The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Death of a Propane Salesman"
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Quotes from "Death of a Propane Salesman"
Written by Alan R. Cohen & Alan Freedland
DOOLEY: Your dad got blown up.
PEGGY: My husband is in there! He had to take this job because nobody else would hire him!
FIREFIGHTER: We're doing everything we can, Mrs. Mangione.
CHUCK MANGIONE: I don't feel so good.
HANK: What about Buckley? Did you find him?
FIREFIGHTER: I'm sorry, sir, but it appears that there were no other survivors.
LUANNE: Oh, my God... I'm bald!
PEGGY: Is there any permanent damage?
HANK: No damage, no scratches, no dents, no dings. Bobby, what do you say we go hit the batting cages?
PEGGY: Hank, slow down! You almost died today!
HANK: Well, that's the good thing about death, you either die or you don't. I didn't, so let's hit some balls!
PEGGY: Luanne is going to look different, maybe even hypnotically grotesque.
LUANNE: I learned something from that explosion: Beauty doesn't last forever. It can be blown off your head.
HANK: I'm fine! It's no big deal! Buildings explode, that's what they do.
DALE: That boy's no deader than Mother Theresa.
MR. STRICKLAND: Hank, ol' girl, Strickland's back in business! Get ready to pump propane tomorrow!
HANK: Uh, right, sir. I may be a little late -- I don't know if I gave Megalomart my notice.
MR. STRICKLAND: Oh, I think you gave your notice, "Nitro."
HANK: I had nothing to do with that explosion, which hasn't affected me in any way.
(Hank pours his beer into a glass as his friends look on in horror.)
LUANNE: Sock puppets are for babies. In the real world, beauty fades and penguins die a cold, horrible death.
LUANNE: Look at these pictures of hungry children.
PEGGY: Why is the CNN logo in the corner? ... Oh, this is just a picture of the TV, Luanne.
LUANNE: Oh, it's nice to be smart, Aunt Peggy -- smart and well-fed.
INVESTIGATOR: You needn't concern yourself.
DALE: Oh, I needn't, shouldn't I? Then maybe I shouldn't know that all Mega Lo Mart employees have a $5000 insurance policy.
INVESTIGATOR: That's nonsense. This is a very straightforward investigation.
DALE: That's what They want you to think!
INVESTIGATOR: Sir, we are They.
PEGGY: They need your help at Buckley's wake, manning the grill.
HANK: A grill? Is it propane?
PEGGY: Of course it's propane. They're not Unitarians.
PEGGY: Redbook says that losing a boyfriend is the fourth most painful loss, right between grandmother and penis.
LUANNE: Oh, I'm not grievin'. I broke up with Buckley seconds before the explosion and I never looked back. That's why I still have my eyebrows.
HANK: I did not blow up the Mega Lo Mart!
MR. STRICKLAND: I'm glad you said that, Hank -- I'm wearing a wire on an unrelated matter.
KAHN: At first I didn't much like Buckley, I admit. But then I saw how much he piss off my neighbor, Mr. Hank Hill, and I decide I should seek out this Buckley fellow and get to know him. I grew to love that boy. Now that he's gone, I feel a big hole in my life -- I think we all do. Is a world without Buckley a world we want to live in? ... As a Buddhist, of course, I get comfort from a story. I don't need to tell you how much Buddhists love a story! ... Anyway, story begins with man being chased by ferocious man-eating tiger. Tiger chase him to edge of cliff. Man falls off. Halfway down, he grab onto branch. He look up, he see ferocious tiger. Now he look down, he see another hungry tiger, waiting for him on the ground below. Not a good place to be. He knows for sure he gonna die. Then out of corner of his eye he see a wild strawberry growing on same branch. He pluck it and eat it. And it was the sweetest-tasting strawberry he ever had.
CHUCK MANGIONE: Ever since the explosion, every song I play sounds like "Feels So Good."
INSTRUCTOR: Maybe that's because it does "feel so good" to be alive.
CHUCK MANGIONE: No, that's not it.
INSTRUCTOR: Doesn't it scare you? The thought of missing all your family's special moments? Never again sipping wine with your friends? Never scratching your cat or cats?
BILL: I'm an army barber. Every day I stare death in the back of the head.
KAHN: The more you hold it in, the more you put on strange Sinead O'Connor act! I cry river of tears for Buckley! Why not you?
LUANNE: Oh, god...Buckley! Oh, god...my hair! I'm so alone!
HANK: A boy your age should be worring about getting dates, and making a team, and, well, getting dates. My death should be at the bottom of the list.
HANK: Did I ever tell you the story about the man and the tiger? Well, there was this man, and he was being chased by a ferocious tiger. No, make that a lion. A Detroit Lion! Two of 'em. And the man was Cowboy Hall of Famer Roger Staubach.
BOBBY: I know him! He sells life insurance on TV.
HANK: Yeah, well, anyway, the Lions were blitzing and Roger rolled out of the pocket, running for his life. He headed for the sidelines, but these two Lions were closing in on him. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a strawberry...cup of Gatorade. Well, Roger took a sip of that Gatorade, but I tell you something, son, it was the sweetest sip of Gatorade Roger ever had.
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