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Quotes from "How To Fire a Rifle Without Really Trying"
Written by Paul Lieberstein
Directed by Adam Kuhlman

HANK: Bobby! Way to kill ducks!

HANK: He must've killed a thousand ducks.
PEGGY: A thousand ducks! Well, that is wonderful! Did you kill any bunnies?

BOBBY: Can I put a gun rack on my bike?
HANK: Do you know how long I've been waiting for you to ask me that?

DALE: ...So then Ray walks in with the same snow-camouflage bib overalls he knew I planned to wear that same hunt!

DALE: Hank's jacket is so Desert Storm.

COTTON: No wonder that kid from the playground stole your pail! He knows you can't shoot!
LITTLE HANK: I want my binky back.
COTTON: You want your binky back, you gotta come in firin'!

INSTRUCTOR: "I didn't know it was loaded" is not an acceptable excuse. "I wasn't there" or "I never met those people" are better excuses. When I was your age, I used to get so excited about hitting the target that I'd run right out onto the range. That's how I lost this thumb, and later, this eye. If it weren't for the NRA safety guidelines which I eventually accepted, I'd be a stub standing here before you.

PHILIP: I'm a sports psychologist. I worked with the Cowboys.
HANK: When?
PHILIP: Last season.
HANK: Goodbye!

HANK: Do you hang out here all day waiting for someone to miss?
PHILIP: Oh, just in the morning when the lousy shots arrive. In the afternoon, I go to the bowling alley. Losers are very predictable. Here's my card...you're going to tear it up.

COTTON: Someday soon, all of you will be drafted into war. Some of you, like Hank, will be killed. Others can shoot, and may become war heroes.

BILL: What's this about guns being dangerous?
HANK: That's right. They kill people.
DALE: Guns don't kill people, the government does.
BILL: Hank, guns have been around for years. If they were dangerous, I think someone would have said something.
HANK: Most deaths in the home are from guns and gun accessories.
DALE: Let me ask you this: A guy breaks into your house, but you don't have a gun. How are you going to shoot him?
HANK: Dale, that's straight out of the NRA Magazine August issue.
BOOMHAUER: I tell you what, man, that dang ol' NRA is all right, they got that insurance...somebody blows your dang ol' arm off, you get $20,000, man.
HANK: I can't believe you guys. Dale, the NRA is a Washington D.C.-based organization. Are you telling me you support Washington D.C.?
DALE: That's a thinker.

BOBBY: I think I messed up. I made Dad not like guns any more.
PEGGY: Oh, son, that can't be true. Your father's love for guns is unconditional.

HANK: I can't shoot... My aim is terrible, I can barely keep the gun steady.
PEGGY (after a long, agonized pause): I still love you!

BOBBY: No Hill has ever been a loser! We fought for Texas at the Alamo!

HANK: All right, here's the deal. I don't believe in that gobbledygook about a subconscious or any other witchcraft. I won't take pills, I won't let you hypnotize or molest me.
PHILIP: Well, I can help you without using witchcraft, pills or molestation, but it won't be easy.

PHILIP: Visualization is probably the only legitimate part of what people like myself practice.

LUANNE: Good news! The McKays just came out of the Gauntlet, and the younger one blew away an entire picnicking family!

COTTON: Sorry I'm late -- I had to stop by the wax museum again and give the finger to FDR.

COTTON: Come on, Hank, I got money riding on this shot -- on the McKays!

BOBBY: We did it, Dad! Second place in a real father-son tournament! Can I put it on my wall? We were so good out there. We should always be shooting. This is the best day ever. You're the best dad ever. I'm the best son ever.

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