The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "Queasy Rider"
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Quotes from "Queasy Rider"
Written by Kit Boss
Directed by Wes Archer
DALE: I guess if we root for the Texans, it wouldn't mean we'd have to root against the Cowboys.
HANK: Well, they are in different conferences, so it would only be a problem if they played in the Super Bowl. An all-Texas Super Bowl! His will be done!
PEGGY: Maybe I'll just take Bobby!
BOBBY: (squeals)
PEGGY: Bobby, I'm not taking you, I'm just trying to get back at your father.
BOBBY: Oh.
BILL: Are you and Peggy having marital problems? Irreconcilable differences, maybe?
DALE: As the only happily married man out here, may I suggest marriage counselling with Dr. Tim Rast? "Tim Rast will make your marriage last." I came up with that slogan during one of our sessions while Nancy was jabbering on about something.
HANK: I don't know how to say this, and yet there's no greeting card for it either. I think we should see a professional relationship person.
PEGGY: What? You mean a marriage counsellor?
HANK: Like the one Dale and Nancy use, Dr. Tim Rast. Yes. Him. Please, Peggy, I need somewhere safe to go, to let it all hang out.
NANCY (describing Dale): Even his elbows are nicotine-stained, he refuses to acknowledge that he is bald, and he sobs uncontrollably after sex.
DR. RAST: Let's play magic wands.
HANK: What's going on here?
DR. RAST: It's a therapy game. I got it from Goldie Hawn's life coach in Reno.
HANK: Oh, God, I've been misinformed.
HANK: We're going to buy his and hers motorcycles and see America, excluding California.
DR. RAST: Tell me more.
HANK: What more is there? The freedom of the open road and such, all the maintenance a guy could ask...
PEGGY: Collecting spoons from every state capital, meeting colorful characters like truck-stop waitresses and corrupt local sheriffs...
BOBBY: I can't believe you guys got a motorcycle! Evil Kneivel had a Harley, and a cape, and a jewelled walking stick.
HANK: It was a cane, and it was because he had a crushed pelvis.
BOBBY: And a cape!
HANK: Whenever we go to the hardware store, she gets to give me a twenty-minute hug, and I get to go to the hardware store.
PEPPERONI SUE: Tradition's real important to Lumpy and me. That's why we're going to spend our second wedding night under the same foozeball table in the same bar as last time.
PEGGY: Live to ride and ride to live, you dumb cows!
HANK: Potato potato potato potato potato potato...
PEGGY: ...potato potato potato potato potato potato...
HANK & PEGGY: ...potato potato potato potato potato potato...
PEGGY: All right, Hank, Kansas is mine! I'm gonna tear this state a new one!
HANK: Maybe we should switch off after Kansas. I wouldn't want you to miss out on all that wheat.
HANK: It just doesn't work that way with biker couples. Lumpy and Pepperoni Sue have a great relationship, and she never rides up front. In fact, the spot behind the driver is called the...er..."bitch seat."
PEGGY: What? So then that makes me a --
HANK: No! It's a motorcycle term, I don't even think it's spelled the same.
PEGGY: Hey, let's stop at a souvenir stand so I can get a T-shirt that says "My husband controlled my vacation and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."
PEGGY: I'm going to take a bus home. I am sure they will let me sit anywhere I want on the bus.
HANK: You can't sit in the driver's seat! You can't even talk to him!
PEPPERONI SUE (recognizing Hank): Hey, it's that old biker dude with the crazy girlfriend.
HANK: Peggy and I aren't speaking right now. She's mad because I wouldn't let her drive the motorcycle.
LUMPY: Hell, I'd get shanked before I'd let my old lady drive.
PEPPERONI SUE: And I'd never ask. That's why our marriage works -- boundaries.
LUMPY: Who knows her place? Who knows her place? Huh?
PEPPERONI SUE: I do, baby!
HANK: But that would mean I'd have to ride in the other part of the seat. You know, behind.
PEGGY: There's a moose drinking from that lake!
HANK: There's a moose? How big are the antlers?
PEGGY: Oh, my goodness, they're huge! Wait a minute, I'll get us closer.
HANK: Yeah, I see it! It's beautiful.
PEGGY: Yes, it is, Hank.
HANK (as Peggy revs up): I love you, Peggy!
PEGGY: Sandwich? I think there's one left in that saddle-bag.