"I am not the Mini-Princess of anything."

The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "The Son Also Roses"

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Quotes from "The Son Also Roses"
Written by Dan Sterling
Directed by Dominic Polcino

HANK: Son, you don't get to be running back just because your dad was. We fought a whole war with England over that.

DALE: ...So I finally got up the nerve to ask Nancy for a raise in my allowance. It did not go well.

HANK: My boy is on a team. Not a squad, not a club -- a team.

DALE: Bobby just handed off the clean towels, put the dirties in the hamper, and didn't fumble once. That's the hat trick!

MINH: I start growing roses after doctor cut off my Xanax. Very relaxing to have total control over another living thing.
BOBBY: This is kind of nice. And they smell much better than jockstraps.
MINH: Maybe to you.

CLERK: Okay, the tag says they need food and water and dirt and sun and love.
BOBBY: Can I substitute extra love for sun? I kind of have to hide these in my bedroom closet.
CLERK: No way, man. That'd be going against the tag. Unless... okay, I know someone who can help you, but the problem is that he's at another store, and you're like, at this store.
BOBBY: I have a bike.
CLERK: Oh, that changes everything.

BOBBY: Ricky at the Mega Lo Mart told me to ask you about growing stuff indoors.
STONER # 1 (to Stoner # 2): Don't tell him anything.
BOBBY: He told me to tell you I'm cool.
STONER # 2 (to Stoner # 1): He's cool.

(Stoner # 1 gives Bobby a book: "That was Zen, This is Tao")
BOBBY: Chinese philosophy. Is that why you guys seem so happy?

HANK: Bobby, I've got some good news for you, but I want you to promise me you're not gonna squeal like a girl. I've decided to let you grow your roses.
BOBBY (squeals like a girl)

WOMAN: Are you the guy who just moved here from Portland? Grew that Madon Plantier that won the Mini-Princess of Show?
HANK: Well, I understood that one word, "grew," but I do know I am not the Mini-Princess of anything.

BOBBY: You gotta relax, Dad. The roses can pick up on your vibe.
HANK: Dangit, Bobby, cut the Benihana talk.

STONER # 1 (after Hank finishes talking): We need more of this weed and more of this dude.

BOBBY: This one's pretty.
HANK: Not if we go by the book. According to the checklist, this one's perfect.
BOBBY: But I like how mine's a little off-center. It's got Wahbi-Sabi.
HANK: You can't win an argument by making up words.
BOBBY: Wahbi-Sabi is an Eastern tradition, Dad. It's celebrating the beauty in what's flawed. Like the crack in the Liberty Bell or the mole on Cindy Crawford's face.
HANK: The Liberty Bell is great. But come on, if it was in a competition with a bunch of other bells without cracks, it would lose.
BOBBY: But sometimes it's the imperfections that make you love something even more. So what if this rose is a little short, a little wide? It's got more personality than those other ones.
HANK: Uh-huh. But we're out to win.

MONROE: Ah, Morgan, my former student, your flower looks like an anus with a stem. What do you call it?
MORGAN: Hello, Monroe. I crossed an Okington Ruby with a Dainty Bess. I call it a "Ruby My Dear," but I might as well call it "Sending you home to your mama."

STONER # 1: Dude, that million dollars is ours!
HANK: There's no cash prize.
STONER # 2: It's just for honor, dude.
STONER: # 1: Dude, that honor is ours!

STONER # 2: You're a loser! Which means I'm a loser! Which means my dad was right! You blew it, man!
STONER # 1: I wish I had my Tibetan prayer beads! I'd hogtie you and leave you to rot!
BOBBY: But what about Lao Tsu?
STONER # 1: Lao Tsu lived in a hut and ate straw!

HANK: Son, you've got a lot of Wahbi-Sabi.

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