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Quotes from "Rodeo Days"
Written by Jon Vitti
Directed by Cyndi Tang-Loveland

BOBBY (to a cow-shaped propane tank): So, is it premium or have you been regular?

LUANNE: The rodeo is cruel to animals. In nature, the bull lives peacefully with the giraffe.
PEGGY: It is brutal. My uncle was a cowboy in the rodeo -- he had to leave Vietnam because he was having rodeo nightmares.

DALE: Untie the Queen.

BOBBY: How'd you get that belt buckle? I want a belt buckle.
MAN: I won the bull-ride in Tucson.
BOBBY: Wow. How'd she get that buckle?
MAN: That's a "Buckle Bunny." She got that by being, uh, friends with a cowboy.
BOBBY: Hey, even if I don't win, I can be a Buckle Bunny!

HANK: Son, you're going to be up against farm boys. But we've fed you like a farm boy, so go get 'em.

PEGGY: Rope him, tie him, grind him, fry him, take him home and mincemeat pie him!

ZIP: What do you want? I don't know what your mama told you, but I had a vasectomy in 1983.

BOBBY: The baby routine doesn't work. It's all talk. When the diaper explodes, we're like, "finally!" Then the doctor comes out and his bag explodes. What the heck does that mean? There's a logic to an exploding diaper gag. Kid cut a fart, fine. Why would the bag explode?
CHET: We've been doing the baby routine for twenty years.
BOBBY: Why does that not surprise me? You need to get out of your ivory tower and see what's happening on the street. Give the baby a giant bottle. He can hit you with it, he can squirt you with it. Now I'm laughing!

ZIP: If anyone asks, you're a midget.
CHET: He's too big to be a midget!
ZIP: Nobody's gonna ask.

JOSEPH: They've gotta let you be a clown. You're the funniest guy I know. Well... your dad's really funny.

BOBBY: Wow! I don't think even Kerri Strug could do that move in cowboy boots. Ohhh... Kerri Strug in cowboy boots!

HANK: I haven't heard the words "prop comic" since he picked up a rope. And it keeps him away from the video games. I caught him playing this Tomb Raider game where he was a girl!

ZIP: Cowboys. We save their butts when they get thrown, but they'll pull down your britches when you're talking to your woman.
BOBBY: You guys have women?
ZIP (after a beat): Yes...
BOBBY: My best friend's a cowboy. Maybe we can start the healing. Because the cowboys and the clowns should be friends.

BOBBY: What happened? The last thing I remember is getting kicked by a horse.

KID: They say rodeo clowns smell like cow-pies, but I hear it's the other way 'round.

HANK: Your first concussion. Now, don't fall asleep, son, both because you could die and because I want to tell you how proud I am. I mean, look at you, the bruises, the dirty clothes, the smell -- you're all right. Is there anything I can get you?
BOBBY: The blonde girl who lives here said I like fruit pies.
HANK: No you don't. A tough guy like you? You like sports!

ZIP: Here's your ass-pad, son.

DOOLEY: Your lunch money had a Canadian quarter.

PEGGY: It's all my fault! My uncle wasn't a cowboy, Hank, he was a dirty drunken rodeo clown!
HANK: Don't tell me! Uncle Boffo?

HANK: You're not only a clown, you're a thief. I don't know which is worse. (beat) Clown.

HANK: A circus clown is just a carny who's too stupid to flip a ride switch on and off. Now, you take a circus clown, roll him on the barn floor, kick him in the head a couple hundred times, and what have you got?
BOBBY: Your son!

DALE: I love my boy. Don't you love my boy, Hank?

BOBBY: I'd much rather have one of your belt buckles.
JOSEPH: Okay, but that doesn't make you my Buckle Bunny.
BOBBY: Oh, yes sir, it does.

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