off helicopters...U.N. helicopters.
ANTHONY: Mr. Hill, I feel that you're coming from an anger mindset, and if you're projecting this anger onto me, it gives me grave concerns as to how you facilitate your son's growth in private.
PEGGY: I'm a substitute Spanish teacher. Los estudiantes son mis amigos.
ANTHONY: Loud is not allowed.
DALE: Hey, baby, how about a couple of beers?
BOOMHAUER: I been calling y'all people for better than a month now, gripe 'bout y'all...ever time that dang ol' dog across the street start yappin' his jaw...24-hours a day...nobody answered...How you supposed to come out here and do anything about that dog?...Ain't no computer gonna come over here and shut that dang ol' dog up.
LUANNE: Mama's in jail. She was savin' a quart of beer for before bed, and Daddy threw it out, and she went after him with a fork. And the trailer tipped over, and everything turned upside down, and it's all gonna be on Real Stories of the Highway Patrol.
BOBBY: Your hostility invalidates our parent/child contract.
ANTHONY: The whole neighborhood was Redneck City. Did you see in the report how he dented my Geo?
BOBBY: Dad, that's not respectful adult/child growth dialogue.
HANK: Please respect...my fence's right to...be a fence. Now!
BOBBY: I like him better this way.
COTTON: I got my shins blowed off by a Japan-Man's machine gun, so don't come cryin' to me with your problems!
HANK: You, uh, you're my son, you know, with everything that entails... feelings of fondness and more... You know what I mean, donít you, boy?