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Quotes from "My Own Private Rodeo"
Written by Alex Gregory & Peter Huyck
Directed by Cindi Tang-Loveland

NANCY: The only people who know about the affair are me, John Redcorn, and God. And you. And Hank. And Bill, and Boomhauer, and possibly Bobby. Oh, and of course John Redcorn's sister -- she's got a mouth on her.

DALE: Odd. Vexing. My father's name is on the list. Make sure his full name reads "Bug Gribble, womanizing jerk who is not invited to my re-wedding because I hate him."
NANCY: Come on, sug, sometimes good people do bad things. Some of them for years and years.

YOUNG DALE: Thank you for coming. I'll let you know how the deflowering went.

DALE: I loved my dad like a father, and he betrayed me like a betrayer.

BILL: I know I miss my dad. I can't tell you how many nights he locked me in that rabbit hutch. I deserved it, though -- I just couldn't listen.

HANK: With the joy of responsibility comes the burden of obligation.

BOOMHAUER: Dang ol' blazin' saddles, man!

BILL: I don't get it. Why would Bug be in a gay rodeo?
HANK: Well, the guy's 60 -- maybe he couldn't cut it on the regular circuit. It's like those guys who have to play European basketball, or Canadian football.

BILL: Boomhauer and I are going to the parking lot to make out. We're both men!

DALE: Prepare to be destroyed by the deadliest of all martial arts -- monkey-style! (Makes monkey-like battle gestures) Pressure point! Gouge the eyes! Grab the tongue! Achilles tendon!
BUG: I deserved that, and any other kind of monkey-mischief you can throw at me.

JOSEPH (dressed as an Indian): Check it out, Dad! I'm John Redcorn!
DALE: I don't see it.

DALE: Get away from my wife or next time I'll aim for the mannequin and hit you!

BUG: I'm not the man you think I am. My rodeo is a gay rodeo.
DALE: Why would a confirmed bachelor such as yourself work at a gay rodeo?

DALE: You are re-uninvited to my re-wedding.

DALE: Nancy, I don't know what to do. No one's ever deceived me before.

BILL: Oh, no! I can't find the ring!
HANK: That was just a piece of tinfoil we gave you to make you feel important.
BILL: Oh, thank God.

NANCY: Why is God punishing me? (to God) Why, sug?

BUG: Oh, sweetie, there's been a huge misunderstanding. I'm gay!
DALE: If only that were true.
BUG: Dale, it is true! I'm gay!
DALE: Nice try, J. Edgar.
BUG: Dale! Denial ain't just a club outside McMaynerbury!

DALE: Listen up, homosexuals and so-called bisexuals!

NANCY: So are you really okay with your dad being gay?
DALE: Why would I have a problem with it? John Redcorn's gay, and I've been friends with him for years!

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